Norm Coleman tragically injured while ferreting garbage out of a dumpster

posted at 7:15 pm on January 29, 2007 by Allahpundit

Anyone believe this? No?

Okay. Just wanted to make sure we’re all on the same page.

Sen. Norm Coleman (R-Minn.) returned to Capitol Hill this week with a prominent gash on his forehead after he was knocked nearly unconscious back home in St. Paul while — of all things — dumpster diving…

“I was digging in the dumpster,” he deadpanned.

Reacting to the “oh-dear, bless-his-heart, a-dumpster-diver” expression that I couldn’t hide, Coleman explained he was looking for an “antique lamp” that his wife had somehow thrown in the dumpster behind their house in St. Paul. They’re doing “major reconstruction on the house,” Coleman explained.

He was vague about what exactly whacked him in the head. (His office explained later that it was “a piece of wood.”) But whatever it was, the impact was so hard that he “saw stars.” Senator Coleman considers himself a lucky man that he didn’t pass out in the dumpster in the freezing St. Paul temps.

A loose of piece of wood somehow attained sufficient velocity — inside a dumpster — to cut his head open and nearly knock him unconscious. Uh huh.

Let’s think. Do we know of anyone with an inclination towards violence and a motive to lay a 2×4 across Norm Coleman’s skull?

Why, yes. Yes, we do.

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The first link isn’t working just now.

Freelancer on January 29, 2007 at 7:26 PM

Make that the first Franken link.

Freelancer on January 29, 2007 at 7:27 PM

Must…resist…making…”prominent gash” joke.

ReubenJCogburn on January 29, 2007 at 7:47 PM

Waylaid or way laid? Whats that line about Coleman and his 81yo father having sex in a parking lot?!

sonnyspats1 on January 29, 2007 at 7:49 PM

Id laugh if I didnt recall when Tim Johnson got ill many DUers and KOSers were arguing that they needed to “take out” a republican senator to keep the Republicans from taking over the senate.

William Amos on January 29, 2007 at 7:59 PM

Must…resist…making…”prominent gash” joke.

Heh heh…hate leaving a good straight line alone..:)

austinnelly on January 29, 2007 at 8:08 PM

Here’s a letter I received from my Senator when I wrote him about supporting the troops by not voting for that stupid, non-binding resolution.

I am disappointed in him.

Dear (Dr. Gecko) :

Thank you for contacting me concerning Operation Iraqi Freedom.

I understand the public anxiety over the war, and I share many of the frustrations with the pace of progress in Iraq . While we continue to have success militarily, our overall strategy to defuse the sectarian violence and improve the political process is insufficient. It is clear that we must chart a new, specific path in Iraq . We should hold Iraqi political leaders accountable for meeting specific benchmarks for success. We must put more pressure on the Iraqis to defend their own country, to move our troops away from the front lines, and ultimately return home.

In December of 2006, I traveled to Iraq for a second time, and met with Minnesota soldiers, military commanders, and Iraqi leaders to get a candid, firsthand assessment of the situation on the ground. During my meetings, I emphasized the need for Iraqis to move quickly to solve the sectarian violence. Our investment in Iraq cannot be open-ended. The Iraqi police and Army need to assume more responsibility for security throughout the country and especially in Baghdad . Iraq ‘s political leaders also need to provide a political environment that will foster greater opportunity for reconciliation between its sectarian factions.

Concerning the level of U.S. troops in Iraq , I do not believe politicians should set troop levels. Troop levels should be set by our military leaders including our commanders on the ground. At this time, I would not support any kind of significant increase in troops in Baghdad . Given the sectarian strife and delays in the Iraqi political process, I think a troop surge would only create more targets and place more American troops in the crosshairs of Iraqi sectarian battles. Some military commanders have suggested a surge could be worthwhile in areas outside Baghdad , such as in Fallujah , and I am willing to take a look at that proposal.

At the same time, I think our country’s military forces are stretched too thin and I do support an increase in the size of our overall military. America ‘s all-volunteer military is the best in the world and I will remain committed to lessening the burden for our service people, particularly the Guard and reserve, as they do their work in Iraq .

However, there is no doubt in my mind that the safety of Americans from terror is tied to what happens in Iraq. Leaders of al Qaeda have made very clear that Iraq is central to their efforts to destabilize America and the world. Osama bin Laden himself has said that “the most serious issue today for the whole world is this Third World War that is raging in Iraq.” Bin Laden has called Baghdad the capital of a new radical Islamic Caliphate he would like to create, stretching from Spain to Indonesia . On September 11, we learned the consequences of ignoring dangerous developments in the Middle East . It is for this reason that we cannot afford to abandon our efforts in Iraq .

My time in Iraq gave me another opportunity to reflect upon the tremendous courage, skill, commitment and patriotism of our soldiers. These are extraordinary citizens that have a great sense of confidence in what they’re doing, a willingness to sacrifice -and sacrifice they have. Minnesota and America have much to be proud of, and I was truly humbled by the things I heard and witnessed from our soldiers in Iraq .

Thank you once again for taking the time to contact me. I value your advice. If I may be of further assistance to you in the future, please do not hesitate to contact me again.

Sincerely,
Norm Coleman
United States Senate

Dr. Gecko on January 29, 2007 at 8:23 PM

A loose of piece of wood somehow attained sufficient velocity — inside a dumpster — to cut his head open and nearly knock him unconscious. Uh huh.

Let’s get the 9/11 truth squad to look into this.

Attila (Pillage Idiot) on January 29, 2007 at 8:34 PM

The wooden plank didn’t jetison like it was hit by an antique lamp. The wooden plank pancaked, causing a series of micro-implosions among the splinters. Once the mass reached critical gravity pressure, all we needed to do is let physics take its course. Ladies and gentleman, this was no accident. Get the Hardly Boys on this. Now.

