Good news: Sheryl Crow says it’s okay to wipe thoroughly again

posted at 10:57 am on April 24, 2007 by Allahpundit

It was a joke, people, a joke. We can’t say we weren’t warned, either. We simply chose to believe the lie because it made us feel better to do so.

It’s our version of Trutherism. Call it Pooperism. I’m so ashamed.

Exit question: Was it really a joke, or has it magically become a joke now that the entire country doesn’t want to shake her hand?

Update: She did it for the glaciers.

Crow wanted to clear the air about her comments.

“We’re just so happy that people are talking about global warming, even if it’s brought on by a joke,” Crow told ABC News.

And for Crow and Laurie David, their message is everything.

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A woman in the military called into our morning show here in Philly to comment how the Army had trained soldiers to use only one square. She noted they teach you to stick your index finger through the center of the square… “clean” yourself, then grasp the square with your other hand to wipe the finger. That was a fun highlight.

Hootie on April 24, 2007 at 11:03 AM

So I can wipe again?

Matticus Finch on April 24, 2007 at 11:03 AM

Perhaps I’m straining the metaphor but I poo poo’d this controversy from the outset. Something just did not smell right.

ronsfi on April 24, 2007 at 11:04 AM

I’d still do her.

BTW, is she lesbian or what?
The morning news introduced her and her “activist partner” to the show. I didn’t get if it was an “activist-partner” or “activist/partner”

Did Lance turn her gay or what?

(This is why you wake up each day, allah… to answer our questions, VITAL questions about Sheryl Crow.)

Kai on April 24, 2007 at 11:04 AM

joke or not, i think we still get to make fun of her with it.

jummy on April 24, 2007 at 11:07 AM

A woman in the military called into our morning show here in Philly to comment how the Army had trained soldiers to use only one square. She noted they teach you to stick your index finger through the center of the square… “clean” yourself, then grasp the square with your other hand to wipe the finger. That was a fun highlight.

Hootie on April 24, 2007 at 11:03 AM

My uncle used to call that, the “mexican way to wipe your a$$”
(before you freak out and ban me, my uncle and rest of my fam are beaners)

Kai on April 24, 2007 at 11:07 AM

I would imagine that Lance might regret leaving his wife and children for that stinking slut. Just saying.

wytammic on April 24, 2007 at 11:09 AM

Kai
It is her activist partner. That other women helped Al Blowhard make the film about how penquins hate to get suntans or something like that.

LakeRuins on April 24, 2007 at 11:09 AM

Nasty woman. Just plain nasty.

petefrt on April 24, 2007 at 11:11 AM

I’d still do her.

BTW, is she lesbian or what?
The morning news introduced her and her “activist partner” to the show. I didn’t get if it was an “activist-partner” or “activist/partner”. Did Lance turn her gay or what?

Kai on April 24, 2007 at 11:04 AM

Kai, you’re killin’ me. It’s so refeshing when a commenter just comes right out of the gate smokin’ like that.

Jaibones on April 24, 2007 at 11:12 AM

And here I was out-doing Sheryl by using no TP at all…instead I use the NY Times. At least I’m getting some value out of that rag.

stonemeister on April 24, 2007 at 11:14 AM

It’s our version of Trutherism. Call it Pooperism. I’m so ashamed.

Were you laughing as you typed that? Very dorky — yet hilarious :)

wytammic on April 24, 2007 at 11:15 AM

So that’s how you change the world? Telling jokes to thousands of college students?

To set the record straight, the other night, we approached Mr. Rove at a dinner designed specifically to encourage conversations between people from different worlds.

That’s an interesting ridiculous description of the White House Correspondents Dinner.

Pablo on April 24, 2007 at 11:16 AM

Exit question: Was it really a joke, or has it magically become a joke now that the entire country doesn’t want to shake her hand?

Honestly I vote the latter. When she made the statement, she even included a provission incase one square wasn’t enough.

Plus, she isn’t even going as far as the couple who live in New York and use no toilet paper. They go so far as to recycle their own waste.

Esthier on April 24, 2007 at 11:17 AM

That wasn’t a joke.

If it were, the whole deranged site know as the Huffpo would be filled with jokes.

She’s a moron. Moron’s don’t have a sense of humor.

benrand on April 24, 2007 at 11:18 AM

Exit question: Was it really a joke, or has it magically become a joke now that the entire country doesn’t want to shake her hand?

My skeptic-o-meter is pegged. I think it magically “morphed” into a joke when she realized that everyone in the world who’s name does not rhyme with “eryl row” thought the idea was exceedingly stupid.

