Video: The worst first pitch in history
posted at 6:03 pm on May 29, 2008 by Allahpundit
So pathetic that I’m tempted to say she practiced it, which wouldn’t surprise me. Carey’s always demonstrated a weird compulsion about, shall we say, showcasing her femininity; even here, she felt obliged to go with the cut-offs and six-inch heels for the very sexy endeavor of throwing a pitch. A fastball down the heart of the plate would be just a wee bit butch, but this? Gawjuss.
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Holy hell. That will make me a bit less harsh on the Twins’ bullpen.
Grafted on May 29, 2008 at 6:05 PM
Baseball is not a sport.
VolMagic on May 29, 2008 at 6:05 PM
BANNED, SUCKA.
Allahpundit on May 29, 2008 at 6:06 PM
That was a slam-dunk.
Mr. Bingley on May 29, 2008 at 6:07 PM
You get what you pay for. I still like GW’s pitch post 9/11.
You mean, it’s not just a sport – it’s a piece of Americana.
Spirit of 1776 on May 29, 2008 at 6:08 PM
20th Century = “You throw like a girl.”
21st Century = “You throw like Mariah Carey.”
At least we’re getting more specific.
Meric1837 on May 29, 2008 at 6:08 PM
Bet she can kick a soccer ball 60 yards into an empty net like the other girls.
Wade on May 29, 2008 at 6:12 PM
Her implants got in the way.
tx2654 on May 29, 2008 at 6:13 PM
Better than Obama’s bowling.
Chuck Schick on May 29, 2008 at 6:14 PM
She’s still tougher than an NFL kicker.
Dave Rywall on May 29, 2008 at 6:14 PM
All that time with Jeter and ….
Aw forget it
sweeper on May 29, 2008 at 6:15 PM
Almost as bad as the Cincinnati Mayor’s pitch.
stonemeister on May 29, 2008 at 6:17 PM
The catcher now has herpes on his hands.
mattshu on May 29, 2008 at 6:17 PM
She was in a stadium? She threw a ball? I, uh, wasn’t looking at, you know, her surroundings or what she was actually doing with her, uh, hands.
Rod on May 29, 2008 at 6:18 PM
Oh come on. It is New England’s version of NASCAR. A very flimsy reason for large numbers of people to gather and get drunk. A social event, maybe. A sport? No.
VolMagic on May 29, 2008 at 6:21 PM
Ditz
jake-the-goose on May 29, 2008 at 6:21 PM
That made my day.
hepcat on May 29, 2008 at 6:21 PM
Mariah is a baka (idiot)! She makes us gals look bad!
jencab on May 29, 2008 at 6:22 PM
They should have invited Ace’s favorite Japanese bikini model.
Attila (Pillage Idiot) on May 29, 2008 at 6:23 PM
And suddenly he wants to play shortstop!
gridlock2 on May 29, 2008 at 6:26 PM
AHHHHHAHHAAHAHAHA
Zetterson on May 29, 2008 at 6:27 PM
The Mets suck.
Bring it on.
MadisonConservative on May 29, 2008 at 6:30 PM
Right on. That’s why millions of kids ran to the playgrounds over the generations – to get together and get drunk. Good call.
And blame the East Coast thing on the Yankees and ESPN.
Spirit of 1776 on May 29, 2008 at 6:31 PM
Hard to get a good arm angle with this stuff in the way.
But that accent! Ouch.
SteveMG on May 29, 2008 at 6:36 PM
Warning: Above is NSFW.
SteveMG on May 29, 2008 at 6:36 PM
My son works as a lifeguard. That pic IS his work!
stonemeister on May 29, 2008 at 6:38 PM
Say, wasn’t Allah’s favorite Yankee involved with Mariah at one point?
Attila (Pillage Idiot) on May 29, 2008 at 6:39 PM
Immediately afterwards, Omar Minaya offered her a 4 year deal.
Kid from Brooklyn on May 29, 2008 at 6:41 PM
To be fair, John Kerry pitches just as well.
i b squidly on May 29, 2008 at 6:43 PM
And yes, Pillage, Teh Captain ran through that.
