Kerry jokes: McCain wears Depends
posted at 4:20 pm on October 20, 2008 by Allahpundit
Just paying his dues. If you want to be Secretary of State, sometimes you have to go out there and tease the other guy about crapping his pants.
Kerry tried to relay to the audience what it is like to face the press corps’ inquiries.
“I don’t know if any of you know what it’s like. I do, obviously,” he said. “I’ve been asked all of those brilliant questions that were repeated this year.”
“Barack got asked the famous boxers or briefs question,” Kerry went on. “I was tempted to say commando.”
The senator said Obama successfully parried that question but that John McCain, the GOP nominee, had some problems.
“Then they asked McCain and McCain said, ‘Depends,’” Kerry said to lots of laughter from the crowd.
McCain’s seven years older than Kerry. I gave Olby a break for his own achingly lame attempt at humor in this vein awhile back, so I guess I’m duty bound to wave Waffles through, too. Memo to nutroots denizens itching to goof on McCain’s age: If you’re going to go for it, go all out.
John McCain Accidentally Left On Campaign Bus Overnight
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Kerry and Beatty are having a US Senate debate tonight, but I can’t go because I have better plans. Some of my CR buddies are hosting “Hype: The Obama Effect” At Bryant and I simply can’t miss it.
Kerry is still a tool.
BKennedy on October 20, 2008 at 4:23 PM
Kerry = Buffoon
SDarchitect on October 20, 2008 at 4:24 PM
That’s actually a pretty funny joke. But I doubt Kerry delivered it well. He never could tell a joke properly. Neither can Obama.
rockmom on October 20, 2008 at 4:24 PM
Better depends than the pretty pink panties Kerry wears.
I hear Kerry enjoys playing the naive schoolgirl to Theresa’s strap on ketchup bottle.
That’s life as a trophy husband.
And rubbing her corns is no walk in the park either.
NoDonkey on October 20, 2008 at 4:25 PM
Old people vote.
In great numbers.
Keep up the old jokes, Dems!
aero on October 20, 2008 at 4:25 PM
dbag
IR-MN on October 20, 2008 at 4:26 PM
Good to see that Botch McWaffleson is still a jerk.
forest on October 20, 2008 at 4:26 PM
This f’tard should just keep his mouth shut.
Still sore about ’04, you traitor?
HornetSting on October 20, 2008 at 4:26 PM
I hear there are some poor kids stuck in a country starting with the letter I somewhere.
Seixon on October 20, 2008 at 4:27 PM
Kerry is an ass and jerk.
jencab on October 20, 2008 at 4:27 PM
“That’s actually a pretty funny joke.”
Actually, it isn’t.
The made the same incredibly lame joke about Dole and about everyone over the age of 70 they don’t like.
The left can’t even get comedy right. I’d be embarrassed making that stupid of a joke about anyone, on this forum.
NoDonkey on October 20, 2008 at 4:27 PM
Mocking Obama’s record, or lack thereof: Racist.
Mocking McCain’s experience: LULZ!!!
Jim Treacher on October 20, 2008 at 4:28 PM
Aren’t McCain and Powell the same age? Is Kerry saying Powell wears depends, too?
Big talk from Mr. Pussy Whipped.
Blake on October 20, 2008 at 4:28 PM
Big talk from Mr. Pussy Whipped.
Blake on October 20, 2008 at 4:28 PM
HornetSting on October 20, 2008 at 4:29 PM
What would you call Kerry’s famous Teletubby suit? Is that a Depends/Bibb combo?
Blake on October 20, 2008 at 4:29 PM
Oh my God, John Kerry is gay.
BigD on October 20, 2008 at 4:29 PM
“Botched joke” excuse in 3…2…1….
Pasalubong on October 20, 2008 at 4:29 PM
Not a big surprise here… I think Comrade Kerry is still pissy because McCain refused to cross party lines and run as his VP.
teke184 on October 20, 2008 at 4:30 PM
McCain’s old- wow what an original idea.
