My heart goes out to you, a man I don’t even know.

chinotex on July 6, 2007 at 10:10 PM

Allah: Just ask Michele for an iPhone! The silent ‘expectation of reward’ routine doesn’t seem to be working! Since she’s got a good gig now hosting for Bill she must have got a salary adjustment!!!!! We’re all pulling for you!!!

IntheNet on July 6, 2007 at 10:12 PM

Sorry, AP. I can’t imagine your pain.

Oh, the horror.

BacaDog on July 6, 2007 at 10:14 PM

Raise your hand if you signed up for rush’s spam mail for the chance to get an iphone

triple on July 6, 2007 at 10:15 PM

I’ve never done this in comments, and will probably never do it again, but:

LOL

That cracked me up big time.

You’ll get it AP.

middleroad on July 6, 2007 at 10:15 PM

Dude, give up. It’s. Not. Going. To. Happen. Or as the Phone-Nazi would say: No iPhone for you. Sorry, man. Wait for the second generation. It’ll be better, fancier, faster and cheaper.

Thomas the Wraith on July 6, 2007 at 10:20 PM

Allah…man…I’m so sorry. I promise, if I win the lotto, I’ll send one straight out to you.

amerpundit on July 6, 2007 at 10:24 PM

Are those phones made in the USA?
Were they made CFC free?

TheSitRep on July 6, 2007 at 10:25 PM

AP, just keep reading all the bad reviews, you’ll feel better. ;:- P

abinitioadinfinitum on July 6, 2007 at 10:27 PM

Apple are facing a massive recall operation after it was revealed that after packing so much impressive technology into their new iPhone, they omitted to add a ‘phone’ function to the otherwise impressive gadget. ‘Sure, it’s a slip up all right, but not a huge one’ admitted Steve Jobs, ‘I guess that we got so carried away with the state-of-the-art software, functions and interface that we’ve forgot it was supposed to be a phone above all else.’ Mr Jobs continued, ‘In our defense you can check your email, text, send picture and movie files, browse the web and many more things beside, talking is so ‘yesterday’s technology’ anyway. But if people want to be picky we’ll exchange them.’

Breathe easy AP you can’t make bleepity bleeping phone call anyway.
Oh the joy of waiting for everybody else to go through all this hazzle!!!!!!
Please AP wipe the tears from your eyes and count your blessings.
They will be giving them away on Ebay, now.
HA, HA, HA HA, HA, Steve Jobs just goofed a little.

Mcguyver on July 6, 2007 at 10:27 PM

heck, I just got a cell phone. I’m finally living in the 80’s. Have no sympathy man!

ritemama on July 6, 2007 at 10:35 PM

AP, you have my sympathy. It’s pretty clear by now that MM is a lying snake. We all know that she sleeps on a huge pile of money every night.

marc@hubsandspokes on July 6, 2007 at 10:35 PM

“You crack me up; you really do… No, no. There’s two ells in Allahpundit, boys.”

sondiehl on July 6, 2007 at 10:35 PM

what can ya say, she’s a Conservative.

Besides she didn’t say you couldn’t have one.

Now for the really tough decision, do you bug her about it more or less?

Speakup on July 6, 2007 at 10:40 PM

I just saw the show. As soon as this was brought up I came on to say something and bang here it is. So now all I can do is say sorry. But maybe bringing up on TV was a good sign?

PowWow on July 6, 2007 at 10:43 PM

Sorry to hear you don’t get this type of fringe benefit, but working with intelligent people that are swayed by facts instead of emotion is still great. Suck it up and live with a more traditional communication device until the price comes down within your budget. It works for the rest of us.

KC-135A on July 6, 2007 at 10:44 PM

Heh! This made me laugh! Perhaps Michelle could siphon some of your pay for an iPhone.

Or you can listen to me Allahpundit and take my idea.

I’m dead serious about supporting your habit (since you entertain me throughout the day). I’ll put up ten dollars to support the “iPhone for AllahPundit” campaign.

Just setup a post, and see if your fans will pledge to raise the funds for you via paypal (all you need are 80 fans, although you’ll have to cover tax, shipping and AT&T service).

Are you game?

Darnell Clayton on July 6, 2007 at 10:49 PM

lol, you should be more offended that he was shocked to learn Michelle has employees… clearly he’s never been to HotAir.

I recommend a full scale attack, in which you devote an entire post to pointing out that you didn’t know about Kurt’s career in Pella Windows commercials. That’ll show him!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=mfrotJ5qOn4

RightWinged on July 6, 2007 at 10:51 PM

You’re an EMPLOYEE Allah? There I was thinking you were an owner. I need to speak with an owner.

