Was the attack on the Death Star an inside job?

posted at 3:00 pm on March 1, 2007 by Allahpundit

Everything you think you know is wrong.

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AP, you nerfhearder!

Mazztek on March 1, 2007 at 3:07 PM

Question the timing, I do.

Readymade on March 1, 2007 at 3:11 PM

Heheh. Nice.

Allahpundit on March 1, 2007 at 3:13 PM

Nothing to see here…move along you Ewoks.

flipflop on March 1, 2007 at 3:14 PM

Palpatine lied – many Bothans died!

xardoz on March 1, 2007 at 3:18 PM

Two words: Controlled Demolition.

Rick on March 1, 2007 at 3:21 PM

Please sign and send out the following petition:

We, the undersigned, demand the immediate declassification and release of all transcripts and documents relating to the destruction of the Death Star.

Given that much of this information has already been made public in the newly released book, “Uncomfortable Questions: An Analysis of the Death Star Attack”, it is unacceptable to continue to keep these documents and transcripts hidden from the public’s view.

The disastrous nature of the attacks warrant the release of all of this information so that the public may learn what the Empire did or did not do, what was known, and when. Had there been proper warning of the looming and imminent rebel threat, life saving choices could have been made that day.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

db on March 1, 2007 at 3:22 PM

Why did Grand Moff Tarkin Stand Down the evacuation? And whose chance exactly were we overestimating?

BohicaTwentyTwo on March 1, 2007 at 3:23 PM

I can’t believe I didn’t see this before… it all makes sense now…

Keljeck on March 1, 2007 at 3:24 PM

Palpatine’s not MY emperor. I didn’t vote for him.

Who was in charge of security of the Death Star, Marvin Vader?

The Force is strong in this thread, I see it going on for a long, long time.

BohicaTwentyTwo on March 1, 2007 at 3:30 PM

What are the odds that a [b]scruffy nerfherder could beat out the Dark Lord of the Sith[/b]?

It had to be an inside job!

SilverStar830 on March 1, 2007 at 3:31 PM

Two words: Controlled Demolition.

Rick on March 1, 2007 at 3:21 PM

I find your lack of faith disturbing…

infidel4life on March 1, 2007 at 3:35 PM

That’s awesome. But there are many more questions that we need to demand answers to–like why the original Death Star explosion footage was clearly doctored to make it appear more dramatic. To test the official “one proton torpedo” story, I constructed a model of the Death Star out of chicken wire and shot it with a blaster pistol. It did melt and burn some, but it didn’t explode spectacularly. Clearly we’re being lied to.

And why were official accounts of known criminal/smuggler/human (and droid) trafficker Han Solo’s lethal gunfight with Greedo altered to make it appear that Greedo shot first? Did it have anything to do with the large cash payment that Solo received from the Rebel Alliance shortly before the Death Star was destroyed?

ReubenJCogburn on March 1, 2007 at 3:42 PM

So, AP, nice that you “leak” this damaging essay on the eve of elections in the Imperial Senate. Have you no shame?

NPP on March 1, 2007 at 3:42 PM

More questions:

Darth Vader (as anakin) worked closely with both r2d2 and C3PO as a child (and young adult). These robots both obtained the plans to the Death Star. How could he have not recognized their names – especially, given that he created one of them.

Vader was also keenly knowledgeable about the geographic layout of Tatooine (having lived there as a child), yet he could not deduce where the robots might eventually end up?

Did the soldier who did not destroy the escape pod not realize that robots existed? why did he not destroy every vessel that left the ship, whether there was life in it or not? Has he not heard of a floppy disk either?

lorien1973 on March 1, 2007 at 3:44 PM

Greatest. Webpage. Ever.

Number 2 on March 1, 2007 at 3:47 PM

Chimpler McEmperor SizzleSith and his VVVader pal obviously cookin the books on THIS one. WHO PROFITS?? FOLLOW THE MONEY! Dollars for doughnuts the space military industrial complex is going to sink BILLIONS in space credits to build another Death Star to protect the sheeple-ites from a harmless bunch of space zionists funded rebels.

If you haven’t had a chance check out the primitive “Why We Fight” movie recently downloaded through a wormhole from the future.