Seriously though, the joke is far less offensive than Kerry’s “joke” calling the troops stupid. Delivered AFTER the election or at a political roast, the joke is even funny. Not so much two weeks before an election.
highhopes on October 20, 2008 at 4:30 PM
She who controls the purse strings calls the shots in his family.
Blake on October 20, 2008 at 4:30 PM
Actually, this line was much, much more offensive… and disturbing. (shudders)
Pasalubong on October 20, 2008 at 4:31 PM
At least Herman Munster was lovable….
J.J. Sefton on October 20, 2008 at 4:31 PM
You really need a countdown?
If this lingers as furor over ageism, Kerry will go with the standard all-purpose “I’m sorry if you were offended at my comments” riff.
highhopes on October 20, 2008 at 4:32 PM
Kerry…John Kerry? President John Kerry? Oh…Senator John Kerry.
He will be in a good position to comfort Senator Barack Obama on November 5.
ManlyRash on October 20, 2008 at 4:32 PM
If you can be too old to hold office, can you also be too Gay or too Black or too much of a radical fem?
I see plenty of white heads of hair in Congress on C-Span. Are we getting rid of all the old duffers, or just the ones that are associated with the Republican party?
Kerry still gets drunk with young chicks. I guess that’s being young at heart when you’re a Dem? At least he hasn’t lost one off a bridge that we don’t know about. What is it with drunk Dems living near water?
Hening on October 20, 2008 at 4:33 PM
What an ass.
(BTW, for those who didn’t know, John Kerry did serve in Vietnam)
CP on October 20, 2008 at 4:33 PM
“…and I’m still in Kindergarten. Depends for McCain, and Spielhosen for me. That’s why Mrs. Heinz locks me up in the doggiehouse. Occasionally the staff let me out, and she gets really upset because I embarrass her every time”.
Lurch, the Frenchie, for SoS. I don’t think even Obama is that dumb.
Entelechy on October 20, 2008 at 4:33 PM
Has Kerry ever turned a joke on himself?
I forgot: he is a JoKe, a lame one at that.
onlineanalyst on October 20, 2008 at 4:34 PM
When is the company that makes Depends going to sue these people for making negative associations regarding their product? The whole Depends marketing effort is based on convincing people that there is nothing embarrassing about using Depends. They try very hard to make the case that Depends are invisible, discreet, and preserve one’s dignity. Kerry and others have repeatedly referred to Depends by name when ridiculing McCain, and by extension all older people, for possibly needing their product. Surely some enterprising law firm can make a case.
aero on October 20, 2008 at 4:34 PM
Kerry is getting more confused as he ages. The Depends he was thinking of were a gift for his VP pick’s love child.
Anyone have a link to the article where the media questions Kerry about how boneheaded (to quote an Obamism) his VP pick turned out to be?
JiangxiDad on October 20, 2008 at 4:34 PM
“John Kerry did serve in Vietnam”
Yes, and the Viet Cong and the NVA are both very appreciative of his service over there.
NoDonkey on October 20, 2008 at 4:35 PM
This joke is told by a jackass who fired a “blooper” M-79 into a rock formation with rice bags on it, just to have something to do… and gets rice grains pounded into his ass….. yeah Kerry …. you’re funny.
MNDavenotPC on October 20, 2008 at 4:35 PM
And they say the Senate is the world’s greatest deliberative body?
Apparently more for some than others.
silverfox on October 20, 2008 at 4:35 PM
And that walking cadaver, Robert KKK Byrd? Bet you’ve got some funny lines about him, Lurch.
Wethal on October 20, 2008 at 4:35 PM
Yes.
Brat on October 20, 2008 at 4:35 PM
I thought Colin Powell was competing for secretary of state in a Obama administration. What makes Kerry think that he is going to be the one for such a position?
clemycali on October 20, 2008 at 4:36 PM
I’m pretty sure Allah voted for Kerry. Just saying.
Sugar Land on October 20, 2008 at 4:38 PM
Good heavens, grow up already! The entire Democrat party is like one never-ending performance of Peter Pan.
