Life-sized, anatomically correct, milk-chocolate Jesus debuts

posted at 4:38 pm on March 28, 2007 by Allahpundit

Considering most modern artists prefer to work in scat, we should probably be grateful here for small favors.

It’s 480,000 calories. But is it art?

Just in time for Easter, the high-calorie Heavenly Father will exhibit on April 1st at The Lab gallery at the Roger Smith Hotel in New York. Creative Director Matt Semler says, ”The sign of any great artist is how their work affects the observer.” Looking at the Lord, viewers may be moved to muse about their own mortality: Death by chocolate? Hypertension? Or atherosclerosis? Perhaps Cavallaro’s intention is to warn the overzealous that when it comes to faith or food — be it Christ or Cadbury — indulgence should be avoided at all costs. Or maybe it’s simply for shock value — he wants us to stand there and salivate while suppressing the temptation to nibble on Christ’s toes.

Presumably it’s a comment on transubstantiation. Or an excuse to fashion a schwanz out of chocolate. Art is many things to many people.

You know who I bet will have something to say about this before long, both because he has a track record in this area and because he desperately needs to boost his official James Dobson “Good Christian” religio-quotient?

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“Sacrelicious.”

It’s that sort of thing that keeps me coming back.

I’ve officially reached my outrage quotient for the day.

No mas!

Slublog on March 28, 2007 at 4:40 PM

What a bunch of wussies. Make a Chocolate Mohammad and see what happens. Has Ray Nagin heard about this?

Mojave Mark on March 28, 2007 at 4:44 PM

Your own, Chocolate, Jesus. Someone to make you fat…

Bad Candy on March 28, 2007 at 4:46 PM

The sign of any great artist is how their work affects the observer.

So what does this say about the Danish cartoonists?

I wonder what rationale NYT, CNN, etc will use when they display this on TV or in print.

dalewalt on March 28, 2007 at 4:47 PM

Doesn’t even LOOk like Jesus for Christ’s sake! Everyone knows that Jesus was closer to a mocha latte than a semi-sweet light chocolate! The least he could have done is fashioned the crown of thorns out of those deliscious candy corns and twizzlers! And maybe an attempt at a beard made of luscious caramel. Lord have mercy! That chocolate man looks like one of the Blue Man Group members were met in a dark alley by a mass of angry chocolatiers.

The avante gard sure ain’t what it used to be. Dang.

robblefarian on March 28, 2007 at 4:48 PM

Just blocks from where I’ll be staying next week.
I must walk over and have a lick look.

Tru2my2 on March 28, 2007 at 4:55 PM

Looks kinda like George Carlin to me.

RedWinged Blackbird on March 28, 2007 at 4:55 PM

I wonder if Jesus is filled with yummy noughat? MMMMM!!! Or maybe that stuff that Cadbury puts in those little divine eggs?

robblefarian on March 28, 2007 at 4:58 PM

Tom Waits must be dying.

Does our chocolate friend have a wee ponytail, or is that something on the ceiling behind him?

Tanya on March 28, 2007 at 4:59 PM

I await a chocolate sculpture of the prophet Muhammed.

Followed by riots, looting, and arson of course.

Enrique on March 28, 2007 at 5:02 PM

Tom Waits must be dying.

I had to google to get that reference, damn you.

It’s a wee ponytail. And I’ll bet it’s delicious.

Allahpundit on March 28, 2007 at 5:02 PM

Hmmm… actualy if we want to treat all religions equaly, don’t they now have to make a Choco Budha and Mohamed? Maybe a Minestrony Minora?

gad… my spelling is bad today…

Romeo13 on March 28, 2007 at 5:04 PM

Strange, just strange.

amerpundit on March 28, 2007 at 5:07 PM

Good thing he didn’t use white chocolate, or that would be raaacist or something.

ReubenJCogburn on March 28, 2007 at 5:14 PM

What’s next? The Virgin Mary made of cherries?

Ya know, just because the mind can imagine a cornucopia of ideas, that doesn’t mean they all need to be shared.

csdeven on March 28, 2007 at 5:23 PM

You know, it’s not even pushing the envelope or being edgy anymore to make an artistic statment involving Christ.

It’s just old and stupid.

Rightwingsparkle on March 28, 2007 at 5:24 PM

I guess us Christians can go about rioting, carrying signs stating “Behead Those Who Insult Christianity”, burning effigies, mass mayhem…

Nah…

Kini on March 28, 2007 at 5:24 PM

I should have typed “involving Christ in a negative way.”

Heaven knows (no pun intended) there is much great art involving Christ.

Rightwingsparkle on March 28, 2007 at 5:25 PM

considering the crap that normally occurs, this is nothing

Defector01 on March 28, 2007 at 5:26 PM

Well, a chocolate Body of Christ might increase church attendance by fertile women at least one Sunday per month.

mikeyboss on March 28, 2007 at 5:28 PM

Sacrelicious.

No, sacrilegious. Seriously. Not funny Allah.

John on March 28, 2007 at 5:35 PM

It’s 480,000 calories. But is it art?