Kid from Brooklyn on May 29, 2008 at 6:43 PM
She is awesome at her craft, and that is good enough for me.
TheSitRep on May 29, 2008 at 6:46 PM
Got a lot of movement on that sinker.
jdpaz on May 29, 2008 at 6:47 PM
As a pitcher she’s a heckuva singer.
dedalus on May 29, 2008 at 6:47 PM
Can she spit? If yes, she’s more than halfway there.
freevillage on May 29, 2008 at 6:47 PM
Regarding her dress, I think she was just knowing her crowd.
I know I loves me some whore with my baseball.
Hoodlumman on May 29, 2008 at 6:48 PM
That’s not very nice LOL. funny, but not very nice
funky chicken on May 29, 2008 at 6:49 PM
Did she sing at halftime?
Janna on May 29, 2008 at 6:49 PM
Not even Tina Turner could throw a decent pitch in those heels.
tmitsss on May 29, 2008 at 6:53 PM
A third of the league if foreign born, who can relate? Baseball has it’s eternal fans, but the World Series ratings suck for a reason. The Superbowl on the otherhand, is booming. Callege and Pro, the sport is getting biger and bigger. Football is now America’s game.
Theworldisnotenough on May 29, 2008 at 6:59 PM
Well, it’s called World Series.
freevillage on May 29, 2008 at 7:03 PM
With or without the six-inch heels?
manwithblackhat on May 29, 2008 at 7:03 PM
I guess I’m the only one that doesn’t like Carey, never liked her, never will like her….. stupid looking shoes and goofy walk…. Oh and uh Gooooo Phillies! Yeah I watch the Twinkies, too
MNDavenotPC on May 29, 2008 at 7:03 PM
There is no halftime in a baseball game.
Buford on May 29, 2008 at 7:04 PM
So then she sing after the two minute warning…
SPCOlympics on May 29, 2008 at 7:06 PM
Ha, twins bullpen, those are some great looking “twins”.
right2bright on May 29, 2008 at 7:07 PM
Anybody who can play the game, or understand the game can relate.
But I don’t disagree. Football is the dominant sport now, and basketball behind that I expect. But baseball still is a thing of beauty, and is ingrained with American culture over decades in a way that other sports have yet to reach (not to say that they won’t).
Spirit of 1776 on May 29, 2008 at 7:08 PM
Without a “wardrobe malfunction” what exactly is the frickin point here?!
HUH!!!
catmman on May 29, 2008 at 7:15 PM
She’s almost 40 years old and has about a 30mph fastball. She’d fit right in among the Mets’ starting pitchers.
innominatus on May 29, 2008 at 7:20 PM
I KNOW she’s got a better ERA than the Mariners pitching staff. She can pitch to me any time.
My collie says:
Well, I guess in THAT case, she’ll have to “kiss it and make it better.”
CyberCipher on May 29, 2008 at 7:27 PM
Ooooh, aren’t you a precious little pony!
How’s the unicorn collection?
(I kid, I kid!)
No, seriously, she sucks.
SouthernDem on May 29, 2008 at 7:28 PM
Spirit of 1776 on May 29, 2008 at 7:08 PM
Right on brother… I love football, but baseball is America’s sport.
Go Cards!!, and Rams!!
One thing President Bush does get right though, he can throw.. That pitch in Yankee stadium after 9-11 was a thing of beauty…
(Mariah needs a deflation).
stlpatriot on May 29, 2008 at 7:31 PM
Subjecting one’s self to the noise, heat, vibration, and constriction of a NASCAR cockpit for hundreds of laps without rest at least requires physical endurance and mental focus. Baseball players spend a significant portion of each game sitting on their duffs in nicely-shaded dugouts spitting into cups.
Blacklake on May 29, 2008 at 7:33 PM
You forgot scratching their nether-regions and picking their noses (in addition to all that spitting).
