Finally: Jacko to build 50-foot laser-equipped robot replica of himself

posted at 2:17 pm on March 29, 2007 by Allahpundit

Note: not a statue. A robot.

All I can say is, it’s about time.

Michael Jackson is in discussions about creating a 50-foot robotic replica of himself to roam the Las Vegas desert, according to reports.

The pop legend is currently understood to be living in the city, as he considers making a comeback after 2004′s turbulent child sex case.

It has now been claimed that his plans include an elaborate show in Vegas, which would feature the giant Jacko striding around the desert, firing laser beams.

If built, the metal monster would apparently be visible to aircraft as they come in to land in the casino capital.

The robot is programmed to pressure smaller, more impressionable robots into sleeping with it. Just sleeping, mind you; in the same bed, naked, but no touching.

Because big robots touching little robots “that way” is wrong.

Exit question: When the robot eventually runs amok and terrorizes Las Vegas, and it will, which branch of the military will be called in to deal with it? Most of you are going to say the Air Force, but I’m thinking artillery. Yup. 4th ID to the rescue! Place your bets, chumps.

Update (Ian): Michael Jackson in Vegas hospital with pneumonia.

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Thomas H. Cruise.

fusionaddict on March 29, 2007 at 2:22 PM

Will the robot’s nose be interchangeable, and will it also spew “Jesus Juice” from it’s orafices?

PinkyBigglesworth on March 29, 2007 at 2:24 PM

I almost thought it said “Poop legend”…

Doda McCheesle on March 29, 2007 at 2:25 PM

Well that’s, um…it’s, uh…

Isn’t that something?

Slublog on March 29, 2007 at 2:25 PM

Go Artillery!!!

I’m seeing artillery, tanks, rocket trucks and choppers. Cool…

Bad Candy on March 29, 2007 at 2:27 PM

All I can say is, it’s about time.

Couldn’t agree more.

Esthier on March 29, 2007 at 2:27 PM

I almost thought it said “Poop legend”…

This connection, of course, means that a posting of the MJ supporters vs. Triumph the Comic Insult Dog would be appropriate.

Slublog on March 29, 2007 at 2:29 PM

Why would anyone want to build a giant robot shooting laser beams?

Although, I have to admit, if I was still a little boy, I’d want to go and see that.

Canadian Infidel on March 29, 2007 at 2:31 PM

I think it’s safe to say Jacko has lost his last shred of sanity.

But a 50 foot tall robot that shoots fricken’ laser beams is still cool.

Mindcrime on March 29, 2007 at 2:32 PM

Better than the chocolate-Christ figure – longer lasting, more flexible moves, and less tempting – though, beware what it will touch.

Entelechy on March 29, 2007 at 2:38 PM

Wow…Uh…That’s…Uh…nice. Yeah, that’s nice.

amerpundit on March 29, 2007 at 2:38 PM

Although, I have to admit, if I was still a little boy, I’d want to go and see that.

That’s the point of building it, right? Little boys….

KelliD on March 29, 2007 at 2:41 PM

I, for one, welcome our new Jacko-bot overlords.

spmat on March 29, 2007 at 2:42 PM

In the desert, huh? Burning Michael?

Kini on March 29, 2007 at 2:42 PM

Does this mean that Michael will receive the Howard Hughes Lifetime Achievement Award?

natesnake on March 29, 2007 at 2:45 PM

It must really suck to be Jackson’s yes-man right about now.

“Giant robot with laser beams roaming the desert…. is a fantastic idea Mr. Jackson!”

natesnake on March 29, 2007 at 2:47 PM

Saw this yesterday on Dave Barry’s blog

KCSteve on March 29, 2007 at 2:48 PM

The only reason that 50-foot statute floating down the Thames didn’t revive his career was because they forgot the lasers.

saint kansas on March 29, 2007 at 2:48 PM

You mean it hasn’t already been done?

stonemeister on March 29, 2007 at 2:49 PM

I question the timing.

BacaDog on March 29, 2007 at 3:02 PM

Isn’t he islamic now? Will the statue have to wear the burka? He is a chick, right?

lorien1973 on March 29, 2007 at 3:03 PM

What a great way to kick-off MJ”s “Involuntary Committment” tour.

billy on March 29, 2007 at 3:05 PM

But a 50 foot tall robot that shoots fricken’ laser beams is still cool.

Mindcrime on March 29, 2007 at 2:32 PM

Are you frickin’ kidding me? If I hit the powerball, I’d DEFINITELY do this! Mecha-Jackson!

dalewalt on March 29, 2007 at 3:06 PM

I question the timing.

