Video: Fred responds to a dastardly ambush

posted at 10:34 am on December 29, 2007 by Bryan

Don’t mess with the Fred. Attack him or his people, and he will respond.

I don’t think the other candidates would respond as decisively as Fred does here. When faced with a similar threat, for instance, Obama would threaten to invade Idaho while trying to connect the snowball to Hillary’s vote on Iraq. Hillary would demand an investigation by the Canadian Mounties. Edwards would sue the Weather Channel. Bill Richardson would demand that the local mayor resign immediately. Dood and Biden would say lots of boring stuff that no one would hear. Paul would blame it on the fact that the US is in Iowa in the first place, and shriek that if we were on the gold standard none of this would have happened. Kucinich would mistake the incoming snowball for a UFO. Huckabee would claim that Roger Clemens is advising him on how to return fire, a claim that Clemens would later dispute.

On the other candidates, I got nothin’. Fill in in the comments if you think of something.


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Got my vote – when your people are attacked, fight back!

:-)

Good Lt on December 29, 2007 at 10:36 AM

If you can bend over quick enough

tomas on December 29, 2007 at 10:44 AM

Giuliani would call for strict snowball control!
Huck would not return fire, his SOUL would simply not allow it!

Gatordoug on December 29, 2007 at 10:45 AM

Good on Fred!

USCitizen on December 29, 2007 at 10:46 AM

There goes the nanny state vote!

Aardvark on December 29, 2007 at 10:48 AM

McCain would try to decide whether this constitutes frozen water boarding and whether that is another form of torture. Then state unequivocally that a vote for Fred is a vote for torture.

Romney would tell the world his father once threw a snowball and then find witnesses that saw the actual throw.

Giuliani would discuss his expertise in dealing with snowball terrorists is directly proportional to how he dealt with 9/11.

That’s all I have for now. LOL!

LawCon on December 29, 2007 at 10:48 AM

Jeeze, I don’t know……Mitt Romney would have his 5 sons return fire?

csdeven on December 29, 2007 at 10:50 AM

Fred seriously disrespected the heroic snow plow drivers of America with that brutal display. Snow plowers are cherished third responders and they don’t deserve to have their work tarnished by Fred’s dilatory and antisocial behavior.

Cuffy Meigs on December 29, 2007 at 10:50 AM

Hillary would hire a women to audit the snowball thrower.

Obama would say I’m not a terrorist

Edwards: Watch the Hair.

tomas on December 29, 2007 at 10:50 AM

Bryan, your commentary, once again, makes my day.

MadisonConservative on December 29, 2007 at 10:51 AM

Huck would have Chuck Norris make them throw iceballs at each other.

csdeven on December 29, 2007 at 10:52 AM

Romney would claim he was in hundreds of snowball fights in his life.

He will later say that he actually just threw some snowballs at a few squirrels and varmints.

Still later he will amend his statement by saying that he once saw someone throw a snowball.

lowandslow on December 29, 2007 at 10:55 AM

Hillary would have Bill make her Snowballs.

Texyank on December 29, 2007 at 11:00 AM

Please forgive the interruption into a fun thread- but there isn’t really a suitable place to put this and I thought it important enough to put in a couple’a less suitable spots.

Dude, Mitt will say ANYTHING to get elected! He’s even trashin’ the most basic Mormon theology. Check it out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kqjrmb7YSPM

Does this guy have any real conviction???

Ex-tex on December 29, 2007 at 11:02 AM

Hillary would reference her vast experience with snowball war.

Specifically referring to how, in January of 1992, it snowed in Washington. She immediately convened and sat in on several strategy meetings of the White House grounds staff where she played a major role in deciding to just shovel the walks.

BacaDog on December 29, 2007 at 11:02 AM

I suppose that this bit of news is considered a public interest story, but it goes to the heart of why I like Fred. Bryan is quite right that most of the other candidates would act in asinine pacifistic ways to a mischievous snowball thrower, but Fred reacts as any healthy higher primate–chimp, gorilla, orang-utan, or homo sapien– would.

We’d really better off with Bonzo the Chimp as president than Obama or Edwards. At least, Bonzo understands you throw back what’s thrown at you.

thuja on December 29, 2007 at 11:03 AM

John Edwards would state that their are 2 Americas! One in which innocent people are held down by the threat of snowballs and the other where the ‘machine’ and corruption of the government throws the snowballs.

