Iraqi man detained at LAX over suspicious device concealed in, er, orifice
posted at 7:21 pm on March 6, 2007 by Allahpundit
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I have but three things to say.
1. Never trust a guy named Maliki.
2. I tremble at the thought of Ann Coulter’s reaction to the news.
3. There being no joke available here that’s suitable for this blog, I leave you with a quote:
He triggered an alert during the secondary screening and immediately told screeners about the device he was carrying, FBI spokeswoman Laura Eimiller said.
“He initially said it was therapeutic,” she said.
Update: Video of the suspect at KTLA, plus the obligatory gross-out quote: “After al-Maliki was searched, the Los Angeles Police Department bomb squad was called to the airport to examine the suspicious item.”
Update: There is a serious angle here, per Omri Ceren: if Maliki wasn’t allowed on the plane, why was his luggage?
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Somewhere in all this there is a joke about the metal detector scene in Spinal Tap having gone horribly wrong…
Mallard T. Drake on March 6, 2007 at 7:24 PM
Rectum!? Damn near killed ‘im!
Magnet therapy for the sphincter?
SilverStar830 on March 6, 2007 at 7:24 PM
Now that’s what I call takin’ one for the team!
Tony737 on March 6, 2007 at 7:26 PM
Simply: Stop with the attacks on Ann Coulter. You aren’t doing anything now but rabble-rousing.
thegreatbeast on March 6, 2007 at 7:29 PM
Aren’t magnets used in some vibrating devices, or do they use rotating off-center weights exclusively?
I surely wouldn’t know…
NTWR on March 6, 2007 at 7:30 PM
Any chance that other passengers might have other components that might go into making something nefarious?
thegreatbeast on March 6, 2007 at 7:32 PM
When you need to put the brakes on chili, use cheese.
infidel on March 6, 2007 at 7:38 PM
First butt pirates; not butt terrorists? Will the insanity never end?
lorien1973 on March 6, 2007 at 7:39 PM
Note to self: if doctor says he can cure anything with device inserted into rectum, seek second opinion.
Note 2 to self: tell Maliki.
Nethicus on March 6, 2007 at 7:43 PM
Yikes ! … who would want the job of examining the suspicious item.
Maxx on March 6, 2007 at 7:49 PM
What is up with flying these days? Between the above story and An off-duty Northwest Airlines employee was arrested after a woman on a flight from Seattle complained that the man had ejaculated on her, I beginning to wonder.
Pam on March 6, 2007 at 7:54 PM
For which we should probably be thankful.
see-dubya on March 6, 2007 at 8:00 PM
Hogwash, I say!
Mr. Maliki was merely delivering that uncomfortable hunk of metal to his war buddy’s son, as promised in the Iranian POW camps.
Kid from Brooklyn on March 6, 2007 at 8:03 PM
Did the screeners draw straws to see who would have the honor?
Zorro on March 6, 2007 at 8:05 PM
You all need to ease up on this guy. Who among us hasn’t had this happen to them before? I sneak metal devices in my rectum everytime I fly, and only get pulled out for secondary screening occasionally, and even then I’m not detained because I’m white. Carrying metal devices in his ass aboard a plane is this man’s civil right, and this is yet another example of Bushitler’s policies of stomping on the Constitution and racially profiling this guy and selecting him for Gitmo torture.
RightWinged on March 6, 2007 at 8:05 PM
Perhaps it was a gift for his gay lover?
Ahh crap, now I have to go to rehab.
x95b10 on March 6, 2007 at 8:06 PM
Well I’ve heard magnets cure just about everything, from sore muscles to arthritis.
Maybe he had hemorrhoids?
(Lord I apologize for that there and be with the starvin’ pygmies in New Guinea)
Talon on March 6, 2007 at 8:07 PM
Take this job and shove it, I ain’t working here no more.
Boom!
Mojave Mark on March 6, 2007 at 8:09 PM
It was magnetic prostate therapy. Works for the wrists, right?