Max Power on March 1, 2007 at 3:48 PM

And what are we to make of the two different recordings of the explosion? In the original that I saw 30 years ago, it simply vaporized into millions of pieces like glittering sparks. But in AP’s screencap, someone has clearly added an atmospheric-type explosion effect and a ring of fire around it!

A ring of fire in space? What is this, a Reuters photo?

James on March 1, 2007 at 3:48 PM

Hmm…it seems I wasn’t the one to break the story on the photoshopping of the explosion. This isn’t the conspiracy I’m looking for.

James on March 1, 2007 at 3:51 PM

62% of Imperial Citizens now believe that the Death Star Attack was an inside job.

Nethicus on March 1, 2007 at 3:56 PM

Rumor has it that not too long before the Death Star’s unfortunate destruction, there was a strange occurrence – a couple of Storm Troopers and two prisoners (a wookie and political prisoner Leia, Princess and Imperial Senator for Alderaan, who was found to also be a secret member of the Rebel Alliance, and happened to be carrying the plans for the Empire’s battle station, the Death Star, her ship is intercepted by Darth Vader) killed several guards and military personnel, were seen inside the Death Star’s large garbage compacters, and escaped in a seized old-looking ship. More importantly, more recent information is showing that this Leia may just be Lord Vader’s daughter.

Rick on March 1, 2007 at 3:58 PM

BREAKING ON RAW STORY:

A contingent of Storm Troopers actually questioned Skywalker and noted radical “Spiritual leader” Obi Wan Kenobi at Mos Eisly Spaceport, and then…released them. Most of their report of the contact is missing–only a small note remains that “these were not the droids we were looking for.”

Look, let’s be reasonable. I’m not saying Palpatine blew up the Death Star. But I’d be willing to be convinced that he let it happen.

see-dubya on March 1, 2007 at 4:00 PM

It was an inside job by Bush.

abinitioadinfinitum on March 1, 2007 at 4:02 PM

BREAKING ON DU:

Why would Palpatine blow up the Death Star? To justify his botched invasion of the oil-rich Ice Planet Hoth, even though there is no evidence those rebels had anything to do with the Death Star attack!

see-dubya on March 1, 2007 at 4:05 PM

The way of the tabloid, you have taken?

fogw on March 1, 2007 at 4:08 PM

Rumors of incest in the Rebel Alliance hierarchy still persist, despite the much hyped cover story that a kiss between the two siblings that was witnessed by many Imperial Stormtroopers was just ‘for luck.’

Exit questions: Does Luke Skywalker really believe that he talks with spirits, and does he base his policy decisions upon advice gained, supposedly, from beyond the grave? Is this the kind of person we want in a leadership position? Please, think of the padawans!

James on March 1, 2007 at 4:08 PM

It was an inside job by Bush.

abinitioadinfinitum on March 1, 2007 at 4:02 PM

Who? Is that a nickname for Baba Fet???

db on March 1, 2007 at 4:11 PM

It’s all so clear… How did we not see it before?

emmaline1138 on March 1, 2007 at 4:11 PM

To test the official “one proton torpedo” story, I constructed a model of the Death Star out of chicken wire and shot it with a blaster pistol. It did melt and burn some, but it didn’t explode spectacularly. Clearly we’re being lied to.

Nice.

Actually all of them are brilliant. I wanted to add another “question,” but I’ve got nothing.

Esthier on March 1, 2007 at 4:11 PM

May the Faux be with you!

db on March 1, 2007 at 4:12 PM

Although I’m still waiting for someone to work the incest angle with the twins.

Esthier on March 1, 2007 at 4:12 PM

Around the evidence, an investigation create.

sunny on March 1, 2007 at 4:13 PM

One thing that always baffled me – couldn’t the mighty tractor beam of the Death Star have just brought all of those puny rebel fighter ships in – to where they would capture the rebels and hold them in one of the Imperial prisoner camps?

I don’t think questioning all of this makes me, or anybody else, un-Imperial. I just think the government is keeping vital information from us.

