Stressed Missouri housewife finds relief by touching her monkey
posted at 10:18 pm on January 11, 2007 by Allahpundit
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It’s always worked for me. Click the image to watch.
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So this is the inspiration for Mike Myers…(in thick German accent)”do you want to touch my monkey”…..
ritethinker on January 11, 2007 at 10:28 PM
Ew.
Slublog on January 11, 2007 at 10:31 PM
I’m confused, does she spank her monkey????
ritethinker on January 11, 2007 at 10:35 PM
i really hate people with “anxiety disorders.”
jummy on January 11, 2007 at 10:37 PM
Talk about having a monkey on your back…sheesh! (he is cute though) Man those diapers must be god awful though…
Pam on January 11, 2007 at 10:38 PM
Allah,
You touched her monkey? You dog!
mikeyboss on January 11, 2007 at 10:39 PM
I hate to break this to all you bloggers out there, but you’re not going to replace the MSM.
You’ll never be able to ask the hard-hitting questions, do the deep digging for the truth, subject it all to layers of fact-checkers and editors in order to come up with earth-shattering stories like “Woman Touches Monkey Instead of Paxil”
Sorry guys.
Only professional * Journalists * can do work like this.
billy on January 11, 2007 at 10:43 PM
billy seems a little….out of touch. He just keeps serving them up!
R D on January 11, 2007 at 10:51 PM
When did Dieter’s Mom immigrate to the US?
GoingThere on January 11, 2007 at 10:52 PM
Josephine? Is that you, Rago?
Kid from Brooklyn on January 11, 2007 at 10:54 PM
billy
Go ahead, touch your monkey, you’ll feel better.
R D on January 11, 2007 at 10:56 PM
Well, it’s close enough to Friday I suppose…
Warning: Don’t touch your monkey if you are currently taking an MAOI inhibitor…talk to your doctor.
JetBoy on January 11, 2007 at 10:58 PM
Oh, I thought it was an interview with Rall till I read the headline.
bbz123 on January 11, 2007 at 10:59 PM
Can I pet your monkey or am I only allowed to pet mine? It’s all so confusing these days.
lorien1973 on January 11, 2007 at 11:11 PM
Does anyone else think that lady has one ugly monkey?
Buzzy on January 11, 2007 at 11:11 PM
Yeah, on a slow news day. We’ve got an explosion in Iran that is felt 100 miles away, and they’re spanking this monkey story?
smellthecoffee on January 11, 2007 at 11:13 PM
“Does your monkey bite?”
“No”
“Ow! I though you said your monkey does not bite…”
“That’s not my monkey”
JetBoy on January 11, 2007 at 11:14 PM
Okay, strong language warning on this snip of an old Dave Chappelle stand-up routinek, but it ties in to AP’s headline very well:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=vo509-UvHqg
If strong/crude language doesn’t bother you, follow the link and laugh your ass off. (first few seconds are segwaying from previous “bit”)
RightWinged on January 11, 2007 at 11:17 PM
I think the lady needs a little than just a monkey and some Paxil.
vcferlita on January 11, 2007 at 11:18 PM
I do too use my monkey to relieve stress
Ropera on January 11, 2007 at 11:22 PM
For * Journalists * there are no slow news days. When necessary they go out and make the news. They’re trained to do it.
Professionally trained.
At * Journalism * schools.
billy on January 11, 2007 at 11:22 PM
Come on! Rosie and Donald had strong words again and all they can show us is this monkey crap? The MSM disappoints me.
thedecider on January 11, 2007 at 11:25 PM
Well, well. It seems that you like the monkey story too. Otherwise you’d be off to more serious business, like reading about the Iran explosions.
R D on January 11, 2007 at 11:35 PM
It would make a good belt.
Limerick on January 11, 2007 at 11:38 PM
Isn’t that what’s so pathetic about this though?
I’ve seen a few things about the Iran explosions, written by the “Ace of Spades” and “My Pet Jawa” but not much else.
Don’t get me wrong, those guys have great sites, but there is no way they could marshall the resources to really cover the story.
ABC News could.
But they won’t.
They’d rather push some lame political agenda and entertain us with a story about the monkey lady.
Republics die like this.
billy on January 11, 2007 at 11:44 PM
I haven’t even watched the video, but remember that scene in the animated 101 Dalmatians where they show the people who look like their dogs?
Mmhmm.
Anwyn on January 11, 2007 at 11:47 PM
I agree, it is strange. However, I didn’t see it on Drudge either (unless I somehow missed it).
Rick on January 11, 2007 at 11:52 PM
billy, sometimes I think you’re too clever for the room.
Anfassen Sie meinen Affen!
Jetzt kommt die Zeit auf „Heißluft“, als wir tanzen!
The Monster on January 11, 2007 at 11:57 PM
It’s not just the one story though. If the Iran story isn’t what it seems to be , what about Bush’s speech last night?
