Video: Talking paper
posted at 3:24 pm on June 5, 2007 by Allahpundit
I’m trying to think of a cool application for this and, with one exception that I’d rather not mention, I’ve drawn a total blank. Given that we’ve had touchscreens for years and are well on our way towards paper-thin digital displays, in what way is this especially useful or innovative? Even the developers make it sound lame:
“One interesting idea would be to use it on cigarette packaging, so instead of having a written message warning you of danger to your health, you would have a spoken one.”
Yeah, that’s worth the millions in funding and R&D man hours. Exit question: What exactly is this going to accomplish, aside from ensuring a whole lot more narrative work for women with sultry voices?
Blowback
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Well, it could be cool if they recorded the warning in one of those buzzing voicebox emulators.
What I want to have them make, though, is paper that screams when you cut or tear it.
James on June 5, 2007 at 3:28 PM
You can’t build a better mousetrap,and this isn’t much better than the old fashioned push button.
abinitioadinfinitum on June 5, 2007 at 3:32 PM
I swear to God, the obnoxiousness of anti-smoking zealots just makes me want to go out and buy a pack and smoke the whole damn thing, one after the other, for no other reason than pure spite of the anti-smoking zealots, and the only smoking I’ve ever done is around ten cigars in my whole life. The “Truth” campaign in particular pisses me off.
Bad Candy on June 5, 2007 at 3:36 PM
Hands-free erotica. Duh.
Jim Treacher on June 5, 2007 at 3:38 PM
Yeah, the exception I was thinking of was “Playboy.”
Allahpundit on June 5, 2007 at 3:40 PM
Wait! People still buy their pr0n?
Bad Candy on June 5, 2007 at 3:42 PM
why does it bother you Bad Candy? Personally, I can’t stand smoking because I have trouble breathing around smokers. I have allergies, and I can’t even walk from my room to class without an encounter with someone walking along puffing a cigarette in such away that I end up having no choice but to walk directly through a huge puff of smoke. My reasons for detesting smoking are obvious, but your reasons for having a problem with “anti-smoking zealots” are not.
j_ehman on June 5, 2007 at 3:43 PM
Oh, ’cause I was certain you were talking about toilet paper.
Editor on June 5, 2007 at 3:44 PM
Women with sultry voices need jobs too, you know…
Oh, and Playgirl too! Yeah, thats the ticket!
heatherrc77 on June 5, 2007 at 3:47 PM
Great! Now I can forget how to read.
Bill C on June 5, 2007 at 3:48 PM
Oh man, new rules for Rock, Paper, Scissors….Rock smashes scissors. Scissors cut paper. Paper talks to rock? Um, this just aint gonna work….
soulsirkus on June 5, 2007 at 3:50 PM
Still waiting for smell-o-vision…..
Ouch, what does this do to scratch and sniff?
Kini on June 5, 2007 at 3:52 PM
Funny, I was just wishing for something like this earlier today to my boss.
As a packaging professional in an industry in which consumers misuse our products and flood our complaint phone lines (because they don’t read the instructions), I would love to be able to afford to integrate this into our cartons.
Brat on June 5, 2007 at 3:53 PM
At least with talking smokes, you wouldn’t have to worry about remembering where you left them.
Talking money would be cool. I wonder what denomination would get the stereotypical “black” voice, even though you’re not supposed to be able to determine race by voice characteristics. I’m sure that Eddie Murphy would be signed for the gig, but Gary Coleman could really use a job.
rw on June 5, 2007 at 3:53 PM
This could replace braille. All the braille books, signs, drive-up ATM instructions could be replaced by something like this.
jdpaz on June 5, 2007 at 3:57 PM
I like it ,more work for me.
Engineered the VO for a talking dental aplliance recently, this is better.
bbz123 on June 5, 2007 at 4:00 PM
We don’t have enough electronic beeps already nagging us?
You know they won’t stop at spoken warnings on cigarette packs. There will be voices telling us to be careful stepping on to escalators, crossing the street; packages of red meat will nag about fat, ice cream will tell us how many servings per package just to up the guilt factor when you super-size it. Yogurt cups will demand we purchase them instead of that ice cream. Fat free milk will disparage the 2 percent next to it. This is getting out of hand, isn’t it?
Retread on June 5, 2007 at 4:03 PM
You could touch Maureen Dowd’s column in the paper NYT and it would say “Warning: ellipsis may be employed in this column to misrepresent completely the quoted party’s statements.”
see-dubya on June 5, 2007 at 4:07 PM
Haha, that was my thought too.
Benaiah on June 5, 2007 at 4:09 PM
I thought he was talking about prophylactics. (Wasn’t sure if the other word would go through…)
yikes!
lan astaslem on June 5, 2007 at 4:31 PM
Boy, I hope not. At least through braille, a blind person still gets to exercise their imagination in bringing the words to life. If all they’re doing is listening to paper literally talking, it’s no better than sitting in front of a television zoning out, in terms of the mental calisthenics.
I like a good audio book as much as anyone, but it’s still not the same (and, in my opinion, a lesser experience) as reading, whether through the eyes or through the fingertips.
Kensington on June 5, 2007 at 4:38 PM
Expect labels on packages to start begging people to buy them.
Kristopher on June 5, 2007 at 4:53 PM
I can hear it now,
press 1 for English, press 2 for Spanish….ect.
It will be just like the phone maze.
abinitioadinfinitum on June 5, 2007 at 5:13 PM
best use is for toddlers to learn reading.
i thought the blind could benefit also.
newspapers, magazines, and books (kind of late with audio books out), now the blind can use them.
now if it could record your answer, applications and surveys.
now, I just need money.
doggod on June 5, 2007 at 5:22 PM
Talking paperman ? they have clone Obama ?
William Amos on June 5, 2007 at 6:37 PM
When they make talking political handbills, mailings, etc. (any doubt about this?) I swear that my heavy duty paper shredder will burn out from overuse, especially if the paper screams.
IrishEyes on June 5, 2007 at 7:42 PM
Hey, you could make dolls out of it and market it as the ‘My Little Saddam’ kit.
James on June 6, 2007 at 7:39 AM
I’d like paper that says, “please don’t recycle me! It’s a painful process! Just throw me in the trash!”
Black Adam on June 6, 2007 at 5:21 PM