Video: “Male Restroom Etiquette”
posted at 12:22 pm on June 3, 2007 by Allahpundit
It’s nine months old and, judging from the number of views, I’m the last person in America to have seen it. Which means it’d have to be awfully funny to merit a link now.
And so it is.
FYI, ladies: the rule about never using a urinal when the adjacent urinals are occuped isn’t true. You are free to use it. But you’re obliged to feel really, really uncomfortable when doing so.
Everything else in the clip is accurate, however.
Blowback
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Two words you never hear in a men’s room?
“Hold this…”
Yuk Yuk
BacaDog on June 3, 2007 at 12:40 PM
I’m almost afraid to ask:
What happens when the aforementioned SWAT team needs to drain the lizard?
infidel4life on June 3, 2007 at 12:53 PM
Ain’t it the truth though?
Ian on June 3, 2007 at 12:54 PM
Sorry, you always grab the nearest vacant stall, lest you be perceived or perceive yourself as less than adequate. If you fear relieving yourself next to another man you have massive self esteem problems.
Rode Werk on June 3, 2007 at 12:55 PM
The urinal rule exception: when there is a partition between urinals, it is okay to use one if the adjacent one is being used and there are no other “buffer” urinals available.
I saw a text version of this concept years ago. Nice to see it illustrated so there is no confusion. ;-) The graphics look like first generation Half-Life. Isn’t that the scientist in the beginning.
Mallard T. Drake on June 3, 2007 at 1:08 PM
I thought it was James Carville
rightside on June 3, 2007 at 1:13 PM
Older than Jesus.
Nonfactor on June 3, 2007 at 1:22 PM
“Standing knee deep in butt pudding”
Dash on June 3, 2007 at 1:28 PM
This is so old, even Ace wouldn’t….ah forget it :P
I hadn’t seen it before. I thought the rules were understood, a basic instinct. No talking. And you need a buffer of at least 3′ between you and another guy.
lorien1973 on June 3, 2007 at 1:29 PM
Actually, I think Ace had it — a few months (years?) ago.
Patterico on June 3, 2007 at 2:04 PM
What to say about the “dude” (maybe not) who uses the middle of 3? What a show off ! Hate people who walk in and start conversations. Geez, man, enough I have to use a public restroom, I have to acknowledge that other people are there too!
StuLongIsland on June 3, 2007 at 2:07 PM
Actually, now that I think about it, Ace had some simpler illustration of the urinal selection rules. But it wasn’t from this video.
Patterico on June 3, 2007 at 2:29 PM
Meatgazer.
The exception, of course, is when you need to use the urinal that’s installed lower than the other ones to avoid any ‘dippage.’
What…that thought never occurred to you guys?
James on June 3, 2007 at 2:30 PM
I hope more men heard the part about WASHING YOUR HANDS! I hate knowing who doesn’t wash their hands at work. I never seen that dude the same way again!
SouthernGent on June 3, 2007 at 2:38 PM
Now, what about the dreaded TROUGH at a sports venue? Horror of horrors – no dividers, no empty space between , elbow to elbow….horrifying.
I’ve had to visit numerous shrinks because of my love of sports, and beer.
shooter on June 3, 2007 at 2:45 PM
Cold ….deep too. ( you mean that one?)
shooter on June 3, 2007 at 2:47 PM
A variation thereof…but basically, yep.
James on June 3, 2007 at 2:52 PM
They forgot the other variable in urinal selection: what if one of the urinals is a “low boy”?
flipflop on June 3, 2007 at 2:58 PM
One clarification. This etiquette only applies in men’s lavatories not directly connected to barrooms, pubs, taverns and the like.
Dusty on June 3, 2007 at 3:10 PM
I guess these guys must never go to the bathroom at sporting events. It would never be “optimum” for them.
And don’t even let me talk about older stadiums like Wrigley Field, Fenway Park, and Yankee Stadium (before it ws refurbished in the 70′s) where there are troughs to pee in. These guys heads would be exploding!!
asc85 on June 3, 2007 at 3:20 PM
I was once in the restroom of a movie theater using its urinal. Some guy comes up next to me and not only VIOLATES the no talking rule by loudly reviewing the movie but he put his popcorn container up on the urinal ledge and proceeded to much on the popcorn as he reviewed his movie. The other sacred urinal rule is NEVER eat anything in a bathroom. In fact never bring anything into a public restroom that you plan on eating later.
pjcomix on June 3, 2007 at 3:29 PM
This is a funny copy of a game created by CLEVER MEDIA years ago.
http://clevermedia.com/
400lb Gorilla on June 3, 2007 at 3:44 PM
It is absolutely true, but you forgot the one exception.
If there are those little barriers between the urinals, you can go in numbers 2 and 4, when 1, 3, and 5 are being used, and not feel uncomfortable.
