Video: Caller tells Rush how to use a single square of toilet paper

posted at 1:25 pm on April 24, 2007 by Ian

Sheryl Crow says that it was all just a joke, but she did get the country talking. And, avoiding shaking her hand…but talking nonetheless. Here’s America’s Anchorman from the Dittocam Monday, going over the fine points of doing one’s bidness with a single square of the angel-soft tissue.


CALLER: I have a way how to explain to people how to use one sheet of toilet paper.

RUSH: Delbert, are you serious about this, or is this a joke?

CALLER: No, I’m serious about it, and I’ve been taught this, how to save toilet paper, all my life — and I will do this just as tastefully as possible.

RUSH: All right. Well, Delbert, Mr. Snerdley told me that we’ve been getting calls from people. He said we’ve been inundated. He told me during the break that we’ve been inundated by people saying it could be done. “No, no, no! Rush shouldn’t laugh about this. It can be done.” So I went in and I got a new roll of toilet paper from the bathroom and I was going to do a demo here for people on the Dittocam. So let me grab the toilet paper. Just pick off one sheet of it here, right?

Rush takes a (s)wipe at Media Matters too. He has the entire transcript and audio here.


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Let’s put a sponge on a stick like the Roman’s used and put an end to TP once and for all!

TheBigOldDog on April 24, 2007 at 1:31 PM

After 19 years on the radio, Rush shoots the bird captured here on Hotair!

EricPWJohnson on April 24, 2007 at 1:31 PM

TP is for sissies.

Attila (Pillage Idiot) on April 24, 2007 at 1:33 PM

I use kittens and pixie dust. Long live the environment!

robblefarian on April 24, 2007 at 1:40 PM

A bear once told me to use rabbits. I surmise there was some discussion about whether the rabbit had a problem with waste material sticking to its fur, and the consensus was that it didn’t.

James on April 24, 2007 at 1:43 PM

My Grandmother taught me that joke about toilet paper 30 years ago. Grandma was a hoot to be around.

GoodBoy on April 24, 2007 at 1:55 PM

One-square policy plus personal chef plus trendy macrobiotic diet equals poetic justice.

saint kansas on April 24, 2007 at 1:56 PM

Well, my single square of TP is 4 foot by 4 foot. So, no problem.

Mazztek on April 24, 2007 at 2:03 PM

I heard this yesterday while driving into town, LMSO!
He knows he’s being had.

Kini on April 24, 2007 at 2:04 PM

What a hoot…I’m using the entire roll if necessary…I ain’t on any camping trip!

Rush should go back to his old-style set…with the desk, the bookshelves…and that sailboat in the backround…y’all remember that?

The good ol’ days…

JetBoy on April 24, 2007 at 2:06 PM

If Rush resorts to a “one sqaure” policy do we start calling him “El Flushbo” ?


FishFearMe on April 24, 2007 at 2:07 PM

The law of unintended consequences –

Use one piece of TP = more laundry that needs washin’ = more water + detergent + chlorine bleach = the earth saved!

Wander on April 24, 2007 at 2:08 PM

I didn’t cringe until he mentioned cleaning out your fingernails.

Esthier on April 24, 2007 at 2:09 PM

A few years ago, I was watching either a documentary or a news clip about post-invasion Afghanistan. There was a commentary about how the country had changed since the Taliban were kicked out. The video showed an Afghan man walking with a rucksack. Hanging out the flap was a roll of toilet paper.

I think that said it all….

georgej on April 24, 2007 at 2:10 PM

When in Colorado, please use Blue Spruce pine cones (shake out the seeds first) or wild Verbascum leaves.

Thank You!

CliffHanger on April 24, 2007 at 2:14 PM

Obvious now why Lance Armstrong broke up with Sheryl Crow.

infidel4life on April 24, 2007 at 2:31 PM

Use one piece of TP = more laundry that needs washin’ = more water + detergent + chlorine bleach = the earth saved!

Are you kidding??? This is America! We’d just start wearing disposable underwear -problem solved.

taznar on April 24, 2007 at 2:43 PM

Per Stallone’s “demolition man” we could use the 3 seashells. Or per Boy Scout survival training, a smooth, wet rock.

Or limit your diet to popcorn and use a wisk broom.

csdeven on April 24, 2007 at 3:16 PM

I watched this as it was going on and just knew someone would be posting the video somewhere…

ZRyan on April 24, 2007 at 3:57 PM

This makes me want to buy stock in GeorgiaPacific and other paper manufacturers… *hehe* rest safe, America… at least half of us won’t fall for lunatic dreams… :-)

rightg33k on April 24, 2007 at 4:06 PM

The caller was confused. The single square tissue method as Rush demonstrated is the proper way to pick your nose at Arkansas dinner parties. The more refined people at these parties use their pinky finger instead of the middle finger which is considered somewhat unrefined.

Later, a former Arkansas governor showed his intern staff aat the double wide Governor’s Mansion how the single tissue method made a low-cost and nifty condom.

If you are observant you can sometimes see the single tissues poking out of Sheryl Crow’s pockets at her concerts and sometimes she keeps them hand by sticking them to the bottom of her shoe.

Texas Mike on April 24, 2007 at 5:01 PM

I’m actually disappointed in Rush for not understanding how to create the center hole thing. Did this man never cut up paper when he was little?

MirCat on April 24, 2007 at 5:21 PM

Except fer the difficulty of flushin’ em, I don’t know why we don’t use all them leftover corncobs thats around from makin’ that ethanol.

gary on April 24, 2007 at 5:22 PM

We could always to back to using handfulls of grass.

We can hire a bunch of undocumented immigrants to stock up the Loos with fresh grass every day.

Lawrence on April 24, 2007 at 5:23 PM

MirCat on April 24, 2007 at 5:21 PM

I noticed that too.

All that Advanced Conservative Studies schtuff leaves little room in his head for simple geometry.

infidel4life on April 24, 2007 at 5:27 PM

I am not inviting Rush for Arts and Crafts. Next week we do sock puppets.

StuLongIsland on April 24, 2007 at 5:34 PM

My Scottish grandfather told me that joke in 1960. I thought everyone knew it……………………

cranura on April 24, 2007 at 5:54 PM

Is there a way to make toilet paper from poison ivy? I’d like to send Crow a roll.

Coronagold on April 24, 2007 at 7:24 PM

The bear was sitting next to the bunny rabbit while they both relieved themselves in the woods.

The bear asked the bunny, “Does poopie stick to your fur when you go number two?

The bunny answered, “Why, yes. Yes it does!”

The bear then picked up the bunny rabbit and wiped himself with the bunny.

Oh, I know, that joke stinks!


William2006 on April 25, 2007 at 3:30 AM

So this is what the Howdy Doody Show was all about!

Shy Guy on April 25, 2007 at 5:19 AM