Sheryl Crow’s solution to deforestation: Wipe with one square of TP

posted at 5:16 pm on April 20, 2007 by Allahpundit

Green earth = brown hand!

Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of forest conservation which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don’t want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required. When presenting this idea to my younger brother, who’s judgment I trust implicitly, he proposed taking it one step further. I believe his quote was, “how bout just washing the one square out.”

Hey, it’s “think globally, act locally,” not “think globally, act locally except for your pooper.”

Exit question one: Just how, um, tidy are Sheryl Crow’s evacuations that one thin square of toilet paper is enough to do the trick? You think the Goracle gets by with one? Exit question two: Does Barbara Boxer have a “spiritual … obligation” to follow Crow’s advice?

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I guess Tampex are no-no’s.

jemima on April 22, 2007 at 5:05 PM

Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating.

Dammit, now I gotta clean all the Foster’s Lager off my new monitor. Not even Iowahawk himself could come up with such hilarious self-absorbtion.

(Or, could he?…)

Lee on April 22, 2007 at 5:09 PM

Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating.

Dammit, now I gotta clean all the Foster’s Lager off my new monitor. Not even Iowahawk himself could come up with such hilarious self-absorption.

(Or, could he?…)

Lee on April 22, 2007 at 5:10 PM

Karl Rove has heated global warming debate with Sheryl Crow, Al Gore’s documentary producer at Correspondents Dinner
“In his attempt to dismiss us, Mr. Rove turned to head toward his table, but as soon as he did so, Sheryl reached out to touch his arm. Karl swung around and spat, ‘Don’t touch me.’ How hardened and removed from reality must a person be to refuse to be touched by Sheryl Crow?” they wrote. As reported in Huff Po and on FOX

OMG Hardened and removed or cautious and informed! HAHAHAHAAHAHA

sonnyspats1 on April 22, 2007 at 6:28 PM

bbz123 kind of stole my thunder, but I’m going to say it anyway.

You know, this plan might actually work. After all, if we all start using just one square, then the logging companies won’t have to cut down all those oak and pine trees to make more toilet paper, because, as we all know, that’s what they use them for.

Wolfman on April 23, 2007 at 7:26 AM

Comment pages: 1 2