Video: Mitt tops key voter survey

posted at 3:27 pm on November 29, 2007 by Allahpundit

Yet another poll fueled by anti-Mormon sentiment. I confess to feeling a violent urge every now and again when his pandering gets especially shameless, but is Mitt really the guy whose head you’d want to break a pool cue over? He seems so mild-mannered. I’m not sure he’d even fight back. Fred would be too slow to react and McCain obviously gets an exemption on account of heroic disability. That leaves Rudy and Huck, the latter of whom might be dangerous: I suspect he’s quick to temper and might very well go for the throat. So I settle on America’s mayor, a man who’d not only take a beer bottle to the skull with a smile but who, I bet, knows his way around a lead pipe or a stretch of rusty chain like few others. Give me a 12-pack of Newcastle and we’re all set.

Need I even say who topped the Democratic list?

Update: The other problem with taking on Huck is his wingman. Which isn’t to say that people haven’t tried.


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He seems so mild-mannered. I’m not sure he’d even fight back.

Isn’t that why you’d want to break a cue over his head? Any guy could take him.

Too bad he’s so dreamy.

lorien1973 on November 29, 2007 at 3:28 PM

AP you could make pan drippings sound interesting. You must write a book, or do something where your words don’t disappear every day. Thanks.

JiangxiDad on November 29, 2007 at 3:33 PM

He seems so mild-mannered. I’m not sure he’d even fight back.

not unless you mess up his hair…

its vintage duh on November 29, 2007 at 3:34 PM

What, no one wants to beat the stuffing out of Ron Paul?

Frozen Tex on November 29, 2007 at 3:34 PM

I wouldn’t try it guys. This guy spent his late teenage years in the slums of France. Yeah, their leaders may be idiotic surrendercrats, but I tell you, I bet those drunk french bums had a switchblade or two.

Romney is also probably trained in classic dueling. The man also has 5 kids. He knows how to tangle. Seriously, the dude has magical undergarments, he’s freaking superman.

BKennedy on November 29, 2007 at 3:34 PM

Frozen Tex on November 29, 2007 at 3:34 PM

they probably had to take him out of the question…i have a feeling his paulbots would even try to spam that pole.

its vintage duh on November 29, 2007 at 3:35 PM

What, no one wants to beat the stuffing out of Ron Paul?

Frozen Tex on November 29, 2007 at 3:34 PM

I think more people would want to see Ron Paul mud wrestling with Dennis Kucinich in a bar. Or maybe Dennis Kucinich’s wife.

aero on November 29, 2007 at 3:36 PM

its vintage duh on November 29, 2007 at 3:35 PM

I suppose. Besides, the Ronulan Disruptor is a very dangerous weapon…

Frozen Tex on November 29, 2007 at 3:36 PM

I think I just came up with the Onion’s next poll question:

Which presidential hopeful’s wives (or husband) would you like to see in a mud wrestling match?

aero on November 29, 2007 at 3:37 PM

I suppose. Besides, the Ronulan Disruptor is a very dangerous weapon…

Frozen Tex on November 29, 2007 at 3:36 PM

You couldn’t fight Ron Paul because he has a cloaking device.

BKennedy on November 29, 2007 at 3:38 PM

Which presidential hopeful’s wives (or husband) would you like to see in a mud wrestling match?

aero on November 29, 2007 at 3:37 PM

Jeri Thompson and Kucinich’s Wife.

BKennedy on November 29, 2007 at 3:39 PM

Laura Bush, wearing her hijab, and pushing Hillary’s face down in the hog pen.

Sooouuuuueeeeeyyyy!!!

Hening on November 29, 2007 at 3:44 PM

BKennedy on November 29, 2007 at 3:38 PM

Just start swinging at random, you’ll hit him eventually. But he’ll likely run away and say he doesn’t want to get involved.

Frozen Tex on November 29, 2007 at 3:47 PM

Heh heh heh Allahpundit thinks a Mafia Don would be the perfect guy to pick a bar room fight with…Me thinks theres a bit more wrong with you than your just being a beta male…

doriangrey on November 29, 2007 at 3:52 PM

A lot of voters would like to kick the sh*t out of John Edwards, just not in a bar room setting.

