Cool facts about a Chuck Norris presidency — by Chuck Norris
posted at 6:55 pm on June 11, 2007 by Allahpundit
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2286 Diggs and counting. The list gets lamer as it goes, although the Bin Laden one does have a certain visceral appeal. Most heart-ache inducing:
Tattoo an American flag with the words, “In God we trust,” on the forehead of every atheist.
I’ll wear it as a badge of pride. Exit question: Will Chuck do any fundraisers or campaign events for his candidate of choice, Newt “Graingrich”?
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Don’t worry Allah, it would probably only be a 12 pt. font size.
Maxx on June 11, 2007 at 7:10 PM
Read that line earlier and thought of AP and Hitchens for starters.
Here’s a note to csdeven. Mitt in 4th and he’s in the arena?
Entelechy on June 11, 2007 at 7:20 PM
Chuck is known for Brawn not Brains.
JayHaw Phrenzie on June 11, 2007 at 7:25 PM
Conceited, No?
amerpundit on June 11, 2007 at 7:27 PM
I wonder if he’d shut down CAIR. Not that there’s much left.
amerpundit on June 11, 2007 at 7:28 PM
FACT 1: CM Punk is better than you.
FACT 2: Chuck Norris is better than CM Punk.
INFERENCE: Chuck Norris is also better than you.
fusionaddict on June 11, 2007 at 7:30 PM
Too bad Kiefer Sutherland is a lib sissy in real life, otherwise I’d start a Norris/Bauer ‘08 movement.
Fred! wouldn’t stand a chance against it.
Vinnie on June 11, 2007 at 7:35 PM
Actually, it’d be a Bauer/Walker 08 movement, because Jack Bauer would torture Walker into submitting to VP status.
Vinnie on June 11, 2007 at 7:36 PM
I read that when it was in the Headlines section. Is it really written by him? If so, hilariously self-aware, but I couldn’t decide.
Tanya on June 11, 2007 at 7:39 PM
No mention of Ted Nugent as Interior Secretary? I’m disappointed.
Blacklake on June 11, 2007 at 7:42 PM
Nah, I’m going with Bauer/McQuade ‘08, with McQuade’s truck as Secretary of Defense.
ReubenJCogburn on June 11, 2007 at 7:42 PM
Oh my gosh, did he really write that?? If so, sheer awesomeness. If not, still pretty darned funny!
hollygolightly on June 11, 2007 at 7:48 PM
That was terrible. Brrrr!
robblefarian on June 11, 2007 at 7:51 PM
No mention of Ted Nugent as Interior Secretary? I’m disappointed.
No mention of Rambo as Secretary of State either. Or John McClane as head of Homeland Security.
And can I get an “amen” for Bourne as head of the CIA?
Vinnie on June 11, 2007 at 8:00 PM
I’d like to follow the link and participate, but Walker Texas Ranger is on.
forest on June 11, 2007 at 8:03 PM
Jack Bauer will be head of the CIA
Defector01 on June 11, 2007 at 8:40 PM
Chuck Norris facts are slightly funnier when not written by Chuck Norris.
Can we bring back MacGuyver, too? I’m thinking Homeland Security.
JollyRoger on June 11, 2007 at 8:45 PM
I retract my last post due to getting roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.
JollyRoger on June 11, 2007 at 8:46 PM
Giggle, snort, tee hee!
That is good.
CrimsonFisted on June 11, 2007 at 8:48 PM
Love the list but…
What?
Did Hilary’s hackers sneak that in or something?
SouthernDem on June 11, 2007 at 8:53 PM
No, Vinnie, you cannot. How many lib pansies do you want in your new fauxtuff government?
Jaibones on June 11, 2007 at 9:49 PM
Enough with the lib sissy actors already!
Jaibones on June 11, 2007 at 9:50 PM
And, this guy as Secretary of Defense.
BacaDog on June 11, 2007 at 10:11 PM
A reminder to all those here who stated who they think would be good for Homeland Security,
Chuck made that choice in his article “If I am elected president” at WND already when he said, “Resurrect Bruce Lee and appoint him head of homeland security (OK, the CIA and FBI too).”
I think Bruce Lee is a great choice!
Bill “Superfoot Wallace” would be a good assitant, or second to Bruce Lee as Homeland Security chief, while Joe Louis, the father of modern full contact Karate, would be great somewhere, such as in the Defense Department, or as a General, or something.
Then we’d have to find a place for Billy Blanks and Don “The Dragon” Wilson as well.
William
William2006 on June 11, 2007 at 10:27 PM
Chuck’s not the best actor in the world, and his TV show “Walker” is kinda corny, but there was one episode I saw as I flipped through the channels that made me stop and watch. It was about a little girl who was hit by a bullet fired by a gang banger in a driveby shooting. After she recovered, she saw the guy driving up and she stepped out into the street. He stopped the car and she whispered into his ear and walked away. The guy in the passanger seat asked what she said. His answer: “She said ‘I forgive you’”.
Tony737 on June 11, 2007 at 10:55 PM
My Fictional Ticket including Chuck Norris:
President: General (Ret.) Jack O’Neil (as portrayed by Richard Dean Anderson)
Vice President: Aragorn: Son of Arathorn (Vigo Mortenson)
Secretary of State: Sam Fisher (Sam Fisher’s an American even if Michael Ironside isn’t.)
Secretary of Defense: Sgt. Maj. Bill Hafner (As portrayed by R. Lee Ermy.)
Secretary of Homeland Security: CHUCK NORRIS (CHUCK NORRIS AS CHUCK NORRIS.)
Secretary of the Interior: Ted Nugent (as Himself)
Attorney General: Judge Joe Brown (As himself.)
Yes, that rounds the key positions for me.
(Actually…. I approve of those last four in real life for real.)
Jones Zemkophill on June 11, 2007 at 11:48 PM
What about the tatoo on the forearm too?
Love the list. No Brian Dennehy?
Mojave Mark on June 12, 2007 at 1:07 AM
Chuck Norris jokes got old when Chuck Norris got in on the joke.
Nonfactor on June 12, 2007 at 5:18 AM
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