Video: Eric Cartman as Jaime Escalante?

posted at 5:05 pm on April 10, 2008 by Ed Morrissey

South Park satires can be hit or miss, and last night’s was both at the same time. One plot had Mr(s). Garrison wanting to reverse his/her sex-change operation and contracting with a bioengineering firm to grow a new, er, extremity on the back of a mouse. That went nowhere in particular, but the subplot involving Cartman was a riot. If you’ve watched Stand and Deliver a couple dozen times courtesy of HBO, the takeoff is hilarious:

It’s so inspiring.Watch the full episode here to see whether Cartman finally reaches these keeeeds.

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Yeah, I watched it last night…I agree totally that the “Mr. Garrison” thing was nothing great, the Cartman story was perfect…I especially loved how he kept on about Bill Belicheck and the Pats as cheaters.

‘Cause they are!

JetBoy on April 10, 2008 at 5:10 PM

Would have been great if someone had finished a sentence for him or something because they got the material ahead of time and Cartman yelled at them.

OneGyT on April 10, 2008 at 5:11 PM

Maybe its just cause im still giggeling about “I’m not your fwend, guy” but this was a bit of a let-down. Oh well, there’s always next Wednesday.

VolMagic on April 10, 2008 at 5:11 PM

Yes, it was quite good.

I thought the Garrison sub-plot brought up a good point about people regretting making those drastic decisions.

exhelodrvr on April 10, 2008 at 5:12 PM

How can i reach these keeeeds?

hilarious.

rosewaning on April 10, 2008 at 5:19 PM

If you’ve watched Stand and Deliver a couple dozen times courtesy of HBO, the takeoff is hilarious:

So that’s what it was spoofing- I’ve never watched the movie but knew it was a parody of something.

It was a pretty good episode, though Garrison chasing the, uh, mouse around was lame.

Hollowpoint on April 10, 2008 at 5:23 PM

I actually researched the ongoing scandal this morning. Seems that this asst. golf pro in Hawaii who used to be the Patriots film guy has been begging the NFL to listen to his story. They keep putting him off and keep trying to bury the story for obvious reasons. Arlen Specter said if the NFL doesn’t allow him to publicly testify that he will.

THE CHOSEN ONE on April 10, 2008 at 5:25 PM

JetBoy on April 10, 2008 at 5:10 PM

No if you cheat and win you are savvy like Belichik; if you cheat and lose you are a cheater like Mangini

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 5:31 PM

‘Cause they are!

JetBoy on April 10, 2008 at 5:10 PM

Which is why it was sweet to see the NY Giants win the Supberbowl – and I never root for the Giants, but I did this time.

foxforce91 on April 10, 2008 at 5:31 PM

I disagree about the Garrison plot, but maybe that’s just because it’s annoyed me that people keep saying that a man is having a baby when in fact the person just looks and possibly acts like a man.

Esthier on April 10, 2008 at 5:44 PM

Bill Billlichickk!!

Chakra Hammer on April 10, 2008 at 5:51 PM

I especially loved how he kept on about Bill Belicheck and the Pats as cheaters.

‘Cause they are!

JetBoy on April 10, 2008 at 5:10 PM

No. He misinterpreted the rules. Say it with me.”I misinterpreted the rules.”

Vote Sauron 08 on April 10, 2008 at 5:51 PM

The last line of the episode made it for me.

muyoso on April 10, 2008 at 5:52 PM

I disagree about the Garrison plot, but maybe that’s just because it’s annoyed me that people keep saying that a man is having a baby when in fact the person just looks and possibly acts like a man.

Esthier on April 10, 2008 at 5:44 PM

But that’s the point they made- that if you can have babies, you’re a woman. Of course they did it in an over the top way, but that’s South Park.

Hollowpoint on April 10, 2008 at 5:58 PM

If my TV had a flush handle like a toilet, South Park is one show I’d use it on.

whitetop on April 10, 2008 at 5:58 PM

Eek, A Penis!

This episode was great.

Complete7 on April 10, 2008 at 6:02 PM

I love South Park. I’ll have to make sure and catch this one tonight.
Go Patriots!!
And yes, I do feel like I was kicked in the stomach.
Colts are great too.

Geronimo on April 10, 2008 at 6:43 PM

I see a ‘Coach Carter’ reference in there. Great movie.

Tony737 on April 10, 2008 at 6:56 PM

A rip on Dangerous Minds, Freedom Writers, Stand and Deliver, and every other coach and/or teacher trying to “reeech theseee keeeddss” movie. It was awesome.

