“I did a children’s pastor’s banquet for about a thousand children’s pastors from all over the world, not long ago, and they had a—you know it’s hard to cook for a thousand people. I’ve never tried it but I’m sure it is. They had a steak, and a baked potata, and a salad, and then they had this moon-shaped, orange colored vegetable on the plate. I’d never seen a moon-shaped, orange colored vegetable in my life. And I picked it up and bit into it, and it was just nasty, it like it crunched, and it was—had no flavor. And I asked ‘em what it was, and they said it was sweet potatas.
I said “Sweet potatas aren’t s’posed to crunch.” Sweet potatas are s’pose to come of the oven on Thanksgiving morning will marshmallows on top of them, and nuts down in ‘em, and juice all through ‘em, they’re not s’pose to crunch. Do-rit-os are supposed to crunch!
And I was up North, I admit I was up north, and, and, and they lady said, “Oh dear brother Lowry, we don’t overcook our vegetables here in the North. We don’t wanna cook the vitamins out of the vegetables.”
*pause*
I said, “For goodness take a pill and cook the vegetables.”
You can get all the vitamins you need in a One-A-Day. You don’t wanna be chewing on a One-A-Day. Have you ever bit into a vitamin pill? They taste awful cuz they got vitamins in ‘em! That’s why you need to cook those vegetables so the vitamins are gone to they’ll taste better.

-Cook that broccoli till it’s yella, then pour cheese sauce over it! Die young, make a pretty corpse, that’s my philosophy! I want my blood going through my veins: “Xcuse me!” “Pardon Me” “Comin through!” “Pardon me!”

-Mashed potatoes with a lake of gravy in it.

-FRIED chicken! Don’t bake that – - leave the skin on that chicken, don’t make that bird die in vain. Fry that chicken.

-And don’t put sugar in your cornbread either, that is not of God. Sugar in the cornbread is cake. When you bite into cornbread, it’s s’pose to suck 90% of the moisture out of your body.

-Put the sugar in the tea, that’s where it goes. NOT that pink stuff it causes cancer. I tell ya, I like my tea so sweet if you run out of syrup you can pour it over your pancakes.

(Yeah, I thought so.)

Come on, springtime.

Praise The Lord!!

ALOHA SNACKBAR!

Please note that our “greens” are some of the (apparently) few that haven’t killed anyone e. coli-wise…
SailorDave on January 6, 2007 at 8:33 AM

That’s because of the lengths we go to destroy any bacteria with extremely high heat over extremely long duration.

I was at a family reunion when someone showed up 2 hours before lunch with a “mess” of fresh greens. The folks cooking said “Great looking greens! Too bad there’s not enough time to do anything with ‘em before lunch.”

Allah, I recommend mustard greens if you really want to take a walk on the wild side. That’s what my grandma used to make. Thanks to her, I can keep anything down now.

Heh. Ever had fiddleheads? My grandmother (the northern one) used to make those with vinegar. That and dandelion greens. Egads…makes me think those people on Survivor who are unable to eat horrible things never had grandmothers with weird tastes.

marykatharine on January 6, 2007 at 3:03 AM

Now that’s dedication to defending barbecue.

And don’t be too quick to disparage our southern veggies. Please note that our “greens” are some of the (apparently) few that haven’t killed anyone e. coli-wise. It’s a medical fact… look it up.

And thanks for the link Slublog! Those games play just like the real ones! I even bookmarked it! Brings back memories of playing them in the arcade while songs like this played in the background.

The name of the disk is Atari Anthology. The menus are odd, and some of the controls are funky, but it’s a lot of nostalgic fun.

Combat ruled. I actually have an Xbox disc that has all the old Atari games on it. A friend and I played Combat, Pong and all the rest for hours.

I know the Xbox is powerful enough to render movie graphics and crack RC5 in the background while running any ot those old Atari games, but it still sounds like a great use of the ‘box. May have to pick one up soon (used is okay w/me too)

It was fun.

Made me feel old, though.

Slublog on January 5, 2007 at 10:48 PM

Yep. Was uncommonly fortunate to get an Atari w/just about every game ever made from an enthusiast, who handed it all over for little more than a token payment. Handed it over myself, LS&B, to a needier & younger kid several years later. That was 20 yrs ago…

The only hardware I really regret giving up is the Apple IIe – should’ve held onto it. Can’t run those obscure one- and two-liners on a IIe/c emulator and get quite the same behavior. :-)

It was fun.

Made me feel old, though.

Oops… that’s “Massive doses of new lemon Oust”

Second of all, they’ve apparently never had the pleasure of playing Indy 500, a game so glitchy that the cars can’t be controlled…instead they just drive through the ‘walls’ until they finally cross the finish line.

JadeNYU on January 5, 2007 at 8:04 PM

That game was hilarious. The team field/court games (Football, Soccer, Basketball) were also inasne. My old-time faves though were Combat and Slot Cars, not to mention decent arcade ripoffs like Dig Dug, Pac Man, Space Invaders, … And does anyone remember Superman(TM) or Star Raiders? Pushing the envelope of what could be done on low-order bits…

Lucky for me, SondraK managed to locate a can of black-eyed peas for our New Years Day feast but alas, you simply can’t find good collard greens west of the Mississippi. Not to mention they stink your house to high heavens.

The Ugly American on January 5, 2007 at 8:39 PM

Massive doses or new lemon Oust to the rescue… thank you, Johnson Wax! And with the $1-off coupon stuck to the can it’s almost affordable…

Though I am curious about one thing……whether MKH prefers eastern or western-style North Carolina barbecue. I know what my pick would be ; )

So, you’d pass up a good butt in order to go for the whole hog, is that what you’re saying? ;-)

I am curious about one thing……whether MKH prefers eastern or western-style North Carolina barbecue.
The Ugly American on January 5, 2007 at 8:39 PM

Ms Ham hails from Durham (that’s pronounced as a slightly elongated “derm”), which is WAY east of where they use that western-NC so-called barbecue sauce.

Anytime I pass anywhere near, I detour to Bullock’s to pick up a sliced sandwich with slaw. You don’t have to die to go to heaven!

from a can?

Though I am curious about one thing……whether MKH prefers eastern or western-style North Carolina barbecue.

I know what my pick would be ; )