Waffles unleashes clever new Vitter limerick
posted at 6:35 pm on July 20, 2007 by Allahpundit
I can’t do any better than Pillage Idiot, who comments, “No one should tell an off-color limerick while on Nantucket.” That didn’t stop Kerry, though:
There once was a man named Vitter
Who vowed that he wasn’t a quitter
But with stories of women
And all of his sinnin’
He knows his career’s in the — oh, nevermind.
Sean Hannity apparently agrees. Try as I might, I can’t get past the first two lines of one for Kerry. Help me out:
There once was a man named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch

Update: Rivlax helps me out:
There once was a man named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
His future was bright
The election was tight
Til Swift Boaters did their research










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Wade on July 20, 2007 at 6:39 PM
There once was a man named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
He’d once married for love and for money
Then again for multi-dollars he’d found him a honey
Same man with power no more
Himself found the perfect political whore
In order for his mama him not to resent
He’d decided to run for president
Entelechy on July 20, 2007 at 6:42 PM
After faking shots in his a$$
And claiming his were of brass
Then the Swiftys showed the REAL colors of Lurch
CrimsonFisted on July 20, 2007 at 6:42 PM
He couldn’t be Prez
Cause all that he says
Reveals both his nature and nurtch.
mikeyboss on July 20, 2007 at 6:43 PM
What would be funny is for Vitter to hear Lurch saying this and then proceeding to beat the crap out of him. I have no doubt Kerry fights like a sissy.
Blake on July 20, 2007 at 6:43 PM
There once was a traitor named Kerry
His Navy Mates thought he was scary
He ate tarts and bon bons
while he said they’re like Khan
but he’s the only one left who ain’t merry.
There once was a man named Lurch
whose comrades in arms he besmirched
He threw out his medals
then the asshole backpedalled
and he still lies his ass off in church.
BKennedy on July 20, 2007 at 6:45 PM
For the sight of his name
Lit up in fame
He became as slimy as a perch.
American_Jihadist on July 20, 2007 at 6:45 PM
anyone else notice the order of the jerk’s ribbons in that pic from the 70′s
His sophmoric and arrogant actions of singing that limerick show what weakwilled limpwristed pansies liberals are still. I’d ask Vitter if I could take his place and kick Kerry stump stupid
MNDavenotPC on July 20, 2007 at 6:48 PM
There once was a man named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
He was alway the same liberal jerk
For ribbon he traded for the rich girls purse
He ran for President you see
But his Swift boat never made it to sea
He stood like a dork ready to pop his own cork
Looking like Alan Alda in MASH you see.
Kini on July 20, 2007 at 6:52 PM
There once was a man named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
They found him one day
Swift boated some say
Now he just goes to church
dingoatemebaby on July 20, 2007 at 6:53 PM
There once was a man named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
Now for, now against;
On both sides of the fence
This cretin will willingly perch.
abulafia on July 20, 2007 at 6:55 PM
His old lady thinks she’s naughty
Her old man is for sure haughty
His “stories of women” he’s fogot
Sweeping in front of his porch is for naught
Our good volunteer Soldiers he’s called “stupid”
They in turn called halp from the “erudit”
Going home to his mama and be quiet
Would for us by far not be such a riot
Boy, does he look stupid in that picture…and ugly.
Entelechy on July 20, 2007 at 6:57 PM
Who’d he pay for that?
Hope it wasn’t very much.
since Theresa has his short hairs in hand at all times he doesn’t have to worry about getting out of place.
Speakup on July 20, 2007 at 7:00 PM
Speakup, I don’t think she cares any more.
Entelechy on July 20, 2007 at 7:01 PM
There once was a man named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
They fought and they died;
He got caught when he lied,
But has yet to relinquish his perch.
abulafia on July 20, 2007 at 7:03 PM
Abulafia is on a roll.
mikeyboss on July 20, 2007 at 7:05 PM
Wins and beat me to my rhyme.
And for some of you A How To :)
- The Cat
MirCat on July 20, 2007 at 7:05 PM
Thanks, Allah.
Attila (Pillage Idiot) on July 20, 2007 at 7:05 PM
The Dem nominee in 04
Was a huge political whore
He was for then against
The campaign was intense
In November we showed him the door
kooly on July 20, 2007 at 7:08 PM
There once was a man named Lurch
Whose face had been stretched over birch
His wife was a chiller
He, a baby killer
So they wanted him out of the Church
jaime on July 20, 2007 at 7:09 PM
There once was a man named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
“The war? I’m behind it!”
His support? You won’t find it.
No matter how hard you might search.
abulafia on July 20, 2007 at 7:09 PM
Well…well….well….
