Video: The worst Christmas movies evah
posted at 7:38 pm on December 16, 2007 by Allahpundit
“National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” among the worst? Seriously? The scenes with Aunt Bethany are alone worth the cost of the rental. A case can be made, in fact, that it’s the best of the “Vacation” movies.
Not a very persuasive case, but still.
They’re quite right about “Jingle All the Way.” Historically bad, to the point where it should have disqualified Arnold from running for higher office if the Twelfth Amendment hadn’t already done the job.
Blowback
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This chick hated Christmas Vacation and Miracle on 34th St? What a grinch.
DrW on December 16, 2007 at 7:46 PM
Slate is a site full of pompous, arrogant, academic douchebags (Sorry Hitch!) who mostly would love to see Christmas as sanitized as possible. They’re as reliable for movie reviews as a film professor.
That said, while many listed were bad (especially that live action Grinch crap) Christmas Vacation is up there with Miracle on 34th Street. My family first watched it when it came out, and we’ve watched it nearly every year since. Every one of us can’t watch it without laughing every single year.
MadisonConservative on December 16, 2007 at 7:47 PM
I’m sorry, nothing is as bad as that Star Wars pile o’ steaming doodoo you posted down the page a way.
Nothing.
Bob's Kid on December 16, 2007 at 7:47 PM
What no Robert Redford movies making the list. Bias.
Kini on December 16, 2007 at 7:48 PM
Probably a little leftest trying to be cool by dissing something.
GoodBoy on December 16, 2007 at 7:48 PM
What a jaded, snotty, “I’m-too-good-for-this”, crap review. Miracle on 34th street awful?? Come on…
brak on December 16, 2007 at 7:48 PM
God…I finished writing the above before I got to where they listed the original Miracle…what utter tripe. Slate.com is more like S%$#.com.
MadisonConservative on December 16, 2007 at 7:49 PM
I do agree about the Jim Carrey movie. I walked out of that one because it was destroying my childhood memories of the cartoon lol.
GoodBoy on December 16, 2007 at 7:50 PM
You serious, Clark?
tdau1997 on December 16, 2007 at 7:51 PM
How about the fact that current movies about Christmas are written, acted and reviewed by people that probably have no concept of what Christmas is?
The original Miracle on 34th St is a great flick for Christmas. Of course, if you are a street smart, birth control poppin’, street walker dressing elementary school student, it might be a disconnect.
Chevy Chase peaked falling off a ladder and claiming to be Gerald Ford.
Hening on December 16, 2007 at 7:56 PM
What the ****? How can you not laugh at cousin Eddie and his “tenement on wheels.” And the Grinch? Two of my favorites that I have on dvd. These tools wouldn’t know funny if it kicked them in the ass. Wait, put that on youtube to Trans Siberian Orchestra and I’ll watch.
Hammerhead on December 16, 2007 at 7:56 PM
“National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” is one of the top five BEST Christmas movies of all time. It’s difficult for me to take anything a list maker says seriously after that egregious error in judgment.
Now, here is something I’ve actually been pondering for the Christmas season. Which version of “A Christmas Carol” is the best?
Notable contenders include the George C. Scott version, the Patrick Stewart version, the Muppet version, and of course, “Scrooged”.
Nessuno on December 16, 2007 at 7:57 PM
I would like to submit “The Family Stone” as one of the worst. You’d figure anything with Rachel McAdams would be at least enjoyable. Not that one.
tdau1997 on December 16, 2007 at 7:57 PM
It’s the gift that keeps on giving.
Rick on December 16, 2007 at 7:59 PM
The conservative Liberty Film Festival LIBERTAS blog has been counting down the 25 Christmas Movies We Love. Good stuff.
Michael in MI on December 16, 2007 at 8:00 PM
I thought the Grinch hated Christmas,and the Who’s happen
to celebrate it,give it time with the Liberal’s and we all
will be watching Happy Holiday movies!,but the sick serial,
nut case murder scenario Christmas movies have to be deeped
sixed the sooner the better.
canopfor on December 16, 2007 at 8:06 PM
I liked Jingle all the Way. It was funny. I also think the Muppet Christmas Carol is the best. Michael Caine plays a great Scrooge and the music is wonderful. The muppets are a little annoying in places but the movie is quite emotional.
Rose on December 16, 2007 at 8:09 PM
Nessuno-
I believe the best version of “A Christmas Carol” is the black and white British version starring Alistair Sims. He was a great mean Scrooge but an even better -manic happy I just been saved- Scrooge. Just my two cents.
