I really do have to laugh at fools like ernesto.

he is just doing his version of that “Dear Red States” email that is going around. I fisked that one and I will repeat it here for widdle ernesto.

Dear Red States: If you manage to steal this election too we’ve decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren’t aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

Um…ok. Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord done split ya.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

And how exactly do you plan on getting to these beaches? Riding a bike? Rickshaw? Horse? It will be interesting to observe what novel ways you will come up with to generate electricity, fuel your vehicles and obtain water. The dams that provide the majority of California’s water are in those pesky red states and seeing as we no longer need to water California we can do the ecologically prudent thing and free the Colorado river. As for electricity you will have to pave over every square inch of land with wind generators and solar panels to power California and as we all know the wind and sun are not around 24/7. Always remember that we would be under no moral or legal obligation to provide you with anything.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.

That is OK-we get Mount Rushmore, the Rockies, the great plains and vast majority of the commodities and the wherewithal to produce them. It will be awful hard for your farmers to run their equipment using ethanol because it will come down to a choice of food or fuel for you. You can always go back to using the horse drawn plow. On the bright side for you, you get Detroit, Chicago and all the rest of the economic basket case states.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

Those companies will leave your utopia. Why? One they need alot of electricity to operate and without the electricity coming from those coal fired plants in the red states your new bleu country would be one great big rolling black out. Second they are in the business of making money and in case you haven’t noticed businesses are bailing out of the bleu states in droves because of the high taxes and nannyism. As it stands now Houston, Texas is home to more Fortune 500 companies then New York City and has more embassies and consulates then Chicago. Pesky little facts such as this spotlight the weakness of your bleu states economically and internationally. The international community knows where the power is in this country and it is no longer in your precious bleu states.

We get Harvard. You get Ole’ Miss.

Fantastic! You get the liberal madrassas and we get the colleges and universities that are actually doing things besides staring at their navel. I will grant you that you will have the corner on all the PhD’s in MesoAmerican basketweaving but those engineers and such will want to have jobs. And, in case you have not noted, businesses are leaving the bleu states in droves.

We get 85% of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.

They won’t stay in your precious “bleu country” for long. They are not in those businesses for the “common good”, they are in it to make money and your precious “bleu country” will make France look like a bastion of economic freedom. Besides, your “bleu country” won’t have much to offer them except arrogance and lunacy.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

We get to quit paying to support you and your stupid ideas finally. And, to top it off, we will be under no obligation to provide you with anything. You will now have to buy everything on the open market-food, fuel, electricity, etc. And you will have to figure out how to get stuff around your little lumps of country, we would be under no obligation to let you fly through our airspace, use our telecommunication lines, roads or railroads. This has been tried before, you know. Bangladesh was at one time East Pakistan and before that was a part of the Bengal of India. You should learn from that one.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

In order to get divorced one has to get married first. You get to have the majority of the drug addicts.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war. We are going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once.

Fine by us. You may find that in the end Trotsky was right in saying “You may not have an interest in war, but war has an interest in you.” You will also find that having protests, rock concerts and drum circles are rather ineffective against an invasion. You won’t have to worry about us-you will have to worry about Mexico.

They have kids they’re apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don’t care if you don’t show pictures of their children’s caskets coming home.

You won’t have to worry about “your children’s caskets coming home”, your children will die right in front of you. But look on the bright side, at least burying them will have a much smaller “carbon footprint”.

We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we’re not willing to spend our resources in Bush’s Quagmire.

Yawn…Try some new talking points. In case you have not noticed that war is just about over and we won it, no thanks to you.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country’s fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95% of America’s quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

Lets pick this statement apart, shall we?

As to all your “commodities” you listed…How exactly do you plan on getting them to market? Transporter technology? And you should not assume that Hawaii would be yours for long, China or Japan may just decide to take it seeing as it is undefended. People of your ilk seem to forget that the world is not one big happy bunnyland. One other thing, how are you going to water all those fruit trees and crops in the central valley of California? We would be under no obligation to provide you with that water. We can get citrus and other fruits and vegetables year round from Florida and Texas.

As to your “high tech industries”…Those industries require alot of electricity and freedom from cumbersome and unnecessary regulations to operate. Where are you going to get the electricity from? Solar and wind? Good luck on getting your environmental regulators to allow the paving over of every square inch of your lands with solar and wind generators. Then you will have to explain to the owners of those “high tech industries” why they should stay in your precious bleu states. They are not in business to “serve the common good”, they are in the business of making money. That is why many of them have bailed out of California and moved to places like Texas, North Carolina and Tennesee. Basic economics has never been the moonbats strong suit.

As to the wines…Wine is a fungible commodity as the French have learned. One is not required to buy California wines, in fact there are much better wines out there. I, for one, have never bought a bottle of California wine-I prefer Italian reds. Besides, you keep forgetting that you will have no trade treaty with us which means that tariffs can be imposed on your precious wines and other goods and services. Also, how are you going to get those wines to market? Transporter technology?

As to your comment about coal…Your environmentalists will not allow you to burn that coal nor continue to mine it. That would make a very large “carbon footprint”. Plus you would have to build the plants to burn it and I can see all of you going NIMBY over that one.

As to your madrassas…err…colleges…Big deal. You seem to think that they are the only ones in the country. Here is one little newsflash for you. The premier school for nanotechnology is not MIT-it is Emory. I know that one-my nephew ditched a full scholarship at MIT for nanotechnology to go to Emory because they are the leaders in that research. The premier school for cancer research is not Stanford or Cal Tech-it is the University of Texas. You always seem to forget that you and those schools will be operating under vastly reduced budgets.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

You can certainly have Hollywood, they produce nothing that anyone needs. As to Yosemite you can have it. We will have the Grand Canyon and will get Glen Canyon back because we won’t need that dam to provide California with water anymore. Not only that but we will have the best skiing while you have Cascade concrete, Sierra cement and the icy runs of the New England states. Remember that you will not be allowed to have free travel to the red states anymore-you will be foreigners and will require visas and I am sure that there would be strict laws governing “illegal aliens”.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy people believe you have higher moral standards then we lefties.

History teaches that countries with the belief system you have have a very short life. They either whither on the vine, break apart do to lack of cohesion or are over run because they are weak and will not defend themselves.

Some extra points for ernesto…

1. You are assuming that the military will follow orders issued by your bleu states. I would not make that assumption if I were you.

2. You assume you will be able to just import what you want. You do realize that you will have no trade treaties whatsoever. You also do realize that in this world it is not oil that is the most important thing, it is food. If the red states grow only enough for their domestic consumption the price of food will go through the roof around the world. The price won’t matter to the red states but it will for you in your precious bleu ones. It will be interesting to see just how many interesting recipes you can come up with for corn. Wheat? Forgetaboutit. That means no baked goods or pasta for you anymore. Rice? You won’t be seeing much of that, either. A pizza will you cost more then Michelle Obama’s Lobster “snack” at the Waldorf.

3. As far as your “fighting abilities” go you can have your gangbangers, academics who would make weewee in their pants and your “brave” protesters. We have hunters and regular folks who would stand at their gun lockers and pick out the weapons and ammo to use as if they were selecting a wine for dinner. We actually hit what we shoot at, too. It would be open season-no limit.

Nahanni on November 1, 2008 at 4:24 PM