DrMagnolias on October 20, 2008 at 4:39 PM
Allah, please change the pic of him to the one of him flinching, trying to catch a football.
Or this one.
Or this one.
Brat on October 20, 2008 at 4:40 PM
if McCain = depends then Kerry = the contents of Depends
Defector01 on October 20, 2008 at 4:40 PM
Poop jokes? WTF ?
Sefton on October 20, 2008 at 4:40 PM
Beatty?
ThePrez on October 20, 2008 at 4:40 PM
“I thought Colin Powell was competing for secretary of state in a Obama administration.”
That would take something called “work”, which Colin has never been much for.
He’d rather have a plum ambassadorship in, say France, where all he has to do is to show up, get celebrated and do nothing.
Kind of like his entire Army career. Powell was the black Wes Clark.
NoDonkey on October 20, 2008 at 4:40 PM
Yeah Yeah Yeah and if you don’t stay in school and study hard you could end up in Iraq….What part of John Kerry speak doesn’t everyone get?
Dr Evil on October 20, 2008 at 4:40 PM
On a lighter note, a classic editorial from The Onion:
Depends Ain’t So Damn Dependable
darii on October 20, 2008 at 4:42 PM
That picture is perfect for this time of year. Gives me the creeps.
PappaMac on October 20, 2008 at 4:43 PM
Brat on October 20, 2008 at 4:40 PM
You can pretty much tell Theresa’s bunion masseuse here has never actually played football.
Although I hear like Barney Frank, Kerry was a pretty good catcher as a young Sam Rayburn catamite.
NoDonkey on October 20, 2008 at 4:43 PM
:::hurls:::
T
M
I
baldilocks on October 20, 2008 at 4:44 PM
Ah, the ever distinguished John Kerry
CP on October 20, 2008 at 4:45 PM
McCain jokes: Kerry’s real father was a doctor who’s first name was Victor.
MB4 on October 20, 2008 at 4:46 PM
With friends like Kerry, Obama doesn’t need enemies.
Entelechy on October 20, 2008 at 4:46 PM
The reason “Hero Kerry” put himself in for three Purple Hearts in less than 90 days without shedding a drop of blood was that was how many were required before you could leave Vietnam. He and Obama are complete cowards.
volsense on October 20, 2008 at 4:46 PM
Geez I was thinking more along the lines of John Bolton for Seretary of State. OMG not F’n Learch his damn diplomatic style is to lay down your weapon and beg forgiveness from the UN. Or better yet he will get permission from the EU. Oh did you know Kerry served in Vietnam?
sonnyspats1 on October 20, 2008 at 4:47 PM
This made me lose most of my Mountain Dew and I’m not exactly sure why. :P
*eats*
Grue in the Attic on October 20, 2008 at 4:48 PM
“This made me lose most of my Mountain Dew and I’m not exactly sure why.”
Name one real man in the Democrat Party.
Besides Hillary I mean.
Obama in his bike helmet, takes the cake.
All democrat “men” are one step away from becoming she-males. Fruits.
Not a real man in the whole pansy party.
NoDonkey on October 20, 2008 at 4:50 PM
Yep, McCain older by around 7 months.
McCain – Aug. 29, 1936
Powell – Apr. 5, 1937
In this cycle nothing matters. The world will be shocked soon.
Entelechy on October 20, 2008 at 4:50 PM
A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to
slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the biker says, ‘Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.’
The biker replies, ‘Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.’
The reporter says, ‘Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist from the New York Times, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the
front page… So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?”
The biker replies, ‘I’m a U.S. Marine and a Republican.’
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on front page:
U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
Forward to friends and family!
lorien1973 on October 20, 2008 at 4:52 PM
The idea of Kerry going “commando” is rather disturbing, but I’ve no doubt he could do it, undetected.
capitalist piglet on October 20, 2008 at 4:52 PM
Democrats counting their chickens before they hatched?