Indeed.

That’s the point of building it, right? Little boys….

I QUESTION THE MOTIVE!

natesnake on March 29, 2007 at 3:06 PM

Nellis AFB is closest – they might actually have to arm the Thunderbirds…

jeffshultz on March 29, 2007 at 3:11 PM

Gacy with rhythm, film at 11

Limerick on March 29, 2007 at 3:14 PM

Why doesn’t he just buy a van and a puppy like all the other perverts.

lorien1973 on March 29, 2007 at 3:15 PM

When the robot eventually runs amok and terrorizes Las Vegas, and it will, which branch of the military will be called in to deal with it?

It will be the Air Force of course, duh. Who else do you think knows how to fly all those alien spacecraft out at Area 51?

rbb on March 29, 2007 at 3:17 PM

Will the statue have to wear the burka?
lorien1973 on March 29, 2007 at 3:03 PM

If it’s true to life. What will Nihad Awad have to say?

eeyore on March 29, 2007 at 3:17 PM

Nice! All they need now is a 100 foot high Rosie robot and the 2008 new Godzilla movie: Godzilla vs Bloatha could be a reality!

Bradky on March 29, 2007 at 3:18 PM

I think the robot should refer to Jacko as ‘Mini Me’.

pistolero on March 29, 2007 at 3:25 PM

I think the Nevada National Guard better look into building a 50 foot tall Joe Jackson to whoop it’s ass when it (inevitably) runs amok.

Number 2 on March 29, 2007 at 3:27 PM

History has shown time after time that natural creatures are much better than technological creations…this, then, is the folly of man.

I say Jacko has got to go.

James on March 29, 2007 at 3:28 PM

somebody call the terminator!!!

Defector01 on March 29, 2007 at 3:28 PM

Will it be black or white?

Rode Werk on March 29, 2007 at 3:33 PM

Sister Janet is planning her own 50 ft. robot with a giant leather bustier that malfunctions causing laser beams to shoot form her ….

LonelyMassRepublican on March 29, 2007 at 3:34 PM

We can retaliate and put a Ron Sneddon statue across the street……..naw…bad idea.

Limerick on March 29, 2007 at 3:37 PM

Fred! will disable the robot and melt it down with one contemptuous stare.

That makes me wonder what a Mecha-Fred! would be capable of.

Coyote D. on March 29, 2007 at 3:39 PM

He is also looking for sheet metal workers willing to work at a height of 46′ to repair the nose of the giant robot and a weekly basis.

LonelyMassRepublican on March 29, 2007 at 3:40 PM

I think the Nevada National Guard better look into building a 50 foot tall Joe Jackson to whoop it’s ass when it (inevitably) runs amok

Quote. Of. The. Day.

I’m only onboard if it will grab it’s crotch and do the moonwalk. Oh, and spit little Websters at on-lookers. Forget lazers–those are so passe. Little Websters and McCauly Culkins are where it’s at.

robblefarian on March 29, 2007 at 3:41 PM

Can you show me on the doll where the giant robot touched you?

saint kansas on March 29, 2007 at 3:41 PM

Doesn’t Nevada building codes require that all robotic Michael Jacksons with lazer beams be built UNDER 50 feet? Seems I’ve read that somewhere…

robblefarian on March 29, 2007 at 3:42 PM

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Because I’m thinking we should drop a platoon of these bad boys outside Tehran.

fusionaddict on March 29, 2007 at 3:42 PM

I thought he was broke – what kind of nut would give him the cash for this?

LB - the one that isn't LaShawn Barber on March 29, 2007 at 3:44 PM

“You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have a robot with frickin’ laser beam attached to its head! Ah, would you remind me what I pay you people for, honestly? Throw me a bone here! What do we have?”

thebrokenchair on March 29, 2007 at 3:45 PM

Don’t worry, folks–the giant robot will immolate itself while filming a Pepsi commercial, thus saving humanity from its mecha-creepiness.

Blanket was unavailable for comment.

ReubenJCogburn on March 29, 2007 at 3:48 PM

Will it be black or white?

Rode Werk on March 29, 2007 at 3:33 PM

It don’t matter if it’s black or white. Hee-hee.

Of course, the Jackobot should be a transformer…it could have several external skins to choose from, each more angular and pale than the last. And just for good measure, one that mimics Jacko’s costume from The Wiz.

James on March 29, 2007 at 3:52 PM

I prefer sharks with laser beams….but to each his own I guess.

