Bombshell: Man raped by wombat may have been lying

posted at 7:12 pm on March 27, 2008 by Allahpundit

It’s unclear which part he was lying about. Was it consensual? Wombat “lovemaking” can get a little rough. Or did it never happen at all?

Who will believe the real victims of wombat rape now?

Arthur Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police last month to tell them he was being raped by the marsupial at his home and needed urgent assistance.

Cradock, an orchard worker, later called back to reassure the police operator that he was all right.

“I’ll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he’s pulled out. Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right you know. I didn’t hurt my bum at all.”

“[A]lcohol played a large role in Cradock’s life,” according to the prosecutor, who accepted a plea to a charge of using a telephone for a “fictitious purpose.” Exit question: What could have tipped off the police that he was lying? Was it the idea that he’d somehow been raped into speaking a language that doesn’t exist?

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How long before RFK, Jr. blames this on Global Warming? Over / Under – any takers. How about before he blames it on Bush. Especially the fact that RFK, Jr. looks like the wombat….Just saying….

Branch Rickey on March 27, 2008 at 7:15 PM

I read this story this morning on Fox’s website and couldn’t believe it — not the story itself, but the fact that Fox decided that a prank phone call by some drunk qualifies as “news.”

AZCoyote on March 27, 2008 at 7:15 PM

Man raped by wombat may have been lying

I had to do a double take for a second. “Man raped by wombat?”

malan89 on March 27, 2008 at 7:16 PM

What the…? Is this real? If so it’s definetly Bush’s fault.

NTWR on March 27, 2008 at 7:16 PM

What’s next Alvin and the chipmunks gangbang? Crikey!

Kini on March 27, 2008 at 7:17 PM

“I’ll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he’s pulled out.”

I wasted this one-liner on the “Dude” thread before it dropped out of the headlines list, so I’ll recycle it here: Wombat: eats roots & leaves.

Alex_SF on March 27, 2008 at 7:17 PM

Wombat: eats roots & leaves.

Nice.

Allahpundit on March 27, 2008 at 7:18 PM

Y’know AP, you may be the first person to ever string those words together in that order.

Man raped by wombat may have been lying

Congrats on making internet history!

trubble on March 27, 2008 at 7:19 PM

Paging Richard G . . . oh nevermind.

- The Cat

MirCat on March 27, 2008 at 7:20 PM

A]lcohol played a large role in Cradock’s life

You don’t say.

amerpundit on March 27, 2008 at 7:22 PM

Wombat: eats roots & leaves.

Alex_SF on March 27, 2008 at 7:17 PM

Corrected for spelling and punctuation:
Wombat: eats, roots ruts, & leaves.

flipflop on March 27, 2008 at 7:23 PM

Are you sure he wasn’t having a Fitna?

Kini on March 27, 2008 at 7:23 PM

My ex used to kick me when I tried to mount. Maybe I should have been born a wombat.

Les in NC on March 27, 2008 at 7:24 PM

Wombat: eats, roots ruts twigs, & leaves berries.

That’s more like it!

Kini on March 27, 2008 at 7:24 PM

“[A]lcohol played a large role in Cradock’s life”

I like a taste every now and then, but this sure is an understatement…….

Seven Percent Solution on March 27, 2008 at 7:25 PM

Looks like Barney Frank got himself a little fur suit.

trigon on March 27, 2008 at 7:26 PM

Overheard at anti-wombat demonstration:

What’s your verdict? GUILTY!!!
What’s your verdict? GUILTY!!!
What’s your verdict? GUILTY!!!

mikeyboss on March 27, 2008 at 7:27 PM

Aussies need to take back the night. From wombats.

Allahpundit on March 27, 2008 at 7:27 PM

He’s the Crystal Gail Magnum of Australia.

thuja on March 27, 2008 at 7:27 PM

My ex used to kick me when I tried to mount.

Les in NC on March 27, 2008 at 7:24 PM

TMI.

amerpundit on March 27, 2008 at 7:28 PM

Was that a screen cap of Al Gore?

Zorro on March 27, 2008 at 7:28 PM

DO NOT give wombats alcohol!

aceinstall on March 27, 2008 at 7:29 PM

My ex used to kick me when I tried to mount.

Les in NC on March 27, 2008 at 7:24 PM

Yeah, sometimes horses aren’t in the mood…

mikeyboss on March 27, 2008 at 7:29 PM

Was that a screen cap of Al Gore?

Zorro on March 27, 2008 at 7:28 PM

Andrew Sullivan.

amerpundit on March 27, 2008 at 7:29 PM

amerpundit on March 27, 2008 at 7:28 PM

Just kidding, I couldn’t resist.

