Video: Happy Valentine’s Day from the Onion
posted at 11:05 pm on February 11, 2008 by Allahpundit
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Too late to drink from despair? Not if you’re on the coast!
Online Dating Helping Pathetic Women Get Their Hopes Crushed More Efficiently
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Ouch.
OneGyT on February 11, 2008 at 11:07 PM
That was brutal. I love the Onion.
BlackCapitalist on February 11, 2008 at 11:10 PM
I hate American style dating. If there’s anything more confusing than the American English language, it’s American style dating. I know I need a significant other. . . the process of getting from point A to B is unbearable though.
ThackerAgency on February 11, 2008 at 11:11 PM
Ohhh the Onion…a guilty pleasure that I never feel guilty about.
Dirthead on February 11, 2008 at 11:16 PM
To the background music of Billy Joel singing
to the ditty “Honesty”,now that is a giant leap
forward for humanity,and especially for men.
And it looks like technology has given woman,
large and in charge in particular a new communication
weapon,to be let down gently so to speak!a hum!
canopfor on February 11, 2008 at 11:28 PM
Another poignant piece. We’ll find Hillary’s listing online come December, when she divorces Bill and has to find an apartment.
stonemeister on February 11, 2008 at 11:30 PM
Sounds like you could use an arranged marriage. No muss, no fuss, no singles games, plus she has to give you a dowry, and best of all, iron your shirts. Also, very low maintenance.
a capella on February 11, 2008 at 11:31 PM
You know, I think that girl is sorta cute. So you fellows should not be so judgemental. IF you want to see something less than savory, run her through the Rosie Machine.
bloggless on February 11, 2008 at 11:32 PM
the process of getting from point A to B is
unbearable though.
ThackerAgency on February 11,2008 at 11:11PM.
ThackerAgency:You mean the Kubuki dance,or the
dance my monkeys dance!Haha.
canopfor on February 11, 2008 at 11:36 PM
a capella on February 11, 2008 at 11:31 PM
yep, that would make life a whole lot easier. Just think of the productivity that America loses chasing strange. When I was dating in school, we learned all about ‘date rape’ and ‘AIDS’ was just coming out. Then when I was in college, sexual harassment ruled. They basically scared me away from dating/relationships and I haven’t grown out of it.
I guess I’m just selfish. I don’t mind giving everything I have to a significant other. The problem is that I don’t want to give it to the wrong one, and I don’t know how to decide which one is the right one.
Actually, King Solomon had it the best. 1000 wives. . . well, 700 wives, 300 concubines. He couldn’t decide either apparently.
ThackerAgency on February 11, 2008 at 11:53 PM
I much prefer on line relationships.
There’s no commitment and it’s easier to clean up afterwards.
Kini on February 11, 2008 at 11:57 PM
Note to self: need more concubines.
Wineaholic on February 11, 2008 at 11:58 PM
I’ve been out of the dating pool since before http, so I don’t really know, but all these dating sites seem like they would increase the options for the most desirable (on paper) and shut out the also rans. Maybe what they need is a rating system, where it just tells you don’t bother looking below this rank number, you won’t get an answer. That way you wouldn’t feel like you were missing out, and you wouldn’t be wasting your time. Then you could get down to business with your partner-in-relative-attractness in full confidence that this is as good as you’re going to get.
pedestrian on February 12, 2008 at 12:03 AM
I want to know what AP is going to get his iPhone for Valentine’s Day.
Connie on February 12, 2008 at 12:17 AM
If I might offer a word of caution; just one will be sufficient. On very rare occasions such as shopping, even that one may seem too many.
a capella on February 12, 2008 at 12:25 AM
And it’s a lot easier to tune her out when she doesn’t speak English.
Jim Treacher on February 12, 2008 at 1:13 AM
Still trying to find the Mail order Bride agency that Kucinich used, oh mama!
Imagine what his concubines must of felt like (but not too much). I mean here is a man that will marry at the drop of a hat and you, well you go into column B.
- The Cat
MirCat on February 12, 2008 at 3:15 AM
60% of the US population is obese. That means 6 of 10 male posters at HA are viable love matches for these women!
Another good Onion parody with some uncomfortable truth to it.I left the dating scene when megahits such as “Hungry like a wolf”, “safety dance” and “Pass the Dutchie” were burning up the charts.
I don’t envy you young’uns at all in today’s dating scene.
Bradky on February 12, 2008 at 6:59 AM
Speaking as a single guy in his 20s who used online dating about 6 months ago, let me suggest that there is much truth to the Onion ad. I’d say 1/3 of the profiles I saw were fakes (like, mail order bride services, or porn or whatnot). Of the women I tried to contact, the only women I could get dates with were people who either had very poor social skills or lied in their profiles (one girl was still married and claimed she was single, two others were 30-50lb heavier than in their phtos). Ironically, all of them put up a facade about how “picky” they were. Oi.
Outlander on February 12, 2008 at 7:22 AM
No kidding! I particularly loved the “rejection is just a mouseclick away” comment.
highhopes on February 12, 2008 at 7:47 AM
And were you completely truthful in your profile?
I love the Brad Paisley song “I’m so much cooler online.”
highhopes on February 12, 2008 at 7:49 AM
Haha. Brutal and funny.
Spirit of 1776 on February 12, 2008 at 9:35 AM
Well… as someone who met his wife through a dating site, I have to say that if you’re 100% totally honest about yourself, and if your perspective “other” is also as honest, you can make it work and can meet someone wonderful. Maybe it also helped that when we met we were both in our late 30’s and had a bit more maturity (and really knew what we wanted out of life). This isn’t a knock on you, Outlander, my wife knows someone who’s going through the exact same thing as you. Plus, she did meet a few real creeps before she met me.
The thing is that you do have to work it. And because I worked it, it worked out better for me than the bar scene or trying to get hooked up through friends.
crazy_legs on February 12, 2008 at 9:44 AM
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