Are we to believe she could be that stupid? Well, she is the person that uttered this little gem:

I think war is based in greed and there are huge karmic retributions that will follow. I think war is never the answer to solving any problems. The best way to solve problems is to not have enemies.

thirteen28 on April 24, 2007 at 11:18 AM

Whenever a lib gets caught saying something stupid or offensive, it magically gets morphed into a “joke”. Amazing.

stonemeister on April 24, 2007 at 11:22 AM

It’s common to witness one child say something mean to another. As soon as that child whines “Maaawwwwmeee!” the first child blurts “Just jowkeen!”

ronsfi on April 24, 2007 at 11:26 AM

somehow i imagine her just scooting on the carpet.

jummy on April 24, 2007 at 11:27 AM

I just can’t believe I am getting no props for “Skanks on a Plane”. I mean come on

Jaibones on April 24, 2007 at 11:27 AM

somehow i imagine her just scooting on the carpet.

jummy

Eeeww! lmao

stonemeister on April 24, 2007 at 11:30 AM

IT WAS A JOKE!!!
There goes my TP offset business.

jdpaz on April 24, 2007 at 11:34 AM

Crow simply sold out to the makers of Charmin and Northern. I can’t help but wonder how much they paid her under the commode. We need to shine some sun on this travesty of ecological justice!

.

GT on April 24, 2007 at 11:36 AM

The picture that goes with this post is perfect. She doesn’t look like she has a square to spare.

Wineaholic on April 24, 2007 at 11:39 AM

She realized she was the LAUGHING STOCK of the whole country. Their confrontation with Rove was their attempt at getting people talking about GW. They are trying to blow smoke up our a$$es and I ain’t buying ANYTHING they say. IF they give up their private planes and tour buses then I will listen, then take what they say into consideration. But that will never happen because she thinks her SH_T don’t stink! That is why Miss Crow thought she only needed one square. She is so dim-witted she can’t tell her a$$ from a hole in the ground. (puns intended)

ordi on April 24, 2007 at 11:40 AM

somehow i imagine her just scooting on the carpet.

jummy on April 24, 2007 at 11:27 AM

OMG, that is soooooo funny! I can see her in my minds eye scooting up and down the bus aisle while Mrs David takes pictures to prove Miss Crow doesn’t use TP!

ordi on April 24, 2007 at 11:44 AM

I think she was serious and is trying to pretend now that it was a joke. But that fact that it’s even a question should shame her deeply.

So, if the toilet paper suggestion was a joke, I’ll have to assume that the banning incandescent light bulbs suggestion is a joke, the unplug all device chargers suggestion is a joke, the ride bicycles to work every day idea is a joke, and the whole 1.5-gallon flush toilets thing was a hugely misunderstood joke that just went too far.

In fact, I think we can assume that the entire global warming/environmentalism movement is a big, misunderstood joke. I’m so relieved. I was sure these people couldn’t be serious, and now they’ve admitted it. Whew!

aero on April 24, 2007 at 11:44 AM

Here’s the real joke:

She was never serious – for herself. Of course she doesn’t use one square. She probably has a gas-powered carbon-emitting laser-sighted bidet to begin the tushie cleaning process, after which she skips the toilet paper and wipes her backside with disposable diapers – which she then has her driver take to an illegal dump on the city outskirts driving a hummer at way over the speed limit …

In other words, she’s a liberal and a celebrity, so – like the rest – she’s doubly a hypocrite. OF COURSE she doesn’t follow her “one square” advice.

But I GUARANTEE she was seriously suggesting it for YOU.

That’s liberalism. Hey, when you can look at a guy who burns more fossil fuels and emits more carbon then 100 average joes – and then call HIM your Saint O’ Environmentalism …. or when you can call a Silky Pony with a 20,000 square foot palace a “man of the people” … you’ll fall for anything.

Liberalism is all about “do as I say, not as I do.”

Crow was joking about her own pampered backside. But she definitely thinks you peons should stick with a square.

That’s the joke.

Professor Blather on April 24, 2007 at 11:47 AM

Sheryl Crow has obviously bowed to pressure from TP activist the Great Cornholio. http://www.scils.rutgers.edu/~rahsan/cornholio/sounds.html

Capp on April 24, 2007 at 11:49 AM

Why does this eerily sound like a moronic joke from one the Beavis and Butthead cartoons?

kiakjones on April 24, 2007 at 11:49 AM

Oops! Capp and I are on the same wavelength~!

kiakjones on April 24, 2007 at 11:50 AM

Whenever a lib gets caught saying something stupid or offensive, it magically gets morphed into a “joke”. Amazing.

