Photos: Ain’t no party like a John Kerry party

posted at 9:40 pm on July 29, 2008 by Allahpundit

I held off as long as I could but now the Boston papers are on it, which makes it capital-N News. John Kerry! With younger women! Posing for photos! And one of them was drinking … from a penis-shaped straw!

Kerry’s office demanded TMZ.com change the way it was posting the matter.

“The caption on this TMZ gossip website is completely erroneous and insulting, and it should be immediately corrected. As Sen. Kerry and two friends left dinner at the Straight Warf restaurant on Nantucket and walked down the dock, a large group on a boat recognized Senator Kerry and asked if they could have a photo taken. The group came off the boat and onto the dock, took a photo with Sen. Kerry and his friends, and then Sen. Kerry and his two friends immediately walked away. End of story,” said Kerry spokesperson David Wade.

So Lurch gets “caught” hanging around with a bunch of kids and the most salacious evidence anyone can produce is pictures of him looking typically awkward and confused while everyone else parties? Unless TMZ’s following the Enquirer’s incomprehensible strategy of sitting on their smoking-gun evidence, I dare say he’s getting a bad rap here. Besides, unless any of these girls are multimillionaires, they’re not his type, right? (‘S okay — this political season, “sugar mommy” jokes are in.)

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He should be embarrased he got his picture taken before his monthly Botox shot.
The girls are no where near as damaging as that mile long face.

EJDolbow on July 29, 2008 at 9:43 PM

Yeah, and McCain wants to keep the troops in Iran for 100 years…this is what you get when you delve into this kind of rhetoric.
Sorry, Genghis Khan, thats the way it is when you are caught on tape with girls gone wild…

right2bright on July 29, 2008 at 9:44 PM

That is so 5 hours ago : )

gmoonster on July 29, 2008 at 9:44 PM

Kerry had better stay away from Chappaquiddick. A Kennedy obssession should only be taken so far.

Cicero43 on July 29, 2008 at 9:45 PM

Kerry’s office demanded TMZ.com change the way it was posting the matter.

Lurch needs a better lawyer…like John Edwards!

JetBoy on July 29, 2008 at 9:45 PM

Iran, Iraq, lets call the whole thing off…

right2bright on July 29, 2008 at 9:45 PM

“Staff, who left the doggie-house door open, again? Whoever did, is immediately fired” ~ ~ John Kerry’s 2nd sugar mommy, er Mrs. Heinz

Entelechy on July 29, 2008 at 9:46 PM

He’s such an awkward thing. Imagine having had to look at this for 4-8 years?

I divorced Mr. Bush 43 over shamnesty, but this haughty weirdo would have made me ill, daily.

Rich women can be blind, incredibly.

Entelechy on July 29, 2008 at 9:48 PM

the most salacious evidence anyone can produce is pictures of him looking typically awkward and confused

This is one of the few times I can say “LOL” and genuinely mean it… I laughed out loud. “Typically awkward and confused” nails Kerry in virtually every photo we’ve ever seen him in.

As for the girls, I might be outraged… if even a single one of them was hot.

RightWinged on July 29, 2008 at 9:48 PM

He’s maybe a 4 minute man. Tops.

SouthernGent on July 29, 2008 at 9:52 PM

As for the girls, I might be outraged… if even a single one of them was hot.

RightWinged on July 29, 2008 at 9:48 PM

One of them is hot.

Cicero43 on July 29, 2008 at 9:53 PM

Pretty funny comment from the TMZ page – Slut boated!

Dead Hand Control on July 29, 2008 at 9:53 PM

Lurch needs a better lawyer…like John Edwards!

JetBoy on July 29, 2008 at 9:45 PM

Heh.

Weight of Glory on July 29, 2008 at 9:57 PM

Well, I don’t think anyone’s gonna claim John Kerry got caught partying in a matter reminiscent of Genghis Khan.