Dr Evil on October 20, 2008 at 4:53 PM
Ladies and Gentleman the distinguished John Kerry. The next Sec of State of the USA BWAHAAHAAAAHAAHAHAHAAA……….
sonnyspats1 on October 20, 2008 at 4:53 PM
“U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH”
Now that’s funny.
NoDonkey on October 20, 2008 at 4:53 PM
No, no, no, no. Let them all keep talking. I want Americans to hear something stupid from the Dems and/or the Hollywood idiots every day until Nov. 4.
Brat on October 20, 2008 at 4:54 PM
I take your point, but you must give honorable mention to Kerry in the ski jacket with the “flower power” zipper pull.
capitalist piglet on October 20, 2008 at 4:54 PM
It’s fun to have the two Gaffenmeisters at the top of HA, on the left, and the right, at least for now. Two laughs in one.
Entelechy on October 20, 2008 at 4:54 PM
“The idea of Kerry going “commando” is rather disturbing, but I’ve no doubt he could do it, undetected.”
It’s easy when your junk is duct taped and hidden away, as Theresa likes it.
NoDonkey on October 20, 2008 at 4:54 PM
McCain gets the last laugh. He’s married to Cindy. Lurch is married to Theresa.
JustTruth101 on October 20, 2008 at 4:57 PM
And Kerry dresses like cum. Or have we forgotten his NASA “sperm” outfit?
Spanglemaker on October 20, 2008 at 4:57 PM
This will really engage a huge contingent to go for Obama – see Florida.
Snobbery, elitism, stupidity, inevitability, justification, ignorance…all adding up in the final stretch.
Entelechy on October 20, 2008 at 4:58 PM
Here’s a photo of Mr. Tough Guy looking young and robust with some female admirers.
Actually, it’s a photo of a worn out drunk pretending he’s young and robust. Whatta clown.
http://photos.tmz.com/galleries/john_kerry_party#
NoDonkey on October 20, 2008 at 4:58 PM
To imagine that we could have had this for 4-8 years…
Entelechy on October 20, 2008 at 4:59 PM
I have the first photo of EeyorePundit.
Blake on October 20, 2008 at 4:59 PM
“To imagine that we could have had this for 4-8 years…”
God saved us from the disasters that would have been the Gore and the Kerry Administrations.
He may be saying that this time, it’s up to us.
NoDonkey on October 20, 2008 at 5:00 PM
In love with each other…
Blake, forever I’ll regret not knowing about them, then.
In the absence of explanation/s, for today – the tree c/b Obama, the horse, the media/punditry (Chris Matthews, in particular, as a grand symbol).
Entelechy on October 20, 2008 at 5:03 PM
Makes you wonder what Teresa was thinking. Ball-less and probably hung like a gnat.
fogw on October 20, 2008 at 5:05 PM
Kerry is a lying buffoon and a two time gigolo with the sense of humor of a rabid skunk. Who let this jackass out of his cage?
rplat on October 20, 2008 at 5:07 PM
darii on October 20, 2008 at 4:42 PM
OMG, that has got to be one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. I was laughing so much I had tears. Thanks for the wonderful laugh.
Torch on October 20, 2008 at 5:07 PM
fogw, she’s an opportunist, but not a fool. She reneged the Kerry name right after the election, and still has Mr. Heinz’ picture hanging on the wall of her residence. I believe she’s as embarrassed by him, wait…, more so, than anyone. She no longer cares, except for when he escapes the doggiehouse.
Entelechy on October 20, 2008 at 5:08 PM
Dude.
No man who took this photo should ever be joking about anyone.
JammieWearingFool on October 20, 2008 at 5:11 PM
……….. at least John McCain has a penis.
Seven Percent Solution on October 20, 2008 at 5:14 PM
I kind of already figured that McCain wore depends … move along nothing to see here.