It was a botched joke…and she’s sorry that you didn’t get it.

saint kansas on April 24, 2007 at 11:51 AM

P.S. Hot Air geek check — when Ms. Crow suggested placing a “limitation” on toilet paper, was anyone else reminded of that chapter-long TP memo in Snowcrash?

Now that’s good dystopian literature!

saint kansas on April 24, 2007 at 11:58 AM

Yeah, I’m with the others who think it was not a joke but once she saw what an idiot she really was it suddenly became a “joke”. Like most of the others, I “didn’t get it” either. Wonder if her “dining sleeve” idea will be on the runway with the fall fashions?

Catie96706 on April 24, 2007 at 11:59 AM

I think the most hilarious part of this “joke” is that, assuming it really was a joke from the start, Crow says she did it to get us all talking about Global Warming. If that was her goal, the the outcome is a knee-slapper. All the discussion I saw and heard about it yesterday mercilously ridiculed Sheryl Crow and ideas like her TP and sleeve-hanky suggestions as insane, unworkable, and ineffective. The funny part is that these “joking” proposals are no less ridiculous than all the REAL suggestions greenies make all the time!!! She succeeded in equating her ridiculous one-square proposal with all the presumably serious ideas she, Laurie David, and others have floated over the past several years.

So now, every time they come up with a similar idea, we will all assume they’re JOKING! It’s fantastic, don’t you think?!

For example, when they urge us all to use cloth shopping bags, we can laugh uproariously at them. When they frown and say they’re not kidding, we can remind them of the Great One-Square Joke of 2007 and say we just don’t believe them anymore when they make stupid suggestions like that.

aero on April 24, 2007 at 12:00 PM

Aw c’mon, Sheryl…if it makes pants crappy, it can’t be that bad.

I suppose next she’ll just claim that her ‘dining sleeve’ idea was just an off the cuff remark.

James on April 24, 2007 at 12:01 PM

I’m dubbing this suggestion by Crow (which will be laughed about for years), the “One Square Policy”.

amerpundit on April 24, 2007 at 12:03 PM

It’s always a “botched joke”. Take your lumps for making a stupid comment Sheryl, the rest of us do.

CrimsonFisted on April 24, 2007 at 12:10 PM

I’m sure she wipes her arse with silk.

unamused on April 24, 2007 at 12:12 PM

Rosie tested that one-square theory at home. It did not work.
Al Gore took the challenge. He succeeded. However, he used carbon offset to compensate for the extra tissue that he used.

Everything turns into a joke when it does not attract normal attention. As for crow, she is gonna soak the up tissue, and at the end she is gonna tell eveybody to lighten up.

Ouabam on April 24, 2007 at 12:12 PM

I’m sure she wipes her arse with silk.

unamused on April 24, 2007 at 12:12 PM

I hope that amused you.

Ouabam on April 24, 2007 at 12:16 PM

The three squares a day flushed down the toilet.

Ok. Then we can safely say that Crowe is a part of the global warming problem then and she actually uses wads of TP instead?

Kokonut on April 24, 2007 at 12:19 PM

All the discussion I saw and heard about it yesterday mercilously mercilessly ridiculed Sheryl Crow and ideas like her TP and sleeve-hanky suggestions as insane, unworkable, and ineffective.

aero on April 24, 2007 at 12:00 PM

Oops. Corrected a grievous misspelling in my comment above.

aero on April 24, 2007 at 12:22 PM

*curtsey*

Tanya on April 24, 2007 at 12:23 PM

Gloater!

Allahpundit on April 24, 2007 at 12:24 PM

Sheryl Crow may need a few extra squares, because
I think Rosie scared the crap out of her!

byteshredder on April 24, 2007 at 12:32 PM

My 1st post and it’s a pleasure to be here…Remember to not wear a white dining sleeve after Labor Day

FishFearMe on April 24, 2007 at 12:32 PM

It’s too hard to figure out which are the jokes and which are the serious statements with these wackos, because they’re all about the same. They all sound like jokes.

Doghouse on April 24, 2007 at 12:36 PM

I heard a parody this morning

In addition to the sleeve napkin, she’s also come up with the sleeve kleenex, and sleeve air sickness bag.

Oh and she wouldn’t take her medication because it was given to her in a paper bag, not a sleeve

ritemama on April 24, 2007 at 12:37 PM

oops, meant paper cup

ritemama on April 24, 2007 at 12:37 PM

It wasn’t a joke. Here’s the whole post from her website which the BBC quoted

Sensible Mom on April 24, 2007 at 12:37 PM

Laurie David has long bragged about using recycled toilet paper. So if Crow is joking, she’s making fun of David… which may be the case, as they apparently are not getting along now.