Darth Executor on July 29, 2008 at 9:58 PM

This comment sums it up:

Kerry has been SLUT BOATED! LOL. Seriously, where are the minorities in these pictures? Why did Kerry only attend a Whites-Only party?

Pam on July 29, 2008 at 10:03 PM

I think the better question is how TMZ got their grubby mitts on the pics. I guess one of the girls must have sent them in.

malan89 on July 29, 2008 at 10:05 PM

Is it just me, or does Lurch look stoned in these pictures?

Besides, this isn’t the first time he’s been caught in the act.

CultureWar on July 29, 2008 at 10:05 PM

Kerry: sucking PENIS straws with young girls!

carbon_footprint on July 29, 2008 at 10:06 PM

Pam nailed it!

GarandFan on July 29, 2008 at 10:07 PM

Kerry partying, Edwards knocking up a chick, what’s next; Obama hamming it up at a rifle range with some Marines?

- The Cat

MirCat on July 29, 2008 at 10:08 PM

Doesn’t this guy even realize that there is a thing called the internet?

I thought he said he invented it…oops sorry wrong blowhard.

Smart…have your photo taken with a bunch of drunken, loudmouthed, teenagers/twenty somethings then have to have your office put out disclaimers “for the record” how it was just bad timing on his part.

Geez…Mr. war hero, run, do not walk away from these constituents of yours before you hurt yourself. Couldn’t you see this coming.

1GooDDaDDy on July 29, 2008 at 10:08 PM

I think the drunk slut in the green was good to go if Lurch even hinted he was up for it.

Glazed eyes half open – check
Can hardly stand up – check
Flashing her panties – check
Hanging with really fat freinds so she looks better – check

Alden Pyle on July 29, 2008 at 10:10 PM

And one of them was drinking … from a penis-shaped straw!

Something Kerry obviously wouldn’t recognize.

He and the ketchup queen are joined at the vagina.

fogw on July 29, 2008 at 10:13 PM

Hi there fellow bloggers. My name is United States Senator John Forbes Kerry from the great state of Massachusetts. You can call me JFK if you want. I was born on December 11, 1943, although people tell me that I look at least 20 years younger. It’s probably my great hair and rugged good looks.

I graduated from Yale in June 1966 in the top 1% of my class. To earn extra money during the summers, I loaded trucks in a grocery warehouse and sold encyclopedias door to door. That is probably one of the reasons that I am so humble. Over my four years at Yale, I maintained a 96 grade average and received a 101 average in my senior year.

I am one of the most senior members of that grand and much loved and respected institution known as the U.S. Senate. Probably the only living Senator even a little bit greater than me is my dear friend Ted Moore Kennedy. I also have a very high IQ. Very high. At least 250 on a bad day. Much higher than that creep who stole the election from me. I know that he stole it because exit polls are never ever wrong.

I am also a great war hero. I set all kinds of records for heroism when I was in Vietnam. I was grievously wounded at least three times yet continued to insist on staying in the fight when lesser men would have given up. I won the bronze star with extra V’s for extra valor and the Silver Star for defeating a whole battalion of NVA with my bare hands.
Sometimes I feel like a had to carry all the water for those other ungrateful swiftboaters.

I sometimes like to chill out after a long day of serving the American people by having a double martini with my good friend Ted. We usually have a servant bring 21 double martinis. I get one and Ted gets one for each of his fingers and each of his toes. Contrary to what some of my very few enemies say I never marry women for just their money. They must also have a pulse. BTW, did I mention that I was in Vietnam? I was also in Cambodia, so don’t forget that!

I would like to think that I am open minded, honest, polite, heroic and trustworthy. And I appreciate the same qualities in others although I am realistic enough to know that no one else could come close to me.

Turn offs: other politicians who spend more on haircuts than I do. That is just not right.

