However, I have an unfair advantage. I currently work at a middle school with emotionally disturbed teens. (think giant 5 year-olds on hormones)

I love them to pieces, but if they come for me, have NO doubts in my mind whatsoever about whether it will be them or me.

Homeschool kids would have got the job done right. My kids would have harvested my organs and had them for sale on Ebay by now.

If these kids are an example of the kind of workforce we’re creating, I fear for the future of America.

Oh, so true…mine as well.

As a teacher, however, this is scary. I’d be on disability leave quicker than you could shake a stick.

25, but I’m at a loss to understand how anyone came up with such a sick idea in the first place.

Al in St. Lou on April 2, 2008 at 2:03 PM

The world’s a sick place. I forgot what I scored but when I was taking the quiz I recalled various posts about Palestinian kindergarten graduation ceremonies. That kicked my score up a few notches.

logis on April 2, 2008 at 1:06 PM

Interesting thoughts. I think 3rd graders would be much more difficult, and as a team they would be even more troublesome. It all amounts to trouble for the teacher…trouble no teacher should have to consider. I wonder if the teacher had a gun?

Apparently I’m prepared for the inevitable assault of dozens of 5 year olds. Puts a new meaning to baby killer.

I say hold the parents responsible. Far too many people popping out babies without taking responsibility for them IMO. Accountability is a good thing.

(Cue The Radical Postmodern Little Rascal’s theme)

Hening on April 2, 2008 at 10:18 AM

Blood-thirsty killers!

Exit question: Who ever thought this site might have any real-world applications?

30, but I don’t think that survey is accurate. 5-year-old kids are pretty uncoordinated, like overgrown babies. I don’t care how “ruthless” they are, it’s just going to be a question of stomping until you’re too tired to move.

And “unconscious” is a pretty high standard. Kids have a ridiculously low pain tolerance. They’re going to start running unless you’re talking about pre-school zombies or something.

Third-graders would be a different story. But with a whole basketball court to work with, I still figure I could take out 15-20 – unless they were trained to work as a team, then all bets are off, I don’t know whether I could beat more than five or six if they knew what they were doing.

I can honestly say I’ve never thought about this before, but once I got into it that was kind of fun.

I guess you really weren’t paying close attention to what was going on in the Cosby Show. All the male characters were belittled by the female characters.

Yes, but it was the normal give and take. Clair might have given Bill a hard time, but Bill was also always outsmarting the kids, seeing through their lies. He also often outsmarted his wife, (and sometimes she outsmarted him). It was obviously a relationship of equals. Just look at sitcoms like “Yes, Dear” or “Malcom in the Middle” or even “Everybody Loves Raymond” and try and say they are anything similar.

PS: I can take 26 5 year olds (Not a surprise since I just started counting up the number of fights I’ve been in and reached 8 or 9 before I was in the fifth grade.)

Sackett on April 2, 2008 at 11:34 AM

I guess you really weren’t paying close attention to what was going on in the Cosby Show. All the male characters were belittled by the female characters.

I doubt my home schooled 1st and 2nd graders will be plotting to kill their teacher mom in the next couple of years.

jdog on April 2, 2008 at 9:37 AM

Yet another example of the failure of public schools. They don’t teach kids real life skills. These kids have just been passed from grade to grade without actually having to perform. And this is the quality of work you get from a system like that.

Homeschool kids would have got the job done right. My kids would have harvested my organs and had them for sale on Ebay by now.

If these kids are an example of the kind of workforce we’re creating, I fear for the future of America.

Personally, I never liked the one you describe, although I did have it in mind when I did a spoof the other day of Bill Clinton being interviewed by a six-year-old girl.

Gartrip on April 2, 2008 at 10:32 AM

Excellent points!

Allah,
You linked what you called the greatest blog post ever on you old site. Do you remember it? Is it still out there?

3rd_Bird on April 2, 2008 at 11:07 AM

It’s linked above. Click on “this site.”

LT Nixon on April 2, 2008 at 9:45 AM

Not Gitmo, they’d eat better than they probably do at home, get sunshine and exercise.

*rolls eyes*