Karl on April 24, 2007 at 12:41 PM

Can’t wait to hear the reports from her next concert when there are zillions of toilet paper rolls being thrown around ;^)

db on April 24, 2007 at 12:42 PM

somehow i imagine her just scooting on the carpet.

jummy on April 24, 2007 at 11:27 AM

OK, Allah. I vote you give some kind of prise for that one!

james hooker on April 24, 2007 at 12:43 PM

If you look at the original post, you’ll notice that she floated the “dining nappy” (nappy-sleeved.. nah…) and a reality show on “How Green Can You Be”. She didn’t say those were jokes.

And not once did she ever say, “Kidding!” or “Ha!”

She’s just going to play her AMA card for being conscientious about the world and totally sweep under the rug her monumental stupidity.

Nethicus on April 24, 2007 at 12:43 PM

I had recognized the first spate of “I can’t spare a square. I haven’t a square to spare!” quips from Seinfeld, but it took a couple minutes longer to dawn on me that the show was, or course, co-created by Mr. Laurie David himself.

I can’t imagine Larry David, or anyone with a sense of humor for that matter, being married to Mrs. David. “Um, sweetie, have you seen the toilet paper?” “Sorry, Larry, individual sheets will be available on request. I’m off to tour with Sheryl Crow…don’t flush while I’m gone.”

saint kansas on April 24, 2007 at 12:45 PM

Well, when it gets to the part suggesting rinsing out the one square, it sounds like a joke to me.
Granted, it’s pretty deadpan.
Unfortunately, the biggest joke is carbon offsets, and they’re serious.

SouthernDem on April 24, 2007 at 12:50 PM

Aw c’mon, Sheryl…if it makes pants crappy, it can’t be that bad.

That’s gold, Jerry. Gold.

Readymade on April 24, 2007 at 12:53 PM

I think her publicists, and agent were embarrassed that she was being called Sheryl “One Wipe” Crow out here in blogland.

That’s the kind of thing that can stick to you!

heldmyw on April 24, 2007 at 12:54 PM

Exit answer: It was not a joke.

I just read the original post wherein she makes the famous one-square recommendation.

I am a huge fan of satire, sarcasm, innuendo, facetiousness, irony, parody, farce, lampooning, raillery, and all forms of wisecracking and comedy (which explains my admiration for Allahpundit;)and this, my friends, was NO JOKE. The moron was serious.

IrishEi
That’s I-R-I-S-H with one “Ei”

IrishEi on April 24, 2007 at 12:54 PM

I propose we start the Corncob Project. Everyone save up your used corn cobs and ship ‘em to Sheryl to show our solidarity with “Saving the Earth, One Square at a Time”.

Veritas on April 24, 2007 at 12:57 PM

I’ll try to wipe gain. Try to wipe again, but I know, the first wipes the cleanest. The first wipe is the cleanest…

TheBigOldDog on April 24, 2007 at 1:00 PM

Maybe she suggested the shirtsleeve things because she views all “mericuhns” as slobs and morons who do that type of things anyway.

I mean, she’s better than everyone else, to be sure. A liberal must have the highest level of vanity and conceit to be considered someone who has the ability to care.

benrand on April 24, 2007 at 1:01 PM

It was all meant tongue in cheek …. Eeeeuuuuuwwww!!!

Child In Time on April 24, 2007 at 1:05 PM

Exit question: Was it really a joke, or has it magically become a joke now that the entire country doesn’t want to shake her hand?

Has she ever previously displayed any evidence of having a sense of humor? …Didn’t think so.

bofh on April 24, 2007 at 1:11 PM

It was a botched joke.

Buy Danish on April 24, 2007 at 1:13 PM

Of course she wasn’t joking.

But when even morons like Rosie think you’re nuts, then to save face, you do that ole “libby-dem” thingy: You revise history and pretend you were joking all along.

Add the fact that her Japanese electronic bidet/toilet just got recalled for starting fires, and the fact that she only has two sleeves, so what’s a airhead like her gonna do?

georgej on April 24, 2007 at 1:17 PM

That’s gold, Jerry. Gold.

Readymade on April 24, 2007 at 12:53 PM

Great…now I’m Kenny Banya. Oh well, might as well run with it:

“I put your TP away…sat down and flushed today.
I can’t look at you while I’m lying…’bout a joke.”

James on April 24, 2007 at 1:31 PM

Let’s all mail Crow a single square of used toilet paper.

jaleach on April 24, 2007 at 1:34 PM

I figured it was a joke, but then after the Rove thing I was like, “She really is serious about this stuff, isn’t she?” If she hadn’t made an ass out of herself (pun so intended) about the same issue twice in one week, I’d be more willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. Not that I really give a crap, ha ha.