Who I’d like to meet:
…other progressive bloggers. Other great war heroes who hate that damn S-T-U-P-I-D Texan in the White House and those lying sons of #itcher swiftboat bastardos whose pants are on fire! Cool people who live close to either Washington D.C. or Boston so that we can get together, talk about you for about 30 seconds and then spend about 9 hours talking about me. Young women who like to party like it’s 1999 are especially welcome. BTW, did I mention that I was in Vietnam and Cambodia? Just one more BTW, if anyone has found my magic hat please return to me.

MB4 on July 29, 2008 at 10:13 PM

A politician in a primary fight of his life is going to walk up to a group of obviously drunk young girls partying and agree to have his picture taken. He was stiff and playing with young girls and got busted. End of story.

TheBigOldDog on July 29, 2008 at 10:16 PM

Kerry is surrounded by hot girls and has a look on his face like he is completely out of his element.

GogglesPisano on July 29, 2008 at 10:18 PM

He’s maybe a 4 minute man. Tops.

SouthernGent on July 29, 2008 at 9:52 PM

I oughta hunt you down for planting that image in my mind.

baldilocks on July 29, 2008 at 10:19 PM

pictures of him looking typically awkward and confused while everyone else parties?

He looks loaded to me.

peacenprosperity on July 29, 2008 at 10:21 PM

He looks loaded to me.

peacenprosperity on July 29, 2008 at 10:21 PM

His wife is the one who is loaded. Oh, you meant the other kind of loaded.

MB4 on July 29, 2008 at 10:23 PM

Pam on July 29, 2008 at 10:03 PM

Yes, I wondered whether the commenter was a wandering Hottie.

mikeyboss on July 29, 2008 at 10:24 PM

peacenprosperity on July 29, 2008 at 10:21 PM

He looks wasted out of his mid. Look at the heavy eyelids. The only way a politician gets caught like that when he’s in the middle of the primary fight of his life is if he’s loaded out of his mind.

TheBigOldDog on July 29, 2008 at 10:25 PM

Slut boated. LMAO.

Seriously, he’s getting a bum rap here …

Halp me, Im John Kerry.

No seriously, he is ….

Dusty on July 29, 2008 at 10:26 PM

Oh crap – I am also completely out of my element when surrounded by hot girls… but wait, doesn’t Kerry look like that all of the time?!

drunyan8315 on July 29, 2008 at 10:27 PM

I was against going down to the dock before I was for it.

Definitely a bum rap …

Dusty on July 29, 2008 at 10:28 PM

Sorry, I’ve after 7.5 years of watching Democratic Bullshyte, I’ve now adopted THEIR “standards” when scandals crop up involving a member of the opposite party:

GUILTY, until proven Innocent…then STILL Guilty!

Dale in Atlanta on July 29, 2008 at 10:28 PM

Halp me, Im John Kerry.

No seriously, he is ….

Dusty on July 29, 2008 at 10:26 PM

“Halp me John Kerry, I’m stuck in a rack!”

JetBoy on July 29, 2008 at 10:28 PM

I’m John Kerry and I’m reporting for BOOTY!

TheBigOldDog on July 29, 2008 at 10:28 PM

I thought senators were supposed to act dignified.
What a booze hound.

Beto Ochoa on July 29, 2008 at 10:30 PM

[TheBigOldDog on July 29, 2008 at 10:28 PM]

ROTFLAG

Dusty on July 29, 2008 at 10:31 PM

Dale in Atlanta on July 29, 2008 at 10:28 PM

ROFLMAO! Welcome to the club Dale! Judge them by their own standards.

TheBigOldDog on July 29, 2008 at 10:32 PM

I thought senators were supposed to act dignified.
What a booze booty hound.

Beto Ochoa on July 29, 2008 at 10:30 PM

TheBigOldDog on July 29, 2008 at 10:34 PM

Those chacks are NOT hot. Most importantly they are all, to put it gently, plump. Add in the tacky hair, 80′s outfits, cheap jewelry, swilling beer from a can, Paris Hilton facial impressions and they look like walking petrie dishes.

However when compared to the cheeky and segzie Terezzza…I can see why he’s giving it a shot.