Les in NC on March 27, 2008 at 7:30 PM

Possibly a better link leading from the latter URL..

Many phrases once common to Australian English have become stereotypes and caricaturised exaggerations, and have largely disappeared from everyday use. Among the words less used are cobber, strewth, you beaut and crikey; and stereotypical phrases like flat out like a lizard drinking are rarely used without being jocular.

The phrase put a shrimp on the barbie is a misquotation from a phrase made famous by Paul Hogan in tourism advertisements that aired in America. Australians use the word prawn rather than shrimp. Many Australians actually dislike the phrase for this reason, thus choose to ignore the person who says it, or point it out bluntly..

And let that be a lesson… to y’all.

Reaps on March 27, 2008 at 7:31 PM

thuja on March 27, 2008 at 7:27 PM

We were thinking alike.

mikeyboss on March 27, 2008 at 7:31 PM

mikeyboss on March 27, 2008 at 7:29 PM

So… You know my ex.

Les in NC on March 27, 2008 at 7:33 PM

DO NOT give wombats alcohol!

aceinstall on March 27, 2008 at 7:29 PM

Saying wombats are nasty drunks? Who knew!

Kini on March 27, 2008 at 7:33 PM

DO NOT give wombats alcohol!

You’re accusing wombats of a crime of which they’re not guilty, my friend. I won’t have it on this site.

Allahpundit on March 27, 2008 at 7:34 PM

The following is a true story.

It happened in England three years ago.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Extract from the London Evening Standard

A drunk who claimed he had been raped by a dog was yesterday jailed for 12 months by a judge.

Martin Hoyle, 45, was arrested by police after a passing motorist and his girlfriend found a Staffordshire bull terrier, called Badger, having sex with him at the side of a road in Highgate, North London.

Prosecutor Ben Crosland said the couple had stopped to help because they thought Hoyle was being attacked by the animal. But when they got closer they saw that he had his trousers round his ankles, Was down on all fours and the dog was straddling him from behind.

“The defendant mumbled something about the dog having taken a liking to him,” said Mr Crosland. “The couple were extremely offended and sickened by what they saw.”

Another passing motorist contacted the police and Hoyle was arrested as he walked with the dog down the road.

Hoyle, of Finchley Road, Highgate, told police “I can’t help it if the dog took a liking to me. He tried to rape me.”

He repeated the rape allegation at the police station and added “The dog pulled my trousers down.”

Hoyle, who has had a long-standing alcohol problem, was jailed for 12 months after he admitted committing an act which outraged public decency.

His barrister said Hoyle had no memory of the incident because of his drunken state, but was now very remorseful and incredibly embarrassed.

Jailing him, Judge Alistair McCallum told Hoyle “Never before in my time at the bar or on the bench have I ever had to deal with somebody who voluntarily allowed himself to be buggered by a dog on the public highway. Frankly it is beyond most of our comprehension. It is an absolutely disgusting thing for members of the public to have to witness.”

Indy Conservative on March 27, 2008 at 7:39 PM

Does anyone ever notice this crazy behaviour is
always coming from down under,and its always cute
furry animals like nasty wombats,but never a
bengal tiger!haha

canopfor on March 27, 2008 at 7:40 PM

Is it too late to cancel my flight to New Zealand?

ej_pez on March 27, 2008 at 7:46 PM

I ask you, is that the face of a rapist? Hell, yeah, it is! Look at those beady little sex pervert eyes. (Though, I would have never pegged him as being anything other than straight.)

Blake on March 27, 2008 at 7:49 PM

“[A]lcohol played a large role in Cradock’s life,”

That’s irrelevant. I’ve been drinking for 40 years and have never even had a wombat tell me I was cute.

RedWinged Blackbird on March 27, 2008 at 7:49 PM

Indy Conservative on March 27, 2008 at 7:39 PM

He was suffering from CED

Kini on March 27, 2008 at 7:51 PM

The Following is a True Story….
Indy Conservative on March 27,2008 at 7:39PM

Indy Conservative:

I see a Hollywood movie begging to be made by some wacko.

Its a story about a man and his dog,alone together on
Dogback Barking Mountain,the ups and downs,a surreal
look at love lost,love gained,inspirational and yet
so sick,you’ll laugh and you’ll cry!You will never be
so moved and touched,an absolute must see,5 *stars!

canopfor on March 27, 2008 at 7:53 PM

canopfor on March 27, 2008 at 7:53 PM

And with that in the imagination, a good old fashion Robot Humping is needed.

Kini on March 27, 2008 at 7:59 PM

Once you go Wombat, you never go back.

