If I don’t get an iPhone then the terrorists have already won

posted at 3:45 pm on June 27, 2007 by Allahpundit

Will you let them win, my friends? Or will you strike a blow for freedom by hooking me up with this shiny piece of status-symbol crap that I don’t really need? The world’s greatest boss seems strangely unmoved by my appeal on this point. Perhaps she too, like so much of America, has gone soft on the jihad?

I awoke in a sweat this morning wondering, “Is the iPhone the Messiah?” As it turns out, no — Barack Obama is, as even his own wife now apparently acknowledges by referring to him as “The Answer.” Besides, the Messiah is a perfect being and the iPhone, for all its wonders, has flaws. Quite a few, in fact. No copy/paste function for e-mail? We’ll have to wait for 2.0, I guess.

The embargo on reviewers was finally lifted yesterday. Newsweek captures the general sentiment:

It’s a superbly engineered, cleverly designed and imaginatively implemented approach to a problem that no one has cracked to date: merging a phone handset, an Internet navigator and a media player in a package where every component shines, and the features are welcoming rather than foreboding. The iPhone is the rare convergence device where things actually converge.

The Times did them one better with its own review, busting out the web video to mark the occasion. The whimsy of the masturbation allusion is exceeded only by its subtlety.

Update: For the benefit of any Democrats reading, that first paragraph up top was an appeal to emotion designed at getting me something I want. Just FYI.


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I’ll vote for the boss to give you an iPhone, AP, if only it’ll get you back to posting Rosie and/or Robot articles some more.

Mindcrime on June 27, 2007 at 3:37 PM

I will be for you getting an IPhone, AP, if you can convince my wife that she really, really, really needs a Nintendo Wii.

Krydor on June 27, 2007 at 3:38 PM

The world’s greatest boss has better sense than you do. Wait for 2.0 and buy 1.0 for half the price.

RedWinged Blackbird on June 27, 2007 at 3:42 PM

I will be for you getting an IPhone, AP, if you can convince my wife that she really, really, really needs a Nintendo Wii.

Krydor on June 27, 2007 at 3:38 PM

I will buy you a Wii if you buy AH a iphone :)

tshell on June 27, 2007 at 3:42 PM

Question: What allows you to talk to anyone in the world, surf the Internet, and play music and movies?

Answer: A telephone, a computer, and a DVD player.

I say the boss should skip the iPhone and buy Allah a Nintendo DS Lite — then we could tag team and represent the conservative atheists of the world in Mario Kart DS.

saint kansas on June 27, 2007 at 3:44 PM

I heard they are giving out iPhones to all the HuffPo contributors.

mesablue on June 27, 2007 at 3:45 PM

I’ll vote for the boss to give you an iPhone, AP, if only it’ll get you back to posting Rosie and/or Robot articles some more.

Mindcrime on June 27, 2007 at 3:37 PM

Fixed!

Post Rosie, and my support for Allah iPhone goes away.

But more Robot video’s please!

Darnell Clayton on June 27, 2007 at 3:46 PM

My wife’s birthday’s coming up next week, and I’m wondering if I can pass off a Wii as an all-weather tennis trainer/simulator. You know, for exercise.

saint kansas on June 27, 2007 at 3:47 PM

Hmm…my strike through’s didn’t go through. :-(

PS: Allah, what you need is an OQO, not an iPhone!

Darnell Clayton on June 27, 2007 at 3:48 PM

But more Robot video’s please!

Screw the fence… I want videos of the 50-foot Michael Jackson robot patrolling the southern border and shooting lasers.

“You kids get outta my yard!”

saint kansas on June 27, 2007 at 3:50 PM

I don’t get the craze about the iPhone. Give me a phone that can play music and Tetris and I’m good.

Nonfactor on June 27, 2007 at 3:51 PM

Telephone, camera, computer (with internet and e-mail) and stereo all in one.

Someday our descendants will wonder if these functions were really separate devices way back when.

Bigfoot on June 27, 2007 at 3:53 PM

as even his own wife now apparently acknowledges by referring to him as “The Answer.”

I thought Allen Iverson was “The Answer.” BO’s wife needs to check with the Iverson on this one.

DCA on June 27, 2007 at 3:59 PM

I’d like to see it take the beatin’ my phone gets daily – and still work. I will take no frills and survivability over loads of functions and you can’t drop the dern thing!