What about reports ( by ITM) of increased U.S. activity in Baghdad? Why should I have to rely on an Iraqui dentist for news about my country’s war effort?
billy on January 11, 2007 at 11:59 PM
Ages ago there was a movie “Skullduggery” in which a horny guy and a girl monkey……….well this kinda reminded me of that in reverse.
infidel4life on January 12, 2007 at 12:02 AM
You are absolutely right, but to answer your questions, it’s just expected that the MSM will not cover those stories in Iraq that show we are making progress. With that being said, it is very surprising that the MSM is keeping mum about the Iran explosions story – I mean, seriously, they can spin the hell out of it as some sort of f**k you to Bush, etc. And, if they get it wrong…who cares?? It’s not like anybody (other than those right-wing bloggers) will make a big deal about it.
Rick on January 12, 2007 at 12:12 AM
Doh! I get it now billy. Just a little slow on the uptake.
But just breaking news: There’s been an explosion at the US embassy in Athens.
R D on January 12, 2007 at 12:26 AM
Here’s all there is from Fox.
R D on January 12, 2007 at 12:29 AM
SPANK THE MONKEY!
Ropera on January 12, 2007 at 12:38 AM
Ropera, Peter Gabriel would be proud of you….oh wait, I’m sorry, that was shock the monkey…..
ritethinker on January 12, 2007 at 12:42 AM
shock, spank, shoot, stab…it all relieves anxiety.
Rick on January 12, 2007 at 12:45 AM
How is changing a friggin’ monkey’s diaper a stress relief? I knew a girl once who had a pet monkey. That thing was a bastard and it bit everybody. It was like having a 2 year old that would never grow up.
arteest on January 12, 2007 at 1:50 AM
Fancy that — meunkees give me anxiety.
come to think of it, I hate ‘em…
now ya mention it — Get The HAMMER!!!!!
Claire on January 12, 2007 at 2:27 AM
Did you catch near the end of that ABC clip where they identified the monkey a “macaque” monkey?
Shocking!
How can they get away with that?
MattSkosh on January 12, 2007 at 2:51 AM
In Russia, monkey touch you.
My other choice was,
Monkey! Apply to forehead!
Coronagold on January 12, 2007 at 6:24 AM
Here in Virginia our new Senator, Jim Webb, has a monkey.
He often picks it up by its ankles, turns it upside down, and places the monkey’s pen@s in his mouth…
BacaDog on January 12, 2007 at 7:46 AM
Does this explain why Hillary continues to keep Bill around?
Perhaps it explains why Bill kept Janet Reno around!
Or why Barbara keeps Rosie around!
LonelyMassRepublican on January 12, 2007 at 8:37 AM
Macaca!
Pablo on January 12, 2007 at 8:42 AM
Only when he’s bad, and she likes it when he’s bad.
dalewalt on January 12, 2007 at 8:48 AM
What is she going to do when that monkey dies? She thinks she is a mess now…..
jman on January 12, 2007 at 8:50 AM
I guess I’m the only one who is a little creeped out by monkeys in clothes. Sure, you start off putting a monkey in a nice sweater and using it therapeutically, you end with Charlton Heston finding a half-buried Statue of Liberty on the beach.
I have only one thing to say to the whole primate therapy crowd.
SailorDave on January 12, 2007 at 8:59 AM
Wasn’t there another SNL skit about a helper monkey? When the monkey dies, the clip shows the house-wife dropping a bag into the kitchen garbage can.
Assistance?
natesnake on January 12, 2007 at 9:01 AM
I’ve always preferred the phrase “shaking hands with the mayor” or, “roughing up the usual suspect”.
natesnake on January 12, 2007 at 9:04 AM
Bathroom Monkey.
“Note: Orangoutan will not wear diapers.”
James on January 12, 2007 at 9:33 AM
Now you’re just taunting me.
frankj on January 12, 2007 at 9:56 AM
Is this touching consensual? Has anyone asked the monkey if he likes to be touched? Are they practicing safe touching techniques, such as gloves and a safeword? Enquiring minds want to know.
windbag on January 12, 2007 at 10:18 AM
YES!
natesnake on January 12, 2007 at 10:22 AM
Or they end up running congress.
right2bright on January 12, 2007 at 11:27 AM
Affentheater
Entelechy on January 12, 2007 at 12:13 PM
Ugh…that annoying random green double-underlining link generator made it over here.
I hate that thing more than I hate the HeadOn commercials.
James on January 12, 2007 at 12:28 PM
Hasn’t anyone else noticed…
If the doesn’t touch her monkey, she’ll go BANANNAS?
Mazztek on January 12, 2007 at 12:57 PM
How about “A little 5 against 1″ or “give it a tug”?
RightWinged on January 13, 2007 at 6:56 AM
The story is about the lady, gents, not the monkey. (Queue up “House” themesong)
- Finding Nemo
- Saying Ya-Ya to the sisterhood
Freelancer on January 13, 2007 at 1:48 PM
5 knuckle shuffle is one I heard recently that stuck with me.
Freelance, I must apologize I am completely at a loss for euphemisms for the female equivalent.
SailorDave on January 13, 2007 at 4:04 PM
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