Go on and take a hit off that schadenfreude pipe. You know you want to.

The most powerful woman in the history of American politics is suffering a humiliating defeat at the nation’s bookstores, sales figures show.

In her first week at market, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi sold just 2,737 copies of her book KNOW YOUR POWER, according to NIELSEN BOOKSCAN.

The DOUBLEDAY release was launched with a full media push, featuring high profile interviews on TODAYTHEVIEWTHISWEEK…

“The speaker was pre-occupied with house business last week,” a source close to Pelosi explained Thursday morning. “She has now turned her focus to promoting this extraordinary book… doing local signings and speeches. I think we’ll see an uptick.”

Thank goodness there’s no urgent legislative business this month that might distract her from the task of hitting five figures in sales. How to explain this failure of Pelosi-esque proportions? I think it’s the title. The description at Amazon makes it sound like a fairly standard political autobiography, which you’d think would sell well no matter how poorly written it might be given basic public curiosity about the first woman Speaker. The title makes it sound like a self-help paean to “actualization” with all the stomach-churning New Age connotations that might imply. (No wonder the boss is having so much fun with it.) It’s so mindlessly “positive,” in fact, that I’m surprised it hasn’t turned up in an Obama speech yet. Maybe he’s saving it for the convention.

Exit question: Why are hundreds of negative reviews of the book disappearing from Amazon? Conservative critics suggest it’s no accident but reviews of non-political books have been known to disappear too. See also the update here. In all likelihood the deleted comments were rants about Pelosi herself and not the book — which stands to reason. After all, no one’s read it.