Martin on July 6, 2007 at 10:53 PM

Now, that is funny.

(good luck)

Bacchus on July 6, 2007 at 11:00 PM

Damn I almost want to buy you the Damn Iphone just so you’ll quit whining!

Hey you could always Pray…. Oh yeah you can’t!

Start a Iphone piggy bank. You now everytime you buy your energy drink put the change in the bank.

Or you could keep about $10,000 in an ING acount you’d make about $400-$500 interest in a year.

Just trying to find you other options bud.

Drtuddle on July 6, 2007 at 11:03 PM

Damn, I knew I saw that dude before!

abinitioadinfinitum on July 6, 2007 at 10:56 PM

lol, yeah I never noticed.. but the commercial is actually airing on Fox News right pretty regularly right now… I saw it, I think during Red Eye the other night and (because I have DVR) I paused and was like “WTF!?” Pretty funny that he hosts his own show on the channel, and is in completely unrelated commercials running on the channel.

RightWinged on July 6, 2007 at 11:07 PM

Allahpundit on July 6, 2007 at 11:06 PM

Tell ya what AP, when I win Powerball’s 7-7-7 drawing tomorrow (which I will) I’ll buy you a friggin’ iPhone… as long as you promise to buy a Pella window.

RightWinged on July 6, 2007 at 11:09 PM

Allahpundit,

Just wait 6 months the price will go down.
It will be worth the wait.

terryannonline on July 6, 2007 at 11:10 PM

Mcguyver on July 6, 2007 at 10:27 PM

Haha!
Is it true it takes five screens to access telephone call?
Will it be like those nightmares when you’re trying to phone the police and never seem to be able to get the telephone to work? How coherent does one have to be to manage a simple 911 on those things?

naliaka on July 6, 2007 at 11:16 PM

AP needs to go to the classroom and write on the chalkboard 1000 times:

I WILL NOT SUPPORT GORE-LOVING APPLE!
I WILL NOT SUPPORT GORE-LOVING APPLE!
I WILL NOT SUPPORT GORE-LOVING APPLE!
I WILL NOT SUPPORT GORE-LOVING APPLE!
I WILL NOT SUPPORT GORE-LOVING APPLE!
I WILL NOT SUPPORT GORE-LOVING APPLE!

Spassvogel on July 6, 2007 at 11:18 PM

I would just have seconded terryannonline. Wait six or eight months. 3/4 to 1/2 the price and all the bugs will be worked out. Best of both worlds.

But I have a better idea.
Continue to pester MM for a company iPhone, then you can play with the new one now, THEN buy your own when they’re cheaper, and keep # 2.

Use the Shawshank Redemption Andy Dufresne Method: Bug Michelle TWICE as much for as long as it takes. It won’t be long.

inviolet on July 6, 2007 at 11:22 PM

Allahpundit on July 6, 2007 at 11:07 PM

How is traffic measured? By length of time site is opened or by page views or what? Help me help you [kicks wall]

Spirit of 1776 on July 6, 2007 at 11:25 PM

Sitemeter is on the front page, I think.

Bad Candy on July 6, 2007 at 11:31 PM

That was odd, space bar caused a submit. To finish that sentence…

Whoever heard of actually EARNING a thing you wanted, instead of simply saying you deserved it, and expecting it to materialize?

Freelancer on July 6, 2007 at 11:34 PM

Don’t worry, AP–I want the new 27″ iMac coming out soon, but that ain’t gonna happen. I’ll have to make due with this 20″. I feel your pain, buddy.

robblefarian on July 6, 2007 at 11:35 PM

AP - Hotair should list itself as a technology blog with right leaning tendencies. As much as you pimp the iPhone, Apple will no doubt send you a pre-release of the next version.

jeffNWV on July 6, 2007 at 11:38 PM

Allah

Seeing how the iPhone already has the following issues…

1. The firmware available on the internet…

2. The passwords cracked

3. Full access to the shell via a serial port.

4. They run very hot

I would say you are better off waiting for version 2.

But that is just me.

F15Mech on July 6, 2007 at 11:43 PM

The real solution here is to simply redouble my efforts to build traffic for the site until it becomes so profitable that I can afford to buy one myself.

Or, you could just take my brown-nosing advice.

For example: Michelle, great job filing in for BOR this week.

Michelle, fantastic segment on the [fill in the blank].

Or, as a last resort - Michelle, please, please, please get me an IPhone!!

She’ll either fold due to the unremitting praise, or buy you one just to get you to shut up about it.

BacaDog on July 6, 2007 at 11:48 PM

That’s it! Bake sale time…….let’s see….$800 bucks…..how many cookies do we have to bake?

