24, 10 – 11pm: Open Thread, etc

Oh, right! Sorry. The “24″ Report.

Last week: Jack popped the Rooskies and got Brother Savant home in time to watch Wapner; Vice President Tolliver Palpatine ordered a strike on that strange, mysterious nation known as “Fayed’s Home Country,” only to be countermanded when President Palmer the Lesser rolled back the stone and regained full possession of his ability to issue orders with unpersuasive, tentative authority. Meanwhile, Jack is interrogating the hairy Slavic nationalist, only to discover that the bastard watched previous “24” series and knows all about the magical Get Out of Jail pass from the Attorney General. We begin.

Uh oh: it’s a cabinet meeting. Someone actually asks “will Medical testimony be allowed.” If that line doesn’t promise an action-packed episode of medical testifying, I don’t know what does.

UPDATE: VP Tolliver Palpatine seems to making his 25th amendment case on the grounds that Palmer the Lesser is not in his complete right mind, but it would help his case if he could name the nation he intends on nuking.

UPDATE: Back at CTU, Milo is having a moment with hot irritable non-traitor Nadia, who’s called up to see Ricky Schroeder, who tries to turn her against Milo. As with previous seasons, it’s a clear argument for an intelligence service composed entirely of eunuchs.

UPDATE: the vote is in! It’s a tie. Palmer FTW, no? No! The Veep uses a devilish technicality. There’s another shot of the mysterious blond, whose sketchy, indistinct screen time suggests she is Jack’s half-sister, and thus connected to the conspiracy. You know, The Conspiracy. Whatever the hell that is.

UPDATE: Nadia gets Milo to leave his station by asking him to reset her system codes. In a lesser show, this would be a double-entendre. As a bonus, the scene reveals Ricky to be a spiritual man who combs the religious texts of many cultures in search of an answer, and envies those who have settled upon an answer whose cool steady draughts slakes their thirst. Anyway, he has to get ready to kill some people now, so maybe we could meet for coffee later.

UPDATE: Hairy Rooskie calls Fayed to set up the meet to exchange the protocols. Pardon my language, but do all terrorists attend the Dickweed School of Conversation? How do these guys deal with drive-thru?

Hello, welcome to Happy Burger.

I want the hamburger.

One hamburger. Anything else?

I want it with cheese. And I want it hot.

Hold on . . . okay, that’s one cheeseburger. Anything else?

I want it in paper wrapper with two packets of ketchup. If there is anything else in the bag I will kill you.

So no fries?

(Pause) I will accept some fries. But only a small order. Ten fries, no more. If there are eleven fries the girl dies.

So that’s one cheeseburger one small fries. Anything to drink?

The tears of the enemies of Allah. No ice.

That’ll be $2.12. Please drive through.

I will meet you at the power plant in ten minutes.

Uh – the food comes out the window ahead, sir, and –

Ten minutes! No more! Or I will see about getting tacos.

UPDATE: Ah ha! Cold Blond Lisa reveals herself. She’s EEEEvil.

UP-UPDATE: COLD BUSTED, NIXON STYLE!

UPDATE: Nice to finally see Chloe. She looks like she ducked out over the supper break and put on some evening wear.

Ah, it’s the old meeting at the deserted amusement park.

UPDATE: the signal isn’t moving, which means that Harry Roosky is either standing motionless in the room, or they managed to saw off his arm in complete silence in the 90 seconds that preceded Jack’s entry. I’m going with the sawing.

UPDATE: Yep. Axe not what your country can do for you, axe what you can do for your country. CTU planners roll eyes, think: okay, fine, next time we plant the bug in the nuts. WHATEVER.

UPDATE: “Show me your head.” You really don’t ever want anyone to say that about you, I think.

UPDATE: Harold Russkey pulls a double-cross in a bar, and really: who wouldn’t believe the assertions of a sweaty man clutching a bloody stump? Result: classic American barroom justice, with much righteous kicking. Fayed is in custody. Elsewhere, our Russia friend comes to suspect that trading a presidential pardon for the loss of a limb followed by flight with an international criminal maybe wasn’t the best choice.

UPDATE: The nukes have been launched against Fayed’s Home Country. We can only hope the GPS database isn’t tied into Interpol, and the missiles become confused: do we strike the nation where he was born, the nation where he was schooled as a young man, the nation where he has a summer house, or the nation that funds him?