Video: Open mike captures secret of life

posted at 1:35 pm on August 14, 2008 by Allahpundit

The science doesn’t lie, my friends.

Good news, beta males: You’re going to live forever.

Link: sevenload.com

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Ernest Borgnine! I love that guy!

Do you know he does the voice of “Mermaid Man” in the “Spongebob Squarepants” cartoons?

CurtZHP on August 14, 2008 at 1:38 PM

Internet porn is the key to life?

lorien1973 on August 14, 2008 at 1:38 PM

Hilarious! Loved the comment at the end, “I JUST SHOOK HIS HAND!!”

pullingmyhairout on August 14, 2008 at 1:40 PM

wow, just wow.

redshirt on August 14, 2008 at 1:40 PM

Ernest Borgnine: America’s Favorite Grandpa.

amerpundit on August 14, 2008 at 1:41 PM

Not even going to go to talk about being a seaman in McHale’s Navy.

William Amos on August 14, 2008 at 1:42 PM

Awesome! Ernest is a cool guy.

jencab on August 14, 2008 at 1:43 PM

No wonder Jan Michael Vincent’s life went to hell — Ernie was his backseater on Airwolf.

Cuffy Meigs on August 14, 2008 at 1:44 PM

Well, he is a Borg…

pseudonominus on August 14, 2008 at 1:44 PM

I suppose that’s one way of cardio exercise?

pb5000 on August 14, 2008 at 1:45 PM

That was great

nailinmyeye on August 14, 2008 at 1:45 PM

He was also Brain’s dad in Pinky and the Brain: The Visit.

I like the guy’s reaction after he whispered it in his ear, like, “C’mon, Ernest, grow up”

Viewtifulgare on August 14, 2008 at 1:46 PM

I guess he’s flying solo after word got out about the “Dutch Ovens” he used to torment Ethel Merman with.

BuzzCrutcher on August 14, 2008 at 1:46 PM

I have finally found a worthy role model.

If there is a god, Borgnine be thy name.

LimeyGeek on August 14, 2008 at 1:46 PM

I just shook his hand!

Classic.

Valiant on August 14, 2008 at 1:47 PM

Damn.

That must mean Allahpundit is immortal.

I keed, I keed.

MadisonConservative on August 14, 2008 at 1:47 PM

Well…now we know what’s been keeping Mermaid Man from fighting eeeeeeeevillllllll for so many years…

MB007 on August 14, 2008 at 1:49 PM

Umm. Excuse me for a few minutes.

davidk on August 14, 2008 at 1:49 PM

Call me Methuselah.

Dr.Cwac.Cwac on August 14, 2008 at 1:50 PM

Borgnine ever been on RedEye? I have a feeling he has a lot in common with those guys.

mjk on August 14, 2008 at 1:50 PM

The Ace of Spades lifestyle vindicated!

Leopold Stotch on August 14, 2008 at 1:52 PM

That must mean Allahpundit is immortal.

or Bill Clinton….

CBarker on August 14, 2008 at 1:52 PM

Borgnine going from a twofister to a fister in just 90 years.

captivated_dem on August 14, 2008 at 1:52 PM

Think of the money he must have saved on dinners and drinks.

LimeyGeek on August 14, 2008 at 1:53 PM

Mr. Borgnine, your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

Hoodlumman on August 14, 2008 at 1:54 PM

Hilarious! Loved the comment at the end, “I JUST SHOOK HIS HAND!!”
pullingmyhairout on August 14, 2008 at 1:40 PM

That was an awesome reply. What a great laugh that was. Ernest is awesome.

wise_man on August 14, 2008 at 1:54 PM

Oh

My

God

Instant classic.

Nessuno on August 14, 2008 at 1:55 PM

Too awesome for words. Borgnine is going to get a “Beta Male” care package from me (hentai, Girls Gone Wild DVD’s, Swank, JC Penney clothing catalogue) for Christmas.