Tim Burton on June 3, 2007 at 4:12 PM
The end of civilization as we know it.
All because those two miscreants, Ralph and Chuck, violated THE RULES.
Woe is us….
georgej on June 3, 2007 at 4:39 PM
The people that created this have WAY TOO MUCH time on their hands. Perhaps we should send them to gitmo. At least there, we could put them to good use — like if we force the inmates to view the videos that they create.
CyberCipher on June 3, 2007 at 5:13 PM
The “trough” is common in Mexico bars in my experience. Of course a lot of what I remember from my last visit to Mexico was filtered through about 4 Rum & Cokes in a row, (countless) beers and no food consumption all afternoon.
Neo on June 3, 2007 at 5:17 PM
Funny story told to me by a friend from Utah:
I was once at a highway rest stop out West. I was all by myself and chose a middle urinal. There were dividers so I felt comfortable violating the rules. In walks a big guy who pulls up directly beside my urinal, starts his business, looks over the divider at my man parts and says, audibly, “Nice.”
I stopped mid-stream, pinched it so as not to drip, and moved away to the next urinal over. Oh, and I undid the snap on my holster so I could get my .45 Glock out of its holster a bit easier, jic. Thankfully I didn’t have to use it as the guy said not another word.
birkel on June 3, 2007 at 7:09 PM
Amen.
It’s the lone instance in which all men are guilty until proven innocent.
baldilocks on June 3, 2007 at 7:17 PM
Yeah, if it’s the game I think it is, I played it when it first came out. Guys never lose. It’s just instinct.
As then, I say it now: Women don’t get men’s bathroom etiquette. I do not exect, nor should other guys expect, women to “get it”. It’s a guy thing, and it has nothing to do with fear or worrying about becoming homosexual. It’s just something men adhere to.
I’ve talked to several women in the past years about this. And they were all like “Oh yeah, women talk in the restroom, they hand each other toilet paper between stalls if someone runs out, all that.”
They were all horrified that men would go without wiping if they’re out of paper rather than break the “no talking” rule and ask the guy in the next stall to pass over some paper.
SuperManGreenLantern on June 3, 2007 at 8:26 PM
Guess this topic should be called The Vent . Never seen this topic discussed before, we can also say this is a relief session.
StuLongIsland on June 3, 2007 at 8:52 PM
Some girlfriends and I once used the men’s bathroom when the women’s was closed for some reason (we of course stationed lookouts). I wonder, is it possible that we violated the sanctity of The Loo when we chatted the whole time? I don’t recall the world ending but maybe the XX chromosomes exempted us from cosmic retribution for restroom malfeasance.
Penthesileia on June 3, 2007 at 11:21 PM
Another post worthy of Hotair.
brewt on June 4, 2007 at 12:33 AM
Whoa…. you people are putting way too much effort into this one. You go in you do your business and you get out. I either ignore everyone and everything or in some cases like the bar room trough filled with ice *kills the germs and odor* or a job site port-a-potty thats been sitting in the South Florida sun all day and hasen’t been emptied for a week reading words of wisdom scribbled on the walls. As such… Here I sit tired and dirty. Trying to S@#t til 4:30. Now thats etiquete! exit question: Do these rules apply in a major league locker room? I think not.
sonnyspats1 on June 4, 2007 at 12:44 AM
I don’t have a square to spare
AdrianG on June 4, 2007 at 2:00 AM
I was walking out of a restroom, once, and a guy says to me, all snooty-like, “I went to school at Harvard, and there they teach us to wash our hands after we urinate.”
I say to him, “Funny. I went to UMass Lowell, and there they teach us not to pee on our hands.”
</rimshot>
Centerfire on June 4, 2007 at 6:20 AM
bit OT, but 6 years ago I had Sharpton, yes. AL Sharpton follow me into the public restroon at JFK airport.
I nodded my head, and he sort of just raised his eyebrows as some sort of weak acknowledgement. I did my business as did he, but while I walked over to the sink…he headed straight out the door.
Yes, AL SHARPTON DID NOT WASH HIS HANDS. Nasty slob.
flipflopper on June 4, 2007 at 9:34 AM
Too stupid by half.
Jaibones on June 4, 2007 at 10:13 AM
I didn’t know “organized society” began in the mens room.
LMAO
heatherrc77 on June 4, 2007 at 11:50 AM
Very funny, but this must have been written by teenage girls who have no understanding of the fundamental rule of male interpersonal behavior: if you see someone else do something inappropriate, especially with regard to a bodily function, you silently, I repeat silently, conclude they are a loser and ignore that it ever happened. Only females would throw a fit and get upset about someone puking in a bathroom.
pedestrian on June 4, 2007 at 12:59 PM