No sex please, we’re British lap dancers

posted at 3:15 pm on November 25, 2008 by Ed Morrissey

The strip-club industry astonished British lawmakers in Parliament this week by insisting that lap-dancing isn’t sexual.  The claim intended to blunt efforts to heighten licensing requirements for establishments featuring nude and semi-nude performers in order to allow communities more opportunity to deny them permits for areas near churches and schools.  In fact, they claimed that sexual arousal conflicted with their business model:

Lap dancing “is not sexually stimulating”, the chairman of the Lap Dancing Association told a parliamentary committee today.

Simon Warr made the claim, which was greeted with scepticism by MPs, while he was giving evidence to the Commons culture committee as part of an inquiry into the operation of the Licensing Act.

The government is under pressure to change the act so that lap dancing clubs have to be licensed as sex encounter establishments.

At the moment, they are licensed in the same way as pubs and clubs, which has led to complaints from councils who believe that they do not have the power to stop clubs being opened in their areas. …

“Actually, our premises are not sexually stimulating. It would be contrary to our business plan if they were.”

At issue is the licensing requirements for strip clubs. Under current law, these clubs have the same licenses as regular pubs, which restricts communities from controlling where they operate. Parliament wants to create a new license class for these establishments to give communities greater control.

If the industry really believes that they don’t provide sexual stimulation, they may need to improve their hiring practices (definitely Not Safe For Work):

This explanation doesn’t pass the Wife Test. Imagine coming home from an evening at the strip club and telling wife (or for our female readers, hearing from your husband) that naked women grinding their hips within a couple of inches of their face isn’t meant to be sexually stimulating. It’s an insult to the intelligence, if hanging out at the strip club wasn’t bad enough.

I’m generally libertarian about grown adults getting naked in front of crowds, but I’m also inclined to allow communities to zone for that kind of activity. This attempt to mislead should get laughed out of Parliament.

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Honest, honey; I just go there for the articles…

Mr. Bingley on November 25, 2008 at 3:18 PM

Lap dancing “is not sexually stimulating”, the chairman of the Lap Dancing Association told a parliamentary committee today.

Depends on what we’re talking about. Is Rosie O’Donnell, Rosanne Bar, or Helen Thomas giving the lapdance? In such cases I’m inclined to agree.

amerpundit on November 25, 2008 at 3:18 PM

Blech! Maybe a link to the video, not a screencap, would be better.

BadgerHawk on November 25, 2008 at 3:19 PM

Yeah, but it keeps the men from commenting on the dancers’ poor oral hygiene.

AubieJon on November 25, 2008 at 3:19 PM

Lap dancing “is not sexually stimulating”

well thats what happens when you look at their teeth

YellowDawg on November 25, 2008 at 3:19 PM

Don’t know about you guys but I go to strip clubs for the inciteful conversation and to discuss the finer points of politics.

/sarc

Meric1837 on November 25, 2008 at 3:20 PM

amerpundit on November 25, 2008 at 3:18 PM

Bubba, I did not need that image.

I think I’ve got a little throw-up in my mouth.

kingsjester on November 25, 2008 at 3:20 PM

Videos like that make me glad I’m self employed.

justfinethanks on November 25, 2008 at 3:20 PM

ARGH! MY EYES!!!

Please turn off the Preview Image on that South Park video!

DUDE!

wearyman on November 25, 2008 at 3:20 PM

You just know AllahP has to be ticked at not getting first crack at this story.

KelliD on November 25, 2008 at 3:20 PM

Eventually the non-stimulating strip clubs and the Muslim footbaths are going to collide…

BKennedy on November 25, 2008 at 3:20 PM

/hollers at wife

Honey, see?! I told you that these gentlemen’s clubs aren’t sexually stimulating!

I’ll be down at Ted’s Titty Palace if you need me…

Wyznowski on November 25, 2008 at 3:22 PM

What better way to enjoy boiled beef with mint sauce, washed down with warm beer?

AubieJon on November 25, 2008 at 3:23 PM

kingsjester on November 25, 2008 at 3:20 PM

You’re not turned on by the prospect of this giving you a lapdance?

amerpundit on November 25, 2008 at 3:23 PM

Helen Thomas giving the lapdance

amerpundit on November 25, 2008 at 3:18 PM

Thanks, I’ll go gouge my eyes out now.

tyrfing on November 25, 2008 at 3:24 PM

amerpundit on November 25, 2008 at 3:23 PM

When she was young, they had to put a pork chop around her neck for the dog to play with her.

