UK mall managers to Santa: Get to a gym, fatso!
posted at 1:20 pm on November 5, 2007 by Bryan
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Santa is being told to shift the pounds before Christmas – because the obese saint is failing to set a “good example” for children.
Because, of course, kids look to Santa as model for how they ought to behave. Kids see the red suit, the workshop full of elves, the sprawling North Pole sweat shop and think to themselves “I want some of that!”
The traditional children’s hero, best known for feasting on mince pies left out on Christmas eve, has always sported a bulging midriff.
But shopping centre bosses are giving the well-wisher his marching orders – to the nearest gym – to tackle the increasing problem of obesity.
The revelation comes after a medical report earlier this month stated that by 2050 more than 50 per cent of Brits will be obese.
And that’s the fault of a mythical guy who only shows up for a month or so out of the year. Riiiight.
Bluewater shopping centre in Greenhithe, Kent, has even gone one step further and set-up a Santa boot camp.
Fiona Campbell-Reilly, spokeswoman at the shopping centre, said: “Santa has been around for years, but society has changed and our Santa needs to reflect this.
“Bluewater’s Santa Boot Camp is getting Santa in shape and setting a good example to children who idolise him.
“He will still be the same lovable jolly man, but will be fitter and healthier.”
Despite Santa burning 600 calories an hour from delivering presents, the problem lies in the tasty mince pies left as a treat.
No, I’d say the problem is in a society that thinks slimming Santa is going to have any effect whatsoever.
What’s next, suing Santa’s until his sleigh conforms to airline safety regulations?
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And the Nanny State marches on.
Bad Candy on November 5, 2007 at 1:25 PM
Bryan, don’t be silly…His factory and sleigh will be checked for possible carbon emissions. See, he has a factory at the North Pole, right? Well, all of that pollution directly at the North Pole?
amerpundit on November 5, 2007 at 1:26 PM
What’s the fat man’s carbon footprint, I wonder? He does have that massive factory in the North Pole, and he flies around the entire globe on Christmas Eve – I think the Gorebot is barking up the wrong tree.
Rick on November 5, 2007 at 1:26 PM
Heh – beat me to it.
Rick on November 5, 2007 at 1:35 PM
What do you want to bet that the food courts in these shopping centres are mainly poisonous variations on white flour, refined sugar, and hydrogenated fats?
tikvah on November 5, 2007 at 1:38 PM
Lumps of coal all around, then?
mojo on November 5, 2007 at 1:44 PM
Exhaust…those reindeer are gassy. That’s what I hear, anyway.
nailinmyeye on November 5, 2007 at 1:44 PM
This is so ridiculous it sounds like a parody.
What’s next, the British Dental Association campaiging against the Easter Bunny with all his candies?
shick on November 5, 2007 at 1:50 PM
Mrs. Claus will have to start wearing the hijab.
Kini on November 5, 2007 at 1:59 PM
This is just plain all kinds of stupid.
tickleddragon on November 5, 2007 at 1:59 PM
I wouldn’t be too hard on them. They’re just at a loss as to how to deal with this problem, and personal responsibility is a foreign concept.
Esthier on November 5, 2007 at 2:00 PM
Santa’s personal-trainer elf is hot!
peski on November 5, 2007 at 2:05 PM
Which problem?
JiangxiDad on November 5, 2007 at 2:15 PM
Are we sure this isn’t late April Fool’s material? Who set up all those shots?
TexasDan on November 5, 2007 at 2:27 PM
If plumping up gets me some of those Santa’s little helpers in green shorts, so be it.
- The Cat
P.S.
MirCat on November 5, 2007 at 2:30 PM
Actually, PETA will force him to stop enslaving those poor reindeer. He will end up with a battery-powered, solar-and-wind charged sleigh, which will, indeed, meet regulations to be promulgated by the new United Nations Commission on Transportation Safety and Equity.
eeyore on November 5, 2007 at 2:32 PM
Ever wonder why so many people left England to begin a real life in the colonies?
Wade on November 5, 2007 at 2:50 PM
Beautiful!
ronsfi on November 5, 2007 at 3:03 PM
Are the Brits callin’ him Santa now? When I was there they called him Father Christmas.
He used to need to be fat for winter, but now whith global warming …
Tony737 on November 5, 2007 at 3:03 PM
Heck, I’m supremely impressed that they’re still calling it Christmas and not something along the lines of Winter Festival. Since, you know, Christmas is a Christian holiday and all that…
jedijson on November 5, 2007 at 3:24 PM
And of course, “Christmas” will end up being extended to a full month (a la Ramadan), because the new sleigh will never make it around the world in one night! Of course, Santa won’t actually be able to leave any presents for any of the kids, because we don’t want to hurt little Mo’s feelings or anything like that. So Santa will also be required to take classes in proper ululation techniques.
Can’t these idiots find something better to worry about?
lan astaslem on November 5, 2007 at 3:41 PM
Festivus, for the rest of us…
Rick on November 5, 2007 at 3:52 PM
When is the time for the airing of greivances? Because I’ve got A LOT of greivances this year…..
On topic – I blame Santa for my love of Milk and Cookies. I’m not obese but I still blame him.
mjk on November 5, 2007 at 4:00 PM
I’m picturing a scene from Bad Santa 2 and a double entendre about eating pie…
clghitis on November 5, 2007 at 4:49 PM
Why stop there?? What about how he treats those reindeer! And those elves! Is it fair they do all the work for an entire year and he gets all the glory for one night!! It is a horrible example of animal abuse and insensitivity to workers rights. He is taking advantage of those elves! Just because he is bigger than them! God knows what he threatens them with when nobody else is around! Why else is he so secluded! Then there is the horrible examples of playing around or slippery rooftops, going down chimneys!! How many children have been injured from falls and burns imitating this nutcase! I don’t even think he wears a seat belt when he’s flying around!! I suspect he has a mental disorder! Nobody wears that much red with a sane mind!
JellyToast on November 5, 2007 at 7:26 PM
Yeah but they don’t even understand the natural growth rate of metabolism. He’s a jolly, old man. Not comparable to obese teenagers.
aengus on November 5, 2007 at 8:36 PM
There…fixed it for ya.
flipflop on November 5, 2007 at 9:33 PM
You know this sounds like something Huckabee would come up with.
Gatordoug on November 5, 2007 at 10:06 PM
He may be fat but it’s not affecting his longevity. I say that we should all eat like Santa so we can live as long as he has.
Mojave Mark on November 5, 2007 at 10:27 PM
It’s no wonder there are so many people who have (and still are) emigrated from England.
I seriously cannot believe in this day and age there is still a major Western country with such a totalitarian, autocratic, caste society such as England.
It’s actually very scary the way they are willing to practice such open hate against certain people (overweight) while going so far out of their way to promote others (Muslims). England is a country of despots.
KMC1 on November 6, 2007 at 10:51 AM
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