Monkei on October 20, 2008 at 5:15 PM
John Heinz was a class act. I always thought she disgraced his name by marrying that gold-digger horse-face.
fogw on October 20, 2008 at 5:16 PM
The diaper jokes are getting a little old. My husband makes a very good living selling incontinence products to the disabled community and the elderly. I don’t think any of his customers will find this funny. How many people do these liberals intend to offend.
bopbottle on October 20, 2008 at 5:17 PM
HAHA. The sperm leaving the ‘gina. Reject.
fogw on October 20, 2008 at 5:18 PM
If nobody has said it already, Kerry wears panties.
Cicero43 on October 20, 2008 at 5:18 PM
Oo Kerry, per his wife (sleep walks), per the records of his unit in VN, several times found sleep walking,
the night Steve Gardner had to shoot the 12 year old VC kid , well Kerry on radar duty, the san-pan got to close,
Kerry was asleep, its called parisomina, comes to teen age time last often for life,,,,
it includes bed wetting
Kerry projects in the worst way possible.
so say mr badtothebone on the inter net just to
piss off Lt. Kerry and make him bed wet tonight.
badtothebone on October 20, 2008 at 5:18 PM
Good grief.
My contempt for Kerry just continues to increase.
Might be funny, if it were a brand new joke.
But this was a joke making the rounds twelve years ago, about Dole.
*yawn*
Yeah, these are the guys who are so forward looking they’re desperately eager to rehash the ’60′s and ’70′s.
ClintACK on October 20, 2008 at 5:19 PM
Kerry’s got more money than McCain. When Kerry craps he just has his man-servant bring him a new pair of pants.
nocomme1 on October 20, 2008 at 5:20 PM
Hey, does Colin Powell know about Kerry’s comments? With his sensitivity about the election’s tone, maybe he’ll withdraw his support of Obama. What do you think?
nocomme1 on October 20, 2008 at 5:22 PM
If Obama wins he could be our next Secretary of State…
albill on October 20, 2008 at 5:25 PM
fogw, we agree. One of her sons never came out of the woods, and wanted nothing to do with his run in 2004. He looked good on her old arm/s for a while. She married 3 times, the first two died in plane accidents, the 3rd one is Monsieur Kerry. Mr. Heinz was number 2. I think he might be the only one she also loved.
Entelechy on October 20, 2008 at 5:25 PM
Hey Kerry, the Service Medals you threw to the ground during your war protest have been found…
…stuck in the heart of every true military hero, you puke.
Bet you love the picture of Ayers trampling the American Flag also…
How can people vote for these creeps??
pherrman on October 20, 2008 at 5:26 PM
That tube – he wears it instead of depends, and needs all of it.
Entelechy on October 20, 2008 at 5:27 PM
A douchebag who needs to douche his mouth.
Badger40 on October 20, 2008 at 5:29 PM
Botched joke from a botched human.
Torch on October 20, 2008 at 5:30 PM
…excellent….
…there was one the other night on an RFD-TV network repeat of a ’60′s Hee Haw, of all things…actually, for Hee Haw, it was rather topical and clever….
“Junior, I’m confused. You said that your cat just had kittens.”
“Yep.”
“Last week you called them Democrats.”
“Yep.”
“This morning I heard you call ‘em Republicans.”
“Yep.”
“Well…which are they?”
“Last week, they were Democrats. Since then, their eyes openned. Now, they’re Republicans.”
Truth in advertising: the joke was built around puppies, but I like kittens better.
Junior Samples…what an actor.
Puritan1648 on October 20, 2008 at 5:34 PM
This is funny Kerry?
Obviously it’s quite all right to make base jokes and mock the intellect of Republicans. Dare anyone post a joke about The One, won’t happen.
I sense a backlash coming. Americans are fair minded generally and we don’t like piling on.
I can’t wait to see the pollsters choke on their predictions.
FireBlogger on October 20, 2008 at 5:35 PM
google
parisomina
kerry awaits you
badtothebone on October 20, 2008 at 5:35 PM
yeah not very nice. To say that of a former POW who fought when others were dodging, and to suggest he’s outlived his bodily functions is pretty sleezy. Mr. Kerry, god has a way of getting even sir.
johnnyU on October 20, 2008 at 5:36 PM
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