Let’s do a 480,000 calorie milk chocolate depiction of Mohammed and ask Muslims.

BTW, does anyone remember Warren Zevon’s song Mohammed’s Radio?

januarius on March 28, 2007 at 5:37 PM

Who knows, there’s a good chance this could make Rosie find religous.

silenced majority on March 28, 2007 at 5:37 PM

Conversation Overheard at artist’s studio:

ART DEALER: What do you mean you have no ideas?

ARTIST: I got nothing, I’m completely creatively bankrupt.

ART DEALER: But what will I do for the big art show?

ARTIST: I’ll just knock off something with Jesus in it, that should sell, or at least get us some free publicity.

ART DEALER: I knew you wouldn’t let me down. Have some more smack, it’s fashionable again.

ARTIST: Whoopee!

MoxArgon on March 28, 2007 at 5:37 PM

Has Ray Nagin heard about this?

You Win!

silenced majority on March 28, 2007 at 5:39 PM

Check out the Tom Waits’ song “Chocolate Jesus” on his Mule Variations CD.

Jim-Rose on March 28, 2007 at 5:40 PM

So if that sculpture is “anatomically correct”, can we safely assume that this is chocolate with, um, nuts?

ReubenJCogburn on March 28, 2007 at 5:41 PM

Just in time for Easter, the high-calorie Heavenly Father will exhibit on April 1st at The Lab gallery at the Roger Smith Hotel in New York.

And they can’t even get their sacrilege right. (sigh)

Probably bad chocolate as well.

KCSteve on March 28, 2007 at 5:42 PM

…I meant religion.

silenced majority on March 28, 2007 at 5:43 PM

If you pierce Chocolate Jesus’ side, what comes out?

or

I always knew Jesus was black…

armylawyer on March 28, 2007 at 5:44 PM

is this that offensive?

Defector01 on March 28, 2007 at 5:45 PM

I don’t know. I stopped being offended by useless hacks who think they are artists long ago.

Rightwingsparkle on March 28, 2007 at 5:48 PM

Sacrelicious.

No, sacrilegious. Seriously. Not funny Allah.

John on March 28, 2007 at 5:35 PM

Yeah ALLAH, the internet is a VERY SERIOUS PLACE.

Sorry, but survey says it was teh funneh.

Bad Candy on March 28, 2007 at 5:53 PM

But i mean is this something to really go nuclear over? I mean this isn’t a symbol of christianity put in waste or a disfiguration of the faith, its a statute of him in chocolate.

I’m one of the Jews on hte board and we don’t have a figure to mock in that regard. Probably the closest I could think of this would be a torah made of chocolate, and I don’t think that’d be that offensive.

Defector01 on March 28, 2007 at 5:54 PM

Defector, I agree its not a big deal. This is tame compared to a lot.

Bad Candy on March 28, 2007 at 6:01 PM

Yeah a chocolate Jesus is actually a step up coming from these guys. I hope these guys continue with a chocolate Buddha (you want exceesive caolries),and a chocolate Mohammed.

Iblis on March 28, 2007 at 6:13 PM

“Just in time for Easter…”

An expression of art? No

An expression of stupidity and hatefulness? Yes.

Am I outraged? Not really.

Zorro on March 28, 2007 at 6:18 PM

I don’t think its necessarily sacrilegious, just, well….dumb.

vcferlita on March 28, 2007 at 6:21 PM

The only explanation I can come up with for putting a schwanz on a chocolate Jesus was to insult Christians. It’s not really a big deal, but the fact that someone would expend that time and effort to do so is the sign of a troubled mind and a deep disrespect for others. I wonder why none of these brave artists has rendered a Mohammed in poo, or urine, or even a chocolate Mohammed.

darwin on March 28, 2007 at 6:21 PM

The caption for this so-called art should be “You Wanta Piece Of Me?”

silenced majority on March 28, 2007 at 6:32 PM

Ok, so if Jesus is chocolate, does that mean the Holy Spirit is Peanut Butter?

Iblis on March 28, 2007 at 6:51 PM

Chocolate Jesus? That was an all girl pop-punk band from Austin that played the 2nd stage of Lilith Fair back in ’96.

The bass player was cute but she turned out to be straight; that’s when the pressure from GLAAD heated up and Chocolate Jesus melted down quickly after that.

ScottMcC on March 28, 2007 at 6:52 PM

anatomically correct, milk-chocolate Jesus…

That’s just nuts!

E L Frederick (Sniper One) on March 28, 2007 at 7:54 PM

Half the time these so-called artists just design the stupid things and let some tradesman do all the work. Norman Rockwell could take some tubes of paint and create a story in an incredibly life-like painting. The Left sniffed that he wasn’t an artist, but he could paint circles around the hoi-polli of the “art world”.
A chocolate Jesus. A man-figure done up in chocolate. Tired of the Left getting away with the fig leaf of “art” for kitsch. And as several have said, cowardly, lazy, so has-been 60s strained.
A chocolate Mohammed would be idolatry, blasphemy, and instant death sentence, hung over the head of the artist for the rest of his or her life on Earth. So, the artist picked the safe one to mock. It’s amazing how many secular people bet their very lives on the tolerance of Christ and his followers, yet kick him and them every chance they get. Like spoiled brats.

naliaka on March 28, 2007 at 7:56 PM

BEHEAD THOSE WHO INSULT JESUS

Kid from Brooklyn on March 28, 2007 at 7:57 PM

Seriously, I don’t get the pony tail.