Little Boomer on December 16, 2007 at 8:09 PM
Uhh, I have Jingle All The Way on DVD. Dude Phil Hartman, what`s the matter with you!? You`re a real grinch lately AP lol
saus on December 16, 2007 at 8:09 PM
How would you like to spend Christmas with that little bah-humbug, snot-nosed, self-righteous reviewer?
Rod on December 16, 2007 at 8:19 PM
Top 5 Best Christmas Movies by catagory
Classic: It’s a Wonderful Life
Musical: Holiday Inn
Comedy: Christmas Vacation
Family: A Christmas Story
Action: Die Hard (Ho Ho Ho, Now I have a machine gun)
Honorable Mentions: Miracle on 34th St., White Christmas, Scrooged, Elf, A Christmas Carol, Home Alone.
DrW on December 16, 2007 at 8:20 PM
Chistmas Vacation was awesome
Gatordoug on December 16, 2007 at 8:21 PM
Darn skippy. “The Family Stone” is a cynical attempt at a PC Christmas movie and it shows.
This woman is stupid. “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” is awesome. My dad and I watch it and giggle like loons through the whole thing. Her parents must be totally humorless if they can’t. Which explains why she doesn’t either.
And “Miracle on 34th Street” is a great movie.
Heck, she probably thinks all those anti-War movies were just the greatest-est movies ever.
mjk on December 16, 2007 at 8:22 PM
Wasn’t there a Christmas movie with Laurel and Hardy,
something about the toy’s coming to life,can’t quite
remember!
canopfor on December 16, 2007 at 8:23 PM
Is there a ‘good’ christmas movie, tori?
paranoid on December 16, 2007 at 8:23 PM
A Christmas Story is the best Christmas movie evah.
Bad Candy on December 16, 2007 at 8:25 PM
Those movies with Tim Allen in them are really bad. UGH.
SouthernGent on December 16, 2007 at 8:26 PM
Babes in Toyland
Not exactly a Christmas movie, but a damn sight better than many these days.
MadisonConservative on December 16, 2007 at 8:29 PM
She has a candy cane up her butt. She was nearly monotone and very dreary. She probably hates everything to do with Christmas to begin with. Christmas Vacation was great, and a Christmas classic, as was Miracle on 34th Street.
Tuari on December 16, 2007 at 8:30 PM
Yeah, I don’t know about this… Christmas Vacation has been a holiday tradition in my family for years. We owned it on tape before DVD. And while I don’t personally like Miracle on 34th St, I can differentiate between movies I don’t personally enjoy and movies that are bad. Miracle on 34th St is by no means a bad film, just not my taste. I think that this reviewer, though, cannot differentiate such things.
Wineaholic on December 16, 2007 at 8:32 PM
FTFY
Bad Candy on December 16, 2007 at 8:36 PM
“The Holiday” was a good chick flick. It got me choked up a few times.
nottakingsides on December 16, 2007 at 8:36 PM
“..but they all make us (the Slate staff) look forward to the end of the season”
How could recent C-movie horror flicks make anyone look forward to the end of Christmas? I’m a movie buff and didn’t even know they existed.
nottakingsides on December 16, 2007 at 8:41 PM
My fav? A Christmas Story. I turn my bedroom tv on to that for the full 24 hours of it. The family knows NOT to touch it.
Christmas Vacation? When Clark is tearing up over growing up in (Samantha Steves’ house, for the trivia buffs) and Ray is singing…well, we are all Clark at that moment.
Fixed the newel post!
The little lights aren’t twinkling. Yes, I know, and thanks for noticing Art.
Play ball!
Thank you Aunt Bethany/Betty Boop/Olive Oyl.
CrimsonFisted on December 16, 2007 at 8:42 PM
SQUIIIIIIRRRRRELLLLLL!!!!!!!
robblefarian on December 16, 2007 at 8:44 PM
The Muppet version. I’ll be watching that and my all time favourite Christmas movie The Apartment on Christmas Day.
aengus on December 16, 2007 at 8:48 PM
Babes in toyland…
MadisonConservative on December 16,2007 at 8:29PM.
MadisonConservative:Bingo,I went to the movie theatre when
I was a kid to see it,Thanks.
Hey,I know there on a break,but Sands of Passion Christmas
special would be a riot,what church would they go to,and
what would the Christmas supper be,oh the comical
possiblities.haha
canopfor on December 16, 2007 at 8:52 PM
Whateva
Ugly on December 16, 2007 at 9:03 PM
It has just occurred to me why Slate would hate “Christmas Vacation” so much.
Present in the movie is the classic Red-Blue divide in America. It would be troubling to associate more with the Blue State-ish neighbors, Todd and Margo, than the decidedly Red State Griswalds.
