Iowahawk: Decline and Fall of the Newspaper

posted at 5:20 pm on May 5, 2007 by see-dubya

You probably caught the buzz that newspaper circulation is cratering. For example, it was presented here in tabular form.*

And here it is presented, by Iowahawk, in historical narrative form. This one bears some close reading all the way through, but it’s pretty funny. Especially if you’ve ever subscribed to a small-town newspaper.

I like the little ABC Madam twist at the end. It seriously scares me that they have control over a list of all of this woman’s clients. What sort of concessions, news access, political, or otherwise, are they capable of extorting with that information?

* Curiously a couple of papers with right-leaning editorial boards, the WSJ and the NY Post, edged up.

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Ya gotta say one thing for the MSM. They’re willing to die for their cause. Allahu Akbar!

RedWinged Blackbird on May 5, 2007 at 5:42 PM

Here is the best chart of all.

Valiant on May 5, 2007 at 5:45 PM

And did you know what phone number we found on that list? 746-555-7314. Does it ring any bells? It should. It’s your cell phone.


You know what you can do with your threat – help Cheryl Crow out with that ‘one sheet’ challenge. When whores harbor lists of whores and their clients, there is no threat, as they sympathize with each other. Your boss was leaving the room, when I entered it, btw.

p.s. I don’t have a wife any more, anyway. Go f**k yourselves.

Entelechy on May 5, 2007 at 5:56 PM

ROFL! Iowahawk at his best.

flipflop on May 5, 2007 at 5:58 PM

I can’t breathe from laughing so hard!!


Tru2my2 on May 5, 2007 at 6:09 PM

I could see The Wall Street Journal becoming a lot more popular in the years ahead, sort of like a “thinking man’s USA Today.” It has broadened beyond purely financial news, as a means of serious all-around journalism.

For some of us, there’s something about the feel of a newsprint in both hands. I hesitate to call it “romantic” — maybe “tactile” is a better word.

The newspaper will not die, just the lousy ones. Things could be worse.

manwithblackhat on May 5, 2007 at 6:09 PM

Don’t ya juuuuusst love the free market!

Kini on May 5, 2007 at 6:11 PM

Remember: every time you click on the internet, a professional journalist cries.

Notable quote that had me in stitches! I wonder which paper? /snarc

Kini on May 5, 2007 at 6:14 PM

This was my favorite.

Our “Cathode Ray of Death” series showed how excessive blog reading is linked to leukemia and the ebola virus.

RedWinged Blackbird on May 5, 2007 at 6:20 PM

And what about…

The Pulitzer Prize winning 5-part “Roots of Shame” turnip cancer investigation


On behalf of the entire Claxon-Ledger team, I would like to apologize for the embarrasing “Roots of Shame” incident in which we published a story incorrectly linking turnips to cancer. In our defense, “tuber” and “tumor” do sound very similar over the phone.

Good Evening ladies and gentlemen and all ships at sea!

This just keeps getting funnier every time I read it!

And the subscription costs! Hilarious!

Kini on May 5, 2007 at 6:29 PM

11. Dallas Morning News, 411,919, down 14.3 percent

Wow, I knew they were down, but not that much. I did not renew my subscription this time around, and I guess many others chose not to also.

Rick on May 5, 2007 at 6:43 PM

I didn’t renew my sub to my local paper a couple of years ago either, and you know? Most of the time, unless my name happens to be in the paper, I don’t miss it at all.

Another good outstanding one by Mr. Hawk. :)

Bob's Kid on May 5, 2007 at 6:52 PM

I’d say Iowahawk was a genius, but geniuses aren’t generally very clever. Plus, studies have shown that nine out of ten have no idea how to clean a carb. So, statistically speaking, his geniushood is unlikely.

Blacklake on May 5, 2007 at 7:14 PM

Plus, studies have shown that nine out of ten have no idea how to clean a carb.

Carbine or carburetor?

RedWinged Blackbird on May 5, 2007 at 9:36 PM

Carbine or carburetor?

Similar results, actually.

Blacklake on May 5, 2007 at 11:10 PM

Exactly when is AlGore going to go after the NYTimes etal for killing all those carbon offsets to print that crap they call news. Yeah right, never.

Buzzy on May 6, 2007 at 12:39 AM


Jaibones on May 6, 2007 at 1:15 AM