That went nowhere in particular,

The whole point was that women are afraid of penises and they made it. But they could have done a little more with it. I’m still proud to watch the only show that would rip on the New Lieland Cheatriots and feature run away penises in the same episode. You stay classy, Matt and Trey j/k.

malan89 on April 10, 2008 at 7:02 PM

I especially loved how he kept on about Bill Belicheck and the Pats as cheaters.

That’s what happens when a couple of Broncos fans control the narrative…

odrady on April 10, 2008 at 7:14 PM

And, by the way, VolMagic… I’m not your buddy, guy!

odrady on April 10, 2008 at 7:19 PM

I actually researched the ongoing scandal this morning. Seems that this asst. golf pro in Hawaii who used to be the Patriots film guy has been begging the NFL to listen to his story. They keep putting him off and keep trying to bury the story for obvious reasons. Arlen Specter said if the NFL doesn’t allow him to publicly testify that he will.

THE CHOSEN ONE on April 10, 2008 at 5:25 PM

Actually, I think the reason the he hasn’t come forward is because he wants complete imunity from prosecution apparently his “evidence” may be enough to get him sued/prosecuted his credability is not all great(he was caught, and fired for taping conversations between coaches). Also, the only reason Specter is interested is because he is a big fan of the Eagles, and the Pats beat them in the Superbowl a couple of years ago. He even said that was the case on a Boston sports radio talk show soon after the Superbowl

striper1 on April 10, 2008 at 7:19 PM

striper1 on April 10, 2008 at 7:19 PM

I think he was one of Mangini’s boyz. The Jets, by the way are the ones who turned them in, don’t want to talk about it either. Hmmmm. Seems he doesn’t want his own practices to beat his jets, but doesn’t want it to indict him either. Nice Try. Now we know why Belichek doesn’t like Mangini. It’s all going to come out. Remember, it’s never the crime, but the cover up.

THE CHOSEN ONE on April 10, 2008 at 7:26 PM

striper1 on April 10, 2008 at 7:19 PM

Not to mention that if he indeed did this under the orders of Pats personnel he would be in possession of stolen property and subject to prosecution; same way Mangini could have been held legally responsible for stealing Pats playbooks when he left.

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 7:33 PM

The penis doing the Fival impression, singing at the moon, is seared, seared, into my memory!

TBinSTL on April 10, 2008 at 7:35 PM

And, by the way, VolMagic… I’m not your buddy, guy!

odrady on April 10, 2008 at 7:19 PM

He’s not your guy, friend!

doubleplusundead on April 10, 2008 at 7:56 PM

He’s not your guy, friend!

doubleplusundead on April 10, 2008 at 7:56 PM

He’s not your friend, buddy. heh…gotta keep this going…

No. He misinterpreted the rules. Say it with me.”I misinterpreted the rules.”

Vote Sauron 08 on April 10, 2008 at 5:51 PM

heh…If only tho…

No if you cheat and win you are savvy like Belichik; if you cheat and lose you are a cheater like Mangini

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 5:31 PM

That really was a good SP. But…Belicheat didn’t win last season…so that makes HIM a cheater. Mangini never cheated btw…The only evidence of that, is the Pats saying he did the previous year, but they just let it go…yeah, right.

JetBoy on April 10, 2008 at 8:20 PM

The only evidence of that, is the Pats saying he did the previous year

Actually the evidence is that the Jets front office denied they did it in the endzone, then Mangini said he had “permission” months later. Liar.

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 8:26 PM

Actually the evidence is that the Jets front office denied they did it in the endzone, then Mangini said he had “permission” months later. Liar.

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 8:26 PM

Oh, brother. If the Jets were even the least bit guilty of doing anything in violation of NFL rules, and the Pat’s knew about it, they most certainly would have demanded an investigation. Any team would.

But lo…which team lost draft picks, paid fines, and were found guilty? That’s right…the Cheatriots. Look…even South Park knows it!

JetBoy on April 10, 2008 at 8:42 PM

so that makes HIM a cheater.

And considering he was the most scrutinized coach of all last season, and all but a few retarded accusations from clueless loser fans and grandstanding loser senators that have no basis in reality, I would consider BB far from a cheater. It’s really sad to see FB fans in such denial.

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 8:43 PM

Dude, what’s your lil name for the Niners this year? Or is it only teams that make your “Pro” team look like AA highschool freshmen!!!

Dude, your coach tried to steal playbooks, is that not cheating? If he didn’t try to tape, why the excuses?

BB didn’t run to the league and cry because he knows it’s part of the game (right or wrong) at least he’s man enough to deal with it rather than cry about it.

