Hey, who’s up for some Indiana Jones spoilers?
posted at 9:54 pm on October 2, 2007 by Allahpundit
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From the upcoming Spielberg/Lucas/Ford extravaganza, “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Extra with the Big Fat Mouth.” Drugs, alcohol, even murder — you can get away with anything in Hollywood and still have a career. Anything, that is, except for one thing. Tyler Nelson somehow stumbled into that one thing.
Slate provides his epitaph. Godspeed, Tyler. Godspeed.
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Jerry Garcia has risen from the dead!
infidel4life on October 2, 2007 at 10:10 PM
At least he wasn’t beheaded. Yet.
Qzsusy on October 2, 2007 at 10:12 PM
Indiana Jones and the Doomed Suckfest.
It’s a tragedy really. Raiders remains my favorite film but this stinks of huge disaster. Perhaps Spielburg/Lucas/Ford can pull a rabbit out of a well-worn hat. But I’m not betting on it.
Thomas the Wraith on October 2, 2007 at 10:14 PM
I would rather not know. It shows such lack of class to disclose anyway.
It’s like peeking at your Christmas presents early, something I was accused of for THIRTY years until I finally got the parents to get it was not ME but my older sister - the perfect one. Exonerated.
So no spoilers for me.
CrimsonFisted on October 2, 2007 at 10:16 PM
Thomas the Wraith on October 2, 2007 at 10:14 PM
Agreed.
Last Crusade was my fav. Hmmm. maybe because Sean Connery was in it?
CrimsonFisted on October 2, 2007 at 10:18 PM
D!mmit,the vast right wing struck again.haha
I’ve heard of Crystal Skulls,but Crusifix skulls!
Here I was hoping of a sci-fic,were Indiana Jones
wakes up in the year 2020,to find out that the world
is all praying to Mecca,and Indiana is on a crusade to
take the planet back from the Islamistnutcases.
Just think of all those death threats Speilberg would be
getting,okay problem solved Beyonce directs and produces.Haha
canopfor on October 2, 2007 at 10:19 PM
Indiana Jones and the Quest for his False Teeth
Oooooohhhh!
stonemeister on October 2, 2007 at 10:19 PM
stonemeister - you started something:
Indiana Jones and the Search for A Career
Indiana Jones and the Last Gasp of Glory.
Anyone else?
CrimsonFisted on October 2, 2007 at 10:21 PM
Indiana Jones uncovers The Grateful Dead.
infidel4life on October 2, 2007 at 10:24 PM
More fluff, AP ?
Fluff, fluff, fluff
I demand to see some hard-hitting, important action alert hard-hitting, news now.
Now.
Otherwise, I’m gonna boycott this site, and boycott it good.
Sure, you’ve given us a Preview button, and yeah sure, you’re recovering from oral surgery and all, but gosh darnit, this is just HotAirLite.
Feel my boycott, Oh you mighty and despair!
billy on October 2, 2007 at 10:25 PM
billy - Lighten up, Francis! the LOTR reference is a shriek for help! :)
Let’s see, where was I?
Indiana Jones and the Mighty Graybeards
Indiana Jones and the Creaky Joints Join Josie and the Pussycats to Search for Scooby Doo
CrimsonFisted on October 2, 2007 at 10:30 PM
Dammm, Crimson, you beat me to it! And the exact reference to Stripes, too! Touche!
stonemeister on October 2, 2007 at 10:31 PM
I’ll go see it only if Indy Says “Jihadis. I hate these guys.”
Tony737 on October 2, 2007 at 10:32 PM
stonemeister - Glad to be of service! (get it shriek, shrek hahahahaha)
And for additional fun - Scooby doo
CrimsonFisted on October 2, 2007 at 10:34 PM
I’ll make some popcorn.
infidel4life on October 2, 2007 at 10:35 PM
I am hoping that is on the marquee poster.
CrimsonFisted on October 2, 2007 at 10:35 PM
Tyler Nelson, this week’s object lesson in the long-term benefits of delayed gratification.
inviolet on October 2, 2007 at 10:50 PM
Is Sarah Silverman in the movie?
Hening on October 2, 2007 at 11:01 PM
What you missed is that I Watch Stuff links to AICN, but if you click-through you get the big ol’ 404 page. Harry Knowles knows better than to cross Spielberg. Also, the extra’s hometown paper yanked the story from their site.
The servers were then nailed into a crate and filed away in an seemingly endless warehouse….
Karl on October 3, 2007 at 12:27 AM
-
Anything to do with Indiana Jones is hard news, in my opinion, with a rippling effect on the world stage. Why? It’s Indiana-effing-Jones! lol.
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Except I’m not sure if I should read the spoilers or not… Back in my Star Wars freak days, I read the entire Episode 2 script online a year and a half before the movie was released. It rather ruined it all.
-
I think I’ll wait.
emmaline1138 on October 3, 2007 at 12:46 AM
FADE IN-
EXT. EGYPT. DAY.
River Phoenix (digitally inserted from t.v. series “Young Indiana Jones”) is tapdancing on the top of the Sphinx.
Sound: A faint buzzing sound growing louder and LOUDER.
CUT TO:
INT. JAIL CELL IN CAIRO. NIGHT.
PROFESSOR INDIANA JONES rouses …and swats BUZZING fly dead.
ECU- The older face of INDY waking from this Sphinx dream.
INDY
“What walks four legs, then two legs, then three
legs?”
FADE OUT.
The End
_________________________________________________________
profitsbeard on October 3, 2007 at 1:41 AM
“Indy! Cover your pacemaker!!!”