Limerick on July 20, 2007 at 7:11 PM
LOL last time I saw her on the news with him she actually yawned on national TV while he was talking so yeah she’s bored with his little office job but he’s spending her millions and she is the very jealous type so I’m pretty sure she keeps a very long arm extended out to hold on to his two best friends.
Speakup on July 20, 2007 at 7:11 PM
There once was a man named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
For cash he did pine
So he married a Heinz
And for his dignity continues to search
BillyRayValentine on July 20, 2007 at 7:12 PM
Dunno, can’t see them too well and it’s black and white but they appear to be ;
Silver Star Bronze Star
Purple Heart Combat Action Pres. Unit Citation
Navy Unit Comm “The Gee Dunk” Vietnam Service Medal
Vietnamese Award Vietnam Award Vietnam Award
Appears to be correct order. Not sayin’ he deserved em, just that they look to be lined up Ok…or am I missin’ something?
Oldnuke on July 20, 2007 at 7:13 PM
The Cambodia trip it was seared
But the truth was something he feared
O’Neill and the guys
Revealed all the lies
And his wife? – OMG is she weird!
weeee – this is fun!
kooly on July 20, 2007 at 7:17 PM
Woohoo! Best one yet!
IMHO :-)
Oldnuke on July 20, 2007 at 7:19 PM
The Gigolo wants to make a point of faithfullness?
JayHaw Phrenzie on July 20, 2007 at 7:19 PM
At least Vitter didn’t lose an election to George W. Bush, isn’t that right John?
WisCon on July 20, 2007 at 7:24 PM
There once was a man named Lurch
Upon a bird finger he’d perch
Around and around he would twirl
Delight he would in such fun
Until Theresa made him swirl
and then he needed some salve for his buns
Speakup on July 20, 2007 at 7:30 PM
I choked on my tea when I read that. :-)
Laura on July 20, 2007 at 7:34 PM
There once was a man named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
He was quick to remind he was in Vietnam at the time
When his boat ended up in Cambodia
He reminisced about Ganges Kahn
Wished for the White House lawn
Witty as he wanted to be
A botched joke he turned out to be
Kini on July 20, 2007 at 7:36 PM
There once was a man named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
He married Heinz – not a Hershey,
Though in truth, he’d prefer she
Were more Suvari, and less Thora Birch.
mikeyboss: Let’s just say Kerry is an inspiration. Mostly he inspires loathing, but an inspiration nonetheless…
abulafia on July 20, 2007 at 7:38 PM
There once was a man by the name of John K. Lurch
Who was an traitorous A-Hole Jerk.
‘Nuff said.
The end.
SouthernPride on July 20, 2007 at 7:40 PM
Preparing lawsuits against everyone, including John……
Limerick on July 20, 2007 at 7:46 PM
MirCat, thanks for the link – this is a first attempt at a real limerick. Learn, learn, learn – life is fun :)
There once was a braggart named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
He claimed he earned medals
For honor he pedals
No legacy for him, no matter the search
Entelechy on July 20, 2007 at 7:48 PM
There once was a
mancretin named LurchWhose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
In a humorous way
The “grunts”, they would say,
You’ve lost your b___s Jon, we’ll help search
rocksandbroncs on July 20, 2007 at 7:49 PM
There once was a man named Kerry
Who gave a nice speech to kids where he
advised, “Attend courses,
Don’t join the armed forces.”
Insult troops in wartime? How dare he.
abulafia on July 20, 2007 at 7:49 PM
Limerick, you have no moral authority, or the right to sue us, until you live up to your handle :)
Entelechy on July 20, 2007 at 7:50 PM
There once was a man named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
His future was bright
The election was tight
Til Swift Boaters did their research
rivlax on July 20, 2007 at 7:54 PM
Sorry ’bout the link. s/b this one Any chance of getting a preview function, AP?
rocksandbroncs on July 20, 2007 at 7:55 PM
But E my handle is from a location not a diddy :)…
oh well what the heck….
The once was a dunce named John
Who never once mowed his own lawn
He had ‘people’ you see
Unedumacated like me
Who loved being treated like pawns.
Limerick on July 20, 2007 at 7:56 PM
There once was a bugger named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch,
After meeting with Commies,
He’d woo sugar mommies,
And beg for annulments in Church.
Uncle Pinky on July 20, 2007 at 7:59 PM
Thank you Lim – you’re adorable. I bet you love this thread. It’s made for you. We need all the “halp” we can get.
Entelechy on July 20, 2007 at 7:59 PM
I never thought I would make HA headlines!!!!!!!
Limerick on July 20, 2007 at 7:59 PM
Can’t somebody just make this POS go away? Just do something and send him to the dustbin of history!