Flyover Country on August 14, 2008 at 1:56 PM

“you just shook his hand”
ROFLOL

BobH on August 14, 2008 at 1:56 PM

If he ever invites you over for a pulled pork sandwich….

LimeyGeek on August 14, 2008 at 1:56 PM

LimeyGeek on August 14, 2008 at 1:56 PM

Or jerk chicken…..

Dr.Cwac.Cwac on August 14, 2008 at 1:57 PM

Think of the money he must have saved on dinners and drinks.

LimeyGeek on August 14, 2008 at 1:53 PM

I didn’t hear anything about that in his comment.

BigD on August 14, 2008 at 1:58 PM

Too funny.

becki51758 on August 14, 2008 at 1:58 PM

Marty never was very popular with the girls. It’s a sad story.

tommylotto on August 14, 2008 at 2:03 PM

Shout! Factory has released the first couple of seasons of “McHale’s Navy” on DVD, and included are some great interviews with Ernie and Tim Conway and some of the others like the great Carl Ballantine.

When Borgnine showed up for the reunion, he pretended to be deathly ill, at death’s door, and totally freaked his castmates out. Then he broke up laughing and dropped the charade. Funny as hell.

Del Dolemonte on August 14, 2008 at 2:04 PM

There’s three kind of liars in the world.

A man who says he hasn’t.

A man who says he doesn’t.

And a man who says he never will.

davidk on August 14, 2008 at 2:08 PM

LOL- I have always liked him. He truly seems to love life.

jewells45 on August 14, 2008 at 2:13 PM

He has a beautiful wife.

Brat on August 14, 2008 at 2:15 PM

Or jerk chicken…..
Dr.Cwac.Cwac
on August 14, 2008 at 1:57 PM

Reminded me of:

Lrrr: Mmm, this jerked chicken is good. I think I’ll have Fry’s lower horn jerked.
Bender: It’s used to it. Woooo!

Lrrr: This human’s lower horn is one of God’s creatures. A living thing. And all living things, large and small…
Bender: In this case, small. Woooo!

Leela: Well, Fry, it looks like you get to hold on to your lower horn.
Bender: As usual. Woooo!

wise_man on August 14, 2008 at 2:19 PM

The really interesting thing is the fact that he was proud enough to call it what it is and not substitute slang.

Guest1.1 on August 14, 2008 at 2:21 PM

Oh yes, the young ladies love them some Ernie

The Ugly American on August 14, 2008 at 2:25 PM

That means I should make it to about a buck o five.

LtE126 on August 14, 2008 at 2:28 PM

Perhaps this is the secret to time travel?

I wonder if Lowes would let me borrow their paint shaker machine?

LimeyGeek on August 14, 2008 at 2:31 PM

Oh yes, the young ladies love them some Ernie
The Ugly American on August 14, 2008 at 2:25 PM

What a cute video.

wise_man on August 14, 2008 at 2:35 PM

McHale, who wouldve thought…

Viper1 on August 14, 2008 at 2:38 PM

I guess he’s flying solo after word got out about the “Dutch Ovens” he used to torment Ethel Merman with.

BuzzCrutcher on August 14, 2008 at 1:46 PM

That’s what always comes to mind when I see Ernie. I guess things weren’t coming up roses for poor Ethel.

KelliD on August 14, 2008 at 2:38 PM

Call me Methuselah.

Dr.Cwac.Cwac on August 14, 2008 at 1:50 PM

If Mr. Borgnine’s assertion were actually true, all of our congressmen would live to be older than Methuselah.

My collie says:

Sorta’ explains Robert Byrd though, doesn’t it?

CyberCipher on August 14, 2008 at 2:39 PM

Borgnine ever been on RedEye? I have a feeling he has a lot in common with those guys.

Ernie’s old cyclops is spittin mad!

Black Adam on August 14, 2008 at 2:40 PM

Ernest Borgnine! I love that guy!

