Breaking: Iowahawk solves global warming

posted at 7:07 pm on February 28, 2007 by Ian

If you answer is yes to any of the following questions (or for the heck of it, even if you say no) go to Iowahawk to find out what you can do:

Are you concerned that your profligate personal lifestyle is harming the environment? Losing sleep over the long-term ecological damage resulting from those greenhouse gases constantly emitted by your family, your cars, your pets, and your shrubbery? Do you want to become carbon-neutral, but just don’t know how?

Well rejoice, sinner! Carbon atonement is no longer the exclusive preserve of the Malibu set — with the Iowahawk EcoPals Network! This unique new system lets you, the average Joe planet rapist, cleanse your tortured psyche of the stain of enviro-guilt for as little as $9.95 per year! If enough of you follow this simple three step program, we can save the world for our children — who will soon be frolicking with healthy polar bears atop Earth’s reforested glaciers. Act now before it’s too late!

And don’t forget to pick out a slogan:


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iowahawk is a real riot

Defector01 on February 28, 2007 at 7:17 PM

This is a hysterical post. I read it earlier on LGF, but man, I wonder if you could really start something like this–could we profit off of Lib stupidity like Gore is?

Vanceone on February 28, 2007 at 7:18 PM

Iowahawk just made it so clear for me. This is EXACTLY what was done in the past with churches. Those who lived a horrible life but had money would just give money to the church for “forgiveness.”

That’s exactly what they’re doing here with Global Warming.

God help us.

Esthier on February 28, 2007 at 7:28 PM

That is awesome! Lemme guess, Streisand will take 5, Sean Pean 11, Susan Sarandon 3…..

Click wryteacher to check out my latest design.

wryteacher on February 28, 2007 at 7:33 PM

I’m in a bit of a quandry. As a devout liberal, I want to fight global warming and all its causes. And, as a devout liberal, I support the right of economically oppressed peoples from Latin America to seek a better life here and to bring their culture with them.

Science indicates that a major cause of climate change is the expulsion of methane into the atmosphere. My quandry: do I really want a taco stand on every corner? Can I buy offsets for an enchilada platter?

SailorDave on February 28, 2007 at 8:08 PM

I just snarffed beer! BEER! Made me waste BEER!Where to I pay for my beer-waste credit?

lsutiger on February 28, 2007 at 8:50 PM

Like I’ve said before,
as near as I can tell,
Iowahawk is a genius.

CyberCipher on February 28, 2007 at 8:57 PM

Let Them Eat Tofu!

TheBigOldDog on February 28, 2007 at 9:01 PM

Can I buy offsets for an enchilada platter?


Yes, eating Chinese food offsets Mexican food ’cause they’re on the other side of the world. Duh!

Mojave Mark on February 28, 2007 at 9:26 PM

Even right-wingers who know that “global warming” is a crock do not seem to grasp what the tree-huggers are demanding. Liberals want mass starvation and human devastation.

Ann Coulter

Ann is exactly correct once again. If you think her statement is over the top, then you don’t really understand the left. YES… they want people DEAD! If you don’t believe that then look at what they did by getting DDT banned worldwide.

Tens of thousands… maybe hundreds of thousands of people are dead in the poorest nations on earth because liberals got DDT taken away from them. DDT is perfectly harmless to humans, but it kills insects like nothing else ever invented, it is and was a miracle of modern science.

Malaria is back in force because mosquitoes are back in force since the banning of DDT. Its absolutely tragic and liberals did it knowing full well that DDT was not causing any harm to the environment. Considering the huge loss of human life, it should not have mattered even it is was damaging the environment.

Liberals think the planet is going to become overpopulated, so they are anti-human, and they prey on the poor in third-world countries. And now they want to prey on the entire planet with the Global Warming SCAM.

But Global Warming regulations, God forbid that they actually ever get them, would do even more to destroy people and the wealth of people than most realize. The threat from what the left wants to do in the name of Global warming is much more serious and destructive than hardly anyone understands and the media is once again complicit, just like they were with DDT.

Thank you Ann for having the courage to say it like it is.

Maxx on February 28, 2007 at 9:55 PM

What a great post Ian! Satire and comedy is sooooo welcome when discussing issues of this type.

omegaram on February 28, 2007 at 10:05 PM

Purchasing indulgences from the Church of Ecology.

Labamigo on February 28, 2007 at 10:07 PM

How about offsets for beer farts?

PinkyBigglesworth on February 28, 2007 at 10:11 PM

How about offsets for beer farts?

PinkyBigglesworth on February 28, 2007 at 10:11 PM

What if you eat Tofu while drinking beer? Kinda seems the same as these carbon credits.

91Veteran on February 28, 2007 at 11:08 PM

91Veteran on February 28, 2007 at 11:08 PM

We have a winner!

PinkyBigglesworth on March 1, 2007 at 12:03 AM

Well there goes my plan to sell beach front property in Antartica!!

– The Cat

MirCat on March 1, 2007 at 1:30 AM

I love the Nature Canada global warming petition ad under the Iowahawk “Be Green Like Gore” graphic. That’s classic.

Laura on March 1, 2007 at 2:21 AM

That “Nature Canada” ad with the polar bears losing their habitat is hilarious…. It’s obviously there because Google ads are contextually based, but funny none the less.

RightWinged on March 1, 2007 at 7:34 AM