Yikes!

kingsjester on November 25, 2008 at 3:26 PM

Depends on what we’re talking about. Is Rosie O’Donnell, Rosanne Bar, or Helen Thomas giving the lapdance? In such cases I’m inclined to agree.

OW OW! You broke my brain!

rihar on November 25, 2008 at 3:26 PM

Whiskey tango foxtrot!!!

grapeknutz on November 25, 2008 at 3:27 PM

You’re not turned on by the prospect of this giving you a lapdance?

amerpundit on November 25, 2008 at 3:23 PM

Now there’s a neck any turkey would be proud of.

AubieJon on November 25, 2008 at 3:27 PM

Helen Thomas giving the lapdance

amerpundit on November 25, 2008 at 3:18 PM

I’d hit it.

lorien1973 on November 25, 2008 at 3:27 PM

Let’s put it this way, before we got married my husband went to a strip club and really caught me by surprise. It’s not that I consider it cheating per se but that he had said several times said he wouldn’t go, and I found out the night before we were going to get married while I was very stressed from a bridesmaid (in front of my sister) who told me it was the second such outing.

So, I was as crazy as bride’s get and called him up. He didn’t answer, so I called my friend’s husband and had him give my fiance the phone little knowing that he was getting a lap dance at the time.

The stripper even said into the phone that “he’s busy” guaranteeing the fight would last at least another hour.

Well, awhile later when I could talk calmly about this, he basically told me I ruined the dance (only not in those words), that the stripper could tell he wasn’t interested and asked if he was alive, specifically referencing his lack of arousal.

Her goal was to sexually tease him and get him physically aroused. There’s really no other good reason to rub up against a man’s crotch.

Esthier on November 25, 2008 at 3:30 PM

lorien1973 on November 25, 2008 at 3:27 PM

Looks like the Ugly Stick already did.

amerpundit on November 25, 2008 at 3:30 PM

“Actually, our premises are not sexually stimulating. It would be contrary to our business plan if they were.”

Um, what “business plan” would that be, then? Its almost like they think they’re running a library or something (though admittedly if the library did offer such services I’be more inclined to check it out)…

changer1701 on November 25, 2008 at 3:30 PM

lorien1973 on November 25, 2008 at 3:27 PM

You are either very sick or very lonely. Probably both.

That face would make a freight train take a dirt road.

kingsjester on November 25, 2008 at 3:31 PM

naked women grinding their hips within a couple of inches of their face isn’t meant to be sexually stimulating.

Uhh…no comment.

whitetop on November 25, 2008 at 3:33 PM

How does one get to be chairman of the Lap Dancing Association?

danking70 on November 25, 2008 at 3:34 PM

I’d hit it.

lorien1973 on November 25, 2008 at 3:27 PM

That scares me and I’m fearless!

thomasaur on November 25, 2008 at 3:34 PM

I’m shocked, SHOCKED that someone who runs a strip club would not meet the highest ethical standards.

At least they admit to a business model that makes men part with lots of money for little results.

Right_of_Attila on November 25, 2008 at 3:38 PM

Depends on what your definition of “is” is.

stonemeister on November 25, 2008 at 3:41 PM

So how do you break to your wife that you saw her old college roommate working at a strip club?

c.u.shoeless on November 25, 2008 at 3:44 PM

How does one get to be chairman of the Lap Dancing Association?

danking70 on November 25, 2008 at 3:34 PM

Look like the dude in the picture. He certainly looks sleazy enough to be the Chairman of the Lap Dancing Association…

Realist on November 25, 2008 at 3:44 PM

You know members of Parliament are going to schedule a fact finding mission to lap dancing clubs to make a fair and honest determination.

Blake on November 25, 2008 at 3:44 PM

c.u.shoeless on November 25, 2008 at 3:44 PM

“Honey, I saw your old friend Betty the other day. the good news is she’s working and she’s in great shape.”

At least they admit to a business model that makes men part with lots of money for little results.

Right_of_Attila on November 25, 2008 at 3:38 PM

Applies to Barry , too. But he won’t admit it.

kingsjester on November 25, 2008 at 3:46 PM

A) They still have churches in Britain? Perhaps that’s code for “Mosques.”