That had me rolling on the floor.

jaime on November 29, 2007 at 3:55 PM

Just start swinging at random, you’ll hit him eventually. But he’ll likely run away and say he doesn’t want to get involved.

Frozen Tex on November 29, 2007 at 3:47 PM

Then he’ll blame American foreign policy and don his white hood and Loose Change T-shirt before running out the door to escape.

BKennedy on November 29, 2007 at 3:58 PM

Maybe they just want to get Mitt into a submission hold and instead of letting him say “uncle” or tapping out, they make him reveal what his true policy stances are. So far it’s been almost impossible to know.

Hollowpoint on November 29, 2007 at 3:58 PM

A lot of voters would like to kick the sh*t out of John Edwards, just not in a bar room setting.

Even in private, it’s not proper to hit a girl.

Hollowpoint on November 29, 2007 at 3:59 PM

Maybe they just want to get Mitt into a submission hold and instead of letting him say “uncle” or tapping out, they make him reveal what his true policy stances are. So far it’s been almost impossible to know.

Hollowpoint on November 29, 2007 at 3:58 PM

They couldn’t get anything of value from Fred, he’d be knocked out on the first blow. Wouldn’t even be noticable, really.

BKennedy on November 29, 2007 at 4:01 PM

its vintage duh on November 29, 2007 at 3:35 PM

ughh.. pole = poll. im retarded.

its vintage duh on November 29, 2007 at 4:01 PM

Mitt’s magical undergarments make him impervious to conventional weapons.

Mike Honcho on November 29, 2007 at 4:02 PM

Hollowpoint on November 29, 2007 at 3:59 PM

Not the face! Not the face!

Frozen Tex on November 29, 2007 at 4:03 PM

Gotta be Rudy. Always fear the little guys, that’s what I’ve learned. And I have a feeling he’d fight to the death, grinning; no joke. I hate the guy, but he exudes toughness. When he’s not prancing around in a dress and all.

RW Wacko on November 29, 2007 at 4:06 PM

They couldn’t get anything of value from Fred, he’d be knocked out on the first blow. Wouldn’t even be noticable, really.

BKennedy on November 29, 2007 at 4:01 PM

The guy is what- 6’7″? He might let you get a few shots in before he responds but when he hits back- game over, you’re going down. Just hope he doesn’t spit some chew on you afterwards to add to the humiliation.

Hollowpoint on November 29, 2007 at 4:09 PM

Even in private, it’s not proper to hit a girl.

Hollowpoint on November 29, 2007 at 3:59 PM

I think it’s OK if they ask for it. I was with a woman once and she said “hit me” in a very compelling way. I was shocked and pretended not to hear. After I got to know her better I regretted passing up the opportunity.

I wouldn’t make the same mistake with Edwards.

…that didn’t sound right.

jaime on November 29, 2007 at 4:10 PM

…that didn’t sound right.

jaime on November 29, 2007 at 4:10 PM

I’m confused, are you saying that you’d “hit that”?

Hollowpoint on November 29, 2007 at 4:16 PM

Gotta be Rudy. Always fear the little guys, that’s what I’ve learned. And I have a feeling he’d fight to the death, grinning; no joke. I hate the guy, but he exudes toughness. When he’s not prancing around in a dress and all.

RW Wacko on November 29, 2007 at 4:06 PM

Rudy’s uncle was a Mafia made man, no I suspect Rudy is the very last person you ever want to get into a bar room brawl with. He11 you don’t even want to know somebody that got into a bar room brawl with Rudy…

doriangrey on November 29, 2007 at 4:16 PM

So I settle on America’s mayor, a man who’d not only take a beer bottle to the skull with a smile but who, I bet, knows his way around a lead pipe or a stretch of rusty chain like few others.

Not that again.

The guy may have had some shady relatives but he’s not one of the Sopranos.

Buy Danish on November 29, 2007 at 4:16 PM

Not that again.