Do you know he does the voice of “Mermaid Man” in the “Spongebob Squarepants” cartoons?

CurtZHP on August 14, 2008 at 1:38 PM

I missed the “masterba…..”part this morning…but yeah, he did his “eeeevil” from Mermaid Man…and Tim Conway did Barnacle boy….Heck, I never knew!

Brian Doyle-Murray (Bill Murray’s bro) does the Flying Dutchman…Amy Poehler did that old woman looking for her Miss Puffsy”…Gene Simmons did a sea monster when Pat and Spongebob went with the food wagon…

John Rhys-Davies did Man-Ray…Gene Shalit actually played the food critic.

There’s lot’s more of ‘em.

JetBoy on August 14, 2008 at 2:42 PM

I guess he’s flying solo after word got out about the “Dutch Ovens” he used to torment Ethel Merman with.

BuzzCrutcher on August 14, 2008 at 1:46 PM

It’s a traditional bonding ritual, and a fun family game.

LimeyGeek on August 14, 2008 at 2:43 PM

WHOOHOO… I knew it would pay off sooner or later…

Kaptain Amerika on August 14, 2008 at 2:49 PM

Holy smoke, I’m going to live a loooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg
time

jdsmith0021 on August 14, 2008 at 2:52 PM

HardCastle and McCormick anyone?

Kaptain Amerika on August 14, 2008 at 2:53 PM

oh wait that’s not Ernie… doh…

Kaptain Amerika on August 14, 2008 at 2:53 PM

Borgnine is just too cool. Without a doubt the best part of that damn Spongebob.

thekingtut on August 14, 2008 at 2:56 PM

An interesting addition to this might be Michael Moore’s character in Lucky Numbers who believes that good Christians do it a lot to escape sin.

snaggletoothie on August 14, 2008 at 2:57 PM

My fave Ernie Borgnine movie: Emperor of the North Pole

Ernie perfectly plays a sadistic hobo-hating railroad conductor… fight scene at end of movie with Lee Marvin is top-notch.

If you’re into Ernie, Lee Marvin or railroading be sure to catch this one.

electric-rascal on August 14, 2008 at 3:03 PM

McHale’s Gravy?

max1 on August 14, 2008 at 3:04 PM

Here’s a great McHale’s Navy scene that ended up on the cutting room floor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8E8trKZGbE

Del Dolemonte on August 14, 2008 at 3:10 PM

Good news, beta males: You’re going to live forever.

Without and hairy palm’d? Nah, ain’t no grass grow’n there.

Speakup on August 14, 2008 at 3:15 PM

Old guy getting it done. Groovy.

Seixon on August 14, 2008 at 3:21 PM

Me too, Earnest, Me too!

Egfrow on August 14, 2008 at 3:21 PM

I’m also wondering if Gretchen’s exclamation of “I like this guy!” reveals far too much…..

LimeyGeek on August 14, 2008 at 3:24 PM

that is one of the funniest and honest things I’ve ever seen.

kudos to borgnine!

jimmer on August 14, 2008 at 3:30 PM

wow, my Grandpa lived to be 103, looked as good as Ernest does at 90 at 98. At least I too have long life to look forward to!

kirkill on August 14, 2008 at 3:51 PM

That explains the firm handshake.

heddly_lamar on August 14, 2008 at 3:52 PM

I just shook his hand.

Hey, I don’t know where that hand has been.

Mojave Mark on August 14, 2008 at 3:57 PM

I’m Miss Prude, but that was funny! I wrote yesterday morning, when I read about his patriotic comments on Newsbusters,I loved him as Marty and on tv’s Little House when he played Jonathan (an angel?) and, lo and behold, that episode played yesterday afternoon!

deedledee on August 14, 2008 at 4:11 PM

I’ll be in my bunk.

Noocyte on August 14, 2008 at 4:13 PM

Good news, beta males: You’re going to live forever.