On-my-soap-box on June 27, 2007 at 4:02 PM

Have you tried the “With the i-phone, I can blog from anywhere, 24/7″ appeal? I’m not sure the patriotism or fighting the jihad appeals will work with your boss, but if you make it a work issue, you might have a shot.

thirteen28 on June 27, 2007 at 4:02 PM

P.S. not to mention that I do not have to use ATT!!! That is the best feature of all.

On-my-soap-box on June 27, 2007 at 4:02 PM

that NY Times video was pretty funny

sbc44 on June 27, 2007 at 4:04 PM

Here’s another idea – the Boss seems to be pro-family, pro-marraige, and pro-children. You could thus tell her that the coolness factor of having one of these would make you so incredibly irresistable to women that you’d find a wife in no time and would begin starting a family shortly thereafter.

Hey, I’m trying to help out here.

thirteen28 on June 27, 2007 at 4:08 PM

If AP manages to work in the humping robot video in 8 different posts by friday, I’ll buy him an iphone :P

lorien1973 on June 27, 2007 at 4:09 PM

We’ll get MM to get you the iPhone if you get us a list of the filter words.

Limerick on June 27, 2007 at 4:10 PM

I say the boss should skip the iPhone and buy Allah a Nintendo DS Lite — then we could tag team and represent the conservative atheists of the world in Mario Kart DS.

That’s hilarious, saint kansas. :)

Good point, soap box. I too wonder what kind of beating the iPhone can take. Looks cool, though.

Graybark on June 27, 2007 at 4:14 PM

Sorry AP, but Im having a tough enough time trying to convice my husband that this WOULD make a great 30th b-day present next week….Im trying to play the card “If mom’s not happy, no one is”….or “I guess you don’t think Im worth spending $500 on..”

heatherrc77 on June 27, 2007 at 4:16 PM

I couldn’t imagine paying so much for something with a huge touchscreen that I would break in less than a month.

Although, for that one month my status symbol would allow me access to top secret supermodel parties, the DNC, and the Illuminati’s annual Christmas party.

It’s a good deal when you look at it that way.

Mephistefales on June 27, 2007 at 4:20 PM

It’s like a Microsoft Surface PC in your pocket! Yeay!

Seixon on June 27, 2007 at 4:20 PM

Trendy, overpriced hype? Go Apple!

brak on June 27, 2007 at 4:24 PM

Heather,

Remind him of the 11th commandment:

Happy wife, happy life.

That should do it!

On-my-soap-box on June 27, 2007 at 4:26 PM

The trouble with a device like this, or any device that needs a full keyboard for data input, is room for fingers. While the computer industry keeps shrinking devices and keyboards, mother nature does not keep shrinking fingers or hands. Essentially, the device is too small to use effectively as a computer. In addition, the manipulation of the screen using nuanced finger motions is bound to be a source of unending frustration. Human fingers, data input, and miniturization do not work well together. The weak link is the organic element, the finger. Nature did not design it for such tasks.

The only way around this is voice recognition. Unfortunately, with so many accents now flooding the western world, voice recognition will be more than problematic. We can’t possible expect a poor Iphone to understand a single command from the likes of Cheech Marin.

jihadwatcher on June 27, 2007 at 4:27 PM

I want one.

congsan on June 27, 2007 at 4:28 PM

From Engadget review:

Apple sez between 300-400 charges the iPhone will lose battery capacity — you’ll send it in and get the cell replaced for a fee. Meh.

What!?!

What!?!

Mephistefales on June 27, 2007 at 4:28 PM

My guess? The battery capacity is about 3 minutes. A hi-tech paper weight.

But to cry in your beer, click here.

locomotivebreath1901 on June 27, 2007 at 4:33 PM

Hey, Allah, did you hear that Ann Coulter got one free?

Jaibones on June 27, 2007 at 4:36 PM

Apple sez between 300-400 charges the iPhone will lose battery capacity — you’ll send it in and get the cell replaced for a fee. Meh.

This is a misprint – it is actually 300-500 CYCLES not charges.

Mindcrime on June 27, 2007 at 4:39 PM

I hear there are power outages in NYC which is definitive proof that Allah needs an iPhone.

Blake on June 27, 2007 at 4:40 PM

300-400 I mean (type on the 500)

Mindcrime on June 27, 2007 at 4:40 PM

Heather,

Remind him of the 11th commandment:

Happy wife, happy life.