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 8:50 PM

It’s really sad to see FB fans in such denial.

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 8:43 PM

It sure is.

Dude, your coach tried to steal playbooks, is that not cheating? If he didn’t try to tape, why the excuses?

BB didn’t run to the league and cry because he knows it’s part of the game (right or wrong) at least he’s man enough to deal with it rather than cry about it.

IF Mangini tried to steal playbooks…or tape illegally…and AGAIN, if the Pats knew this, why didn’t they say anything? You really believe they just turned the other cheek? Not a chance. They only came up with that story after the ‘rots WERE caught cheating.

I ask again tho…Who got fined? Who got penalized? Who will go down in football history as being “cheaters”?

The Patriots, that’s who.

Cheating cheaters.

JetBoy on April 10, 2008 at 9:00 PM

I just thought of something…it was the Ravens coach…Billick…who made the claim that Mangini cheated. But still…I say “yeah, right.”

JetBoy on April 10, 2008 at 9:07 PM

Who will go down in football history as being “cheaters”?

The Niners
The Steelers
The Boys
The Broncos
and yes the Pats
to name a few,

They only came up with that story after the ‘rots WERE caught cheating.

Who broke the story and when?
Week two they mentioned it, Jets denied it, week ten they they said they had “permission” (which contradicts the earlier denial). Why lie if you aren’t trying to hide something.

Pats took their medicine like men, can’t say that about the Jets. Their not only cheaters but liars as well.

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 9:08 PM

IF Mangini tried to steal playbooks…or tape illegally…and AGAIN, if the Pats knew this, why didn’t they say anything?

Because unlike ya’ll they are men who deal with things like men rather than run crying to mommy (the commish). BB is old school who is well aware of the crap going on behind the scenes, he knows subterfuge has long been a part of the game and counters it with his own.

There is a fine line between sportmanship and outright cheating and obviously the league thought BB crossed it, but don’t kid yourself and think this kind of crap doesn’t go on with every team in the NFL, just makes you look like a Jets fan…oh wait!!!

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 9:18 PM

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 9:18 PM

Of course…BB is “old school”…an old school cheater…

Pats have been cheating for years, and they finally got called on it. Watering the home field the night before the game…mugging receivers in the 2003 AFC Champ. game…etc etc.

I just love you guys and your excuses…”The Pats didn’t want to make a scene”…”The Jets are crybabies”….blah blah blah. You’ll say anything, except to admit not only did your team and your coach cheat, but cheated HUGE.

Argh….all this football talk…I’m ready for the season to start already!

JetBoy on April 10, 2008 at 9:31 PM

You’ll say anything, except to admit not only did your team and your coach cheat, but cheated HUGE.

The Niners
The Steelers
The Boys
The Broncos
and yes the Pats
to name a few,
-ME

You’ll say anything, except to admit not only did your team and your coach cheat, but cheated HUGE.

You still refuse to admit your coach tried to steal playbooks, a FACT long before spygate hit the newswaves.

We conservatives often complain about the moral relativism of the left, while you loser football fans refuse to look at your own relativistic bs.

I’ve often said BB went over the line, when you can do the same of your cheating, thieving and lying coach I will respect you and until you can you are a hypocrite and a Jets fan and deserved of my scorn.

My god…”mugging” players. What are you on Polians payroll? Whaaaaa he hit me!!! It’s friggin football!

I still remember Madden’s best of all, “Everyone plays dirty, we’re just better at it.” I still remember when football was a full contact sport for MEN to play…ya know, before feminism emasculated American male hood and the typical football fan became the equivalent of a brainwashed eunuch at Berkley’s Wymyn’s Studies program.

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 9:46 PM

I hope everyone catches wind of Belichek’s sleeping around with a married woman who just happened to be his secretary with the Giants. The divorce I believe is going on now and supposedly he will be called as a witness. I’m sure he’ll plead the fifth or testify with his fingers crossed and lie through his teeth. He’s a loser, the Pats are cheater, Tom Brady doesn’t take care of his bastard children, their uniforms are the worst in sports, and it’s all coming out now for everyone to see. When Matt Walsh gets his day(they can’t silence him forever) Belichek will have to resign and Bob Craft being the decent man that he is will probably turn the three trophies over to the local scrap yard.

THE CHOSEN ONE on April 10, 2008 at 9:49 PM

http://sports.aol.com/fanhouse/2007/03/13/bill-belichick-might-not-testify-in-divorce-suit/

Now, he’s reached a settlement so he doesn’t have to ruin his cheater image any further.

