Bad news: Imperial fleet invades San Francisco

posted at 2:45 pm on August 16, 2008 by Allahpundit

This is what happens when you don’t stand up to Russia.

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The first hacky joke is mine: “Man, if they thought the Mos Eisley cantina was wild… Hey-o!”

Allahpundit on August 16, 2008 at 2:29 PM

Oh man, and I missed it. I do hope they go inland a bit and visit Sacramento!

Bob's Kid on August 16, 2008 at 2:49 PM

…..at least its the West Coast!

Jill1066 on August 16, 2008 at 2:51 PM

Well, it is a sanctuary city for aliens!

stonemeister on August 16, 2008 at 2:53 PM

Meh. No shooting.

Sydney Carton on August 16, 2008 at 2:54 PM

Never has there been a place filled with more Scum and Villiany…

BKennedy on August 16, 2008 at 2:56 PM

Darth Cheney is invading!

Tim Burton on August 16, 2008 at 2:56 PM

I bet they wish they didn’t say no to the USS Iowa now…

JetBoy on August 16, 2008 at 2:57 PM

“Please note, dear, that the Imperial vessels consume no fossil fuels that can be spilled on our beaches. Our visitors demonstrate to us the importance of developing alternative energy and standing up to Bush and Big Oil.”

/SanFranNan

innominatus on August 16, 2008 at 2:58 PM

Just don’t hurt the parrots on Telegraph Hill…please.

mimi1220 on August 16, 2008 at 2:58 PM

Tim Burton on August 16, 2008 at 2:56 PM

[email protected] you! You stole my joke!

Hey, Newsom shot first!

Viewtifulgare on August 16, 2008 at 2:59 PM

Sydney Carton on August 16, 2008 at 2:54 PM

The mayor probably shouted “No blasters! No blasters!”

Viewtifulgare on August 16, 2008 at 3:04 PM

San Franciscan Tire Specialist: “Oh, shiat gonna miss my shots now.”

ninjapirate on August 16, 2008 at 3:06 PM

“Don’t choke me bro”

– The Cat

MirCat on August 16, 2008 at 3:07 PM

Time for NASA to become an appendage of our military?

All of this sharing with Russia on the Space Station was a fitting culmination of Eisenhower’s default plan trying to get ahead by leveling the playing field with mutual give and take of missile information while propagandizing to curb our industrial complex.

Russia and China are cozy. Russia provides the technology and China provides the manpower. Sick.

maverick muse on August 16, 2008 at 3:09 PM

where can i sign up to join the empire ??????

Mojack420 on August 16, 2008 at 3:10 PM

OH, I’m sure that the San Franciscans have asked for it. Maybe they were making fun of Russian cooking or some Russian chick got shoved. Putin totally was right to invade San Francisco.

mjk on August 16, 2008 at 3:12 PM

Ee Chop Yup Nub this you dirty stinking hippies.

Jimmie on August 16, 2008 at 3:19 PM

All hail Photoshop!

“…..at least its the West Coast!
Jill1066 on August 16, 2008 at 2:51 PM”
Because of San Fransicko, Smell-A and San Digaygo it’s no longer the best coast. :-(

Christine on August 16, 2008 at 3:21 PM

Those rebel scum…

Et tu Brute on August 16, 2008 at 3:22 PM

Maybe the Empire is in search of HomoCloneSexuals…….?

Seven Percent Solution on August 16, 2008 at 3:23 PM

Jar-Jar Binks just lost his WiFi!

profitsbeard on August 16, 2008 at 3:23 PM

It`s about time someone went in to straighten out those Frisco punks! :)

ThePrez on August 16, 2008 at 3:26 PM

Hmmm…I dunno, a few of the pixels make me think this is fake.

Does this mean we get to see Cheney in his black robes?

MadisonConservative on August 16, 2008 at 3:27 PM

Can’t the evil empire ever complete construction on a death star?

SouthernRoots on August 16, 2008 at 3:30 PM

What is this? Star Wars or The Blair Witch Project?

madmonkphotog on August 16, 2008 at 3:33 PM

The residents seem okay with it.

Cindy Munford on August 16, 2008 at 3:34 PM

“Damn, honey, can’t a man enjoy a honeymoon, undisturbed, in San Franciso?” ~ ~ Gavin Newsom, circa 2008

Entelechy on August 16, 2008 at 3:45 PM

Stay on target!

Weebork on August 16, 2008 at 3:50 PM

The Empire is here? Where do I go to join. I wanna smash those damn rebels.

thekingtut on August 16, 2008 at 3:53 PM

I couldn’t tell, but was that an Imperial 1 or 2 class Star Destroyer? We didn’t get a good look at it’s dorsal surface.

thekingtut on August 16, 2008 at 3:58 PM

Now, would the Empire be San Francisco’s enemy, or would they be San Francisco’s best friend? Hmmm…?

rockbend on August 16, 2008 at 3:58 PM

Pelosi just bought 42,000 condos in it, and authored legislation to quadruple NASA’s Shuttle budget.

marklmail on August 16, 2008 at 4:00 PM

Let’s hope the space ship came for Nancy!

byteshredder on August 16, 2008 at 4:03 PM

Damned illegal aliens.

