Video: “Teeth” trailer
posted at 3:44 pm on November 30, 2007 by Allahpundit
A parable about feminism? A warning about promiscuity? Or the fever dream of a beta male grappling with the shame of rejection?
There’s much here to discuss, my friends.
Update: I might have known. It appears to be a knock on Christian abstinence groups.
Blowback
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Slow traffic day, AP?
My collie says:
CyberCipher on November 30, 2007 at 3:48 PM
How can this get an R? Does she show her “teeth”?
stonemeister on November 30, 2007 at 3:49 PM
That bites.
saint kansas on November 30, 2007 at 3:49 PM
Reality check: gynecologists (esp. male ones) haven’t inspected Holies of Holies unchaperoned in many years.
baldilocks on November 30, 2007 at 3:49 PM
Why, no, in fact. It’s quite robust. Were the previous 15 or 16 substantive posts today not sufficient?
My apologies to our readers for trying to slip in something lighter.
Allahpundit on November 30, 2007 at 3:50 PM
I think Mr. HooHaa’s gone into hiding.
Kini on November 30, 2007 at 3:50 PM
I didn’t know they made South Park’s The Snuke into a live-action movie.
Is the original title “The Hillary Rodham Story”?
TheEJS on November 30, 2007 at 3:51 PM
What will the Oprah’s vajayjay say?
Brat on November 30, 2007 at 3:53 PM
Is this the darker version of the Vagina Monologues?
Weight of Glory on November 30, 2007 at 3:55 PM
P.S. You know, I bagged a lot of groceries to pay my way through college, so I might as well share what I learned from my feminist poetry prof about the Jungian archetype of the “tooth mother.”
Actually I won’t bother, but rest assured this idea isn’t original.
saint kansas on November 30, 2007 at 3:55 PM
Wait, what?
Neo on November 30, 2007 at 3:56 PM
To say the least…….
doriangrey on November 30, 2007 at 3:58 PM
None necessary (and I know that you weren’t referring to me).
Further commentary: one can tell that no one who actually has a nana–much less had it perennially stamped with a GYN seal of approval–had anything to do with this.
It’s like being a fake soldier. :-D
baldilocks on November 30, 2007 at 3:59 PM
The concept, I mean.
baldilocks on November 30, 2007 at 3:59 PM
If you’ve given up totally on class, then don’t ever gig me for my posts, AllahP.
Mazztek on November 30, 2007 at 3:59 PM
One of the students at a writer’s workshop I attended a while back wrote a short story called “Vagina Dentata.” Women were getting sharp metal implants to stop rapists.
We think he had a problem with women, actually, and abandonment issues.
Apparently, he’s not the only one.
Meryl Yourish on November 30, 2007 at 4:00 PM
We won’t really know the answer until it is debated (with joy and whoopi) on The View.
My collie says:
CyberCipher on November 30, 2007 at 4:01 PM
I also apologize to our readers for having “given up totally on class” by posting this entirely non-graphic trailer of a black comedy. I’ll be sure to bear it in mind the next time someone says something racist or otherwise bigoted in the comments because, after all, this is just as bad. Sigh.
Allahpundit on November 30, 2007 at 4:01 PM
RACIST!!!!
baldilocks on November 30, 2007 at 4:04 PM
But of course!
Our heroine is Dawn (Jess Weixler), a goody-two-shoes high-schooler who belongs to a Christian group obsessed with sex — with not having it, specifically. They wear “promise” rings as a reminder never to do the deed until they’re married, and they talk about the subject constantly.
Buy Danish on November 30, 2007 at 4:07 PM
You mean like this:
http://www.rapestop.net/faq/index.asp
http://www.patentstorm.us/patents/5353811-description.html
pedestrian on November 30, 2007 at 4:09 PM
New. Faddish. Avantguard. Secure your damsel and yourself. Comes in Sporty tin, Earthen bronze, Natural iron, and Sleek Steel.
Chastity belts: They’re not just for chastity any more.
Dusty on November 30, 2007 at 4:10 PM
Ya, I agree with baldilocks, AP. How can this be a black comedy when there isn’t a Wayans brother anywhere to be seen?
I know, I know. FYNQ.
Jack M. on November 30, 2007 at 4:15 PM
Help take a bite out of crime.
TexasDan on November 30, 2007 at 4:19 PM
Jack!
What’s FYNQ? Can you say it here or do I have to wait for the AOSHQ Moron Meeting Minutes?
baldilocks on November 30, 2007 at 4:19 PM
I believe the director is gay.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
nottakingsides on November 30, 2007 at 4:22 PM
Every Muslim man’s greatest fear.
Evolution’s answer to female circumcision.
Hening on November 30, 2007 at 4:24 PM
No doubt out in the world outside Hollywood, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s considered a social faux pas not to in Hollywood.
Dusty on November 30, 2007 at 4:25 PM
I knew a girl in HighSchool.They called her the”Red Snapper”…Who knew….
Regney on November 30, 2007 at 4:27 PM
A black comedy with feminist themes and anti-religious overtones?
I think I’ll pass.