My collie says:
CyberCipher on May 29, 2008 at 7:43 PM
until i read the comments, i had no idea who the chick was. do you people really recognize these celebri-freaks? amazing.
DrW on May 29, 2008 at 7:44 PM
I’m about as out-of-touch on pop culture as a 98-year-old Franciscan nun with Alzheimers. But even I know who Mariah Carey is.
SteveMG on May 29, 2008 at 7:56 PM
Don’t be ridiculous. That’s not the worst first pitch in history.
This is the worst first pitch in history:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=sVMiJdHTfUo
Unless you think Mallory meant to throw a curve.
NCC on May 29, 2008 at 8:00 PM
Me too. I kinda figured she wasn’t a brain surgeon.
Zorro on May 29, 2008 at 8:00 PM
I have to agree with you.
Mariah Carey’s pitch reminded me of John Kerry’s, except Mariah had more heat.
fogw on May 29, 2008 at 8:08 PM
I’m guessing you’ve never been to a game. Baseball players spitting into cups? Sounds like you’re imagining what a baseball game would be like.
Spirit of 1776 on May 29, 2008 at 8:11 PM
Exact same thing I thought.
apacalyps on May 29, 2008 at 8:12 PM
Bigger than Elvis
Dudley Smith on May 29, 2008 at 8:15 PM
Maybe she thought she was bowling. After all, a pitcher is called a bowler in British cricket.
Steve Z on May 29, 2008 at 8:20 PM
Never. Mariah doesn’t come close. Presley is the most succesful solo artist of all time. He rocks. Take it away Elvis.
apacalyps on May 29, 2008 at 8:35 PM
Dude. She’s sold way over 100 million records and had more number one hits than any woman in history. She’s second only to the frickin’ Beatles. More than the King himself.
That doesn’t make her any less of a celebrifreak, as you so eloquently put it. But you’ve got to be living under a rock not to know who she is.
Unless Elvis Presley and the Beatles are unfamiliar to you.
Professor Blather on May 29, 2008 at 8:42 PM
mmmm sugar britches.
Alden Pyle on May 29, 2008 at 8:44 PM
I was going to suggest that she be killed immediately. But then I had a great idea: How about she throw out the first pitch at the World Series, but it be a bomb (disguised as a baseball) instead, with Madonna as the catcher!?
Drum on May 29, 2008 at 8:51 PM
I’m willing to bet a paycheck she’s better at the National Anthem than the National Pastime.
BillH on May 29, 2008 at 8:54 PM
True enough- at least she got it to the catcher.
BillH on May 29, 2008 at 8:56 PM
She’s probably as frigid as the place where I store my Buds. Papa didn’t give her enough hugs.
Drum on May 29, 2008 at 8:57 PM
No kidding. Here is one such performance.
Spirit of 1776 on May 29, 2008 at 8:57 PM
who was looking at the pitch? She’s still eye candy, pretty hot stuff for an old broad who used to be a good singer.
Alden Pyle on May 29, 2008 at 8:58 PM
She throws like a blogger.
Rhinoboy on May 29, 2008 at 8:58 PM
Gives real meaning to the expression ‘throwing like a girl’. In those outrageous shoes, she’s lucky she didn’t fall down and break a leg.
docdave on May 29, 2008 at 8:59 PM
Come on. I’m pretty sure I saw her in one of those handouts on the strip in Vegas.
Drum on May 29, 2008 at 8:59 PM
Remember, this was in Japan…she gave the folks exactly what they wanted.
p40tiger on May 29, 2008 at 9:09 PM
Oh, how the righteous have fallen! Pick anything by Ella, Judy Garland, Julie London, Shirley Bassey, Pearl Bailey, Billy Holiday, at random and you have a million times more valuable and worthy of conserving!
Here’s BH singing about dead people hanging from trees. Not sure Mariah’s ever touched on that subject. Too busy checking out the size of her a** probably or her lates t*t job.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4ZyuULy9zs
Drum on May 29, 2008 at 9:16 PM
Difference of opinion, I guess. I’d rather hear the SSB sang badly then 10 other songs sung well.
