Marines to Pentagon: We need a freaky deaky airborne death ray, stat
posted at 2:42 pm on December 3, 2007 by Allahpundit
Share on Facebook | printer-friendly
Thunderbolts from the sky. They call it the Precision Airborne Standoff Directed Energy Weapon (PASDEW), I call it Zeusmania.
In the annals of awesomeness, this shall be the standard against which all future awesomeness is measured.
According to the Marines’ laser request, obtained by DANGER ROOM, this so-called Precision Airborne Standoff Directed Energy Weapon (PASDEW) wouldn’t just be an improved killed machine. It would also have particularly devastating psychological effects. Such weapons, when used against people, “can be compared to long range blow torches or precision flame throwers, with corresponding psychological advantages for [Coalition Forces] CF.”
In other words, the lasers don’t just kill people, but they kill people in really gruesome, frightening ways — particularly because the beam from such weapons, like the Advanced Tactical Laser, is invisible to the human eye. That means you could have three guys standing around, and one of them suddenly burst into flames.
“It is a lethal capability [insurgents] cannot readily counter and will not fully comprehend,” goes the military’s description, which seems optimistic given that descriptions of the device are already circulating publicly on sites like Danger Room. It seems we’re not close to actually having this capability, although an experimental laser cannon did hit 67 kilowatts in a test in February and the magic battlefield threshold of 100 kw was expected to be reached within 6-8 months after that, so who knows? If you start seeing an unusual uptick in reports out of Iraq of spontaneous human combustion, you’ll know.
Exit question: Isn’t this weapon likely to be … counterproductive in a counterinsurgency setting? Our success lately comes from building trust with the locals. Demonstrating a godlike power to light any one of them on fire from 50,000 feet before they knew what hit them would seem to, er, cut against that.
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Blowback
Note from Hot Air management: This section is for comments from Hot Air's community of registered readers. Please don't assume that Hot Air management agrees with or otherwise endorses any particular comment just because we let it stand. A reminder: Anyone who fails to comply with our terms of use may lose their posting privilege.
Trackbacks/Pings
Trackback URL
Comments
Comment pages: « Previous 1 2
So every marine will be outfitted with a laser, and a compact…that won’t help the image.
right2bright on December 3, 2007 at 7:39 PM
67 kilowatts? They want 5 megawatts by mid-May, Jerry.
Mark V. on December 3, 2007 at 7:42 PM
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all in favor of the really cool Death-Ray. If you want to really freak out the jihadi’s, though, you need a weapon that can supersonically fire a Live miniature pig into some bozo’s skull from orbit. Now, that’ll freak ‘em out. Rrrreeeee! Rrrreeee!
trigon on December 3, 2007 at 7:53 PM
“…Wave Motion Gun.” – Lancer
Now you’re talkin’! And what a great movie THAT would be, huh?
Retired, reactived, retrofitted, retired, reactivated, retrofitted, retired, mothballed and turned into museums … We thought the Iowa Class Battleships were finally retired for good … but we then needed them one … last … time.
Tony737 on December 3, 2007 at 8:10 PM
Why? As long as it isn’t abused, I don’t see why it would hurt their trust in us. On the contrary, the ability to quickly take out a guilty individual in the middle of a crowd of innocents would, I believe, be a great hit with Iraqi women and children.
They are, after all, the ones that Michael Moore’s Minutemen like to hide behind when they’re on a murdering spree.
Besides, at the end of the day: Trust and love are transient. Fear, on the other hand, isn’t.
Oderint dum metuant.
Misha I on December 3, 2007 at 9:08 PM
You made me laugh out loud and now everyone in the internet cafe is looking at me funny.
Tzetzes on December 3, 2007 at 9:15 PM
Here’s a name that might really work… and it might just work for the jihadis too!
“Fateful Lightning”… (of His terrible swift sword).
drunyan8315 on December 3, 2007 at 11:51 PM
Jihadi flambe’
91Veteran on December 4, 2007 at 12:54 AM
Depends on how many lawyers get involved prior to it being fielded.
Remember the pain ray?
91Veteran on December 4, 2007 at 12:56 AM
Howse about a shofar???
ScottG on December 4, 2007 at 4:08 AM
Yeah, too bad we couldn’t have sprung it on Al Sadr when he was leading a televised “death to America” rally. *POOF* You’re toast, would have really freaked out his minions.
