Former Fred aide: Boycott Chuck Norris

It’ll go nowhere, partly because Fred’s core constituency isn’t the sort to muster incandescent rage about creationism and partly because no one wants to deny themselves the pleasure of a late night “Walker, Texas Ranger” re-run during a drunken stupor. Even so, it has the makings of a dandy action-comedy flick. Starring Chuck as a celebrity bounty hunter or something who hits the trail for some dark horse candidate and finds himself in the crosshairs of a rival campaign when the dark horse surges ahead in the polls. A plot is hatched to have him bumped off — ideally by ninjas — and an “Invasion USA” tour de force ensues, culminating in a standoff involving mortars, RPGs, and Chuck and his archenemy fighting hand to hand on a tank outside campaign headquarters on election night. The script writes itself.

I’m starting a boycott of Chuck Norris because he has endorsed a presidential candidate and supports ideas that are far out of the mainstream. Specifically:

* He’s endorsed a candidate who says that he does not believe in evolution.

* He’s endorsed a candidate who called for the isolation of AIDS patients – long after the Centers for Disease Control determined that the virus was not spread by casual contact. Even this year, the candidate declined to recant those views.

I want you to join me in boycotting all of the products that Chuck Norris endorses and some of the national companies that run advertisements on the show in which he starred and currently rerunning on the USA cable network, Walker, Texas Ranger. I also ask that you tell these companies why you are boycotting them.

Exit question one: Any ‘Heads getting in on this? No, right? Exit question two: Whom do we get to play the villain in the movie?

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