A man who rightfully should have been a fry cook but somehow ended up having sex with Britney Spears parlays his celebrity into a Super Bowl ad in which he plays a fry cook imagining what it would be like to be the kind of celebrity whom Britney Spears would, presumably, have sex with. Meta.

You know what the lesson here is? Once a beta male, always a beta male.

It’s nice that he could cash in one last time on his way back to the gutter, though. I take it he’ll be joining me in celebrating the “Day of Purity” this year? Completely voluntarily, of course.