Lord Nazh on December 29, 2007 at 11:05 AM

I’m a bit disappointed that appointment of a blue ribbon investigating comittee and/or independent prosecutor haven’t been suggested.

a capella on December 29, 2007 at 11:05 AM

Rudy would have offered his girlfriend a ride downtown

tomas on December 29, 2007 at 11:09 AM

The PaulBots would demand that the snowball be retrieved and given to a lab to determine if it contained surveillance devices that would take away more of our civil liberties.

broker1 on December 29, 2007 at 11:10 AM

Mitt would have reminded everyonte they wouldn’t have had snow in Utah for the Olympics without him.

tomas on December 29, 2007 at 11:12 AM

Al Gore would be the Today show immediately claiming “This is more proof that this administration doesnt take global warming seriously”.

broker1 on December 29, 2007 at 11:16 AM

They just want you to think Fred acted alone. Some witnesses reported two snowballs, with another coming from the back and to the left. If you slow the film down you can clearly see Fred, just as he emerges from behind the man in the foreground, slide yet a third snowball to the man behind him.

Well, that’s what I think, anyway.

HerrMorgenholz on December 29, 2007 at 11:19 AM

Huck would have agreed to legislation outlawing running with scissors or snowballs.

Tennman on December 29, 2007 at 11:19 AM

I’ve got nothin’. Do notice that while the two presstitutes have gloves on, Thompson doesn’t.

steveegg on December 29, 2007 at 11:20 AM

That was good! Who said Fred was gettin’ old!

countywolf on December 29, 2007 at 11:23 AM

Dude kind of throws like a chick.

E. M. on December 29, 2007 at 11:23 AM

Before the attack, Romney would have given strenuous assurances that he would defend you.

After the attack, Romney would have found it expedient to join your enemies.

jaime on December 29, 2007 at 11:25 AM

Dude kind of throws like a chick.

E. M. on December 29, 2007 at 11:23 AM

yea definitely a bit of a girly throw…thats the first thing I thought of when I saw this.

ernesto on December 29, 2007 at 11:35 AM

I have a silly snowball rule I’m about to violate.

wccawa on December 29, 2007 at 11:36 AM

SECOND LOOK AT FROSTY!

Limerick on December 29, 2007 at 11:36 AM

Hillary would hold a press conference and state that all of the male snowball throwers are ganging up on the only female candidate. The CNN camera then pans to the audience and we see Frosty the Snowman, who just happens to be there as an undecided voter, standing up to ask a question.

“Senator Clinton, which do you prefer: white or yellow?”

Dave Shay on December 29, 2007 at 11:39 AM

Dood? and Biden, is that a special candidate relationship?

Speakup on December 29, 2007 at 11:39 AM

Huckabee would have entered into a dialog and then pardoned the culprits.

sonnyspats1 on December 29, 2007 at 11:43 AM

According to CNN another camera angle showed him putting a rock in the snowball. This could get ugly.

Limerick on December 29, 2007 at 11:43 AM

Can’t really throw a snowball too hard these days or you will get sued. And Edwards would probably be glad to represent you.

LakeRuins on December 29, 2007 at 11:48 AM

Hugh Hewitt just posted that Fred’s snowball fight clearly works to the advantage of Mitt Romney

Dudley Smith on December 29, 2007 at 11:58 AM

Dude kind of throws like a chick.

Kind of like Clark Kent, the guy has pull his punches, or else people wind up dead.

saint kansas on December 29, 2007 at 12:02 PM

Pathetic!!! That old man could not hit the broad side of a barn…

tommylotto on December 29, 2007 at 12:09 PM

Still later he will amend his statement by saying that he once saw someone throw a snowball.

lowandslow on December 29, 2007 at 10:55 AM

By “saw” he meant in a metaphorical sense in that he stands in solidarity with the snowballs struggles.

tommylotto on December 29, 2007 at 12:12 PM

Rudy: “See, we didn’t have to resort to this type of vigilante juth-tith in New York when I was major”.

McCain: “Now we’ve sunk to their level. We NEED to take the higher ground”

Mitt: “Hugh Hewitt throws my snowballs for me”.

Huckster: “My Lord states that if you throw a snowball at the least of Me, I shall smite your sorry little ass”.

omnipotent on December 29, 2007 at 12:13 PM

Any Democrat candidate would first run to the UN and get their approval before throwing their own snowballs, and of course, France would vote No.
And as for the throwing like a girl, it was all good-natured fun. There was no need to get into an all-out agressive snowball battle, folks. Relax!