Kid from Brooklyn on March 6, 2007 at 8:09 PM
I’m sure there’s a perfectly legitimate reason for an Iraqi man to be traveling on an American airliner with a wired magnet in is rectum. What is it?
RedWinged Blackbird on March 6, 2007 at 8:10 PM
PARANOID SPECULATION DISCLAIMER: I don’t believe this at all, just throwing it out there:
Homing device for a surface-launched missile.
see-dubya on March 6, 2007 at 8:17 PM
What was in my comment that got it hung up in moderation? The word “ass”?
RightWinged on March 6, 2007 at 8:18 PM
Here is my guess.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotic_electrostimulation
triple on March 6, 2007 at 8:26 PM
Awfully short stay following a cross-country flight.
JammieWearingFool on March 6, 2007 at 8:29 PM
Hmm. You’d think he’d be in terminal two for some reason.
lorien1973 on March 6, 2007 at 8:32 PM
That appears to be rather unIslamic. Of course, we don’t know that he’s a Muslim. He might be an Iraqi Wiccan.
RedWinged Blackbird on March 6, 2007 at 8:35 PM
iraqis need to get freaky sometimes, too.
triple on March 6, 2007 at 8:38 PM
RightWinged- :) Next time warn us when one of those comments are coming!
Pam on March 6, 2007 at 8:39 PM
John and Ken, on their radio show on KFI 640 AM were on this around 7:30 Eastern time and the object was still being analyzed, per the latest news.
Also, they mentioned that his status in the U.S. has expired and he’s now here illegally.
Most disturbing is, as noted in the update, that his luggage left without him and the plane had to be diverted to Las Vegas; all had to get out of the plane, go through security, the luggage was checked, they reboarded and went on…
John and Ken quipped “what was the first part they touched?” Answer “the gloves”
Entelechy on March 6, 2007 at 8:46 PM
I wonder if they used a remote controlled robot to extract the item in question? I know I would have!
No one found an anus concealed in his luggage.
RedinBlueCounty on March 6, 2007 at 8:48 PM
Weren’t Chavez and Castro playing around with a similar device not too long ago? Seems like they were. I wonder when it will make it to our shores? Oh, wait – we already have porn shops.
thedecider on March 6, 2007 at 8:51 PM
Maybe his gerbil suffers from motion sickness.
(Richard Gere was unavailable for comment.)
ReubenJCogburn on March 6, 2007 at 9:06 PM
“Of course it’s company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo…always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.”
fusionaddict on March 6, 2007 at 9:20 PM
Lucky for him this wasn’t at Boston’s airport. With that city’s bomb policy, they would’ve detonated his o-ring.
Savage on March 6, 2007 at 9:22 PM
Maybe he was just trying to write a new chapter for the “Mile High Club”?
PinkyBigglesworth on March 6, 2007 at 10:08 PM
lorien1973,
I think you win the thread with that one.
Pablo on March 6, 2007 at 10:31 PM
It is obvious to me it wasn’t a spinal cord stimulator because I have had one for years and get searched all the time and wanded at secruity. I should also say that the company gives you a secruity card with the doctors name on it and the manufacter serial number. I was wondering when someone would attempt something like this that can be activated by a magnetic device. I lay odds he is a man of the muslim faith, any takers?
bones47 on March 6, 2007 at 10:33 PM
Donkey call?
Buzzy on March 6, 2007 at 10:37 PM
I guess he figured it wouldn’t fit in the overhead compartment?
JetBoy on March 6, 2007 at 10:55 PM
The precedent has now been set where they will have to look in everyones’ ass now as part of the airport screening process.
Maybe that was the whole intention. That in itself could be this guy’s terrorist act.