THE CHOSEN ONE on April 10, 2008 at 9:52 PM

I’m only surprised you didn’t pull the good ole “Brady’s a Dead Beat Dad” line (even though he spends more on CS than you will make in a lifetime).

Hey moralist crusader, when ya’ll decry the abhorrent behavior of your fans towards women at “certain gates” maybe I will take you seriously; until then take your “supposedly superior” morals and shove em where the sun don’t shine.

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 9:52 PM

I’m only surprised you didn’t pull the good ole “Brady’s a Dead Beat Dad” line (even though he spends more on CS than you will make in a lifetime).

Chosen One beat you to it.

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 9:54 PM

I still remember when football was a full contact sport for MEN to play…ya know, before feminism emasculated American male hood and the typical football fan became the equivalent of a brainwashed eunuch at Berkley’s Wymyn’s Studies program.

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 9:46 PM

Eh, that made me laugh.

btw Belicheat went a little more than “over the line”…he blatantly violated major NFL rules. And blatantly cheated HUGE. That’s the point I’m trying to make…put aside your bias for a minute, and see that. And yes…I still refuse to believe unsubstantiated allegations of Mangini cheating.

‘Cause that’s exactly what they are…allegations that have never been proven. Just wishful thinking on your part. I understand, that as a Pats fan, you see Mangini as some kind of Judas. I felt the same way about Belicheat when he turned tail and ran back into Kraft’s arms just hours after Parcells announced he was “retiring”. Ahh…Leon Hess’ last great feat…snagging Parcells from ya.

You’ll never get over that.

JetBoy on April 10, 2008 at 9:59 PM

when ya’ll decry the abhorrent behavior of your fans towards women at “certain gates” maybe I will take you seriously

Puh-leese. You’re so desperate, you need to bring that old story up? I’ve been to more Jets home games than I can count over the years…and not I, nor anyone else I know, ever heard of such things happening at gate D. It was isolated. Rowdy fans in the nosebleeds. Far from representative of Jets fans.

JetBoy on April 10, 2008 at 10:07 PM

haaaaaaaow dew ah reeeech dees keeeds?

Reaps on April 10, 2008 at 10:24 PM

btw Belicheat went a little more than “over the line”…he blatantly violated major NFL rules.

But it wasn’t an NFL rule prior to this season was it? Don’t get me wrong, I admit he was told not to do something and did it anyway but I am grown up to know better. Can you fine a player for face guarding before the league implemented the rule? Even in constitutional law there is a concept known as ex post facto and the right to be free from bills of attainder.

I make no excuses for BB’s breaking the rules – this year – but don’t fool yourself into thinking Mangingi is innocent.
The accusations are unsubstantiated? Bullsh!t..he was stopped in the parking lot by security and the books removed from his car. Sorry they didn’t happen to mention it in the “unbiased” NY/NJ papers.

The Boston Globe ran the story forty eight hours after we heard of his resignation – and we all laughed at his stupidity.

I could find the article if but BG charges for articles over a certain time.

Like I said, your a relativist who refuses to accept facts that have been reported on since…what 05? Your coach is no cleaner than any in the NFL and BB is no dirtier.

Grow up and get over it.

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 10:25 PM

The abortion commentary was pretty forward for a TV show.

Typhonsentra on April 10, 2008 at 10:28 PM

and not I, nor anyone else I know, ever heard of such things happening at gate D. It was isolated. Rowdy fans in the nosebleeds. Far from representative of Jets fans.

Now I know you are a liar because I have been to the Meadowlands more than a few times and you are only second to Iggles fans in rudeness and depravity.

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 10:30 PM

Jetboy, you are like my Steelers Fan brother-in-law who claims the Steelers of the seventies weren’t cheaters because steroids were “rampant” throughout the league but can’t fathom the concept that “stealing signals” is rampant in the league and condemns the Pats as cheaters.

You’re both like every other relativist in the sports world, you make excuses and deny the actions of your coaches and teammates while decrying similar actions by your opponents.

I for one can own up to the nature of the sport and believe all forms of forward scouting should be banned; that includes banning team personnel from attending upcoming opponents and getting rid of all taping regardless of the location from which it is attained (including game film). If we want to even the playing field and stop shenanigans and “misinterpretation of rules” then ban it all. No taping of ANY kind, force teams to play blind.

What say you?

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 11:00 PM

Now I know you are a liar because I have been to the Meadowlands more than a few times and you are only second to Iggles fans in rudeness and depravity.