The guy may have had some shady relatives but he’s not one of the Sopranos.

Buy Danish on November 29, 2007 at 4:16 PM

Some shady relatives? His Uncle was a Mafia made man, so yes Rudy is one of the Sopranos. He11 he’s practically the real life Tony Soprano…

doriangrey on November 29, 2007 at 4:20 PM

The guy is what- 6′7″? He might let you get a few shots in before he responds but when he hits back- game over, you’re going down. Just hope he doesn’t spit some chew on you afterwards to add to the humiliation.

Hollowpoint on November 29, 2007 at 4:09 PM

Oh come on, let BKennedy have his fantasy, if it weren’t for fantasies he wouldn’t have any life at all.

doriangrey on November 29, 2007 at 4:21 PM

I’m confused, are you saying that you’d “hit that”?

Hollowpoint on November 29, 2007 at 4:16 PM

Yeah, you know, sort of. But not “hit” that way.

Hell, I’m more confused than you are, but not confused that way.

Damn blog decorum.

jaime on November 29, 2007 at 4:28 PM

Rudy’s uncle was a Mafia made man, no I suspect Rudy is the very last person you ever want to get into a bar room brawl with. He11 you don’t even want to know somebody that got into a bar room brawl with Rudy…

doriangrey on November 29, 2007 at 4:16 PM

Poll was confusing. Yeah, I know it’s an Onion thing. Wasn’t who would be easiest to take down I don’t think. Rudy would be the baddest toughest SOB in the bar. Be cool to fight with him, preferably on my side.

RW Wacko on November 29, 2007 at 4:32 PM

Oh come on, let BKennedy have his fantasy, if it weren’t for fantasies he wouldn’t have any life at all.

doriangrey on November 29, 2007 at 4:21 PM

The bigger they are, the harder they fall. It might have been true when Fred was 40 years younger that he’d be a menace, now he’s just a frail old lazy beanpole.

BKennedy on November 29, 2007 at 4:39 PM

Well, if we’re talking who you’d want on your side, Mitt’s young, big, healthy… and we know Mormons aren’t shy about getting their hands dirty.

Frozen Tex on November 29, 2007 at 4:44 PM

Be cool to fight with him, preferably on my side.

RW Wacko on November 29, 2007 at 4:32 PM

Sheesh, think about that one for a second, I’d probably rather fight against a Mafia Don than fight with one, hows that old line go…Now that I have done this favor for you, some day, and that day may never come, I may ask a favor of you…/Don Corleone

doriangrey on November 29, 2007 at 4:48 PM

The bigger they are, the harder they fall. It might have been true when Fred was 40 years younger that he’d be a menace, now he’s just a frail old lazy beanpole.

BKennedy on November 29, 2007 at 4:39 PM

Hey it’s your fantasy dude, you polish it as fast as you want…

doriangrey on November 29, 2007 at 4:49 PM

I’m a Romney supporter. I’m not surprised.

madmonkphotog on November 29, 2007 at 5:57 PM

Yeah, punch out the one non-drinker. Then you can all drive yourselves home from the bar, right?

WasatchMan on November 29, 2007 at 6:57 PM

That leaves Rudy and Huck, the latter of whom might be dangerous.

That leaves Rudy and Huck, the latter of whom might be dangerous, and the former who very likely is.

MB4 on November 29, 2007 at 8:44 PM

A more interesting question is “If you were already IN a bar fight, which candidate would you like to have covering your back side?”

(My answer to THAT one is “None.”)

CyberCipher on November 29, 2007 at 10:01 PM

I think more people would want to see Ron Paul mud wrestling with Dennis Kucinich in a bar. Or maybe Dennis Kucinich’s wife.

aero on November 29, 2007 at 3:36 PM

what about Dennis Kucinich’s wife and Fred Thompson’s wife, in jello–no, mud–no, hot oil…

rrooowwwwwwwrrrrrr!

urbancenturion on November 30, 2007 at 12:32 AM

Not in the face! Not in the face!

Spooooooon!

sulla on November 30, 2007 at 2:16 AM