Man sits on burglar until the cops arrive
posted at 11:34 am on October 20, 2007 by Bryan
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Your hilarious true crime story of the day. No guns in this one, just a guy throwing his weight around a little bit.
A man who stumbled upon a burglar near his house did the only thing he could do until police arrived – he sat on the thief.
Jeffrey Stephens and his wife recently awoke to their dog barking at their Two Rivers home. Wife Patricia says when he went to investigate, he found a 20-year-old man going through the back seat of a neighbor’s van.
Jeffrey Stephens confronted the younger man – who claimed the van was his friend’s – and the two scuffled. The younger man eventually lost his jacket, shirt, shoe and sock in the tumble.
And then, Jeffrey Stephens – who weighs 200 pounds – sat on the would-be burglar.
Patricia Stephens called authorities and says she looked out her window and described exactly what she saw – that her husband was sitting on someone.
When she caught up with the man to interview him later, KDFW TV’s Rebecca Aguilar asked him “Do you like being such a fatso? Why don’t you lose some weight, Porky?”
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*crickets chirping*
spec_ops_mateo on October 20, 2007 at 11:44 AM
Wow. Whatever works.
Zorro on October 20, 2007 at 11:45 AM
Heh…I’ve gotten to 200lbs. after quitting smoking earlier this year. Who you callin’ fatso?
But I’m back on the Philip Morris diet again and expect to be back to my more svelte self soon.
flipflop on October 20, 2007 at 11:50 AM
If there was ever a time for a face fart this was it!
lorien1973 on October 20, 2007 at 11:50 AM
Squash him,Danno.
bbz123 on October 20, 2007 at 11:50 AM
The best part about these stories is going to be the onion like effect coming from the people who didn’t read the Aguilar story. I’m not sure if flip is our first customer or not.
BadgerHawk on October 20, 2007 at 11:59 AM
Well, now, depending on the guy’s height and muscle, 200 isn’t necessarily fat. But that was “Rebecca Aguilar” talking, so get mad at her, not Bryan. ;-)
I absolutely love these stories where the good guys win!
aero on October 20, 2007 at 11:59 AM
I guess 200 might be considered fat depending on your height. I’m 220 and far from fat.
Though I guess in case someone is dumb enough to burglarize my home, I’m in good shape in more ways than one.
I’ve got other means of dealing with them, just in case.
JammieWearingFool on October 20, 2007 at 12:00 PM
When is 200 lbs fat? Superman was 6′4″ 220 I think.
Spirit of 1776 on October 20, 2007 at 12:00 PM
The guy isn’t fat; the joke is on Aguilar.
Bryan on October 20, 2007 at 12:00 PM
I realize that, Bryan. I was making a joke of my own, lame though it may have been.
flipflop on October 20, 2007 at 12:03 PM
Here’s hoping Mr. Stephens was especially gassy that night.
infidel4life on October 20, 2007 at 12:07 PM
Ah. Carry on then.
Bryan on October 20, 2007 at 12:07 PM
Heh. I love Rrrebecca Aguilarrr jokes. You could have also gone with “Are you a sedentary person? Do you like sitting on people?” Of course the biggest Rebecca Aguilar joke is Rebecca herself.
ReubenJCogburn on October 20, 2007 at 12:16 PM
lol
Spirit of 1776 on October 20, 2007 at 12:20 PM
Well played!
Bryan on October 20, 2007 at 12:22 PM
Hey Bryan, good story. Just a minor nitpick: You spelled “Burglar” wrong in the headline and on the front page. Are you an english major? Do you like mispelling words?
/watches ban stick come out.
Vanceone on October 20, 2007 at 12:40 PM
I love Rebecca Aguilar jokes. Since I live close to her, I thought about egging her house but she might start harassing frozen chickens at Walmart.
GoodBoy on October 20, 2007 at 12:55 PM
She sounds to me like she may be following in Geraldo’s footsteps.
4shoes on October 20, 2007 at 1:23 PM
I’d LIKE to weigh 200. I’m down 35 but have about 35 to go.
Mojave Mark on October 20, 2007 at 2:38 PM
Are you an English teacher? Do you like correcting other people?
/just keeping the ball rolling…
Pablo on October 20, 2007 at 3:20 PM
Are you an instigator? Do you like inciting others to verbal sparring?
tikvah on October 20, 2007 at 3:49 PM
can somebody explain to me how he lost his sock????
That must have been on hell of a tumble, and will this be the new security measures when sandy burglar is allowed back into the national archives???
Mojack420 on October 20, 2007 at 4:29 PM
LMFAO…especially if he had chili and lots of beer the night before!!
Liberty or Death on October 20, 2007 at 4:34 PM
Mojack420, I wondered the same thing. It sounds more like an attempted rape to me – where is Nifong when the robber needs him?
DKK
LifeTrek on October 20, 2007 at 5:05 PM
Oh! Oh! I’ve got one. “Do you like crushing people with your flab? Are you going to go to McDonald’s now?”
Troy Rasmussen on October 20, 2007 at 7:04 PM
Fat? at 200lbs.? whats the guy like 4′8″?
conservativecaveman on October 20, 2007 at 8:43 PM
Finally, a use for a failed fad diet program. Home security!
johnnyU on October 21, 2007 at 12:29 AM
Now thats a BIG MAC ATTACK!
johnnyU on October 21, 2007 at 12:29 AM
Yeah, a few hard boiled eggs, a reheated three week old bean burrito topped off with some pickled herring on crackers and washed down with some Grain Belt beer…
…only if he were then interviewed by Rebecky in a closed room.
91Veteran on October 21, 2007 at 1:38 AM
My first BWAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAA.
Good one GB.
91Veteran on October 21, 2007 at 1:40 AM
All this talk of face f*rts, for some reason the joke Leslie Neilsen tells the punchline to in Naked Gun 33 1/3 keeps coming to mind:
“Lady I don’t know if I can take another 67 of those…”
(I think)
Captain Scarlet on October 21, 2007 at 6:09 AM
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