Classic exchange from the neighbors:
Margo: You just march over there and slug that creep in the face.
Todd: I can’t just attack someone.
Margo: Alright then, if you’re not man enough to put an end to this shit, then I am.
Nessuno on December 16, 2007 at 9:03 PM
Torie Bosch… you need to not be giving voice-over narrations from now on.
Yoosaion on December 16, 2007 at 9:06 PM
You are so right
Hening on December 16, 2007 at 9:13 PM
It’s a beaut Clark…
I’ve never seen that movie, tehe
d1carter on December 16, 2007 at 9:27 PM
Not a word about Ben Affleck in Surviving Chrismas? Truly sucked
sweeper on December 16, 2007 at 9:28 PM
canopfor on December 16, 2007 at 8:52 PMWow! I loved that movie when I was a kid and still do. I still marvel at what the bad things look like now and what I thought they looked like when I was six. Babes in Toyland. What a great flick.
I’ve gotta agree with Little Boomer on best “A Christmas Carol”.
Oldnuke on December 16, 2007 at 9:28 PM
Woops, sorry canopfor, meant to quote not strike. Past my bedtime.
Oldnuke on December 16, 2007 at 9:29 PM
Didn’t she just do a debate somewhere?
EricPWJohnson on December 16, 2007 at 9:29 PM
What a humorless bitter witch that woman must be!
For such a smugly self-important group like Slate, they seem to miss the real point here. Slasher flicks like Jack Frost and cynical flicks like Christmas Vacation prey on the feelings everybody has for this time of year. They have as much to do with the actual holiday as Independence Day has to do with July 4th. I can’t believe they trash Miracle on 34th Street as being too dishonest for questioning children (though I do agree that you don’t go back in 1994 and mess with the original film).
THERE IS A CHRISTMAS MESSAGE TO BE TOLD. Ben Hur is one example of many films that tell that message. I hope that humorless and bitter witch chokes on her possessed gingerbread cookie!
highhopes on December 16, 2007 at 9:33 PM
Four years ago, as my wife was a week away from giving birth to our son (our first), my back went out. As such, two people felt lousy and were stuck at night to recliners (and in my case painkillers). The one thing which made the pain bearable: Christmas Vacation on DVD. We always had enjoyed the film before – my brother in law loved to pause the film as Clark does an egg nog spit take out of a WallyWorld mug – but now it has special meaning for us. So on our son’s birthday week, we sit down and enjoy. Our son wants us to go forward to the squirrel scene.
thirtypundit on December 16, 2007 at 9:35 PM
Whateva
Ugly on December 16,2007 at 8:29PM.
Ugly:Hehe,that was cute,thanks.
canopfor on December 16, 2007 at 9:41 PM
Essential viewing for Christmas
1) National Lampoon’s Christmas
2) Scrooged
3) Elf
4) Miracle on 34th street.
5) It’s a Wonderful Life
hashman on December 16, 2007 at 9:41 PM
Laurel & Hardy’s March of the Wooden Soldiers is best watched about 30 minutes into the very end, when the soldiers are about ready to show up. Or maybe 15 minutes into the end. The rest of the film can be safely ignored.
But man, I love that finale. My brothers and I watched it a zillion times. Our favorite is when the soldier crashes through the door and the fake head gets knocked off on the frame, and you can still see the lump in the suit where the real head is underneath.
I love crummy old flicks. They’re a hoot.
Meryl Yourish on December 16, 2007 at 9:41 PM
Oh yeah, my favorite line:
“Sh*tter’s full”
d1carter on December 16, 2007 at 9:42 PM
She has a candy cane…..
Tuari on December 16,2007 at 8:30PM.
Tuari:Oh I can’t help myself,hehe,sure it wasn’t a cigar,
maybe a Christmas Cigar.
canopfor on December 16, 2007 at 9:46 PM
I’m glad I’m not the only one who leaves Christmas Story on for the 24 marathon.
Bad Candy on December 16, 2007 at 9:46 PM
OT:
How about them Cowboys, Bryan?
;-)
Good Lt on December 16, 2007 at 9:47 PM
Woops,sorry canopfor….
Oldnuke on December 16,2007 at 9:29PM.
Oldnuke:I know what you mean’t,I’ve made some boo boo’s
on some of the threads this week.
canopfor on December 16, 2007 at 9:49 PM
Oldnuke:your right that’s my favourite,Alstair Sims,
1951,got that British feel to it.
canopfor on December 16, 2007 at 9:55 PM
Wait…that Santa Claus and the Martian movie didn’t make the list…but 34th ST. AND Christmas Vacation did?
