Book review: The Kind of Man Every Man Should Be
posted at 6:14 pm on October 19, 2008 by Ed Morrissey
Last month, I received a copy of The Kind of Man Every Man Should Be: Taking a Stand for True Masculinity, the latest book by my friend and co-host, Kevin McCullough. Kevin pushes back against the forces he sees as undermining men in modern society, describes the damage they do, and offers his recipe for countering both.
No one who knows Kevin will be surprised to see him argue for a Biblical perspective on true masculinity and balance between the genders. He makes no apologies for believing that Scriptural prescriptions for healthy male identity. Books like this can either take an academic or activist approach, and Kevin definitely uses the latter. While he makes passing references to studies and research, he does not rely on them to “prove” his observations. Rather, he allows his observations to give readers context for his advice to men seeking to assert their masculinity in healthy, productive ways that will benefit not just themselves — in fact, not primarily themselves — but their wives, children, and communities. He writes about the differences between equality and sameness, and how the confusion of these two concepts in terms of gender have left two generations of men confused, women dissatisfied, and families in crisis.
Those of us who have read Kevin’s column, blogs, or heard him on my show and his own will not find his perspective surprising. However, The Kind of Man turns out to be a very personal work, and in that sense we get an opportunity to know Kevin much more intimately than I have in four years of friendship. Kevin shares painful lessons from his own life at both failed and successful masculinity. As I read the book, I was surprised at how little I knew about my friend, and how affecting these anecdotes are in underscoring his message.
It’s these passages that communicate best Kevin’s argument for valuing masculinity and celebrating the special gifts given to both genders. At 175 pages, it’s an economical and fast read. Kevin challenges men to assert themselves against popular culture and show that true masculinity is not to be feared or reviled, but valued as an essential quality for our communities to function best.
Addendum: Kevin may not be much of a fan of South Park, but this particular scene kept coming to mind when he described the necessity of masculinity:
Blowback
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“We’re here, we’re not queer, but we’re close.”
rofl, that’s awesome.
Spirit of 1776 on October 19, 2008 at 6:20 PM
Hollywood, give us more John Waynes & fewer Leo DeCaprios!
jgapinoy on October 19, 2008 at 6:25 PM
Kevin does a great radio show on Saturday Nights with Steven Baldwin: http://bmxradionow.com/
For those not familiar with Steven’s politics or beliefs they are very different from those of his brother Alec: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W37m8Tvo_jQ
D0WNT0WN on October 19, 2008 at 6:26 PM
Ed, seriously OT here but I found this video of Clinton talking up his “middle class tax cuts” in a 1992 debate that is eerily similiar to today. At just under a minute-and-a-half, it’s worth watching and spreading:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EalCmTANIg
PatMac on October 19, 2008 at 6:33 PM
These days John Wayne couldn’t get work as a key grip.
Mojave Mark on October 19, 2008 at 6:34 PM
I haven’t read Kevin’s book, but I can vouch for this excellent one on the same topic:
http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=21265&netp_id=298171&event=HPT&item_code=WW&view=covers
jgapinoy on October 19, 2008 at 6:34 PM
I’m reading “Why Men Hate Going to Church” by David Murrow. He really explains it all why I have difficulty these days just going through Mass each week. It’s a good read to help understand how effeminate the various Christian church denominations are in America and why and how they cater to only women and children.
Christ was not like this and neither were the apostles.
Men DON’T follow teachers. Men FOLLOW LEADERS.
Why do you think Islam is growing? Because it is a religion of men. To extreme I would contend, but it does such an infinitely better job at reaching MEN.
On the back of the book is a quote by one of the two current Senators from Alaska, Lisa Murkowski – “As a lifelong Catholic girl, I’ve often wondered why men are less than enthusiastic about church. Now I know why. ‘Why Men Hate Going to Church’ was a real eye-opener for me.” You bet Lisa. And your eyes will be open in 2010 when Sarah defeats you for the Senate seat if McCain loses this election.
I recently had a very short fling (to first base) with the Sacristan at our parish. What made me end it is when after talking with her I figured out that she believed that what we were doing was not adultery. Believe me, I knew every passionate second it was freekin adultery. The fact I was sinning out of weakness (being lonely attractive bachelor) was one thing, but her sinning and not thinking it was a sin just totally blew me away and made me not only disgusted in myself but disgusted with her and so many other Americans who at this point are so morally relative that I wonder if there is any hope.