The Ugly American on March 29, 2007 at 3:56 PM

FRED! is at area 51 getting ready to go downtown with all that sweet alien tech stored there.

k2comp on March 29, 2007 at 4:10 PM

One word:

freak show

oops.

freakshow

locomotivebreath1901 on March 29, 2007 at 4:16 PM

It don’t matter if it’s black or white. Hee-hee.

James on March 29, 2007 at 3:52 PM

I was right about to make that joke myself. It’s probably for the best that I didn’t though, because you pulled it off better.

Anyway, doesn’t he still live in Bahrain, where they let him rape all the little boys he wants? Also, isn’t he broke?

Wolfman on March 29, 2007 at 4:36 PM

Wasn’t this an episode of The Office? Except they decided to make it 2/3 life size, so they could stop it when it turned on them.

Tanya on March 29, 2007 at 4:46 PM

I’m sure the “boys” at base Camp Mercury have some special toys to deal with a Jacko gone wild robot. Nevada Test Site, home of Area 51, is just a hop, skip and a jump up the road.

SPIFF1669 on March 29, 2007 at 4:48 PM

Can you show me on the doll where the giant robot touched you?

saint kansas on March 29, 2007 at 3:41 PM

PRICELESS!!!

silenced majority on March 29, 2007 at 4:57 PM

ENOUGH SAID.

Mazztek on March 29, 2007 at 4:58 PM

Micheal Jacksons’ looks remind me of how John Mark Karr acts.
Freeaky

Speakup on March 29, 2007 at 5:02 PM

Ever wonder if there is such a thing as too much money? Wonder no more.

honora on March 29, 2007 at 5:09 PM

Drudge Report sez that Jacko is sick with pnemonia

Kokonut on March 29, 2007 at 5:18 PM

You mean the mawzlems finally got tired of his/it’s antics? AMAZING!

tormod on March 29, 2007 at 5:31 PM

Will it be black or white?

Rode Werk on March 29, 2007 at 3:33 PM

Ebony or Ivory

Kini on March 29, 2007 at 5:35 PM

Gotta have something to compete with the giant robotic Tom Jones that will be roaming the streets of Branson…

I mean, c’mon! Does anyone see the logistical problems with this story? A 50 ft. robot? Wandering the hot, sandy desert? And shooting laser beams (why not!)?

haha “run amok… and it will…

HEE – Hee

JetBoy on March 29, 2007 at 5:41 PM

http://youtube.com/watch?v=lL7QnCAmcWQ

http://youtube.com/watch?v=FtovadY4lYk&mode=related&search=

jummy on March 29, 2007 at 2:36 PM

YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO COMPLY…

fusionaddict on March 29, 2007 at 6:24 PM

Nearly as terrifying as Mecha-Streisand!

Blacklake on March 29, 2007 at 6:25 PM

At 50 feet off the ground, a chin that falls off would be devastating. I hope they attach it extra carefully.

shaken on March 29, 2007 at 6:55 PM

I have nothing left to say that hasn’t been said here. So, these are my favs in no particular order:

Why doesn’t he just buy a van and a puppy like all the other perverts.
lorien1973 on March 29, 2007 at 3:15 PM

I think the robot should refer to Jacko as ‘Mini Me’.
pistolero on March 29, 2007 at 3:25 PM

I think the Nevada National Guard better look into building a 50 foot tall Joe Jackson to whoop it’s ass when it (inevitably) runs amok.
Number 2 on March 29, 2007 at 3:27 PM

Will it be black or white?
Rode Werk on March 29, 2007 at 3:33 PM

Can you show me on the doll where the giant robot touched you?
saint kansas on March 29, 2007 at 3:41 PM

thedecider on March 29, 2007 at 7:22 PM

Boy, I sure wish our side had one of those giant robots, huh?

Buck Turgidson on March 29, 2007 at 8:32 PM

Now I know I went through a wormhole to an alternate universe.
Can someone show me he way home,please?

lizzee on March 29, 2007 at 8:45 PM

THE way home—please?

lizzee on March 29, 2007 at 8:46 PM

Ever wonder if there is such a thing as too much money? Wonder no more.

Mikey’s broke. Has been for awhile. I believe Sony now owns the rights to Beatles collection. He’s been living in Dubai on some prince’s dime.

robblefarian on March 29, 2007 at 9:47 PM

Aren’t there deserts where he’s at?

Why does he have to come back here?

We’re just going to harass him then.

TheSev on March 30, 2007 at 2:45 AM