Anti-war groups send letters to Canadian soldiers urging them not to deploy

After reading this, and viewing the zombietime page on the naked bike ride in San Francisco, I felt a creative urge come over me. And when then happens, I draft LEGISLATION!

Legislation that I’d like to see:

HB 9999

A Bill

An Act to Properly Dispose of Antiwar Protestors and for other purposes.

Whereas the United States of America was struck on 9/11/01 by terrorists trained, funded, and controlled by Al Qaeda, causing 3000 civilian casualties:

Whereas antiwar protestors are deliberately sabotaging the effort to fight terrorism around the world and are actively attempting to convince our soldiers and those of our allies into deserting;

Whereas antiwar protestors traveled to Iraq to act as human shields before the invasion of Iraq;

Whereas antiwar protestors have attempted to prevent reinforcement and deployment of elements of the United States Army in Tacoma, Washington and at other places;

Whereas antiwar protestors, specifically Code Pink, gave over $600,000 to Al Qaeda while forces of the United States were engaged in combat with Al Qaeda in Fallujah, Iraq, acts which are palpable acts of treason;

Whereas antiwar protestors have committed indecent acts, included but not limited to, riding bicycles naked in a number of major cities;

Whereas most of these antiwar protestors are late middle aged, fat, out of condition and certifiably UGLY;

Whereas the presence of unclean anuses on public lawns, benches, and on bicycle seats are a public health hazard;

Whereas it is in the interests of public health, as well as art esthetics, that such people be restrained from destroying public decorum with such antics;

Resolved by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled,

SECTION 1: SHORT TITLE

This joint resolution may be cited as the `Authorization for Hunting Act of 2007′.

SEC. 2. SUPPORT FOR UNITED STATES MILITARY EFFORTS.

The Congress of the United States supports the efforts by the President to—

(1) prosecute the war effort until such time as

(a) Al Qaeda surrenders
(b) Al Qaeda is destroyed, and

(2) end the ability of terrorist supporting states to threaten the United States.

SEC. 3. DECLARATION OF NEW GAME SPECIES FOR HUNTING UNDER THE PITTMAN-ROBERTSON ACT.

(a)Authorization: It is hereby authorized to declare antiwar protestors as “fair game” in an unlimited hunting season.

(1) Antiwar protestors, organizations dedicated to antiwar activities, organizers of antiwar protests and those who participate, are hereby declared to be eligible for hunting, provided that those hunting them have obtained a valid hunting license from the Department of Interior.

(2) This authorization is valid in all 50 states, US territories, commonwealths, and the District of Columbia, and

(b) Licenses shall be sold to hunters for the cost of one dollar, and will have no “bag limit.” In addition the following condition apply–

(1) Each hunter shall be entitled to an unlimited bag limit, but shall be required to obtain “tags” to apply to each carcass to differentiate said antiwar carcass from a typical street crime or murder, and

(2) Each hunter shall be required to provide evidence that said carcass was that of a former antiwar protestor.

(A) evidence that the carcass belongs to an antiwar protestor shall include but not be limited to, pamphlets, sighs, slogans, naked bicyclists, personal web logs, membership in moveon, any George Soros sponsored organization, or open posting accounts at DU or DKOS web blogs, and

(B) the burden of proof that the carcass is not that of a antiwar protest, given any of the above, rests with the state.

(3) Each hunter shall be required to register each tag and carcass within 24 hours.

(c) Antiwar protestors can be taken using any method except by snares or leg hold traps as the chance of harming an innocent is sufficiently high to warrant protection.

(1) In accordance with the Geneva Convention, no armor piercing ammunition, or incendiary ammunition will be allowed.

(d) This bill will be effective upon the signature of the President.

(e) YEHAW!

—

Just kidding, folks. Lighten up!

georgej on June 12, 2007 at 4:46 PM