Kid from Brooklyn on March 28, 2007 at 7:58 PM

We’ll have the roast duck with mango salsa.

Kid from Brooklyn on March 28, 2007 at 7:59 PM

Frankly, I prefer all my Christian iconography in the medium of Peeps. Nothing draws folks to the light like a yellow, spongy Savior full of empty calories.

SailorDave on March 28, 2007 at 8:02 PM

It’s amazing how many secular people bet their very lives on the tolerance of Christ and his followers, yet kick him and them every chance they get. Like spoiled brats.

naliaka on March 28, 2007 at 7:56 PM

That’s it in a nutshell.

Zorro on March 28, 2007 at 8:05 PM

I’ll say this, it’s a step above Piss Christ and St. Mary of the Immaculate Elephant Turd.

Exit Question: When do we get Chocolate Bomb Turban Mohammed?

Kid from Brooklyn on March 28, 2007 at 8:11 PM

What a bunch of wussies. Make a Chocolate Mohammad and see what happens.

Mojave Mark on March 28, 2007 at 4:44 PM

Yup.

Professor Blather on March 28, 2007 at 8:15 PM

Chocolate covered nuts?

Hey, you got Jesus in my peanut butter.

Kini on March 28, 2007 at 8:26 PM

Salty Chocolate Balls

Kini on March 28, 2007 at 8:42 PM

What a bunch of wussies. Make a Chocolate Mohammad and see what happens.

Mojave Mark on March 28, 2007 at 4:44 PM

The Internet and the digital camera are means for most anyone to commit sacrilege. Make your own “P1ss Mohammed” and load it up, if you like.

Kralizec on March 28, 2007 at 9:09 PM

Only 50 some-odd comments. Losing your touch…

spmat on March 28, 2007 at 9:19 PM

Anyone can form anything out of chocolate.

His creation was great for shock value but that is about it.

This one held the record for being the largest. (not sure if it does anymore)

http://www.lenlibby.com/lenny.htm

Disclaimer: I know the people that created Lenny. Mods post or delete as you see fit.

F15Mech on March 28, 2007 at 10:17 PM

*Yawn*

You know, I really wish that somebody would go nuts and beat one of those “artists” up for this boring, repetitious, Christian-bashing crap.

Not because they’re worth a beating, nor do they even really deserve one for something as insignificant as their utter lack of talent, it’s just that perhaps it would make the cowardly “insult-anything-BUT-Mohammed-because-the-Muslims-might-HURT-us” twats drop their tired schtick.

Then again, having the silly c*nts beclown themselves in public like this on a regular basis sort of works for me too.

*Shrug*

Misha I on March 28, 2007 at 10:20 PM

Hmmm… actualy if we want to treat all religions equaly, don’t they now have to make a Choco Budha and Mohamed? Maybe a Minestrony Minora?

gad… my spelling is bad today…

Romeo13 on March 28, 2007 at 5:04 PM

If I had a band I’d call it ‘Coco Budha’

- The Cat

MirCat on March 28, 2007 at 10:33 PM

It’s 480,000 calories. But is it art?

Ask me again when they sculpt it into Mohammed.

Kokonut on March 28, 2007 at 10:53 PM

Well, as offensive as it is, it doesn’t hold a candle to the one that involved the liquid that makes snow turn yellow. Hizzoner was all over THAT one.

smellthecoffee on March 29, 2007 at 12:19 AM

Does it have the hot, sticky holy spirit inside?

James on March 29, 2007 at 10:42 AM

Great, so we are one step closer to Easter being just about the candy. (ummmmm, chocolate……)

honora on March 29, 2007 at 1:20 PM

Sacrelicious

Took me a minute to get that one….that’s what I get for skimming!

….and yes…it was funny!

After I saw the apparition on the dogs butt, picture, nothing can ever get that close to making me shudder, and those people are serious about it.

jjjen on March 29, 2007 at 1:20 PM

What a bunch of wussies. Make a Chocolate Mohammad and see what happens. Has Ray Nagin heard about this?

Mojave Mark on March 28, 2007 at 4:44 PM

Good point about Mohammad, and hilarious question about Nagin.

RightWinged on March 29, 2007 at 2:49 PM

So, if I eat some of it and put it away for 3 days, when I open the box will it be whole again?

James on March 29, 2007 at 3:37 PM

So, if I eat some of it and put it away for 3 days, when I open the box will it be whole again?

James on March 29, 2007 at 3:37 PM

No, but if it sees its shadow…..never mind.

honora on March 29, 2007 at 3:46 PM