Doesn’t anybody have respect for our territorial integrity?

Speakup on August 16, 2008 at 4:10 PM

Meh. No shooting.

Sydney Carton on August 16, 2008 at 2:54 PM

There’s no shooting, of course, because San Francisco has already surrendered.

fiatboomer on August 16, 2008 at 4:11 PM

Oh man, and I missed it. I do hope they go inland a bit and visit Sacramento!

Bob’s Kid on August 16, 2008 at 2:49 PM

I think Sacramento may be too evil even for the likes of the Empire!

Weebork on August 16, 2008 at 4:12 PM

Meh. No shooting.

Sydney Carton on August 16, 2008 at 2:54 PM

And Vader’s tie fighter didn’t even sound like vader’s tie fighter, it just sounded like a plane. lame.

Darth Executor on August 16, 2008 at 4:22 PM

I see the entertainment world is catching up with Reuters and AP in terms of fake video.

I like these kinds of videos, but the random narration I could have done without.

And the AT-ATs were, what, 1/10 scale? And the Tyderian shuttle.

The tie fighters were pathetic. Better without them.

So, Death Star good, Imperial cruiser good, other than that, bleh.

Merovign on August 16, 2008 at 4:23 PM

At least they’re not republicans :-p

Defector01 on August 16, 2008 at 4:31 PM

The case for the empire.

Empire 08. Stupid Rebels.

lorien1973 on August 16, 2008 at 4:33 PM

Merovign, that was a Lambda class shuttle, not Tyderian. And those were TIE Interceptors. Vader flew a TIE Advanced X1.

thekingtut on August 16, 2008 at 4:42 PM

that was sweet…

Kaptain Amerika on August 16, 2008 at 4:52 PM

Cool! I’m gonna be in S.F. tonight! Is this Imperial Fleet Week? I’ll take the tour and let you guys know how cool the ship is. Jealous? Ha! Suckers!

Tony737 on August 16, 2008 at 4:56 PM

Well, so much for video evidence of UFO sightings.

As for San Franciscans reactions to such an incursion, half of them would be waving the hammer and sickle, convinced that salvation ala’ Marx had arrived.

The rest would just take another bong hit.

cheers

eon

eon on August 16, 2008 at 5:02 PM

Just don’t hurt the parrots on Telegraph Hill…please.

mimi1220 on August 16, 2008 at 2:58 PM

In my best Eric Cartman voice: “My Momma says there’s a lot of ‘parrots’ in the Mission District, too.”

coldwarrior on August 16, 2008 at 5:04 PM

So, why exactly is this “bad news”?

Oh, they didn’t vaporize the place… got it.

SilverStar830 on August 16, 2008 at 5:06 PM

“If you ask me to touch it using the Force one more time I’ll have you frozen in carbonite.”

“No, I will not show you my lightsaber, and stop snickering!”

“Well, I am looking for a young apprentice, but that’s not what I meant!”

-Darth Vader

Oddly enough, I say the Empire bugs out in 3 days, tops.

trubble on August 16, 2008 at 5:08 PM

I’ve got a bad feeling about this city.

James on August 16, 2008 at 5:28 PM

They’ll be leaving those dam pesky “Security Patrols” when they pull out, I’m sure.

Griz on August 16, 2008 at 5:28 PM

They’ll be leaving those dam pesky “Security Patrols” when they pull out, I’m sure.

Griz on August 16, 2008 at 5:28 PM

Never, but never use the term “pull-out” when talking about San Francisco. Just doesn’t evoke the kind of image most would want to entertain.

coldwarrior on August 16, 2008 at 5:31 PM

I want to ride in a AT-AT! Imagine all the chicks you could pick up!!!!

Yakko77 on August 16, 2008 at 5:48 PM

Imagine all the chicks you could pick up!!!! – Yak

And all the hippies you could step on!

Tony737 on August 16, 2008 at 6:01 PM

The Empire is now patrolling the Streets of San Francisco. Watcha gonna do when they come for you?

TheBigOldDog on August 16, 2008 at 6:09 PM

Darth Vader: If only you knew the power of the Dark Side.

Earthling: Are you kidding, we already know about Nancy Pelosi.

Bigfoot on August 16, 2008 at 6:23 PM

where can i sign up to join the empire ??????

Mojack420 on August 16, 2008 at 3:10 PM

The Empire is here? Where do I go to join. I wanna smash those damn rebels.

thekingtut on August 16, 2008 at 3:53 PM

Why, you go here, gentlemen.

The Deathstar II shots looked best, and some of the Star Destroyer bits, but the AT-ATs were a little off scale, and the AT-ST bits looked too fake. The shuttle and TIE bits were a little off-scale, too.

Frozen Tex on August 16, 2008 at 6:51 PM

The Imperials just followed the tv signals from AMC’s Memorial Day Marathon. All those old WWII flics always showed SanFran as a greeat liberty port. They’re just in for shore leave…

GeneSmith on August 16, 2008 at 6:59 PM

Mojack420 on August 16, 2008 at 3:10 PM

China. You go to China.

