Video: “Fitness celebrity” John Basedow casts himself as freak-abbed, dog-toting James Bond

posted at 1:50 pm on July 31, 2007 by Bryan

I hate him, you hate him (if you have any taste), and I guess I’m not steeped in the annoying “fitness celebrity’s” legend enough to have any idea what the inside jokes might mean. That won’t be corrected any time soon. I do know that the tool has better hair than Trump, better cleavage than Hillary, and he looks mega manly carrying a mutley little dog around in a video with production values that scream “1985″ from the cheesy logo to the slow-mo evil laugh to the electric shock sound effects. If this isn’t the worst short ever made, it’s close.

Every production that has Steven Seagal in it still tops this one for sheer obnoxious narcissism, though.

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Thank you! for finally bringing John Basedow under the harsh light of scrutiny, sort of. He is creepy in the Joel Osteen sense. I’ve never understood why this toolbag cheeseball is on television.

BillLalor on July 31, 2007 at 1:56 PM

Every production that has Steven Seagal in it still tops this one for sheer obnoxious narcissism, though

What about Under Siege? I like Under Siege.

BadgerHawk on July 31, 2007 at 1:57 PM

hmm. bryan likes man boobs. interesting.

at least he does his own stunts :P

lorien1973 on July 31, 2007 at 1:57 PM

You too can have a six pack of abs.

benrand on July 31, 2007 at 2:00 PM

Is John trying to be Kurts older brother?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gymkata

I thought keeping the finger on the trigger when not actually preparing to fire some kind of violations of weapons etiquette.

allie on July 31, 2007 at 2:00 PM

Well, that’s two minutes I’ll never get back.

realVerse on July 31, 2007 at 2:03 PM

God! that was lame, in a very edwards way.

TheSitRep on July 31, 2007 at 2:03 PM

He is creepy in the Joel Osteen sense.

What is wrong with Joel Osteen?

allie on July 31, 2007 at 2:03 PM

No Veggies?

Kini on July 31, 2007 at 2:07 PM

1) I had no idea who John Basedow was and this has done little to clarify the matter. Fortunately, I’m fairly confident that I don’t care.

2)

I thought keeping the finger on the trigger when not actually preparing to fire some kind of violations of weapons etiquette.

allie on July 31, 2007 at 2:00 PM

It’s not an etiquette issue, it is a HUGE safety issue. Finger stays off the trigger until one is ready to shoot the gun, any gun, any type.

3) Could he look any more uncomfortable, unconvincing and dorky with that pistol? I have prissy female friends who upon their first trip to the firing range are 10X as convincing as him in gun handling.

deepdiver on July 31, 2007 at 2:12 PM

This guy gives me the creeps bigtime. He has to be the most gay looking fitness guru since Richard Simmons.

No more gay even than that.

conservnut on July 31, 2007 at 2:13 PM

I’m not sure as to the best way to express it but a crime against manliness has been committed here. Why is that every time I turn around somebody is trying to ghey the place up? James Bond reduced to a effeminate guy with a black cat (with a “black” demeanor) in a slap fight and hair pulling. What’s next? 7 boyfriends for 7 brothers?

Guardian on July 31, 2007 at 2:16 PM

Deepdiver, Much appreciated. I simply could not remember the correct word; but hopefully, it does tell you I have some safety sense when handling firearms both real and airsoft.

allie on July 31, 2007 at 2:23 PM

with a black cat

i think it was a dog. a pomeranian or something?

lorien1973 on July 31, 2007 at 2:23 PM

Stupefyingly stupid, except for the outstanding performance by Horatio Sanz. I was hoping there would at least be a question for a presidential candidate stuck in there at the end.

Brat on July 31, 2007 at 2:30 PM

Allie, Happy to help and always happy to see someone who has the correct action regardless of verbiage – I might be downrange from you some day. Many people will tell you that there is no such thing as a firearm “accident”, but only firearm “negligence”.

I was hoping there would at least be a question for a presidential candidate stuck in there at the end.
Brat on July 31, 2007 at 2:30 PM

I’m home sick today. After that comment, Brat, now I am sick and injured … I swear I hurt myself laughing.

deepdiver on July 31, 2007 at 2:33 PM

pfft…he doesn’t even know how to hold a piece.