If ever there was a need for the letters “WTF”, this is it…
JetBoy on December 16, 2007 at 10:00 PM
Christmas Vacation is a great movie, because of this: even when the relatives we hate show up and drive us crazy…we’re still Family. That’s Christmas. Think I’ll watch it tonight.
Doug on December 16, 2007 at 10:11 PM
I’m sure the worst is yet to come when leftards feel the time is right. How about DePalma (SP,smell? )doing “A Redacted Christmas Carol” from an unrepentant Marley’s point of view.
BL@KBIRD on December 16, 2007 at 10:14 PM
Miracle on 34th Street? National Lampoon? What movies does this chick like?
amerpundit on December 16, 2007 at 10:18 PM
A Christmas Story and Scrooged and A Nightmare Before Christmas get my votes for best Christmas movies. In that order.
Ugly on December 16, 2007 at 10:24 PM
Any list like this in incomplete if Santa Clause vs. the Martians is not included!
Gyro on December 16, 2007 at 10:29 PM
Share the cuteness ;)
Ugly on December 16, 2007 at 10:32 PM
Christmas Vacation was my favorite of the Vacation movies. This reviewer is full of baloney. Randy Quaid was hysterical.
packsoldier on December 16, 2007 at 10:44 PM
Christmas Vacation was, IMHO, the best of the Vacation movies. I liked it better than the original, probably because it was cleaner and the humor more universal.
Scrooged was awesome. I loved the “acid rain” scare promo, with Lee Majors preceeding that by saving Santa in “The Day the Reindeer Died”.
But the worst? “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians”. We showed that at a bad movie night and it was the only movie we ever turned off.
Nethicus on December 16, 2007 at 10:46 PM
For sure the one with George C Scott, it’s the best version of a Christmas Carol (IMHO) of all time and if it doesn’t bring a tear to your eye then you’re probably not human like the leftist Biach that did this craptastic Slate “lets bash Christmas” vid!
Seriously, someone must of put a hurt on her in her younger years, maybe Santa put her on the naughty list one year and she never got over it even after years of therapy!
Other fav Christmas movies of mine:
A Christmas Story
It’s a Wonderful Life
Liberty or Death on December 16, 2007 at 10:55 PM
Nessuno on December 16, 2007 at 7:57 PM
BZZZT! None of the above. Not even in the running.
The 1951 Sim version is far and away the best.
Or even better, just read the book. Seriously. Illustrated copies (including the original) available for free at archive.org. Or for even more insight into the book, buy “The Annotated Christmas Carol”. Dickens made very little money on the book, in great part due to his insistence of low price and high quality. Also, it was widely pirated immediately after it appeared, and there was effectively nothing he could do about it.
But the book’s impact was enormous and continues to this day.
JimC on December 16, 2007 at 10:57 PM
What a sour puss she is. “A Christmas Story” is one
of the best ever. . .
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085334/
Texyank on December 16, 2007 at 10:59 PM
Wasn’t Heidi with Shirley Temple a sort of Christmas movie. It was so…. long ago. From a childs perspective all the reviewed movies were good except mabey it’s a wonderful life.
sonnyspats1 on December 16, 2007 at 11:01 PM
How is Santa with Muscles with Hulk Hogan not on here?
http://imdb.com/title/tt0117550/
So many plot holes..
jayj on December 16, 2007 at 11:08 PM
Yep. That’s my favorite version of A Christmas Carol by far, but I watch ‘em all every year.
Oh, and Merry Christmas to you all!
techno_barbarian on December 16, 2007 at 11:09 PM
We watch “Christmas Vacation” every year and it remains funny every year because it shows all our Christmas Disasters, idiosyncrasies and foibles in one movie. There is not enough gravy made to eat my dads turkey. One bite and instant mummification as seen in the movie “The Mummy.” But everybody forgot to mention “Gremlins.” Phoebe Cates line “They found my dad stuck in the chimney after trying to slide down to surprise us.”
PrettyD_Vicious on December 17, 2007 at 12:49 AM
What? Nobody likes ‘Bad Santa’? Or ‘Lethal Weapon’? Jeeze.
trigon on December 17, 2007 at 1:58 AM
Bad Santa rawks. Not exactly Christmas fare :P
Ugly on December 17, 2007 at 2:54 AM
Seriously, dude. Chevy Chase is the worst comedic actor, evah. He makes Adam Sandler look like Buster Keaton.
Jaibones on December 17, 2007 at 6:38 AM
Sad thing is, I saw Jack Frost. It’s actually pretty funny — I saw it thinking it was trying to be a straight horror film, and was pleasantly surprised to see that it was a horror/comedy. I have yet to see Gingerdead Man, but my vote for worst horror Christmas film would be Silent Night Deadly Night. Not only was the premise seriously flawed and the acting bad (a friend in college who I discovered had “issues” later on introduced me to this film, telling me it was a “great” film), but it was enough to scare little kids just from the advertisements.