Sapwolf on October 19, 2008 at 6:37 PM
Masculinity always varied according to class & status, in that for farmers and unskilled workers being a man was a matter of your ability to simply to the difficult work over long hours for your entire adult life
For the upper class, being a man was something entirely different, as Monte Python would phrase it: being able to sire children while managing an estate of varying sizes
The new middle class created by the Industrial Revolution–and made a majority by that process–has tried to borrow from both the traditional farm/labor class and the elites, but has not yet succeeded in creating a coherent model for what a man should be in the Industrial and Post-Industrial Age
The decline of ‘organized religion’ has halped prevent the creation of such a coherent model by creating an increasingly Mixed Message about what a man should be
Mostly, we’re on our own, and get flack regardless of what we do
Janos Hunyadi on October 19, 2008 at 6:38 PM
Thanks Ed, can’t wait to read it
BobH on October 19, 2008 at 6:38 PM
A well known and perhaps too often referenced poem by Rudyard Kipling that I feel is nevertheless appropriate for the subject:
IF
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son.
D0WNT0WN on October 19, 2008 at 6:47 PM
Is it true that the Knights of Columbus allows female members? If so, another nail in the coffin of the Church in the USA.
Thank God for Football. I watched the Titans take their record to 6-0 over the Chiefs. Then I finished watching “The Return of the King” and Aragorn and gang smoting the bad guys in righteous fashion, and Eowyn (who makes me think of Sarah) take out the Witch-King. Now, after that, do you really think I want to go to Church to hold hands and cumbaiyah? NOT! I need a leader who shows me how to pick up the Cross and carry it over the freekin goal line. I don’t need another mamby-pamby effeminate type to tell me how it is ok to sin.
McCain, I want VICTORY. Wright is infinitely fair game.
You picked the right running mate. A woman that CAN actually lead men. Let’s hope we don’t have to wait til 2012/2016 to follow HER.
Sapwolf on October 19, 2008 at 6:48 PM
Ed, good post and a great message. BTW, whatever happened to your earlier plan – you just can’t get away, can ya?
PatMac on October 19, 2008 at 6:52 PM
I feel very strongly that Obama’s popularity among men reflects the emasculation of men in our country.
Laugh if you will about the symbol of Joe the Plumber, but I simply cannot fathom that any real man in this country would set aside their values, their virtues, and their brains for a collection of Mickey-Mouse refundable tax credits.
In the final analysis, nobody knows what tomorrow will bring, so character matters–at least it should. And McCain has far more of it than Obama. Somebody name one person who has vouched for Obama’s character.
When planes started flying into buildings on 9/11/01, I’m still glad we had Bush rather than Gore in the White House. So when the next bad thing happens in the next four years, I want a leader, not a popularity-contest winner who belongs in a faculty lounge.
BuckeyeSam on October 19, 2008 at 6:58 PM
From Benjamin Van Horrick’s interview with Harvey Mansfield for his book “Manliness” :
What is manliness?
Harvey Mansfield: Manliness I take to be confidence in a situation of risk. That can be a question of danger, and it can also be a question where your authority is contested. So put those two together and you’ve got a sizable risk, say, a battle. And manly confidence and manliness means an ability to take charge or to be authoritative in that situation. Women also have confidence, but they don’t seek out situations of risk the way the way that manly men do.
Would you say that manliness is a virtue?
Mansfield: Manliness can be a virtue. It isn’t necessarily a virtue. You can have confidence in a situation of risk — if you’re very evil as the Islamic hijackers attacking the World Trade Center, that kind of manliness. So manliness by itself, I would say, is a quality, and it has to be refined or improved to make it a virtue.
Is it possible for a modern man to be manly, or is manliness and modernism at odds with each other?
Mansfield: Yes, I do think manliness and modernism are at odds. The basic idea of modern or modernism is rational control of things. It’s the reduction of risk for the sake of greater security. Manliness, manly men don’t want to reduce risk; they rather like it. They seek it out even when it isn’t in their life. They want to live an exciting existence. So they like risk, and they think that risk goes with the human situation and it’s wrong to try to reduce it. And also manly men don’t care for security so much. They consider that boring.