Tru2my2 on July 31, 2007 at 2:33 PM

Even Silky Pony thinks this guy’s a faggot.

omnipotent on July 31, 2007 at 2:36 PM

Every production that has Steven Seagal in it still tops this one for sheer obnoxious narcissism, though.

What about “Executive Decision”? Seagal dies in that… fairly early on in, too.

Frozen Tex on July 31, 2007 at 2:38 PM

Sully and the Sockpuppets think he’s DREAMY

KelliD on July 31, 2007 at 2:46 PM

Sorry, Bryan, but I thought it was a trailer of a really bad…”ahem”..”cough”..p#$n.

kiakjones on July 31, 2007 at 2:47 PM

He is creepy in the Joel Osteen sense.

BillLalor on July 31, 2007 at 1:56 PM

Osteen is even creepier.

This guy belongs in a 70′s gay porn flick.

infidel4life on July 31, 2007 at 2:49 PM

video with production values that scream “1985″

It’s not just the production values, it’s him! His hair, his clothes, everything about him. I remember when I first started seeing all his commercials a year or so ago and was sure they must be something from the 80s and couldn’t understand why they were on now.

RightWinged on July 31, 2007 at 2:49 PM

Bryan, What does Steven Seagal have to do with a freak, extra from a Hall & Oates video??

His recent movies are awful, but don’t mock his originals, like “Above the Law”, “Marked for Death” and especially “Under Siege”. These movies raised the bar on action, notably the fight scenes. Seagal is a 7th degree black belt in Aikido, and lived and trained in Japan for many years.

budorob on July 31, 2007 at 2:52 PM

…production values that scream “1985″ from the cheesy logo…

This is exactly what I thought before I even clicked on the link. I was reminded of Simon and Simon.

James on July 31, 2007 at 3:06 PM

Who is this guy, I’ve never even heard of him. The last fitness comercial I saw (other than Chuck Norris’ Total Gym — Chuck could kick Segal’s a** six ways to Sunday by the way) was Tony Little’s GEICO commercial.

pfft…he doesn’t even know how to hold a piece

Oh I’m sure he know’s how to use a piece, just not a fire arm.

srhoades on July 31, 2007 at 3:19 PM

Why do I get the feeling that this is an excellent portrayal of Silky’s self image?

marc@hubsandspokes on July 31, 2007 at 3:42 PM

He’s always creeped me out, and yeah, he’s super gay all right.

RW Wacko on July 31, 2007 at 3:43 PM

What a fuckin’ prancer.

LtE126 on July 31, 2007 at 4:24 PM

I can’t stand him. Every time one of his commercials come on I change the channel. Anyone who has seen them will agree with me. Most of the people on his commercials are some of the ugliest examples of humanity I’ve ever seen. It’s almost like he picks them to make himself look better. And the ghey-assed poses he does are comical as hell. I don’t see how anyone can take this clown seriously.

Kowboy on July 31, 2007 at 4:50 PM

Douche

Jaibones on July 31, 2007 at 6:29 PM

I like Joel Osteen.

Terri on July 31, 2007 at 6:31 PM

What about “Executive Decision”? Seagal dies in that… fairly early on in, too.

Frozen Tex on July 31, 2007 at 2:38 PM

Spot on. Not only did it have Kurt damn Russell and Halle drool Berry, but Seagal got kaked so early that he doesn’t even show in the credits. Plus, it had B.D. Wong and Leguiziamo and Poirot as a smart bad guy. Always figured it was a test pilot for a series that would challenge the Tom Clancy flicks.

Seagal may be a super bad mother…shut your mouth…just talkin’ ’bout that white private dick who runs like a chick. Seriously, it’s like his elbows have been grafted to his rib cage and his jazz hands got an extra shot of flambouyant juice.

Uncle Pinky on July 31, 2007 at 6:39 PM

Ok, I’m now having flashbacks of Beans Baxter and Ranger Gord.

- The Cat

You too can have a six pack of abs.

benrand on July 31, 2007 at 2:00 PM

But do you use the Ab Abber 2000?

MirCat on July 31, 2007 at 11:30 PM

Walker: Texas Ranger had better production….

Tim Burton on August 1, 2007 at 1:51 AM

I liked the 80′s.

lizzee on August 1, 2007 at 8:53 AM

i think it was a dog. a pomeranian or something?

The title of the short gives it away. Schipperke Vice.

Freelancer on August 1, 2007 at 9:33 AM