It’s the only socially conscious way to properly compensate for your, um, emissions.

I’m almost afraid to ask, but ask I shall: what would be the anatomical equivalent here of one’s “carbon footprint”?

At Cheatneutral, we believe that we should all try to reduce the amount we cheat on our partners, but we also realise that fidelity isn’t always possible.

That’s why we help you neutralise your cheating. Your actions are offset by a global network of fidelity, developed by us. By paying Cheatneutral, you’re funding monogamy-boosting offset projects – we simply invest the money you give us in monogamous, faithful or just plain single people, to encourage them to stay that way.

There’s a place where singles can sign up to be a “project,” too.

For the record, the site’s a parody. 99% of you will have figured that out already, but there’s always that dopey 1% that needs to be formally notified of the joke.

Exit question poll: The battle is lost!

Update: If CheatNeutral’s looking for places to invest