Comments on: Stressed Missouri housewife finds relief by touching her monkey

By: SailorDave

SailorDave — Sat, 13 Jan 2007 21:04:20 +0000

5 knuckle shuffle is one I heard recently that stuck with me.

Freelance, I must apologize I am completely at a loss for euphemisms for the female equivalent.

By: Freelancer

Freelancer — Sat, 13 Jan 2007 18:48:37 +0000

The story is about the lady, gents, not the monkey. (Queue up “House” themesong)

- Finding Nemo
- Saying Ya-Ya to the sisterhood

By: RightWinged

RightWinged — Sat, 13 Jan 2007 11:56:22 +0000

I’ve always preferred the phrase “shaking hands with the mayor” or, “roughing up the usual suspect”.

natesnake on January 12, 2007 at 9:04 AM

How about “A little 5 against 1″ or “give it a tug”?

By: Mazztek

Mazztek — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 17:57:49 +0000

Hasn’t anyone else noticed…

If the doesn’t touch her monkey, she’ll go BANANNAS?

By: James

James — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 17:28:54 +0000

Ugh…that annoying random green double-underlining link generator made it over here.

I hate that thing more than I hate the HeadOn commercials.

By: Entelechy

Entelechy — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 17:13:33 +0000

Affentheater

By: right2bright

right2bright — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 16:27:33 +0000

guess I’m the only one who is a little creeped out by monkeys in clothes. Sure, you start off putting a monkey in a nice sweater and using it therapeutically, you end with Charlton Heston finding a half-buried Statue of Liberty on the beach…
SailorDave on January 12, 2007 at 8:59 AM

Or they end up running congress.

By: natesnake

natesnake — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 15:22:18 +0000

Bathroom Monkey.

YES!

By: windbag

windbag — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 15:18:32 +0000

Is this touching consensual? Has anyone asked the monkey if he likes to be touched? Are they practicing safe touching techniques, such as gloves and a safeword? Enquiring minds want to know.

By: frankj

frankj — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 14:56:46 +0000

Now you’re just taunting me.

By: James

James — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 14:33:54 +0000

Assistance?

Bathroom Monkey.

“Note: Orangoutan will not wear diapers.”

By: natesnake

natesnake — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 14:04:48 +0000

I’ve always preferred the phrase “shaking hands with the mayor” or, “roughing up the usual suspect”.

By: natesnake

natesnake — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 14:01:42 +0000

Wasn’t there another SNL skit about a helper monkey? When the monkey dies, the clip shows the house-wife dropping a bag into the kitchen garbage can.

Assistance?

By: SailorDave

SailorDave — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 13:59:56 +0000

I guess I'm the only one who is a little creeped out by monkeys in clothes. Sure, you start off putting a monkey in a nice sweater and using it therapeutically, you end with Charlton Heston finding a half-buried Statue of Liberty on the beach. I have only one thing to say to the whole primate therapy crowd.

By: jman

jman — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 13:50:01 +0000

What is she going to do when that monkey dies? She thinks she is a mess now…..

By: dalewalt

dalewalt — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 13:48:15 +0000

I’m confused, does she spank her monkey????

ritethinker on January 11, 2007 at 10:35 PM

Only when he’s bad, and she likes it when he’s bad.

By: Pablo

Pablo — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 13:42:56 +0000

Macaca!

By: LonelyMassRepublican

LonelyMassRepublican — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 13:37:33 +0000

Does this explain why Hillary continues to keep Bill around?

Perhaps it explains why Bill kept Janet Reno around!

Or why Barbara keeps Rosie around!

By: The LLama Butchers

The LLama Butchers — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 13:26:18 +0000

Low-hanging fruit…

This story is so ripe for satire and analysis, I’m only surprised that they forsook the obvious BJ & the Bear angle, let alone Every Which Way But Loose. Hat tip to who else?……

By: BacaDog

BacaDog — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 12:46:25 +0000

Here in Virginia our new Senator, Jim Webb, has a monkey.

He often picks it up by its ankles, turns it upside down, and places the monkey’s pen@s in his mouth…

By: Coronagold

Coronagold — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 11:24:06 +0000

In Russia, monkey touch you.

My other choice was,
Monkey! Apply to forehead!

By: MattSkosh

MattSkosh — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 07:51:59 +0000

Did you catch near the end of that ABC clip where they identified the monkey a “macaque” monkey?
Shocking!
How can they get away with that?

By: Claire

Claire — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 07:27:06 +0000

Fancy that — meunkees give me anxiety.

come to think of it, I hate ‘em…

now ya mention it — Get The HAMMER!!!!!

By: arteest

arteest — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 06:50:30 +0000

How is changing a friggin’ monkey’s diaper a stress relief? I knew a girl once who had a pet monkey. That thing was a bastard and it bit everybody. It was like having a 2 year old that would never grow up.

By: Rick

Rick — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 05:45:04 +0000

oh wait, I’m sorry, that was shock the monkey…..

ritethinker on January 12, 2007 at 12:42 AM

shock, spank, shoot, stab…it all relieves anxiety.