Jim Treacher on April 24, 2007 at 1:41 PM

“Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine!”

These lyrics give us new meaning to what’s really inside Sheryl Crow. /sarc

kiakjones on April 24, 2007 at 1:42 PM

Or be like Sheryl and tinkle on the sofa!

That way you don’t need any squares!

drjohn on April 24, 2007 at 2:00 PM

Doesn’t pass the smell test.

silenced majority on April 24, 2007 at 2:02 PM

OH WELL IT WAS A JOKE. I FEEL SO ASHAMED.WHAT TO DO? WHAT TO DO? I know lets roll out the red carpet on one of these babies!

sonnyspats1 on April 24, 2007 at 2:10 PM

Are the tractor-trailers, buses and cars in her entourage roaming the country contributing to globel warmening a joke to get our attention, too?

Dusty on April 24, 2007 at 2:22 PM

The comments on the original huffpo thread seemed to take her pretty seriously.

Quisp on April 24, 2007 at 2:26 PM

We can always count on the looney-left to put forth thought-out solutions to the critical issues of the day. Rock-on One-Sheet-Sheryl!!! Rock on

JeffreyC on April 24, 2007 at 2:29 PM

She’s doubly wrong. We’re NOT talking about (non-existent) global warming. We’re talking about how stupid she is.

Also, if you decide to use the one-square-wipe-method, always keep the small piece that you tear from the middle of the square. You can use that to clean under your fingernail.

-Fat Old Guy

Fogpig on April 24, 2007 at 2:33 PM

If we just rode sheep, we wouldn’t have to worry about it.

Sasnak on April 24, 2007 at 2:44 PM

“I put your TP away…sat down and flushed today.
I can’t look at you while I’m lying…’bout a joke.”

James on April 24, 2007 at 1:31 PM

“We can save the world, in three damn wipes”

Readymade on April 24, 2007 at 3:32 PM

It’s our version of Trutherism. Call it Pooperism. I’m so ashamed.

Exit question: Was it really a joke, or has it magically become a joke now that the entire country doesn’t want to shake her hand?

Call me a Pooper… Wait…. Ah crap! I mean….

“We’re just so happy that people are talking about global warming, even if it’s brought on by a joke,” Crow told ABC News.

Yeah, thanks for doin’ that… because, ya know, no one had been talking about global warming. No, it’s not mentioned constantly in the news media. No, kids aren’t constantly bombarded with the propaganda at all levels of school. In fact I’m not sure I’d ever heard of global warming before Crow and David brought it up. Tell me more about this “warming”?

RightWinged on April 24, 2007 at 3:37 PM

Yes, now it’s a joke, after Crow realizes the entire country was laughing at her.

WasatchMan on April 24, 2007 at 3:57 PM

Call me a Pooper… Wait…. Ah crap! I mean….

RightWinged on April 24, 2007 at 3:37 PM

Wouldn’t you like to be a Pooper, too?

(Oh, now I finally get all those Lance Armstrong jokes…he’s her dumper.)

James on April 24, 2007 at 3:57 PM

No, she wasn’t serious. she was…ACTING!!!

BigOrangeAxe on April 24, 2007 at 4:39 PM

Must be nice to live in Hollyweird where your S^%t don’t stink and it only takes one square to get clean.

Maybe in LA they sell TP squares the size of beach towels.

E L Frederick (Sniper One) on April 24, 2007 at 4:59 PM

If it wasn’t a joke, she’s just plain stupid. If it was a joke, she’s stupid and not funny.

So, which is it Sheryl?

cmay on April 24, 2007 at 6:19 PM

Sheryl was joking? What was her intent?

I saw her a couple years ago at a Crosby, Stills, and Nash concert in Sun Valley, Idaho…she was with Lance and they announced their engagement. She sang with David Crosby and the band and is a great performer/singer.

She should stick to what she does well because she certainly hasn’t a clue about the environment.

serenevalley on April 24, 2007 at 7:08 PM

Heh heh heh…she doesn’t know how to use the three seashells.

Coronagold on April 24, 2007 at 7:09 PM

I have never laughed so hard…not at Shery’s joke(not)…but at all the posts that followed here…very witty and funny!

CCRWM on April 24, 2007 at 7:49 PM

She will always be known to me as………… “The Finnnger”

PinkyBigglesworth on April 24, 2007 at 9:59 PM

wheew, all I can say is, it’s been a tough couple o days… ! Glad my husband was out of town!

4shoes on April 24, 2007 at 11:04 PM