Black Adam on October 3, 2007 at 6:55 AM
“Indiana Jones and the Search For His Lost Bifocals”
Texas Nick 77 on October 3, 2007 at 7:16 AM
Actually, this movie shows every sign of violating The Russian Rule;
Putting Indy up against the Soviets (probably in a post- World War two scenario) is a staggeringly bad idea. Other than the fact that the Soviets would be unlikely to be hunting for mystical artifacts in South America (the most likely source of a “crystal skull”, going back to Aztec, Mayan, and Olmec iconography as per the “Mitchell-Hedges” artifact), in the late 1940s an attempted Soviet incursion into Latin America would have provoked a U.S. response considerably more emphatic than one aging archaeologist with a .44 Smith & Wesson and a bullwhip.
A better idea would be recasting the role and moving it back to the Thirties, where Indiana Jones really belongs. As for an actor to play a younger “Indy”, how about either Ben Affleck or Keanu Reeves?
(As I understand it, they could use the work.)
P.S. to any cultural anthropologists in the audience; Yes, I know that in the context of referring to a man-made object, it’s “artefact”, not “artifact”, but my spell-checker gets stubborn about that.
cheers
eon
eon on October 3, 2007 at 7:18 AM
“Tyler and the other Russian soldiers rejoice in the jungle by wildly dancing and singing to Russian balalaika folk music beside a roaring campfire…”
Oh my heavens. This is going to be like those interminable scenes in the “Star Wars” remakes where we are subjected to awful music whilst some CGI creates play imaginary instruments. I can imagine this film being marketed as a comedy in Russia.
“Putting Indy up against the Soviets (probably in a post- World War two scenario) is a staggeringly bad idea.”
Funnily enough, it was the plot of a computer game “Indiana Jones and the Infernal Machine”. It didn’t feel right for Indiana Jones to be going on about dirty commies etc; it came too close to Dr Strangelove.
“in the late 1940s an attempted Soviet incursion into Latin America would have provoked a U.S. response considerably more emphatic than one aging archaeologist with a .44 Smith & Wesson and a bullwhip”
But then again “Raiders” had Nazis digging up British-controlled Egypt. I don’t think that the Indiana Jones films are set in our world.
Apeking on October 3, 2007 at 9:07 AM
Harrison Ford looked like he was a dried up shell of a man in the movie “Firewall” - as if he had aged 25 years since he acted in “K-19″ - and “Firewall” is now a couple years old.
He’s now old enough to play Indiana Jones’ grandfather.
Indiana Jones and the Lost Vial of Prune Juice?
Indiana Jones and the Home of Lost Bedsores?
Indiana Jones and the Secret of the Blue Pill?
/sigh
Wanderlust on October 3, 2007 at 9:44 AM
Ugh, I do NOT want to see ‘Neo Jones and the Overused Catchphrase.’
“Whoa…they’re digging in the wrong place.”
“Whoa…chilled monkey brains.”
“Whoa…he chose poorly.”
James on October 3, 2007 at 10:14 AM
bad dates.
thebrokenchair on October 3, 2007 at 12:07 PM
It could be worse. He could be cast to play a role in Much Ado About Nothing… oh wait! He was!
Well at least he wasn’t cast to play a french music instructor in Dangerous Liasons… oh damn! There he is again!
Pulchritudinous Patriot on October 3, 2007 at 12:10 PM
Indiana Jones and Mystery Inc in: Don’t Taze Me, Bro!!!
PHKing on October 3, 2007 at 4:13 PM
Indiana Jones and the Quest for Vioxx. Yeah, I know they don’t make Vioxx anymore — hense the quest.
srhoades on October 3, 2007 at 4:54 PM
James-
Whoa-
LOL!
They need to get Indy into another realm entirely …via a Crystal Skull that opens a dimensional rift into a world where, as in P.K. Dick’s novel “The Man in The High Castle“, the Nazis and Japanese won WW II, perhaps?
The world’s dusty arcana has been exhausted by this series.
A new locale would provide opportunities for fresh thrills.
And Ford’s age wouldn’t make him seem so earthbound.
profitsbeard on October 3, 2007 at 5:09 PM
In (roughly) mid-spring to early summer of 1936, two years before Munich (summer 1938). At the time, Stanley Baldwin’s Conservative government was trying very hard to avoid appearing “antagonistic” to Germany, both due to the upcoming Berlin Olympiad and their own internal problems, namely dealing with Edward VII’s abdication.
Baldwin was not likely to make waves over anything happening in Egypt short of attempts to provoke outright rebellion by the Egyptians against British rule, and even if he had “taken official notice” of the various antics (road chases, machine-gunnings, etc.) it would have been “officially” written off to “banditry”, an old excuse in the area. Mainly because raising a fuss could have gotten Baldwin a vote of “no confidence” in Commons, and gotten him sacked, in favor of the Commons Leader of his own party, who was even then angling for his job (the PM’s seat), and would get it in the general election of May 1937. Namely, one Neville Chamberlain.
And besides, with Belloc in charge, I’m sure it was “officially” a French expedition. All those German-speaking lads with automatic weapons? Simply hired guards, mon ami’, nothing more.
(I can’t believe I’m analyzing the geopolitical context of Raiders Of The Lost Ark………….)
cheers
eon
eon on October 3, 2007 at 6:04 PM
Oops. I meant Edward the Eighth, of course, not Seventh.
/Sorry about that.
cheers
eon
eon on October 3, 2007 at 6:10 PM