Limerick on July 6, 2007 at 11:58 PM

That’s it! Bake sale time…….let’s see….$800 bucks…..how many cookies do we have to bake?

Limerick on July 6, 2007 at 11:58 PM

I bet if you pretended you were a liberal moonbat, you could up the street value of those baked goods pretty easily…

Bad Candy on July 7, 2007 at 12:02 AM

Personally speaking, I’d go with KP - uh, given the choice that is…

Good thing I’m married and don’t want an iPhone

major john on July 7, 2007 at 12:04 AM

Well look at it from the bright side…..24 hours after you opened the box they would come out with iPhone-II. MM is just saving you the heartache.

Limerick on July 7, 2007 at 12:07 AM

Allah: I’m hearing rumors that Zsa Zsa is trying to lure you over to her blog with promises of a new iPhone. If you take her up on the offer, make sure it isn’t one of those fake plastic shells from China or just the box one came in.

Be careful out there Allah. Huffing the grass won’t make it any greener, to mix a metaphor or few.

notta_dhimmi on July 7, 2007 at 12:12 AM

I remember that cop story! Funny.

Bad Candy on July 7, 2007 at 12:16 AM

ooooohh. That had to leave a mark. No money for iPhones. Prolly spends that much at her hairdresser though.

oakpack on July 7, 2007 at 1:01 AM

When I walk down the aisle with sweet lady i, I want to know she’ll be mine forever. I need to know that. For my own peace of mind.

Allahpundit on July 6, 2007 at 11:06 PM

I’m confused. Is AP suggesting he wants to marry an iphone? I know it had a lot of functions; but it cooks and cleans too?

lorien1973 on July 7, 2007 at 1:50 AM

AP, you don’t want that crappy $700-beer-opener-slash-nut-cracker.

iPhone 2.0 or 3.0 is coming soon… which is the iPhone 1.0, the de-bugged version.

That’s what Michelle is really waiting for, so she doesn’t end up disappointing you.

AlexB on July 7, 2007 at 4:08 AM

The real solution here is to simply redouble my efforts to build traffic for the site until it becomes so profitable that I can afford to buy one myself.

You’re right; it won’t be long before this site has 1,000,000 hit per day. At that point, ask MM that the iPhone be part of a “bonus package”. That way, it’s all yours! Good Luck.

But if you can’t wait, put up the PayPal link, I’ll kick in the equivalent of a few beers…

Zorro on July 7, 2007 at 8:13 AM

I did hear MM say that her employees are bugging her for iPhones. Wow…I wish I had employees.

lynnv on July 7, 2007 at 8:24 AM

Assuming both, or either I should say, are attainable, which comes with buyer’s remorse?

Hmmm…good question. Maybe both would?

major john on July 7, 2007 at 9:27 AM

I like the pledge drive idea. Not only to contribute, but it would probably make for some funny posts until AP gets his iPhone and is happy.

Regarding the clip, the only way that could get funnier is if we get a Vent clip next week with Michelle and Bryan both getting $400 haircuts to determine if they’ve been too hard on Silky.

Canadian Infidel on July 7, 2007 at 9:59 AM

AP—Somewhere Sully and the beagle are laughing, while sitting on the exploding toilet….

Steve LLamabutcher on July 7, 2007 at 10:04 AM

When I walk down the aisle with sweet lady i, I want to know she’ll be mine forever.

Is that isex, AP?

andycanuck on July 7, 2007 at 11:42 AM

Allahpundit,

F15Mech on July 6, 2007 at 11:43 PM

Aaaaaannnnnddddd…
Just say No to the iPhone. A mediocher failure, just like most Apple products…

The number one unbelievable missing feature that just blows my mind? NO VOICE DIALING. That’s right. Bluetooth headset? Check. Cute dock? Yeah, Apple wasted time designing that. Did they code in a method by which you could dial safely while driving? No. We wouldn’t want to include a feature that has been in many (if not most) midrange-to-high-end phones for nigh on to four years now. In fact it has no voice recognition at all, not for menus, dictating text or email, nothing.

No removable battery. This may be fine for an iPod (although it’s really not) but for a phone? It’s ridiculous. The worst part is next.

Apple themselves say after 300-400 charges, the battery will need to be replaced. For most people that will mean an Apple technician so as not to void the warranty. That’s utterly ridiculous for a cell phone. If you use your phone all day, every day, that’s not even a year before you have to turn it in for repair.

Cannot be used without iTunes, which in turn requires Quicktime, and for Windows, both those pieces of software are horrible, bloated and slow these days.

Can’t buy songs from iTunes on the go. Not over the network and not over wi-fi. What the?

So, you can’t even use it with Apple products?

Mazztek on July 7, 2007 at 11:58 AM