D0WNT0WN on October 19, 2008 at 6:58 PM
There’s what might be called the effeminate side of your Catholicism; you must forgive her. Then there’s the manly side; care for some Reconciliation, wherein you ask for forgiveness yourself, and perhaps even apologize to her for having attempted to lead her into sin?
unclesmrgol on October 19, 2008 at 7:06 PM
I’ve always enjoyed McCullough’s townhall threads on muscular masculinity and on morality.
BTW Was it not all that long ago when our heroes to be celebrated were the first-responders, the firefighters, and the police at the WTC? They were fearless and steadfast protectors in a disaster.
And, yes, Kipling’s “If” needs to be taken off the shelf and serve as a reminder of what it means to be an authentic human being. Its message resonates with both men and women.
onlineanalyst on October 19, 2008 at 7:09 PM
Sapwolf –
I too have read Murrow’s book. It was excellent.
I came away realizing that in a healthy church, men are needed and allowed to be men, so long as they are using their manliness to build and construct and lead in the church’s ministries. That’s often all it takes. Get men working hard and women will do the same, while the opposite is not necessarily true.
This book sounds good, I’ll have to check it out.
bcm4134 on October 19, 2008 at 7:29 PM
I started reading that poem to my newborn son the day we brought him home from the hospital. Glad to see others appreciate it.
mikeyboss on October 19, 2008 at 8:38 PM
The instincts still whisper whatever the ego pretends.
Threat unveils the spine.
Or breaks it.
(Unless it’s linguini.)
profitsbeard on October 19, 2008 at 8:39 PM
Cooked or uncooked?
mikeyboss on October 19, 2008 at 8:42 PM
Alternatively, just be yourself. Some men don’t fit the Western masculine ideal, and some women don’t fit the feminine ideal, and there’s really nothing wrong with that. The people who say otherwise are the ones sowing confusion.
RightOFLeft on October 19, 2008 at 8:53 PM
No. They often participate in activities on an auxiliary level, but not with full membership. Their counterpart is the Catholic Daughters of America.
manwithblackhat on October 19, 2008 at 9:00 PM
The man I married was not a metrosexual. I didn’t want a husband who was concerned about his hairstyle or how well his manicurist did his nails. I wanted a man who could clean the rain gutters, support his children and that I could trust to check out that strange noise in the house in the middle of the night.
He never sets foot in a church unless he has to. But he set a standard for his daughters that made them very picky about who they would choose as a husband, and I don’t doubt for a minute that, after 35 years of marriage, I can count on him to stand up for what is right.
That kind of male is a man. All the rest need to go back to school and learn how to be one — particularly the snotty northeastern pundits who look down their noses at Sarah Palin because she is more of a man than they are.
hachiban on October 20, 2008 at 1:17 AM
D0WNT0WN on October 19, 2008 at 6:47 PM
Ayn Rand had it read upon her death. It was also read at her husband’s funeral.
Entelechy on October 20, 2008 at 1:27 AM
Thank you Ed for another great post.
May I recommend two selections of my own?
I found this book to be very helpful to me.
And this is another great read for me.
Thanks again, Ed.
ColtsFan on October 20, 2008 at 2:43 AM
Ahh…another reason for people to not go to church! It threatens a man’s view of himself? LOL! I am always amused at those who do not attend church and the excuses they attach to their reasons for not going. I attend church weekly and can assure you that I do NOT nance in the front door! My heroes of Scripture (Jesus, David, Paul, Peter) were masculine men whom I respect and you should too! Enough with the Christian bashing already!
sabbott on October 20, 2008 at 7:47 AM
The one contemporary absolute to be a man: Military Service
I offer no apologies for that opinion.
pseudonominus on October 20, 2008 at 10:14 AM
Could it depend on the church? I clean the rain gutters, squish spiders, fix the plumbing … and still go to church every week. Sometimes I find it boring, but not emasculating.
To me, it is the recognition that I can’t do everything by myself. There is a higher power that I recognize as supreme to my own.
I am also an NRA Golden Eagle (special membership type) and hold our military in the highest regard. I prefer NOT to kill, but know there are times when people leave you no choice (if someone breaks into my house, they should expect that to be last thing they ever do)
TechieNotTrekkie on October 20, 2008 at 4:00 PM