NEMETI IN SYRACUSE on July 20, 2007 at 8:18 PM
There once was a man named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
With a deep, thoughtful grin
He’d be rubbing his chin
and dragging out troops through the dirt.
There once was a man named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
With the VC he’d chat
In his CIA hat
But for POTUS he had not the worth
Pablo on July 20, 2007 at 8:29 PM
There once was a man named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
He reported for duty
But he was too snooty
The electorate kept up its search
Pablo on July 20, 2007 at 8:37 PM
Oldnuke
thanks for verifying… I wasn’t aware he won so many in less than 3 months in country. I have about the same ones sans Silver Star and it took me 18 months… Couldn’t believe he had them all.
MNDavenotPC on July 20, 2007 at 8:41 PM
There once was a man named Waffles
who’d sell out for Mid-East flaffles
Yelling “No blood for oil”
he can make your blood boil
but he’s so lame he still causes ROFLs.
There once was a man named flipper
he loves leaks from New York Times tippers
He’s weak on the border
but HIS gate is in order
and he thinks he’s as smooth as The Gipper.
BKennedy on July 20, 2007 at 8:55 PM
I’m not sure he actually won all those ribbons. Maybe I should say actually awarded those ribbons. I was just trying to figure out if they were in the right order. Compared to kerry’s account of things Audie Murphy’s got nothing on him…Alvin York either. Personally…I don’t buy it.
Oldnuke on July 20, 2007 at 9:03 PM
Heh.
There once was a Bramann named Kerry
who was tall, gaunt and oddly scary
but in a French way
not inclined to the fray
in his bike suit he looked like a fairy
Jaibones on July 20, 2007 at 9:04 PM
There once was a woman named Wendy Vitter
Who vowed that she wasn’t an acquitter
If her hubby ever cheated on her
She would castrate ‘em
But now we know she is just a slave to ‘em
MB4 on July 20, 2007 at 9:11 PM
There once was a man named flip-flopper
Story after story he told a big whopper
The War in Iraq he voted to be for
He then followed a giant, Al Gore
Only to “report for duty” as a vote shopper
Entelechy on July 20, 2007 at 9:17 PM
There once lived a blogger in Queens
Who vowed he would use any means
To wind up the masses
And stop giving passes
To Kerrys and Clintons and Deans.
He met a young beauty indeed
Who said, “You’re just what we need!”
Her name was Michelle,
“And if you’ll give ‘em hell,
We wish you good luck and God Speed!”
They met a young trooper named Bryan
So adept at exposin’ the lyin’
They brought him onboard
Just equipped with the sword
Of the keyboard he uses for fryin’.
There once rode a soldier called Ian
Who shined on us all just by bein’
He took his own way
On a very sad day
’cause by now he might be European.
But the Pundit’s bright light shines on fair,
And we all get to write in and share,
If you have a quibble,
Just log on and nibble
At one of his posts, if you dare!
RushBaby on July 20, 2007 at 9:19 PM
There once was a man oh so brahmin
Tryin’ hard not to appear so mean
The Europeans’ arses he promised to kiss
The U.N. he considered a bliss
And America of its power he promised to wean
Entelechy on July 20, 2007 at 9:24 PM
Brought to you by MySpace uncovered.
Hi there fellow bloggers. My name is United States Senator John Forbes Kerry from the great state of Massachusetts. You can call me JFK if you want. I was born on December 11, 1943, although people tell me that I look at least 20 years younger. It’s probably my great hair and rugged good looks.
I graduated from Yale in June 1966 in the top 1% of my class. To earn extra money during the summers, I loaded trucks in a grocery warehouse and sold encyclopedias door to door. That is probably one of the reasons that I am so humble. Over my four years at Yale, I maintained a 96 grade average and received a 101 average in my senior year.
I am one of the most senior members of that grand and much loved and respected institution known as the U.S. Senate. Probably the only living Senator even a little bit greater than me is my dear friend Ted Moore Kennedy. I also have a very high IQ. Very high. Much higher than that creep who stole the election from me. I know that he stole it because exit polls are never wrong.
I am also a great war hero. I set all kinds of records for heroism when I was in Vietnam. I was greviously wounded at least three times yet continued to insist on staying in the fight when lesser men would have given up. I won the bronze star with extra V’s for extra valor and the Silver Star for defeating a whole battalion of NVA with my bare hands.
I sometimes like to chill out after a long day of serving the American people by having a double martini with my good friend Ted. We usually have a servant bring 21 double martinis. I get one and Ted gets one for each of his fingers and each of his toes. Contrary to what some of my very few enemies say I never marry women for just their money. They must also have a pulse. BTW, did I mention that I was in Vietnam? I was also in Cambodia, so don’t forget that!