Alden Pyle on July 29, 2008 at 10:36 PM

They loved how he moved his hands when he talked.

Beto Ochoa on July 29, 2008 at 10:37 PM

Drunk Girl #1: Hey *hic* look!…it’s that *hic* reporting for dooty *hic* guy!

Penis Straw Girl: OMG *hic* he was like SO *hic* stolen from the erection!

Drunk Guy #3: Hey *burp* Brianna…you should…you should…yeah *burp* like…do it to *burp*…..HAHAHAHAHAHA….WASTED!!!

Lurch: ……

The Ugly American on July 29, 2008 at 10:39 PM

The Ugly American on July 29, 2008 at 10:39 PM

I’m still laughing!

TheBigOldDog on July 29, 2008 at 10:41 PM

Wow. Those pictures! Looks like he’s been hittin’ the bong too.

Beto Ochoa on July 29, 2008 at 10:42 PM

Yeah he’s getting a bad rap. He’s still a doof.

Maxx on July 29, 2008 at 10:43 PM

Top 10 reasons why Kerry got caught with these girls:

1) Booty called
2) Nixon sent him there!
3) He was trying to save them from the damn Vietcong!
4) He was trying to get help for the pet hamster that just fell overboard
5) He had to inform the poor girls Senator Kennedy wouldn’t be able to make it

TheBigOldDog on July 29, 2008 at 10:44 PM

BTW, between this “Waffle’s House” and your previous “Stump the Band” lines, AP, how you keep riding the crest day-in day-out is truly amazing.

Dusty on July 29, 2008 at 10:45 PM

Wow. Those pictures! Looks like he’s been hittin’ the bong too.

Beto Ochoa on July 29, 2008 at 10:42 PM

One of them new ones with the penis shaped mouthpiece?

TheBigOldDog on July 29, 2008 at 10:46 PM

6) He volunteered because he was bilingual.

Dusty on July 29, 2008 at 10:49 PM

7) He thought they looked remarkably like his daughter.

Alden Pyle on July 29, 2008 at 10:51 PM

Meanwhile,back at the ketchup factory,
Heinz,has been in the production area,
with a fork lift,on a tirade and uncontrollable
rants,and on a smashing spree!

Now we take you to,Bend over Backwards News!

If Heinz is not stopped soon,over the love lost
escapade of John Kerry,who for some unknown
reason has been on a debauchery and drunken
party hardy ordeal,the market is starting
to panic,over the loss of Ketchup!

Furthermore,it is rumoured that there has
been ketchup hoarding,and at least 35 are
more injured so far, in confrontations at
various grocery store!

More fake news as it comes in !hahahah:)

Got to love it,Kerry is just updating his
resume’ for the Liberal Democratic Party!hehe:)

canopfor on July 29, 2008 at 10:59 PM

Evidently, Lurch is quite the entertainer.

CliffHanger on July 29, 2008 at 11:00 PM

Kerry looks hammered.

Topsecretk9 on July 29, 2008 at 11:08 PM

“Wanna shee my sheecret hat?”

Bingo on July 29, 2008 at 11:10 PM

I’ll bet this is seared, seared into his memory.
Or he can’t remember a damn thing that happened.

Beto Ochoa on July 29, 2008 at 11:13 PM

“Wanna shee (hic) my shee (hic) sheecret hat?”

Bingo on July 29, 2008 at 11:14 PM

Me thinks,Lurch will be Swift-Ketchup-Boated,oh my!:)

canopfor on July 29, 2008 at 11:16 PM

a large group on a boat recognized Senator Kerry and asked if they could have a photo taken.

Swift thinking.

Shy Guy on July 29, 2008 at 11:17 PM

Is Lurch a pedophile?

Chakra Hammer on July 29, 2008 at 11:28 PM

Ok so some under cover covert Republican dirty tricks operatives ambushed Kerry, and got photos…..