That should do it!

On-my-soap-box on June 27, 2007 at 4:26 PM

Im reminding him of that. Every. Damn. Day. I think he may be starting to catch on… :) We’ll see come Wednesday!

heatherrc77 on June 27, 2007 at 4:41 PM

I mean Thursday… oops!

heatherrc77 on June 27, 2007 at 4:41 PM

It Newton all over again… all the Macheads will fawn over it. but the rest of us have to work for a living and not wasting our lives downloading porn from YouTube

Bob on June 27, 2007 at 4:45 PM

I’d say it’s the iPod all over again — the Mac haters decried it as another Newton, then it went on to make bajillions of dollars and propel the Apple stock even higher. :)

Mindcrime on June 27, 2007 at 4:46 PM

What? No GPS?

Feh. It’s a Pet Rock with a battery.

Pablo on June 27, 2007 at 4:55 PM

I am getting one…… someday.

Probably right after my first box of Laser guided bullets!

sweet!

cjn on June 27, 2007 at 4:59 PM

Update: For the benefit of any Democrats reading, that first paragraph up top was an appeal to emotion designed at getting me something I want. Just FYI.

damn their logic and their cold, vulcan blood!

jummy on June 27, 2007 at 4:59 PM

Then the terrorists can’t win.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

cjn on June 27, 2007 at 5:00 PM

Michelle is the only woman I know who can make Allah stick to his budget.

William Amos on June 27, 2007 at 5:01 PM

I don’t get the big deal; so it’s like a phone with an ‘i’ in front of it?

frankj on June 27, 2007 at 5:04 PM

Feh. It’s a Pet Rock with a battery.

Pablo on June 27, 2007 at 4:55 PM

Exactly. Use it as a sinker for bass fishing.

Jaibones on June 27, 2007 at 5:05 PM

I agree, get a NintendoDS Allah! You should get Advance Wars and MarioKart. Oh, and the Wii is a lot of fun! Wii Sports is so addictive.

Bad Candy on June 27, 2007 at 5:06 PM

Oh, and the Phoenix Wright games are very good, and Meteos is also very fun.

Bad Candy on June 27, 2007 at 5:07 PM

Probably right after my first box of Laser guided bullets!

?

jummy on June 27, 2007 at 5:07 PM

I can hook you up with one of these:

http://www.oaktreeent.com/web_photos/Telephones/Motorola_Cellular-One_Cell-Phone_web.jpg

email me!

:)

JayHaw Phrenzie on June 27, 2007 at 5:08 PM

Does it cause iCancer?

profitsbeard on June 27, 2007 at 5:11 PM

Looks like the iPhone is making the Great One feel a little funny in the pants

ulyses on June 27, 2007 at 5:14 PM

No camera, no 3G and only 8GB storage. Probs with corporate e-mail.
Wait til the mature version comes.

Iblis on June 27, 2007 at 5:15 PM

Not bad. I’m impressed. They should have put a GPS receiver in it though. Then it would have been a “killer” device. Ver 2.0 needs GPS.

TheBigOldDog on June 27, 2007 at 5:16 PM

check out the headlines on the homepage

cjn on June 27, 2007 at 5:19 PM

iWant. But iWon’t get. :(

StephC on June 27, 2007 at 5:21 PM

“I awoke in a sweat this morning wondering, “Is the iPhone the Messiah?” As it turns out, no — Barack Obama is…”

I might buy you one if you’d QUIT with the b. hussein obama/messiah crap.

It’s an insult, really!

shooter on June 27, 2007 at 5:47 PM

No camera, no 3G and only 8GB storage. Probs with corporate e-mail.
Wait til the mature version comes.

Iblis on June 27, 2007 at 5:15 PM

No copy/cut/paste of text either I hear.

Nonfactor on June 27, 2007 at 5:48 PM

Let me see, people are waiting in line to purchase a device that you have to send in to get the battery changed. Now that is one indispensable device.

Solution: buy two, one to use, the second as a standby. You will forget to charge the first.

Conclusion: Why buy one when you can have two at twice the price.

Zaire67 on June 27, 2007 at 5:50 PM

With Apple’s iPhone launching on Friday, the first iPhone reviews have arrived, with many reviewers calling it a “breakthrough” device while still noting the lack of some features.