ToddonCapeCod on December 29, 2007 at 12:16 PM

I wonder if their will be a steroid investigation.

Limerick on December 29, 2007 at 12:33 PM

What a coward. He’s using the kid for cover!

EdGruberman on December 29, 2007 at 12:36 PM

Hillary CAUSES snowballs….

CBarker on December 29, 2007 at 12:53 PM

Rudy threw bigger snowballs as mayor of NYC, although I believe there are pictures of him dressed up as the Ice Queen.
Romney is now a strong proponent of snow-ball throwing, however up until 5 years ago he was anti-snowballing. You’ll have to decide whether the change was sincere, or not.
This afternoon, the story will break showing Fred throwing snowballs in defense of an abortion provider.

arkansasmike on December 29, 2007 at 12:58 PM

Rudy would have claimed that while he was in New York, snowball throwing dropped the most out of all large cities.

Romney would have said that he once thought throwing snowballs was okay, but has since changed his mind about snowball throwing.

McCain – Yeah I can’t do better than LawCon’s “frozen waterboarding”.

Alan Keyes would have arrogantly ranted about how he wasn’t given the opportunity to throw snowballs at all.

ApartforHaShem on December 29, 2007 at 1:13 PM

omnipotent on December 29, 2007 at 12:13 PM

IMHO you win. LMAO.

Ex-tex on December 29, 2007 at 1:19 PM

Fred wasn’t particularly interested in throwing that snowball.

wccawa on December 29, 2007 at 1:24 PM

And the Righteous Brothers would show up and hold a rally proclaiming “Another example of the white snowy power structure!”

broker1 on December 29, 2007 at 1:32 PM

Uh oh…it seems like Fox has excluded “The Only Man That Can Save America” from their January 6th debate.

And his supporters are seething

Via LGF

broker1 on December 29, 2007 at 1:39 PM

Dude kind of throws like a chick.

Ah no. He told the guy to duck and pulled his throw deliberately. He didn’t want to seriously smack the guy in the face with it being on camera and all.

aengus on December 29, 2007 at 1:44 PM

Hillary can’t make a snow ball…snow instantly turns to steam in her hands…

sabbott on December 29, 2007 at 1:54 PM

Hillary was for throwing snowballs before she was against throwing snowballs.

Rip Ford on December 29, 2007 at 2:02 PM

Hillary can’t make a snow ball…snow instantly turns to steam in her hands…

sabbott on December 29, 2007 at 1:54 PM

I think you have that backwards. Shillary can’t take a sauna. The vapor immediately crystallizes in her presence.

Mallard T. Drake on December 29, 2007 at 2:33 PM

Fred! was very Presidential in his handling of the attack. He immediately sized up the situation, didn’t make a fuss or show a lot of bluster. He simply responded directly in an appropriate manner. Stretch Pelosi and the Undertaker are outraged that he didn’t notify Congress before making his reponse.

The rest of the liberals are demanding Fred!’s impeachment as a candidate. Clearly the snowball attack was not aimed at him. Yet he chose to act preemtively and fire back before it was clear that the “terrorists” were going to attack him. Cowboy snowballing indeed!

Mallard T. Drake on December 29, 2007 at 2:39 PM

Fred’s friends and family had to convince him he should throw the snowball.

csdeven on December 29, 2007 at 2:52 PM

Fred didn’t actually throw the snowball, the snow was afraid of bring crushed and flew away on its own.

Mitt would be hounded by video clips of Massachusetts debates where he vowed to protect the rights of snowflakes.

Edwards would have sued the original thrower and during the trial would channel the snowball’s anguished scream as it disintegrated.

Hillary would have returned the shot by throwing a rock, to show she is not weak, and then run to Bill crying for help.

Paul wouldn’t have done anything, but a few mysterious Paulnuts would start throwing snowballs from a hidden location.

pedestrian on December 29, 2007 at 3:10 PM

Hillary would have Billy claim that she was attacked because she’s the only girl in the race. After feminists would complain she’d say that she was joking.

Entelechy on December 29, 2007 at 3:30 PM

Hillary CAUSES snowballs…

Hillary IS a snowball.

Obama would try to achieve reconciliation with the hurlers and take the second one in the face, after which he would sue the security people.

Gravel and Keyes would complain bitterly that no one was throwing snowballs at THEM!

Chuck Norris would consider stepping between Huck and the snowball, or possibly simply causing the snowball to vaporize via withering gaze, but would instead decide to sue a penguin.