B) There’s a Lap Dancing Association?

Kafir on November 25, 2008 at 3:52 PM

This explanation doesn’t pass the Wife Test.

You’d be amazed at how many idiots there are out there that will try these BS excuses. I’m not the wife that bought this kind of excuse mind you, nor would I ever! I’m slightly smart than your average bear.

The day I found a picture of my first husband with his tongue down someone else’s throat and asked “Whaaa….What the HELL is this?” He kinda cocked his head to the side and gave me puppy dog eyes like my kids might when trying to look real innocent, but not succeeding, and said “Oh, that, just a friend of mine.” Yeah, and I examine my friends tonsils that way too.
The guy is working on wife #4 and I’m wondering how long till he finds one that starts to buy into his stories~ and when will he figure out that they DO NOT WORK!
This could only help to embolden jerks like him. Yay. Thank you hos of the world.

mauioriginal on November 25, 2008 at 3:55 PM

. . . .licensed as sex encounter establishments

ROFLMAO !

Skandia Recluse on November 25, 2008 at 3:59 PM

“Generally Libertarian” Ed? You must know that the Catechism calls such lust-filled stimulation a “grave offense.” Can one be libertarian with a mortal sin?

Failing to a stand against these sins makes you permissive of this evil. I would suggest you leave the Catholic Church and find another one that will allow you to be libertarian with mortal sins.

“The applicable moral principles in this area are those concerning intention and object in the moral act (explored by the Pope at length in his earlier encyclical, Veritatis splendor) and formal and material co-operation in an evil instigated by another person(s)…”

By failing to oppose or by voting for politicians who refuse to oppose (i.e. they share your ‘libertarian’ views) you thus “cooperate” in the “evil.”

They’ll start telling you how to vote on every issue soon, so just go to confession, do your penance in the meantime… otherwise you “rsik your eternal salavtion” by working to make the “grave offense” of lust and sexual stimulation possible.

;)

mankai on November 25, 2008 at 3:59 PM

Lap dancing “is not sexually stimulating”, the chairman of the Lap Dancing Association told a parliamentary committee today.

Ah, he’s talking about “wooden-leg nite” down at the “Skazwags-n-Bogglebos” nudie bar.

TMK on November 25, 2008 at 4:09 PM

I bought my wife a pole.

She asked me if I had joined the fire department.

Damn…

jake-the-goose on November 25, 2008 at 4:10 PM

Mankai:

I agree, with strong emphasis on the notion that lust is about doing damage to yourself.

I speak from sad experience.

warbaby on November 25, 2008 at 4:12 PM

This explanation doesn’t pass the Wife Test.

My wife only gets upset if I don’t bring her and buy her lap dances too. But I’m one of the lucky guys…

ErikTheRed on November 25, 2008 at 4:13 PM

Actually, I didn’t mean to blockquote that last sentence. Maybe I should try out the “preview” button someday.

ErikTheRed on November 25, 2008 at 4:15 PM

Try this: “Honey, it’s just like looking at a Corvette; I might look at a fancy car, but that doesn’t mean I want to drive it.”

Pelayo on November 25, 2008 at 4:21 PM

Yea… and Hooters is popular because of their chicken wings.

thecollegepolitico on November 25, 2008 at 4:27 PM

How does one get to be chairman of the Lap Dancing Association?

danking70 on November 25, 2008 at 3:34 PM

I’ll bet they only have one chair.

Cicero43 on November 25, 2008 at 4:31 PM

Yes honey, that’s just a roll of quarters….and an apple

LimeyGeek on November 25, 2008 at 4:41 PM

Considering the dismal state of British dental hygiene, they are correct. It’s not sexually stimulating. Nor profitable.

locomotivebreath1901 on November 25, 2008 at 4:48 PM

I’ll bet they only have one chair.

Cicero43 on November 25, 2008 at 4:31 PM

.
BWAAAHAHAHA!

NightmareOnKStreet on November 25, 2008 at 4:49 PM

Considering the dismal state of British dental hygiene, they are correct. It’s not sexually stimulating. Nor profitable.

locomotivebreath1901 on November 25, 2008 at 4:48 PM

Toothless is good….less chafing.