SouthernGent on March 27, 2008 at 7:59 PM

Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

TexasJew on March 27, 2008 at 8:02 PM

Kini on March 27, 2008 at 7:51 PM

canopfor on March 27, 2008 at 7:53 PM

Thank you very much both of you….Grrrrrrr

I laughed so much I peed on myself!!!

Come and clean now!

Indy Conservative on March 27, 2008 at 8:03 PM

I see a Hollywood movie begging to be made by some wacko. Its a story about a man and his dog,alone together on
Dogback Barking Mountain …

And will Ace and Allahpundit go on a double date to see it? Who will wear the collar? Who will hold the leash?

Blake on March 27, 2008 at 8:04 PM

That video would be worth 4 million hits on Youtube..

TexasJew on March 27, 2008 at 8:06 PM

Let’s be rational about this. The fact that any real man would admit to such a humiliating horror proves that it has to be true.

Either that, or he was corked out of his gord.

Yup.

Who will believe the real victims of wombat rape now?

locomotivebreath1901 on March 27, 2008 at 8:08 PM

It reminds me of that Neil Hamburger joke:

What do you get when you cross Sir Elton John with a Saber-toothed tiger?

I don’t know, but you sure don’t want it near your ass!

TexasJew on March 27, 2008 at 8:15 PM

I’ve seen Hitchcocks “The Birds”,and now me thinks
a gaggle of them gives new meaning to a gang—-,
ick,watch the sky as well!haha

canopfor on March 27, 2008 at 8:20 PM

Lets be rational about this…
locomotivebreath1901 on March 27,2008 at 8:08PM

locomotivebreath1901: Maybe he passed out,he was
v i c t i m i z e d !

canopfor on March 27, 2008 at 8:28 PM

He pleaded guilty in Nelson District Court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose and was sentenced to 75 hours’ community work.

That’s it; blame the victim.

If Mike Nifong had been handling this case, at least five wombats would have been arraigned by now!

And you can bet your ass all this all this talk of substance abuse (and a few overly convenient alibis about being in a zoo on the other side of the country at the time of the incident) would have brushed aside in the rush to justice.

logis on March 27, 2008 at 8:31 PM

A couple shots too many of V8, Muskrat Love on the Ipod, what’s a marsupial to do.

kingaljr on March 27, 2008 at 8:33 PM

Wheres Anita Hill when stuff like this goes down!

canopfor on March 27, 2008 at 8:34 PM

Come and clean now…
Indy Consevative on March 27,2008 at 8:03PM.

Indy Conservative:Ha ha,oh the horror,when will it end!

canopfor on March 27, 2008 at 8:38 PM

Come and clean now…
Indy Consevative on March 27,2008 at 8:03PM.

Indy Conservative:Ha ha,oh the horror,when will it end!

canopfor on March 27, 2008 at 8:38 PM

It won’t end. GrRrRrrrrrrr

Here’s another true story.

But this one has a twist.

No animals were involved or injured.

Read on:

Married ‘man’ claims to be five months pregnant

By James Macintyre

Thursday, 27 March 2008

A man who used to be a woman before having gender reassignment surgery claims he is five months pregnant and expecting a baby girl in July.

Thomas Beatie, who is married and from the US state of Oregon, has written an article in the gay magazine Advocate, saying it feels “incredible” to be a “pregnant man”. He adds: “Despite the fact that my belly is growing with a new life inside me, I am stable and confident being the man that I am.”

Born Tracy Lagondino, Mr Beatie kept his female organs when he changed genders. He turned to home insemination after what he says was discrimination from doctors. He says he is carrying a child on behalf of his wife, Nancy, because she has had a hysterectomy. The couple have been together for 10 years.

“Doctors have discriminated against us, turning us away due to their religious beliefs,” Mr Beatie explained in the article.

“Healthcare professionals have refused to call me by a male pronoun or recognise Nancy as my wife. Receptionists have laughed at us. Friends and family have been unsupportive; most of Nancy’s family doesn’t even know I’m transgender,” he added. “Sterilisation is not a requirement for sex reassignment, so I decided to have chest reconstruction and testosterone therapy but kept my reproductive rights,” he said. “Wanting to have a biological child is neither a male nor female desire but a human desire.”

The couple, who manage a custom screen-printing business in the town of Bend, lived a normal life “until we decided that I would carry our child,” Mr Beatie wrote. A previous insemination ended in a life-threatening ectopic pregnancy with triplets, requiring surgery, resulting in the loss of all his embryos and his right fallopian tube.