Texas Nick 77 on December 4, 2007 at 6:19 AM
How about one that gives them a sex change?
Texas Nick 77 on December 4, 2007 at 6:36 AM
Those old battlewagons were beautiful. Nothing else has ever floated that was as elegant. But I think nuke powered battleships (BBNs) with laser capabilities, along with the 16″ rifles, would really be awesome. Of course, they’d need the same overall dimensions to fit through the Panama Canal.
Texas Nick 77 on December 4, 2007 at 6:45 AM
When a target is hit, does the song “Popcorn” play while they dance like a marionette?
Coronagold on December 4, 2007 at 6:59 AM
Nick, the retrofit that Lancer and I are talkin’ about are little bit more than squeezin’ through the canel :-)
91Vet, the pain ray, the “active denial system” is still in development (I think). But, too bad, the Air Force cancelled the “gay bomb” … now THAT woulda been funny!
“Achmed, we must keeeel these infidels for allah … but, I feel strangely aroused when I look at you in that robe …”
That’s one friendly fire you REALLY don’t wanna get hit with … I wonder, would ya get kicked outta the service for breakin’ the don’t ask don’t tell policy?
Tony737 on December 4, 2007 at 7:00 AM
Downside potential? Hildebeast gets into office, sells the technology to the Chinese to reward campaign donations. The jihadi’s get the technology and start using it against us. I hope the Army plans for anti-laser suits in their future if this technology is deployed. The real exit question is this: What type of world are our children going to be living in 30 or 40 years from now. It makes one shudder. Second exit question: does the second amendment apply to this weapon? LOL
gajaw999 on December 4, 2007 at 8:48 AM
“The Ayes of Texas”?
Frozen Tex on December 4, 2007 at 10:02 AM
Tex, never heard of that but we were talkin’ about the cartoon “Star Blazers”. If you’ve never seen the show, it’s in the future, Earth’s fleets have been wiped out by our alien enemy, and we dig up the Japanese battleship Yamato from the floor of the dried up Pacific Ocean. It’s WAY upgraded for space flight but still looks like a WW2 battlewagon.
Our Iowa class ships have been retired, reactivated and retrofitted for Korea, Vietnam and even the Gulf War. How cool would that movie be if we reactivated them one more time? I’d make it a cross between Star Blazers and “Space: Above and Beyond”.
Nick, I agree, the Iowas were the most beautiful ships ever built.
Tony737 on December 4, 2007 at 10:19 AM
Quote of the month!
thejackal on December 4, 2007 at 12:56 PM
The question will be “regular or extra crispy”…
Zorro on December 4, 2007 at 1:56 PM
Ah, of course. I haven’t seen “Star Blazers” since I was 12 or so (along, long time ago). I also remembered reading a novel called “The Ayes of Texas” when I was in junior high, involving the re-fitting of the USS Texas with ultra-modern weaponry, although I don’t remember much of the plotline now.
Frozen Tex on December 4, 2007 at 2:14 PM
Oh, and I agree with the both of you regarding the Iowas.
Frozen Tex on December 4, 2007 at 2:15 PM
They call it the broiler.
(grill lines not included)
rightside on December 4, 2007 at 2:30 PM
Love the Star Blazers reference. Used to watch that after school when I was a kid. Derek Wildstar had a touch of teh ghey, though.
Mike D. on December 4, 2007 at 4:17 PM
Heh – I think they should name it the Alan Parsons Project (finger-quotes)
Dork B. on December 4, 2007 at 9:56 PM
It’s been tested (I think it was in Future Weapons or something, they had guys volunteering to get zapped) and I read an article within the past two months in which the military in Iraq was requesting it be sent, but the Pentagon chose not to send it….because of their lawyers.
91Veteran on December 5, 2007 at 12:24 AM
Hmmm – Instead of a border fence…
Woody
woodcdi on December 5, 2007 at 8:53 AM
Heck, if that thing can light Pakistan, Tora Bora or w/e the walking douche bag that was responsible for 9/11 is, I’m all for it.
Ryan Gandy on December 5, 2007 at 9:11 AM
I’m concerned about the Earth! Won’t the use of this weapon leave at least two carbon footprints? (Unless, the raghead is standing on one foot of course).
sdd on December 5, 2007 at 10:32 AM
Comment pages: « Previous 1 2