LimeyGeek on November 25, 2008 at 4:54 PM

I think they are correct, I am sitting here and there are probable thousands of lap dancing going on right now, and the vast majority of men are not turned on by that…instead the vast majority are working or at home.
I honestly can say, I am not now turned no by any lap dancers…of course being in my aunts basement in my pajamas may have something to do with it…aunties always been so special to me…

right2bright on November 25, 2008 at 4:59 PM

Try this: “Honey, it’s just like looking at a Corvette; I might look at a fancy car, but that doesn’t mean I want to drive it.”

Pelayo on November 25, 2008 at 4:21 PM

No, you just want to get in it…

right2bright on November 25, 2008 at 5:00 PM

Ed UK just trying boosting up birth rate to start a second post-war era of baby boomers to fire up the economy.

Monas on November 25, 2008 at 5:01 PM

This could only help to embolden jerks like him. Yay. Thank you hos of the world.

mauioriginal on November 25, 2008 at 3:55 PM

Glad we’re here to help…that would have cost you $150 bucks from a counselor…

right2bright on November 25, 2008 at 5:01 PM

Wonder how many of those guys took a real hard look to see if they were recognized…

right2bright on November 25, 2008 at 5:02 PM

I’m generally libertarian about grown adults getting naked in front of crowds, but I’m also inclined to allow communities to zone for that kind of activity. This attempt to mislead should get laughed out of Parliament.

Yep. Me too.

This is where the libertarian and the social conservative in me get into arguments.

(And boy, are those jerks loud. Trying to sleep, guys.)

Hawkins1701 on November 25, 2008 at 5:10 PM

It isn’t surprising to see yet another example of a situatino where people are comfortable to discard their principles.

Private property rights aren’t subject to what you find ‘tasteful’. Zoning laws are a disgrace.

If you object to the adult club or porn store near you, start photographing people, in public, that frequent it. Then publish online and post the address in the local rag. If somebody livess opposite one of these establishments, why not set up a live webcam too?

Even better, when you hear about such a store being planned, tell the prospective owners what your plans are.

Sure, it’s nimby bullying and makes you look like a total prick, but at least it isn’t unconstitutional.

LimeyGeek on November 25, 2008 at 5:22 PM

Kingjester, thanks!

c.u.shoeless on November 25, 2008 at 5:42 PM

It isn’t surprising to see yet another example of a situatino where people are comfortable to discard their principles.

Private property rights aren’t subject to what you find ‘tasteful’. Zoning laws are a disgrace.

LimeyGeek on November 25, 2008 at 5:22 PM

I concur. Rights must be enforced absolutely, or they become mere privileges, subject to revocation at the whim of any offended moralizer. A government that can enforce conservatives’ standards of morality and decency at the point of a gun is just as capable of enforcing progressives’ standards of morality and decency at the point of a gun.

hicsuget on November 25, 2008 at 5:49 PM

This explanation doesn’t pass the Wife Test. Imagine coming home from an evening at the strip club and telling wife (or for our female readers, hearing from your husband) that naked women grinding their hips within a couple of inches of their face isn’t meant to be sexually stimulating. It’s an insult to the intelligence, if hanging out at the strip club wasn’t bad enough.

Well, the Smartest Woman in the World bought that story about blow jobs and anal sodomy in the Oval Office, didn’t she?

But somehow I have a sneaky suspicion that the Dumbest Bimbo In America would feed Todd Palin’s nuts to a Polar Bear if he tried to “insult her intelligence” like that.

logis on November 25, 2008 at 6:46 PM

Of course it’s sexual…until you see their teeth.

29Victor on November 25, 2008 at 7:23 PM

I suppose I could run this by my Kentucky fiance but I’d better hide the guns she can get to first and make sure I have mine with me.

I’m surprised the claim of not being sexually stimulating was met only with skepticism. I would have been ROFLMAO!

aikidoka on November 25, 2008 at 10:36 PM

getting first crack at this story.

Was that intended to be a play on words?

oldleprechaun on November 26, 2008 at 8:33 AM

As a women in the U.K, the most disturbing thing about this,is that Peter Stringfellow has been called on as an ‘expert.’

On the photo he’s the one with the dashing mullet!

Be still my beating heart, one for the American ladies,
I think he could shake it in front of us and get no sexual response.

http://bp1.blogger.com/_JeFvJtXhBaw/Rr2nRN02t7I/AAAAAAAAGFs/1CjjQ_kl0LY/s1600-h/stringfellow_195056a.jpg

mags on November 26, 2008 at 8:41 AM