Mike Honcho on November 30, 2007 at 4:27 PM
Baldi, it means F*ck you, Next Question. As in, what people should have done at the CNN debate.
Bad Candy on November 30, 2007 at 4:29 PM
I’ve had some girlfriends like that. Usually fresh cash works to keep the teeth at bay.
saiga on November 30, 2007 at 4:31 PM
Понняла.
:-)
baldilocks on November 30, 2007 at 4:33 PM
Au contraire, mon ami.
Jaibones on November 30, 2007 at 4:34 PM
Why does this bother people so much? How is it hurting them that some girls would rather wait?
With all the STDs, teen pregnancies and just plain heartache that comes with promiscuity, a little abstinence is the least of the world’s concerns when it comes to sex.
And speaking from experience, these Christian groups don’t make sex out to be evil. They acknowledge that it’s a very pleasurable and beautiful thing. It’s just that the also acknowledge that it can be easily misused and harm a person.
These are just facts that many teens today don’t get until after the fact.
Esthier on November 30, 2007 at 4:37 PM
Allah you have nothing to apologize for in any way. Frankly, the news and events of today have been so stressful, this was refreshing in a macabre sort of way. Now, you’ll have to excuse me, I have to go to the restroom, but walking knock kneed isn’t gonna make my trip easy.
MNDavenotPC on November 30, 2007 at 4:38 PM
so pillowpants from Clerks 2 is real?
jayj on November 30, 2007 at 4:40 PM
This is nothing new.
Pablo on November 30, 2007 at 4:40 PM
Heh, good memory!
Bad Candy on November 30, 2007 at 4:42 PM
Have no idea what you said either…
Bad Candy on November 30, 2007 at 4:43 PM
Alright Esthier, back to the re-education camp, you’ve strayed from the Planned Parenthood mantra of “do it if it feels good, then pay us for your abortion.”
BKennedy on November 30, 2007 at 4:44 PM
Oh, and I’d like to second this. I don’t get why people are bent out of shape about you posting this.
Esthier on November 30, 2007 at 4:51 PM
It doesn’t seem like it’s supposed to be… it looks like more of a modern setting of the Vagina Dentata myth. Hopefully it’s a good black comedy and they don’t go too far down the horror movie road.
I’m glad I’m not in your writer’s workshop… I’d rather not be psychoanalyzed based on your opinions of the subject matter in a short story. Especially a short story that doesn’t sound very far-fetched at all.
Yoosaion on November 30, 2007 at 4:53 PM
Modern day puritan ethics…sheesh. Nothing like a little hyperbole to get the blood flowin’.
Weight of Glory on November 30, 2007 at 5:00 PM
LOL, Lorena Bobbit’s alter ego…
P. James Moriarty on November 30, 2007 at 5:07 PM
I like it AP. And appreciate the levity. Keep up the good work.
Griz on November 30, 2007 at 5:11 PM
You know, it never occurred to me before that groups like Planned Parenthood have an awfully good financial incentive to oppose abstinence education.
That’s a nice racket they got goin’. Reminds me of the old joke about the rubber company that made baby bottle nipples and condoms … and made sure the condoms didn’t work so well.
Professor Blather on November 30, 2007 at 5:19 PM
Killing the monster inside of her is a hate crime. Monsters have rights too you know. So they eat a few people, they are hungry, they are not eating everyone, we have to sacrifice a few people in the name of monster peace.
Signed
MCLU — Monster Civil Liberties Union
StuLongIsland on November 30, 2007 at 5:19 PM
I’m just glad to know that Ace of Spades finally sold that screenplay he’s been working on since he was 13 ….
Ali-Bubba on November 30, 2007 at 5:22 PM
Hmmmm. Modern day puritan ethics.
Let’s see.
Puritans reproduced a lot. Seems like there was lots of sex in order to accomplish that. It’s just that maybe they thought there should be a context to it – like marriage.
They drank beer. But again, drunkenness was anathema. It’s the context of the thing.
Let’s get our terms straight, eh?
Puritans were not neurotic like modern-day sex worshippers seem to be.
Mommynator on November 30, 2007 at 5:41 PM
BTW, this was a funny post and did lighten the day, Mr. Allahpundit.
Thank you.
Mommynator on November 30, 2007 at 5:43 PM
DO NOT WAAAAAANT!!!
fusionaddict on November 30, 2007 at 5:57 PM
I once knew a salesman who was going through a divorce. He was having these dreams of being chased by his wife’s teeth… Giant Teeth.
That was 30 years ago, and I’ve never forgotten it. Maybe now I know why.
Randy
williars on November 30, 2007 at 6:08 PM
Perhaps because I misspelled it.
It was merely “got it, dude.”
Ha!
baldilocks on November 30, 2007 at 6:11 PM
For the love of God, (sorry AP) don’t ever type that again.
I’d rather picture the teeth than that..
CBarker on November 30, 2007 at 6:46 PM
Don’t worry, AP. A bunch of people here just have sand in their…teeth.
James on November 30, 2007 at 6:50 PM
That is way too wierd for me.