And I never did see any woman on board ANY of the Imperial vessels in ANY of the movies…

(No, Leah don’t count! Pfft)

catmman on August 16, 2008 at 7:11 PM

Tha Lamda class shuttlecraft comes in a bit fast for a landing on top of that building.

ToddonCapeCod on August 16, 2008 at 7:20 PM

I can see why the Death Star would be such an effective weapon of terror. You wouldn’t even need to fire it, just let it hover above an unruly planet, and let the inhabitants wonder when the apocalypse is going to come as they try desperately to get on with their lives.

San Francisco would fold pretty fast.

R. Waher on August 16, 2008 at 7:52 PM

The residents seem okay with it.

Cindy Munford on August 16, 2008 at 3:34 PM

Just so long as they don’t go to Berkeley. Code Pink will tear them apart.

Knuckledragger on August 16, 2008 at 8:08 PM

Imperialist Code Pinko’s,d#mmit I knew it!haha.

canopfor on August 16, 2008 at 8:19 PM

I had absolutely NO idea Haliburton could build all those vehicles and weapons delivery systems!!!!
WOW!
If I had been anyway close to forward thinking, I’d have doubled up, at the least, on Haliburton stock.
That Dick Cheney as VP was such an obvious clue.
I’m calling my broker to find out how we missed this one.

Amendment X on August 16, 2008 at 10:27 PM

Well Frozen Tex, I know about Star Destroyer.net. Great place to go when you want to learn of the superiority of Star Wars over the socialist wet dream called Star Trek.

thekingtut on August 16, 2008 at 11:19 PM

The Empire will overthrow the weak Federation!

thekingtut on August 16, 2008 at 11:20 PM

Well, it is a sanctuary city for aliens!

stonemeister on August 16, 2008 at 2:53 PM

HAR!

EJDolbow on August 16, 2008 at 11:52 PM

Message for Frisco: Hokey religion and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

Gaunilon on August 17, 2008 at 12:37 AM

Oh man, and I missed it. I do hope they go inland a bit and visit Sacramento!

Bob’s Kid on August 16, 2008 at 2:49 PM

I think Sacramento may be too evil even for the likes of the Empire!

Weebork on August 16, 2008 at 4:12 PM

Yea take out Sac Town…no…wait…I live in Sac Town!

Never mind then.

Over.

1GooDDaDDy on August 17, 2008 at 1:28 AM

Don’t ask, don’t tell.

Mojave Mark on August 17, 2008 at 1:37 AM

My dream come true!

SuperCool on August 17, 2008 at 3:11 AM

Bad news?
 
{^_^}

herself on August 17, 2008 at 4:07 AM

Damn, I’ll admit it. I’ve got the “Rogue Squadron” books; and I’ll admit it just to get the quote (and one-up Allahpundit)…

Wedge’s Gamble, Pg 151 Michael A. Stackpole.
“If Mos Eisley was considered the galaxy’s armpit, this part of Coruscant [San Francisco] could be considered anatomically lower and decidedly less hygienic.”

Sadly I could actually remember the gist of that quote, the context, and the book (well enough to find it in under 5 minutes)…

gekkobear on August 17, 2008 at 6:51 AM

I’m fairly certain this is one of those trick videos they put those computer graphic things on, like Photoshopper.

Halley on August 17, 2008 at 7:38 AM

The Empire will never see a more wretched hive of scum and villany.

drjohn on August 17, 2008 at 7:41 AM

The Empire will never see a more wretched hive of scum and villany.

drjohn

You don’t think so drjohn? Wait till they get to DC. Or Moscow and Beijing.

thekingtut on August 17, 2008 at 8:46 AM

Where is Bubba Fit when you need him ;^)

kanda on August 17, 2008 at 11:20 AM

Here, now. It’s just Fleet Week.

I R A Darth Aggie on August 17, 2008 at 11:54 AM

There just here to do Jobs americans wont DO

koypop on August 17, 2008 at 12:04 PM

How is this bad news?

Can they head to Toronto next?

Jim708 on August 17, 2008 at 12:23 PM

Where is Bubba Fit when you need him ;^)

kanda on August 17, 2008 at 11:20 AM

Bubba? You mean Bill Clinton?

Bigfoot on August 17, 2008 at 1:09 PM

I, for one, welcome our new Imperial Overlords… Because at least they know how to enforce immigration laws…

darkpixel on August 17, 2008 at 8:57 PM

Talk about a disturbance in the Force…

ZK on August 17, 2008 at 9:37 PM

Pretty cool….but it have been more realistic if
they actually digitized actual Russian military hardware.

Mig 29s,and Hind gunships flying…with T 90 tanks driving around…. and have a Russian Typhoon class sub sitting
in the harbor…..

dec5 on August 18, 2008 at 2:57 AM

If they captured, and demand ransom money for San Fagcisco’s mayor Gavin Newsome, don’t pay it!

byteshredder on August 18, 2008 at 1:04 PM