I would like to think that I am open minded, honest, polite, and trustworthy. And I appreciate the same qualities in others.
Who I’d like to meet:
…other progressive bloggers. Other great war heroes who hate that damn S-T-U-U-P-I-D Texan in the White House. Cool people who live close to Washington D.C. so that we can get together, talk about you for about 30 second and then spend about 3 hours talking about me. BTW, did I mention that I was in Vietnam and Cambodia?
MB4 on July 20, 2007 at 9:40 PM
There once was a goober named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
He called on Theresa
to buy a first place-a
but he couldn’t knock Bush off that perch.
eucher on July 20, 2007 at 9:59 PM
I personally have always refered to Lurch under what I think is a far more fitting moniker:
BOTOX REX, THE KETCHUP KING!
pilamaye on July 20, 2007 at 10:04 PM
http://www.geocities.com/misscoors/Truth_about_kerry.html
There’s a whole lot of us who remember a whole lot more who pissed on those who went through hell and came out with a bond forged of hellmade steel.
They’re not likely to forget a turncoat, someone who during that time of great anguish went to the other side.
John Forbes Kerrys’ gerrymandered career is built on bullshit.
He’s a hater liberal one of the worst.
Speakup on July 20, 2007 at 10:14 PM
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Kerry’s a traitor
Screw him
fogw on July 20, 2007 at 10:30 PM
LOL, you guys are hilarious. Best thread yet.
SouthernDem on July 20, 2007 at 11:15 PM
there once was a guy named Lurch
for those bastards at Diebold he’d search
Cuz of them the election was sunk
Almost a first lady who was drunk
malkinmania on July 21, 2007 at 12:13 AM
The once was a man named Kerry
His chin the size of a ferry
Protested with a green coat
Bragged about time on a boat
Just to look for a rich one to marry
firepilot on July 21, 2007 at 1:26 AM
There once was a man in Hanoi
who endlessly worked to annoy
He defended the commies
said they’re just like our mommies
A traitor who hated our boys
There once was a man who threw medals
then endlessly tried to backpedal
Won them all in four months
and hey this is a hunch
but I think he just used them to peddle.
The man was racked with indecision
He can’t even lie with precision
Go away Hanoi John
you’re a sick lying pawn
who talks down to us all with derision.
There once was a loser from Mass.
all his buddies think he’s a jackass
He’s a part of a duo
that loves to screw you-o
and the MSM gives them a pass.
BKennedy on July 21, 2007 at 4:48 AM
Can’t claim credit for these; that goes to my friend Judith:
There once was a man named Kerry
Whose “seared” memories sounded quite scary;
But swift-boaters, with speed,
Laid waste to his screed,
And he ended up looking quite “fairy.”
There once was a man named Kerry
Who looked for rich women to marry;
He was hardly a stud
Just TeRAYza’s dud,
So she gave him her luggage to carry.
ToddonCapeCod on July 21, 2007 at 8:44 AM
There once was a man named Lurch
Whose comrades in arms he’d besmirch
Nominated by a left wing gang.
He answered the call “you rang?”
He spits in the face of his church.
saved on July 21, 2007 at 8:47 AM
This is what a sitting US Senator thinks is amusing?
Sue on July 21, 2007 at 8:53 AM
MB4 on July 20, 2007 at 9:40 PM
Thank you MB4 – you’re doing a fine job with all of them. You only forgot the ‘reporting for duty’ :)
Laughed tears fogw – thank you my friend – amazing wit and independence. Much admired.
There once was a blog named Hot Air
Full of wit, its masters debonair
Mostly political its intentions
Audience oft held in suspensions
With humor and pop culture to spare
Entelechy on July 21, 2007 at 10:53 AM
How about one for his rotund senior in the Senate?
There once was a blowhard named Ted
Who murdered a girl it is said
He went on a drive
That changed to a dive
But in lieu of helping he fled
James on July 21, 2007 at 2:13 PM
James…that was classic!
malkinmania on July 21, 2007 at 8:30 PM
There once was a man named John Kerry
Who’s names is synonymous with dingle berry
He ran for office but was beaten
And to back to his wife
That awful cretin
TheSitRep on July 21, 2007 at 11:07 PM
BOTCHED!
RightWinged on July 22, 2007 at 3:39 AM
I agree with Hannity on this. Vitter should go. All he really did was give Dems a loaded gun to shoot Republicans with. No excuse.
As for Waffles, I wouldn’t go insulting anyone if I was him. He has a real tendency to stick his foot in his mouth.
Ryan Gandy on July 22, 2007 at 2:55 PM