See the Full Story: http://www.cio-today.com/story.xhtml?story_id=12300F59TNCC&nl=5

TheBigOldDog on June 27, 2007 at 5:54 PM

I’m a Mac guy. This thing is crap. How about just having a PHONE! You know–the kind that you simply talk into? Like “hi! how ‘ya doin’?”

Apple makes decent products. Not fantastic. My CL Zen sounds much better than my iPod. And much cheaper.

robblefarian on June 27, 2007 at 5:57 PM

all ur iphones belong to us

aqvik on June 27, 2007 at 6:08 PM

Allah:

Get a Nokia N95. Trust me on this. Plays music. Sends email. GPS subscription available. 5 megapixel camera with Zeiss lens. Video camera. 2 GB memory. Internet access and voice over IP.

In fact the video outside the VT massacre was shot with an N95. In short, it contains everything a famous mega-pundit needs: PLUS you won’t be supporting the Gore-loving leftist ripping-off-his-stockholders Steve Jobs.

discerningtexan on June 27, 2007 at 6:26 PM

Every time your non-iPhone rings,
another illegal gets amnesty.

jeffNWV on June 27, 2007 at 6:29 PM

The amount of whoring that goes on Hot Air for Apple almost makes me want to stop reading the the blog.

the I-Phone is for rich far-left hipsters who refuse to have children and own a Prius as a Carbon offset for their gas

Spassvogel on June 27, 2007 at 6:36 PM

Nokia N95 bites. Helio Ocean is what the great A needs.

BTW, I love Irony:

I’m a Mac guy. This thing is crap. How about just having a PHONE! You know–the kind that you simply talk into? Like “hi! how ‘ya doin’?”

robblefarian on June 27, 2007 at 5:57 PM

For contrast, I am a total Window’s Whore (I even look like a fat Bill Gates), but I am drooling over this product.

This is in spite of tha fact that I feel most Apple products (Mac, iTV, iPod) are weak, overpriced junk.

Full Disclosure, I am the Senior Buyer for CellPhones for a major retailer and I am not happy that Apple/Cingular kept this one to their own stores. That trick will cost them in the future, when they have less hyped products that they need the help of real retail stores to get going.

Very few, if any, product releases can generate this kind of initial demand. This is a once in a lifetime product launch.
:)

JayHaw Phrenzie on June 27, 2007 at 6:58 PM

iAll I iKnow is, it will iMake iMe iLots of iMoney.

William Teach on June 27, 2007 at 8:00 PM

Ugh! Another overpriced gadget that eschews the values of conservatism. iRINO

synycalwon on June 27, 2007 at 9:00 PM

There is no way in hell I would ever go back to AT&T so I guess I will be saving myself $500 to $600 dollars. If I could get the phone unlock then I might think of getting one.

American8298 on June 27, 2007 at 9:04 PM

Good luck AP

Griz on June 27, 2007 at 9:19 PM

When the battery cells are shot in about 6 months, you mail your phone back so they can steal your info,(change battery), and maybe in a month you’ll get it back. For a hefty fee. Meanwhile you’ll have no phone for the month and i’ll bet you will still get the $100 bill from AT&T for that months “service”. This is their Yugo version for all the suckers. The real one will come out in about 2 years.

roninacreage on June 27, 2007 at 9:21 PM

Analysis: iPhone’s Rate Plan Is Actually Pretty Good
Apple and AT&T released details on their rate plans for the iPhone today, and the service plans are on par with what you’d get with other phones – though you get fewer text messages for your money. We’ll tell you how the plan stacks up against other providers. Read this story

TheBigOldDog on June 27, 2007 at 10:08 PM

For the benefit of any Democrats reading, that first paragraph up top was an appeal to emotion designed at getting me something I want. Just FYI.

Oh, thank God. I was so confused. :)

SouthernDem on June 27, 2007 at 10:40 PM

Thanks for the laughs.

Update: For the benefit of any Democrats reading, that first paragraph up top was an appeal to emotion designed at getting me something I want. Just FYI.

You lost them when you called your boss “the world’s greatest”. That made them rational haters, again, disproving their own theory.

Entelechy on June 27, 2007 at 10:48 PM

Just buy one. Save up or whatever. Put it on your credit card.

Don’t be a cry baby.

Aitch on June 28, 2007 at 1:45 AM