ScoopPC11 on December 17, 2007 at 7:16 AM
As far as my favorite Christmas films:
Gremlins
A Christmas Story (I’m trying to talk my husband into getting the pieces for the little Christmas village that they sell at Sears based on the movie)
ScoopPC11 on December 17, 2007 at 7:21 AM
Agreed, If they had listed that I would have to go postal on them.
conservnut on December 17, 2007 at 7:25 AM
This is what I have to say to the editors at Slate:
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Kiss my ass
Kiss your ass
Kiss his ass
Happy Hanukkah
BohicaTwentyTwo on December 17, 2007 at 8:17 AM
National Lampons’ “Christmas Vacation” is always watched as a family tradition in my household. Find me a large extended family that is NOT dysfunctional. Geez, give me a break.
“Dad, how where you able to pull off Christmas each year?”
“Son, I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.”
Amen, Brother. True Holiday wisdom.
Wuptdo on December 17, 2007 at 9:16 AM
I always liked Trading Places as a Holiday movie. It’s not as funny as A Christmas Vacation, though.
I’m trying to remember that line, when the grandparents arrive and they hug the kids, the grandmother offers them a shiny new quarter to rub her feet, or something? Does anyone remember?
Dork B. on December 17, 2007 at 9:18 AM
Don’t even get her started on the “Reason for the Season”. If she made a statement about that in her “I hate Christmas movies” review, this thread would hit 750+ posts.
KCtheKat on December 17, 2007 at 9:49 AM
Christmas Vacation: “Mister, if I had a rubber hose, I’d beat you with it!”
Scrooged: “That may work with the ladies pal; not with me.”
Die Hard: “It’s Christmas, Theo; ’tis a time for miracles, so be of good cheer, and call me when you get to the seventh lock!”
Lethal Weapon: “IT’S G*DD*MNED CHRISTMAS!”
‘Nuff said.
Frozen Tex on December 17, 2007 at 10:00 AM
“Jingle All The Way” was awesome, dude…
Baphomet on December 17, 2007 at 10:05 AM
remember Murphy on the train dressed as the guy from Cameroon, man?
Beef Jerky Time! Happy Christmas!
Uh, In this country we say, Merry Christmas.
Ooohhh, Merry Christmas then, and Merry New Year!
DrW on December 17, 2007 at 10:56 AM
Just got a new big screen 1080p LCD with a pumping surround system. My father-in-law loves Christmas Story. When I invited him over to watch it on the new system he told me, “Naw. I only watch it in parts while it is on during the 24 hour showing. Never sat through the whole thing.”
As for A Christmas Carol. #1 is Patrick Stewart. #2 is Mickey’s Christmas Carol. None other compare (even though I do own other versions).
Christmas Vacation is classic. Not Christmas without it. I even watched it on Christmas Day in Iraq. The lady is a moron.
Glad she did not get her talons on my precious Pee Wee’s Playhouse Christmas Special. I would have had to hunt her down. Nothing beats Charro, the del Rubio Triplets, kd lang, Magic Johnson, Frankie and Annette, Little Richard, (Princess) Zsa Zsa Gabor . . . must I go on?
thomashton on December 17, 2007 at 11:55 AM
What about the finest Christmas movie ever made: Santa Claus Conquers The Martians
Is it always up to me to introduce high culture onto this site?
Tantor on December 17, 2007 at 12:48 PM
I do love me my classics.
Miracle on 34th Street
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
A Christmas Carol (I believe I have the 1968 version on a Beta. I should see if they have a DVD for it.)
Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer (It’s stop-action IIRC.)
Elf was good, and I liked Tim Allen in the Santa Claus. The Grinch (live-action) was on a few nights ago and Carrey overdoes it a little more than I remember, but it’s still solid and it adds a more human element to the Who’s other than static innocent background characters vs evil plotting Grinch.
I’ve seen Jingle all the way and it’s quite cool.
I’ve never seen A Christmas Vacation.
BKennedy on December 17, 2007 at 3:56 PM
Christmas Vacation?
Entertaining: YES, in a sleazy sort of way. If this movie were a magazine, you’d hide it under your bed.
Good Christmas movie: NO, it is a parody which mocks good Christmas movies.
Classic: NO…not in the same league as “Miracle on 34th Street” etc. Come on: you can’t seriously compare Chevy Chase to any serious actor!
landlines on December 17, 2007 at 7:07 PM