Spirit of 1776 on May 29, 2008 at 9:22 PM
I played baseball from age 5 to age 18.
I haven’t watched a game since The Strike That Killed The World Series. They’re a bunch of cheaters.
And, I think the culture is moving away from baseball. It’s too slow, too cerebral. Yucky.
misterpeasea on May 29, 2008 at 9:22 PM
No, difference of value. There is no argument and it is not a matter of opinion. Art gave us Ella. Opinion gives us Mariah. Sorry.
Drum on May 29, 2008 at 9:23 PM
Could it be Hari Carey,er I mean Mariah
was wearing the wrong spikes contributing
to the botched pitch,or maybe she never
threw a baseball before!
canopfor on May 29, 2008 at 9:24 PM
Yeah, the strike was horrible for baseball. Personally, I think the game has been mismanaged.
As far as your point re: culture. I agree there, though I wish it weren’t so. I don’t think any other sport creates an opportunity for father-son (or father-daughter, or whatever) bonding like baseball. The sport is broken up in a way that there is time between pitches/play…enough for a father to explain what’s going on – the intricacies, the strategy, how to keep a boxscore, etc, whereas other sports generally move too fast. And that appeal, not to be cynical, but that appeal just doesn’t exist to the extent it used to, imho.
Spirit of 1776 on May 29, 2008 at 9:30 PM
Value of art is opinion.
Spirit of 1776 on May 29, 2008 at 9:30 PM
I bet she’s a great catcher with that HOT, YOUNG man she’s married to. Nick Cannon is HOT!
SouthernGent on May 29, 2008 at 9:46 PM
Are hookers allowed on the field. That’s what she looked like…..
sMack on May 29, 2008 at 10:09 PM
She throws a pitch like she holds a pitch.
I can’t stand Miss Melisma.
Mr. Bingley on May 29, 2008 at 10:24 PM
Preemptive strike against any lesbian accusations. If she’d drilled one in it might be “Hey, did she ever play softball?”
eeyore on May 29, 2008 at 10:27 PM
You can make a case that the strategy of football is considerably more complex.
vonspringer on May 29, 2008 at 10:30 PM
That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever read. Period.
Ok, I wouldn’t think she was sexy anymore if she had tossed in a 90mph fast-ball. Ms Carey, pleases do the following in this order:
Sing.
Look hot.
sing more.
look more hot.
repeat.
Claypigeon on May 29, 2008 at 10:35 PM
heh heh, pretty funny.
surrounded on May 29, 2008 at 11:25 PM
Was this some prostitute pitchin’ woo??????
DfDeportation on May 29, 2008 at 11:33 PM
She still screwin’ that old jewish dude???
DfDeportation on May 29, 2008 at 11:34 PM
“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
–Mariah Carey–
nuff’ said.
awake on May 29, 2008 at 11:58 PM
Thats the same thought that I had.. :D
Chakra Hammer on May 30, 2008 at 12:15 AM
John Kerry/Mariah Carey whats the difference.. ?:D
Chakra Hammer on May 30, 2008 at 12:17 AM
She went all Obama there on us. Dude!
Bowling for dollars.
Mojave Mark on May 30, 2008 at 1:57 AM
The pitcher asked, “Is this the right glove to use to protect me from STDs?
Tim Burton on May 30, 2008 at 2:40 AM
Genius. She’s almost of Miss South Carolina caliber.
labrat on May 30, 2008 at 2:57 AM
fuck it. I’d still bang her like the big bass drum.
docweasel on May 30, 2008 at 4:45 AM
I was waiting for her high leg-kick.
Maybe she should have gone into the s-t-r-e-t-c-h position.
Actually, I think she committed a balk.
ba da boom.
Always Right on May 30, 2008 at 5:11 AM
wow. Only in Japan could she have received polite audience appreciation. I think laughs and boos would have rained down from the stands in the states.
moxie_neanderthal on May 30, 2008 at 6:05 AM
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