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 10:30 PM

Maybe you’ve been to the Meadowlands (and at least, thank you for not referring to it as Giants Stadium) but it couldn’t have been for Jets games…I’ve sat right next to, or right behind, fans of the opposing team…and they’re alway treated with respect and good natured ribbing. Never gets mean.

Try wearing the other teams jersey at a Giants home game…

JetBoy on April 10, 2008 at 11:00 PM

Great episode and I, for one, actually enjoyed the Mr. Garrison subplot. Quite humorous, particularly the singing on the fence moment.

Fantastic stuff, especially the Bill Belichick commentary. Sooooooooo true.

Jockolantern on April 10, 2008 at 11:04 PM

but it couldn’t have been for Jets games

I may like the drink a bit much but please don’t ever accuse me of liking it to the point of not knowing which team was playing.

I’m sure there are many respectable Jets fans but I was in section 336 and was appalled by what I saw. That being said, I have battled more than a few unruly Pats fans in my own backyard but have never been assaulted and have never seen them assault anyone from another team.

I have, however, been assaulted and had my wife accosted by Jets fans on more than one occasion and will never spend another dime in NY or NJ as a result (and I’ve got a lot of dimes). I’ve tried to be nice to ya’ll time after time and have received nothing but grief; I have come to the conclusion that none of ya’ll are capable of being nice and take this NY/BO thing WAY to seriously. I apologize if I misconstrue you personally, however, your antagonistic and divisive stupidity over a sport ruling implies your inability to think objectively, not to mention honestly approach the subject.

As I have repeatedly said, BB was wrong, but so are you and the deluded fools who share your position.

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 11:23 PM

(and at least, thank you for not referring to it as Giants Stadium)

Who the hell are the Giants!?!?!?!

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 11:26 PM

He’s not your friend, buddy. heh…gotta keep this going…

I’m not your budday–guy!

PaisleyCow on April 10, 2008 at 11:45 PM

What say you?

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 11:00 PM

Still no answer Jetboy?

Ciannaky on April 11, 2008 at 12:14 AM

What say you?

Ciannaky on April 10, 2008 at 11:00 PM

Still no answer Jetboy?

Ciannaky on April 11, 2008 at 12:14 AM

What else is new, take your shots and run when someone counters your BS with logic. Hypocrite.

Ciannaky on April 11, 2008 at 12:36 AM

JetBoy you are pathetic. The taping wasn’t cheating (since the commish agreed it did not give the pats an unfair advantage in a game.) you can’t steal signals IN GAME with tape. signals are changed during games, fake signals used, decoy signal givers used etc….

they taped for tendencies in future match ups, the only rule broken was the location used, they could tape from an enclosed location and get the same information under the existing rules.

as for the golf pro, he’s a liar. the nfl granted him immunity if he’s telling the truth. His lawyer, who’s a DC big shot with connections to Specter and Comcast (Specter is a huge recipient of Comcast lobbying and funds) are trying to use this as a way of beating up on the NFL for their increase in rates for the NFL Network.

That the guy hasn’t come up with a damn thing to prove he has some magic smoking gun should tell you something. that he’s padded his CV with untruths and outright lies should tell you something else.

the fact is that the Jets could be told what the plays were a month before the game and still lose. Even with all their tampering and playbook stealing, Manginia can’t coach a winning team.

coondawg on April 11, 2008 at 8:18 AM

But that’s the point they made- that if you can have babies, you’re a woman. Of course they did it in an over the top way, but that’s South Park.

Hollowpoint on April 10, 2008 at 5:58 PM

I think you misunderstood me. I meant that I liked the Garrison plot and disagreed with those who thought it felt flat.

Esthier on April 11, 2008 at 9:18 AM

Ya know . . . the NFL should suspend Belicheck for four or five years and force the Patriots to hire Herman Edwards. Extreme, yes. Nearly cruel and unusual punishment, yes. Draconian, yes. But at least it’ll get that idiot out of Kansas City!

srhoades on April 11, 2008 at 9:24 AM

srhoades on April 11, 2008 at 9:24 AM

Yeah that would be one hell of a punishment. If that was the case, some teams might be so cautious as not to even film anymore just to be safe. I can’t believe KC gave the Jets a draft pick for him. I guess they figured they could hit bottom with Herm and they will have nowhere but up to go after that.

LevStrauss on April 11, 2008 at 10:03 AM

How can i reach these keeeeds?

hilarious.

rosewaning on April 10, 2008 at 5:19 PM

haaaaaaaow dew ah reeeech dees keeeds?

Reaps on April 10, 2008 at 10:24 PM

Ha ha.

BowHuntingTexas on April 11, 2008 at 10:42 AM