TheSitRep on November 30, 2007 at 6:52 PM
I think I can commiserate on this one. I used to have recurring nightmares where my ex-wife’s divorce lawyer was chasing me — except, in the dream, her attorney bore a strong resemblance to the grim reaper. He was sort of an Alan Colmes look alike, if you know what I mean.
My collie says:
I hate being psycho-analyzed by a stupid dog.
CyberCipher on November 30, 2007 at 6:59 PM
Blather–speaking of perverse incentives in this area, here’s an oldie but a goodie.
see-dubya on November 30, 2007 at 7:00 PM
Ha! I had to check and see if it was another onion video, so this movie is for real? Hollywood is stretching for scary movie ideas, but I feel so compelled to watch it anyways. I like AP’s lighter side of…posts, we all need a break from those silly liberals!
gator70 on November 30, 2007 at 7:29 PM
If they didn’t get bent out of shape, what fun would the threads be? Provides for good entertainment.
RMCS_USN on November 30, 2007 at 7:40 PM
Great. Now I’ll be humming “Hakuna Matata” all night.
inviolet on November 30, 2007 at 8:02 PM
through the whole video I only had one nagging thought…
there should’ve been an assistant in that room
tlynch001 on November 30, 2007 at 8:02 PM
Allah,threads need to be serious,
threads need to be funny,no apolgy
needed!
canopfor on November 30, 2007 at 8:05 PM
I guess the chasity belt is old technology,
and it looks like hollywood is giving up on
Pirahnna sharp teeth,don’t get in the pool,
er,stay out of the lagoon horror flicks,
but on the other hand,this is a heck of a
deterrent though.haha.
canopfor on November 30, 2007 at 8:29 PM
I know Hollywood ran out of ideas years ago, but this is a new low for them. Is Maeby back at work at the movie studio?
Mallard T. Drake on November 30, 2007 at 8:29 PM
Plus they’re just mad at all the many other horror movies whose clear rules are: (a) Keep it in your pants or die a prompt, gruesome death, and (b) only the virgin can defeat the monster.
inviolet on November 30, 2007 at 8:35 PM
i think i’m going to puke.
i haven’t scrolled up, but has anyone else weighed in on how progressive frames are always accepted as fig leaves for indulgences in classical misogyny and racism?
jummy on November 30, 2007 at 8:39 PM
Does she have a yeast infection, or gingivitis?
conservnut on November 30, 2007 at 9:19 PM
I just went from an Alpha Male to Zero Male
Kini on November 30, 2007 at 9:51 PM
And so now I have to spend the rest of the day with an “earworm” of ““Vagina Dentata” to the tune of “Hakuna Matata” … thanks a lot.
crosspatch on November 30, 2007 at 9:53 PM
Don’t make me angry…you won’t like it when I’m angry….
[oh wait thats already taken]
johnnyU on November 30, 2007 at 10:09 PM
Heh, if only it were possible!
Hey, OT here, but what’s with the honking ad? It pops up honks a few times, then dissapears.
4shoes on November 30, 2007 at 10:24 PM
We didn’t base our analysis on one story. We based our analysis on spending six weeks with him in an intensive writing and critiquing course at a college campus, where we lived together in a dorm and spent the days writing, critiquing, and talking about writing when we weren’t writing or critiquing. We also talked about a lot of other things, including the fact that his mother abandoned him when he was a teenager. Thus leading to our suspicion that he had abandonment issues.
Perhaps, Yoosaion, you shouldn’t judge people by the sentence or two they write in a brief, fairly facetious comment. The air up on that high horse can get mighty thin.
Meryl Yourish on November 30, 2007 at 10:56 PM
Of course, the main character’s name is Flossie.
And the Dr. is called Kapps.
I’m guessing this is the work of The Onion.
(Otherwise, Hollywood has sunk it head so deep in the one orifice it has come out the other.)
My review:
A Labio-Dental Fricative.
profitsbeard on November 30, 2007 at 11:37 PM
how nice… it’s a real family picture…
D2Boston on December 1, 2007 at 12:27 AM
Forest of the Damned was a much better cure for sexual urges of any kind in males than this thing. I’d rather have it bitten off than be hypnotized by cannibalistic naked nymphs, get ripped in half and be devoured while I’m still alive and screaming.
Darth Executor on December 1, 2007 at 1:00 AM
How much does it cost to get braces on those thangs?
mylegsareswollen on December 1, 2007 at 4:10 AM
they’re making a MOVIE out of THIS????
It’s not a slow news day on hotair, but it sure is in hollywood.
Aylios on December 1, 2007 at 5:09 AM
I’d say behold the fruit of the writers’ strike, but apprently the movie’s already done. I can’t wait to see what they come up with next…
Jezla on December 1, 2007 at 8:23 AM
Snapper, I haven’t heard that one in years.
thegreatbeast on December 1, 2007 at 10:03 AM
This looks to be a gripping story indeed.
Dork B. on December 1, 2007 at 11:51 AM
Hollywood finally sinks its teeth in itself.
profitsbeard on December 1, 2007 at 9:57 PM
Did anyone check if she bites her fingernails.
Ernest on December 2, 2007 at 12:31 PM