Rick on March 1, 2007 at 4:19 PM

I might have bought the official story if it didn’t happen twice. It’s not like Lando Calrissian does not have numerous links to the Skywalker Family Evil Empire (SFEE).

rw on March 1, 2007 at 4:21 PM

It was an inside job by Bush.

abinitioadinfinitum on March 1, 2007 at 4:02 PM
Who? Is that a nickname for Baba Fet???

db on March 1, 2007 at 4:11 PM

Hmm…

George Fet. Son of Boba Fet and grandson of Jango Fet.

The plot thickens.

Lawrence on March 1, 2007 at 4:25 PM

It’s not like Lando Calrissian does not have numerous links to the Skywalker Family Evil Empire (SFEE).

rw on March 1, 2007 at 4:21 PM

That Lando, he “really packs a punch!!”

Rick on March 1, 2007 at 4:27 PM

And you goof on us for believing in the possibility of a North American Union.

Valiant on March 1, 2007 at 4:37 PM

I demand a sample of metal from the ‘demolished’ Death Star be tested to see if thermal detonators were used.

BohicaTwentyTwo on March 1, 2007 at 4:37 PM

Although I’m still waiting for someone to work the incest angle with the twins.

Esthier on March 1, 2007 at 4:12 PM

Well, there’s this, from the geek motivational poster collection.

ReubenJCogburn on March 1, 2007 at 4:50 PM

Thermite? I thought you said Termites!

Wander on March 1, 2007 at 4:54 PM

Well, there’s this, from the geek motivational poster collection.

ReubenJCogburn on March 1, 2007 at 4:50 PM

So very true…

Esthier on March 1, 2007 at 4:57 PM

Palpatine is really Bush.

Vader is really Cheney.

Chewy is Michael Moore.

infidel4life on March 1, 2007 at 5:30 PM

Well, I heard from a friend of a cousin of a coworker that the Yamato took out the Death Star with it’s Wave Motion Gun.

Tony737 on March 1, 2007 at 5:45 PM

To test the official “one proton torpedo” story, I constructed a model of the Death Star out of chicken wire and shot it with a blaster pistol. It did melt and burn some, but it didn’t explode spectacularly. Clearly we’re being lied to.Nice.

Actually all of them are brilliant. I wanted to add another “question,” but I’ve got nothing.

Esthier on March 1, 2007 at 4:11 PM

I agree, great posts, but that was my fave

Max Power on March 1, 2007 at 5:55 PM

I dunno what movie everyone saw, but there were TWO proton torpedoes (at least in the original).

Therefore, this whole theory goes up in an ever expending cloud of sparkly bits.

TheSev on March 1, 2007 at 6:47 PM

BREAKING NEWS:

A Videotape from Osama Bin Obama of the Jawa Liberation Army have claimed credit for the destruction of the Imperial Deathstar.

Apparently they used a suicide charge, which ignited a Hutt’s gastric gasses, causing the trememdous explosion.

Romeo13 on March 1, 2007 at 7:05 PM

Loose Decacreds?

gekkobear on March 1, 2007 at 7:22 PM

I can’t believe you guys dont see it. The empire needed the resources of the gas mines located in the city-state of Cloud City. Clearly Palpatine needed to invent a reason to invade the city and “leave an imperiel garrison” there. What better excuse is there then claiming that the city harbors the terrorists that struck at key infrastucture of the Empire State. The actual explosion could easily have been staged, if planned by the Emperor.

Resolute on March 1, 2007 at 7:33 PM

MIHOP or LIHOP? I can’t decide. All I know for sure, is Obi-Wan lied, Ewoks died.

Which really isn’t so bad. I hate Ewoks.

That was funnier than Hillary Clinton in an Wookie costume. Not that you’d be able to tell the difference.

I would pay good money to watch the average truther’s face as he reads that parody …

Funniest part is – it’s no more far-fetched than the truthers.

Professor Blather on March 1, 2007 at 7:40 PM

NO MORE DROIDS FOR OIL!!!!!

Lily on March 1, 2007 at 7:45 PM

I wonder if the good liberals of Alderaan griped a whole lot about the danger of global warming?

I mean, before the planet was vaporized.

There’s a lesson in there for our liberals, I think.

Professor Blather on March 1, 2007 at 7:51 PM

the entire operation ran on a budget of “loose change”.

Zorro on March 1, 2007 at 7:52 PM

The author forgot this point:

9.) Why did all the Jews stationed on the ship take their leave at the same time?