Perchant on March 6, 2007 at 11:05 PM
Oh so THATS where I left my keys.
triple on March 6, 2007 at 11:53 PM
Robotic gerbil?
stonemeister on March 7, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Well, you know the new carry-on rules. Has to fit in a see-through sandwich bag and all.
thedecider on March 7, 2007 at 12:05 AM
I really hope you’re wrong. I travel…A LOT. However, nothing would surprise me with airport screening anymore. Yes, I greet all new regulations with dull surprise.
thedecider on March 7, 2007 at 12:08 AM
As a Vegas resident I must remind all that what happens in Veg-ass stays in Veg-ass.
Mojave Mark on March 7, 2007 at 12:18 AM
I’m surprised no one has mentioned those wires were his simply his headphones. Doesn’t everybody store their headphones that way. (The two earbuds must have been lost in some other orifice.)
Texas Mike on March 7, 2007 at 12:36 AM
Yeah – I love Vegas, but it can be a bit much. I’ll be there the end of May. Wedding. Elvis preacher. We’re very proud *cough*.
thedecider on March 7, 2007 at 12:36 AM
Wires, magnets, devices, orifices.
This is unusual in L.A.?
infidel4life on March 7, 2007 at 2:02 AM
Well, there are people who beleive magnets have curative properties. They even sell magnetic wristbands, and magnets that go in your shoes to cure all sorts of ailments. So I can find it plausible that perhaps this guy was using a magnet to cure some internal malady. As far as his luggage goes; it gets it’s own screening before being loaded, right? It probably passed screening so went on the plane. But anyone wanna take a bet that this time tomorow CAIR will have issued a press release denouncing this incident as islamophobia and demanding reperations? Wouldn’t be surprised if that was his intention all along. Or could be a dry run with the intent of making scanners not pay close attention to metal objects up one’s bum.
wolfva on March 7, 2007 at 4:14 AM
This thread is a pain in the ass….
georgej on March 7, 2007 at 6:24 AM
Sorry but it will be absolutely necessary now to check every passenger with an endoscope before boarding the airplane.
They can’t have an effective security policy if they give every passenger one unsearchable pocket. How can they claim that it’s safe to fly if a North Carolina trial lawyer can board the airplane with a concealed ak-47 and a half dozen hand grenades?
Perchant on March 7, 2007 at 7:37 AM
I think that this was another terrorist dry-run.
We are all lucky. This could have given new meaning to “blow it out your ass.”chsw
chsw on March 7, 2007 at 9:05 AM
I think that this was another terrorist dry-run. We are all lucky. This could have given new meaning to “blow it out your ass.”
chsw
chsw on March 7, 2007 at 9:05 AM
Why is the thought of some nut, bending over on an airplane grabbing his ankles and yelling out “I am hijacking this plane” seeems like it could happen.
The world has changed.
right2bright on March 7, 2007 at 9:10 AM
Check out this airport security!
Man sneaks 14 guns into jet’s cabin at OIA
Booo on March 7, 2007 at 9:28 AM
I can easily imagine what the Ace of Spades HQ looks like right now.
Kralizec on March 7, 2007 at 10:17 AM
Jokes about it are inevitable, but the question remains, was this little more than a mule doing a “dry run” to see what may or may not get caught in the screenings?
Don’t underestimate an enemies tactics when your death are their goals…
NRA4Freedom on March 7, 2007 at 10:36 AM
ButtBomber
faraway on March 7, 2007 at 11:56 AM
Woah, imagine what all Gore probably marched by security a few days ago when they didn’t screen him! Probably couldn’t see any wires because the kick start was taking up all the room on the x-ray machine.
… oh com’on!
doufree on March 7, 2007 at 1:01 PM
I’m thinking ‘test run’….how else will they know what will make it thru security and what won’t.
SWEt on March 7, 2007 at 2:23 PM
Update – this morning the LA news station mentioned that his status is of a ‘legal permanent resident’.
Entelechy on March 7, 2007 at 3:03 PM
I heard of the Iraqi butt map, but the Iraqi butt magnet? What is he, a compass? Does his dick point south all the time?
csdeven on March 7, 2007 at 5:54 PM
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