“I will be my daughter’s father, and Nancy will be her mother. We will be a family,” Mr Beatie wrote. Advocate says it has confirmed with Mr Beatie’s doctors that he is indeed pregnant.

©independent.co.uk

Indy Conservative on March 27, 2008 at 8:42 PM

Allah:

This post is without question one of the funniest you have ever posted (IMHO). Comments were also awesome (Some quite twisted, but funny nonetheless – CED, in particular).

I guess it pays to be “All Seeing and All Knowing”, thanks for the laugh.

OT Does anyone know how to remove vodka from a laptop keyboard???

FloridaBill on March 27, 2008 at 8:46 PM

A wombat up the arse is not the most ideal way to remove hemmoroids. Or so I’m told…

CliffHanger on March 27, 2008 at 8:47 PM

I’ve been drinking for 40 years

You must be King Hammered

LimeyGeek on March 27, 2008 at 8:48 PM

And with that in the imagination a good old fashion
Robot Humping is needed.

Kini on March 27,2008 at 7:59PM.

Kini: LMAO,the bike,the lava lamp,it never ends,
thanks for that,nice hearing from you again!HeHe

canopfor on March 27, 2008 at 8:49 PM

Rough wombat love – now that’s Dude! worthy…

CliffHanger on March 27, 2008 at 8:50 PM

Wombat , wombat candlelight
Doin’ the town and doin’ it right
In the evenin’
It’s pretty pleasin’

Wombat Arthur, Wombat Sam
Do the jitterbug out in wombat land
And they shimmy
And Sammy’s so skinny

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin’ and jingin’ the jango
Floatin’ like the heavens above
It looks like wombat love

Nibbling on bacon, chewin’ on cheese
Sammy says to Arthur”Honey, would you please be my missus?”
And he say yes
With his kisses

And now he’s ticklin’ his fancy
Rubbin’ his toes
Muzzle to muzzle, now anything goes
As they wriggle, and Arthur starts to giggle

And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin’ and jingin’ the jango
Floatin’ like the heavens above
It looks like wombat love

La da da da da …

Mojack420 on March 27, 2008 at 8:51 PM

How about Bats to the theme of Radar Love!

canopfor on March 27, 2008 at 8:54 PM

OT Does anyone know how to remove vodka from a laptop keyboard???

FloridaBill on March 27, 2008 at 8:46 PM

Wombats are quite efficient at cleaning things like keyboards. They are very adept entering small cracks…harder then hell to get them out though.

right2bright on March 27, 2008 at 8:57 PM

Wombat,Wombat candlelight…
Mojack420 on March 27,2008 at 8:51PM

Mojack420:Priceless,oh I’m laughin,make it stop.
How about the diddy by Exile,I want
to kiss you all over,the scene swimming
with sharks! haha

canopfor on March 27, 2008 at 9:00 PM

Some mood music

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lbh9c0noR4s

William Amos on March 27, 2008 at 9:02 PM

Some mood music

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lbh9c0noR4s

William Amos on March 27, 2008 at 9:02 PM

LOL good one.

Wombat: eats, roots ruts, & leaves.

flipflop on March 27, 2008 at 7:23 PM

Somebody wrote a funny book about that.

inviolet on March 27, 2008 at 9:38 PM

That guy was asking for it.

MadisonConservative on March 27, 2008 at 9:47 PM

I sure hope Goldstein’s armadillo doesn’t get any ideas.

sulla on March 27, 2008 at 11:32 PM

More likely a dingbat than a wombat.

Dr. Charles G. Waugh on March 28, 2008 at 2:36 AM

Corrected for spelling and punctuation:
Wombat: eats, roots ruts, & leaves.

Uh, no. The original was the way it was supposed to be. You see, it’s a pun. And I was writing in Australian. (Ask an Australian the meaning of the word “root.” Hint: it can be a noun or a verb, and the verb form means the exact same thing as the word you substituted.) And the lack of a comma creates the ambiguity that makes the pun work.

It’s actually the punchline to an old Australian joke, which was bowdlerized for a book title in the US by substituting “shoots” for “roots.”

Wombat: eats, roots ruts twigs, & leaves berries.

Aw, the hell with it. I give up. Y’all win. You’ll probably love this one:

“Wombat: ****s you in the ***.”

Alex_SF on March 28, 2008 at 8:02 AM

Man! I wish we had a charge like “Wasting Police Time” in this country. Maybe then idiots will stop calling 911 for help on how to put on a condom. (Real call I kid you not!)

srhoades on March 28, 2008 at 8:29 AM

And no, it wasn’t help putting one on a wombat.

srhoades on March 28, 2008 at 8:31 AM