No wait…some under cover Clinton operatives ….

no wait, who did Kerry endorse??

rockhauler on July 29, 2008 at 11:29 PM

“I actually did go to Hooters, before I didn’t”

or better yet…

“… whispered sweet nothings in ears, got a little head, tape booby tassels to human breasts and turned some music on, cut off bikini straps, blew up dolls, randomly groped civilians, raised beers in fashion reminiscent of a frat party…”

RightWinged on July 29, 2008 at 11:31 PM

I’ll bet he was just hoping one of these fine young ladies could tell him where he could “git me a huntin’ license.” Or maybe a philly cheesesteak with lots of yummy mozarella.

Cicero43 on July 29, 2008 at 11:32 PM

I’ll bet he was just hoping one of these fine young ladies could tell him where he could “git me a huntin’ license.” Or maybe a philly cheesesteak with lots of yummy mozarella.

Cicero43 on July 29, 2008 at 11:32 PM

It was Swiss. see your point tho

carbon_footprint on July 29, 2008 at 11:57 PM

Does he have his purple heart on?

elifino on July 30, 2008 at 6:03 AM

Hmm,

John Kerry is:

1) Looking to become the next Hugh Hefner.
2) Scoping out his next meal ticket
3) Recovering from his brainectomy.

evilned on July 30, 2008 at 6:07 AM

The bimbo eruption was just imitating an old BeeGee;s tune when they saw the heroic senator: “I Started a JoKe”.

onlineanalyst on July 30, 2008 at 6:17 AM

Hey John… Why the long face?

Bootleghooch on July 30, 2008 at 6:56 AM

Does he have his purple heart on?
elifino on July 30, 2008 at 6:03 AM

Has he ever had a “heart on”? Ahem…

I guess the gals on the Love Boat were dazzled by Jawn’s better hair and had to medicate themselves with booze after experiencing that heart-stopping excitement.

onlineanalyst on July 30, 2008 at 7:13 AM

If he’s not hammered, I’d suggest he’d better seek medical attention.

hillbillyjim on July 30, 2008 at 7:34 AM

Yeah, dude! Party at the Kerrys!

You bring the ketchup packs, I’ll bring the Botox!

pilamaye on July 30, 2008 at 7:48 AM

Does he have his purple heart on?

elifino on July 30, 2008 at 6:03 AM

..”heart on”. heh heh, that’s funny, you should be writing for Leno.

Alden Pyle on July 30, 2008 at 7:59 AM

He is taking over for Ted Kennedy…

ctmom on July 30, 2008 at 8:50 AM

Take away Theresa’s money and this clown goes back to the streets. As long as he keeps her on her “meds” she’ll be fine.

volsense on July 30, 2008 at 8:54 AM

“Hey, where’re the vjj-shaped straws?” -John F. Kerry.

Akzed on July 30, 2008 at 8:58 AM

He’s ready to serve!

Torch on July 30, 2008 at 9:12 AM

“I actually did go to Hooters, before I didn’t”

Hey! I like Hooters.

peacenprosperity on July 30, 2008 at 9:55 AM

He’s ready to be served!

Torch on July 30, 2008 at 9:12 AM

Fixed it.

1GooDDaDDy on July 30, 2008 at 9:58 AM

He be rollin’ they be hatin’

lodestonejames on July 30, 2008 at 9:59 AM

Has Kerry had a stroke? His eyes seem to be going in different directions.

abcurtis on July 30, 2008 at 10:10 AM

I don’t get why he’s upset. Did anyone seriously believe this was anything other than what he’s claiming it is? I mean did anyone really think those girls would ever or were then actually partying with him?

Esthier on July 30, 2008 at 10:26 AM

BTW, how did Senator Kerry get stuck with “Lurch”? Why?

Sir Napsalot on July 30, 2008 at 2:48 PM

Sir Napsalot

Due to his striking resemblance to the butler from the old Addams Family tv show.

Del Dolemonte on July 30, 2008 at 7:08 PM