Merovign on December 29, 2007 at 3:37 PM

Snowball, schmoball, who’s the girl???

ScottG on December 29, 2007 at 3:40 PM

Incidentally, it just kind of occurred to me:

Why are people ambushing presidential candidates with thrown objects? Don’t we have, y’know, security type folks to pre-tase bros like that? Or are snowballs OK?

I’m thinking I would be tased for life if I threw something at the POTUS.

wccawa on December 29, 2007 at 3:43 PM

That Fred moves like a cat!

tlynch001 on December 29, 2007 at 3:47 PM

That Fred moves like a cat!

tlynch001 on December 29, 2007 at 3:47 PM

He’s pretty spry for an old dude…

liquidflorian on December 29, 2007 at 4:17 PM

McCain: Ok, Ok. We’ll build the g@#$d%^&&* snowshield.

silverfox on December 29, 2007 at 4:47 PM

wccawa on December 29, 2007 at 3:43 PM

This was a staged event by people known by the campaign. I didn’t post that hours ago because we were having such fun. But since you brought up the question……

csdeven on December 29, 2007 at 5:09 PM

Rudy would have had a couple of goons take him down, and then he would have crammed a snowball up his a$$ and said “You’re not gonna get away with that in my America, pal.”

Pablo on December 29, 2007 at 5:42 PM

Hillary can’t make a snow ball…snow instantly turns to steam in her hands…

sabbott on December 29, 2007 at 1:54 PM

YES! and you know what would happen if she got any water on her.

Just dreaming.

TheSitRep on December 29, 2007 at 8:55 PM

Of course IF Gorezilla was running, he could not make a snowball because American SUV owners have caused global warming which has melted all the snow!

Gatordoug on December 29, 2007 at 9:15 PM

What I like about the clip is that you see a real campaign staff having real fun and a real man have a real reaction. How refreshing!

Mojave Mark on December 29, 2007 at 10:45 PM

The greatest American President evah. I hope we get a chance to live it.

Griz on December 30, 2007 at 12:29 AM

Gore would claim he invented the snowball.

csdeven on December 30, 2007 at 1:15 AM

1) First the schoolmarm from the Des Moines Register would have asked each candidate for a show of hands to see who thinks making snowballs is even possible in the era of global warming.

2) Joe Biden would have given such a long preamble on the history of snowballs that the snow would have melted before any return volleys could be launched, and/or would have copied someone else’s method of snowball making while taking credit for it.

Captain Scarlet on December 30, 2007 at 2:14 AM

They both throw like girls.

peacenprosperity on December 30, 2007 at 9:48 AM

While Hetwitt throws mit’s snowballs, csdeven throws ‘em for the rest (but only at Fred).

Fred’s friends and family had to convince him he should throw the snowball.

csdeven on December 29, 2007 at 2:52 PM

That part of the video was edited out for the sake of brevity.
As for being staged… the two were waiting to throw a snowball at someone who was NOT Fred because he threw one at them earlier… I can see the elaborate planning session that went down for this one. “Ok, you throw a snowball at bob… and then bob will wait for you and throw one back… so we can show Fred responding decisively and leak the video on the net. Boy that’ll sure turn things around!” Gosh, you’d think he was planting questions by fake “undecided voters” in debates or campaign stops or something…

BadBrad on December 30, 2007 at 10:09 AM

Hillary, after voting for the Administration to deploy Snowballs, would then change her mind because of the terrible execution of snowball deployment…

Dick Cheney would call in reinforcements, and those people would be pummeled by snowballs from the entire 10th Mountain Division…

Ronald Reagen would have built a massive infrastructure of snowball production, and those of the evil snowball empire would have bankrupt themselves trying to keep up with Americas production of the Massive Frozen Hydrogen/Oxygen Bomb.

Kennedy would have sent in “Advisors”.

Nixon would have attempted to cover up the incident by editing the existing tape.

Jimmy Carter would have lamented about how evil WE must be because they are throwing snowballs at us… and advocated that the Snowman Liberation Organization (SLO) be given a homeland in someone elses country… after all, snowmen HAVE a RIGHT to return…

Romeo13 on December 30, 2007 at 10:45 AM

OH, and Teddy Roosevelt would have just walked up and beat them with the stick he was carrying… yelling “BULLY!”

Romeo13 on December 30, 2007 at 10:47 AM

Hunter would begin the fight back and immediately start building a snow wall.

Sensei Ern on December 31, 2007 at 10:33 AM