Tim Burton on March 1, 2007 at 8:02 PM

The people on the Imperial Death Star? They deserved their fate. They were just a bunch of little Eichamnn’s Grand Moff Tarkin’s.

urbancenturion on March 1, 2007 at 8:47 PM

Before the Death Star explosion, Vader was just an agent of the empire who was “on Tarkin’s leash.” Afterwards, he was second in command of the whole operation. A space-Cheney!

Also, he was always pushing his fundy Forcist beliefs on people with “I find your lack of faith” this and “Pray I don’t alter the bargain further” that.

Coyote D. on March 1, 2007 at 9:25 PM

I wonder if the good liberals of Alderaan griped a whole lot about the danger of global warming?

I mean, before the planet was vaporized.

There’s a lesson in there for our liberals, I think.

Professor Blather on March 1, 2007 at 7:51 PM

I’ve long suspected that the Alderaanians were destroyed to prevent them from revealing that the Death Star’s superlaser contributed to Universal Warming.

ReubenJCogburn on March 1, 2007 at 10:18 PM

What a bunch of comedians, thanks for the belly laughs…..

PinkyBigglesworth on March 1, 2007 at 11:36 PM

9) Since it was already proven the Death Star was operational in its destruction of Alderaan, why was it necessary for the Death Star to have to orbit for 30 minutes to “clear the planet” Yavin in order to then attack the moon with the rebel base? Why didn’t the Death Star just destroy Yavin itself upon arrival? Surely that would have destroyed the rebel base moon as well? Even if not, there would then be a clear shot at the moon with the rebel base.

10) What about the rumors that Lord Vader’s daughter was on that base, the sister of the pilot who was allegedly the lone gunman? How convenient she was immune to the mind probe Lord Vader administered himself. On other thing. When the Princess’ ship was captured over Tattooine, Lord Vader gave the order to say everyone on board was killed.

hadsil on March 2, 2007 at 2:33 AM

The second shooter was on the grassy astroid.

georgej on March 2, 2007 at 5:24 AM

What people fail to realize is that Alderaan was destroyed by global warming. Intense, sudden and highly localized, but global warming nonetheless!

Oh, and Palpatine planned the whole Endor invasion from his moisture vaporator ranch on Tatooine.

xardoz on March 2, 2007 at 8:07 AM

The Jedi Council once supported Darth Varder, why isn’t that being investigated???

JackM on March 2, 2007 at 8:09 AM

What about the organized crime connection? I think the rebels hired Jabba the Hut to take out the Death Star and then had him killed to keep him quiet.

JackM on March 2, 2007 at 8:24 AM

There’s also evidence the commander of the Death Star was warned the attack by the rebels had been analyzed, and there was a risk. Why was this warning summarily ignored?

JackM on March 2, 2007 at 8:39 AM

In radio intercepts of the ‘attack,’ you can clearly hear one terrorist asking another if he will be able to “pull out in time.” As you all know pull out is a zero-gravity onstruction term for execute controlled demolition and blame on Rebel Alliance. We’re through the looking glass people.

BohicaTwentyTwo on March 2, 2007 at 8:43 AM

May the Farce be with you.

JackM on March 2, 2007 at 8:55 AM

Where there any Jews on the Death Star? And if not…well I think we have our answer…don’t we.

right2bright on March 2, 2007 at 10:00 AM

One need look no further than the person behind the disgusting propaganda video upon which the ‘official version’ is based. George Lucas, Zionist.

Readymade on March 2, 2007 at 10:45 AM

George Lucas, Zionist.

Funny, he doesn’t look Druish.

Sorry, couldn’t help myself.

BohicaTwentyTwo on March 2, 2007 at 11:40 AM

Princess Leia lied us into war! The Empire obviously did not have a WMD! The destruction of Alderaan was not accomplished by some “Death Star!” How many rebel pilots died in the attack? Leia lied, people died!

JinxMcHue on March 2, 2007 at 11:43 AM

Jedi = Jihadi

Hmmm, it’s all starting to make perfect sense.

Rick on March 2, 2007 at 12:35 PM

JinxMcHue: Sudden, intense, highly localized global warming!

xardoz on March 2, 2007 at 2:57 PM