Savage on January 29, 2007 at 8:39 PM

Wasn’t the plank thta hit his head. His head hit the plank.

mikeomatic on January 29, 2007 at 8:47 PM

Concerning the level of U.S. troops in Iraq , I do not believe politicians should set troop levels. Troop levels should be set by our military leaders including our commanders on the ground. At this time, I would not support any kind of significant increase in troops in Baghdad .

How stupid do these people think we are?

B Moe on January 29, 2007 at 8:53 PM

Let’s get the 9/11 truth squad to look into this.

Attila (Pillage Idiot) on January 29, 2007 at 8:34 PM

Quick! Somebody build a model of the dumpster out of chicken wire!

ReubenJCogburn on January 29, 2007 at 8:55 PM

Al Franken is lame. His “jokes” don’t have punchlines. Saying “Let’s kill Bush” might get a laugh of recognition from a liberal audience but it’s not a joke.

aengus on January 29, 2007 at 8:58 PM

Er, AP, are ya joshin’ with us? You really think somebody could’ve coshed a Senator and nobody noticed or told?

Anwyn on January 29, 2007 at 10:03 PM

Have you met El KaBong?!?

Mazztek on January 29, 2007 at 10:06 PM

Today I was at the NY Gift Show at the Javits Convention Center, would you all believe there was a business there named the last day President Bush is in office, selling Hate Bush stuff. BDS is a whole moonbat industry I guess. I learn something new every day. What A Country!

StuLongIsland on January 29, 2007 at 10:17 PM

I bet his wife beaned him.

EnochCain on January 29, 2007 at 10:52 PM

I bet his wife beaned him.

EnochCain on January 29, 2007 at 10:52 PM

With an antique lamp ya think ? She’s a model that what models do.

sonnyspats1 on January 29, 2007 at 11:30 PM

Is this a game of clue?

Can I play the part of Arthur Conan Doyle’s “Sherlock Holmes?”

When we eliminate any and all factors, whatever remains, no matter how outrageous, is probably the most feasible and is probably the answer.

He was at home, diving into a dumpster to fetch a lamp which his wife tossed into the dumpster because they are renovating the home?

When Bruce Lee was standing on the competition floor facing off with his opponent, 1970s era Karate champion, Chuck Norris’ friend, Bob Wall, AKA “O’Hara” Han’s henchman and body guard in the Movie “Enter The Dragon,” Lee turned to “O’Hara” and bowed before their match. “O’Hara” did not bow but took two boards from under his arm and held them before them, let go and stuck them with his fingers and broke both boards.

Bruce Lee, not missing a step, and keeping his unfazed Shaolin Master poker face look said to O’Hara “Boards – don’t hit back.”

We all know that boards don’t hit back, unless that board was on some kind of fulcrum which would have caused it to swing up and whack Coleman up-side the head.

So, considering all possibilities, that some stranger snuck up on him and whacked him, that a construction worker tossed some wood from up above, and so on, it is more likely that his wife was pissed off at him and knocked him upside the head.

If not that, then someone close to him who was angry with him or was fending him off did it, such as a mistress, or a son or daughter.

My first suspect is the wife.

If they are married it is likely she would know that his lamp meant something to him. If she tossed it into the dumpster she did so intentionally and with malice of forethought.

There seems to be some animosity between them.

Just a hunch, based on the suspicious explanation presented in the opening story for this thread.

William

William2006 on January 29, 2007 at 11:54 PM

Did Keith Ellison issue a fatwah against him?

SouthernGent on January 30, 2007 at 12:24 AM

Did Keith Ellison issue a fatwah against him?

I think he’s too busy drafting the impeachment resolutions.

What are we coming to? Good gravy…

Dr. Gecko on January 30, 2007 at 1:38 AM

Another possibility, he was angry and ganged his head into the wall, or the door jam, or something hard and gave himself that gash-bump on the head.

Bottom line, his explanation smells foul.

William

William2006 on January 30, 2007 at 2:15 AM

As someone that has done more harm to himself than Tim “the Toolman” Taylor, I don’t have any problem believing the story. It may not have happened that way, but I can picture myself doing it. Although I wouldn’t be diving for an antique lamp. More likely I’d be trying to get that chair with one leg missing and just needs a coat of varnish to make it useable.


Have you met El KaBong?!?

Mazztek on January 29, 2007 at 10:06 PM

Mazztek, You ARE old! I loved El Kabong. I once broke a small plastic guitar across my sister’s head while shouting, “El Kabong!!” I won’t say what my dad broke across me.

TugboatPhil on January 30, 2007 at 9:54 AM

The Franken ad is old enough now that some conservative author could remake it with exactly the same lines, same action, only opposite sentiments. Then watch at least some in the MSM go crazy before they tumbled to the fact that their hypocrisy had been exposed. Rush? Ann?

drunyan8315 on January 30, 2007 at 10:21 AM

Oh, oh, oh, the Franken ad must be remade by… Michelle Malkin!! Who wouldn’t love to see her waste a Code-Pink-type moonbat! It would drive the MSM into a foaming rage before their layers of editors and fact-checkers could warn them, and then Fox could run the clips side-by-side and ask some rather pointed questions, no ?! THIS MUST BE DONE!

drunyan8315 on January 30, 2007 at 10:32 AM

Wait, does anyone know where Walter Mondale was at the time of Coleman’s injury?

Enrique on January 30, 2007 at 11:09 AM

Our pro illegals Coleman got beaned?

This is the same putz that refused to fire his police chief even after it came out that Finney’s rapist son got turned loose. I met the detectives and they couldn’t even look me in the face.

Honestly Coleman has to go.

Timber Wolf on January 30, 2007 at 1:02 PM