But will it be worth it?

Entelechy on August 14, 2008 at 4:19 PM

I just shook his hand.

Hey, I don’t know where that hand has been.

Mojave Mark on August 14, 2008 at 3:57 PM

Now you do.

john1schn on August 14, 2008 at 4:43 PM

Borgnine ever been on RedEye? I have a feeling he has a lot in common with those guys.

mjk on August 14, 2008 at 1:50 PM

If character acting were a Harley, I’d strap my legs around him and ride him all night long.

Mallard T. Drake on August 14, 2008 at 4:43 PM

But will it be worth it?

Entelechy on August 14, 2008 at 4:19 PM

In a word: Yep!!!

Dr.Cwac.Cwac on August 14, 2008 at 4:51 PM

wise_man on August 14, 2008 at 2:19 PM

I love that episode!
Right up there with:

Stop eating our young! And it’s pronounced guacamole.”

Frozen Tex on August 14, 2008 at 4:51 PM

If eating Chicken is good for you, then choking the Chicken should be just as good.

Helloyawl on August 14, 2008 at 4:56 PM

I confess, in all honesty, that what I thought I heard Borgnine say didn’t have anything to do with ….. you know.

I thought he said that, “Tova likes to bed alot.”

And I thought the reference to beta males had to do with the fact that Borgnine was not the romantic lead type of actor.

Seems I have missed the party altogether. Oh well.

BigD on August 14, 2008 at 4:59 PM

Ernest hates kittens!!!!!!!!!

- The Cat

MirCat on August 14, 2008 at 5:59 PM

GILLIGAN!!!

Lockstein13 on August 14, 2008 at 6:13 PM

In a word: Yep!!!

Dr.Cwac.Cwac on August 14, 2008 at 4:51 PM

How do you know?

Entelechy on August 14, 2008 at 7:06 PM

I’m going to live forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RobCon on August 14, 2008 at 7:10 PM

Awwww … that’s even cuter than an acoustic band sitting around playing “Viva Viagara.”

He’s got a happy-go-lucky spirit – I think that might be playing a part too!

eucher on August 14, 2008 at 9:25 PM

Oh yes, the young ladies love them some Ernie

The Ugly American on August 14, 2008 at 2:25 PM

Yeah… L.L. Cool E.

MsUnderestimated on August 14, 2008 at 10:51 PM

Mine is shaped like a pistol grip these days… I am immortal.

I have always dug Mr. Borgnine as an actor. I think he’s a great actor and, dare I say, a living legend. I hope he lives another 91 years. Beware of pun… Keep it up Ernest!

Claypigeon on August 14, 2008 at 10:53 PM

Not even going to go to talk about being a seaman in McHale’s Navy.

William Amos on August 14, 2008 at 1:42 PM

That must explain those recurring dreams he has about being in the military. You know, the one where he wakes up with his gun in one hand and his discharge in the other…

Captain Scarlet on August 15, 2008 at 6:35 AM

How do you know?

Entelechy on August 14, 2008 at 7:06 PM

Married (faithfully!) for 11 years…….

I’m married, not dead.

Dr.Cwac.Cwac on August 15, 2008 at 9:43 AM

So that’s why the doctor told me shoulder surgery would take 10 years off my life span!

boomer on August 15, 2008 at 10:26 AM

I’ve always like Ernie Borgnine going back to his McHale’s Navy days. He plays a terrific bad guy too. But to be honest, I thought Borgnine died years ago.

abcurtis on August 15, 2008 at 10:54 AM

About what he whispered in that guy’s ear. Well, this certainly, uh, comes — I mean — sounds like, um, a… relief. Yeah, RELIEF, that’s it!

manwithblackhat on August 15, 2008 at 4:04 PM

Oscar Wilde was right about the Importance of Being Ernest.

sulla on August 15, 2008 at 6:57 PM