They’ve done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time.

thebrokenchair on May 20, 2007 at 12:23 PM

Here ya go

99.7 % of all men in heterosexual relationships (with women, of course, after all, they are heterosexual relationships) fantasize while having hot, monkey sex with men while they are “making love” to their woman. Fantasizing about men by men helps them get erections and please their woman, because 55% of men have homoerotic fantasies-tendecies, and the other 45% are lying.

Here ya go! (Language Warming – But don’t be too freaked out, this isn’t actually “monkey sex”, it’s a stand-up act with mention of such activities.)

How can you tell when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s place?

The big hand is on the little hand.

Yeah,

99.7 % of all men in heterosexual relationships (with women, of course, after all, they are heterosexual relationships) fantasize while having hot, monkey sex with men while they are “making love” to their woman. Fantasizing about men by men helps them get erections and please their woman, because 55% of men have homoerotic fantasies-tendecies, and the other 45% are lying.

How do I know this?

Because 97% of studies show that 60% of this is -200 % true on the second Tuesday in February, when it falls on a leap year, if it is raining for at least seven hours straight, and if Venus is visible by 3:30 PM in the Southwestern Sky, if a Democrat is Speaker of the House and the Superbowl championship team is from a coastal state, and if the February in leap year falls on an even numbered year, except if the sky is blue that day, except when it is snowing, unless the snow is falling with a West-Southwestern drift, and if there is a person in Key Largo is sitting on a dive boat while wearing a Yarmulke while speaking Cantonese Chinese to an Arab person, only from Jordan or Saudi Arabia, who is speaking English to an Indian person speaking Punjabi while the Indian person speaking Punjabi is reading a Hindi news paper.

It is all very scientific, you see!

William

William2006 on May 20, 2007 at 2:48 PM

Well done, William!

Michael Jackson impersonators? Maybe? Or maybe they’re dancing to “My Ding-a-ling” by Chuck Berry?

robblefarian on May 20, 2007 at 1:48 PM

Robblefarian,

Speaking of Michael Jackson,

How did Michael Jackson’s security detail at “Never, Never Land” know when Michael Jackson had a date over to his mansion?

They saw the “Big Wheels” parked in the driveway!

William

(A healthy batch of folding money, strategically placed, should either impress her …or confuse her. Is that a rolled-billfold in your pocket, or are you just trying to grind me?)

Kinda like the study that shows 55% of men have homoerotic fantasies.

The remaining 45% just lie about it.

Gottafang on May 20, 2007 at 12:31 PM

Yeah,

99.7 % of all men in heterosexual relationships (with women, of course, after all, they are heterosexual relationships) fantasize while having hot, monkey sex with men while they are “making love” to their woman. Fantasizing about men by men helps them get erections and please their woman, because 55% of men have homoerotic fantasies-tendecies, and the other 45% are lying.

How do I know this?

Because 97% of studies show that 60% of this is -200 % true on the second Tuesday in February, when it falls on a leap year, if it is raining for at least seven hours straight, and if Venus is visible by 3:30 PM in the Southwestern Sky, if a Democrat is Speaker of the House and the Superbowl championship team is from a coastal state, and if the February in leap year falls on an even numbered year, except if the sky is blue that day, except when it is snowing, unless the snow is falling with a West-Southwestern drift, and if there is a person in Key Largo is sitting on a dive boat while wearing a Yarmulke while speaking Cantonese Chinese to an Arab person, only from Jordan or Saudi Arabia, who is speaking English to an Indian person speaking Punjabi while the Indian person speaking Punjabi is reading a Hindi news paper.

It is all very scientific, you see!

William

What kind of dance move involves “genital touching”?

Michael Jackson impersonators? Maybe? Or maybe they’re dancing to “My Ding-a-ling” by Chuck Berry?

Blasphemer!

:-)

If you read the whole article, it says the majority of Canuck women admitted that traditional, non-sexual approaches were more acceptable in bars. The preferred methods included buying drinks, smiling, pulling a crisp stack of colourful Monopoly money painted with the Queen and ducks from your pocket, or the classic pickup line of “you wanna go to Tim Horton’s after we screw, eh?”

Oh… Canada.

What kind of dance move involves “genital touching”?

I was at a wedding last night. It’s usually the same dance move that requires the consumption of large quantities of alcohol. Y’all don’t really think those statistics are less in the US, do ya?

They’ve done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time.

thebrokenchair on May 20, 2007 at 12:23 PM

Kinda like the study that shows 55% of men have homoerotic fantasies.

The remaining 45% just lie about it.