Dream of ages realized: Self-cleaning underwear set to break big
posted at 10:45 am on January 5, 2007 by Allahpundit
There goes the last excuse I had for taking work breaks during the day.
At the junction of slacker culture and cutting-edge military nanotechnology, a brave new world is born!
Self-cleaning fabrics could revolutionize the sport apparel industry. The technology, created by scientists working for the U.S. Air Force, has already been used to create t-shirts and underwear that can be worn hygenically for weeks without washing.
The new technology attaches nanoparticles to clothing fibers using microwaves. Then, chemicals that can repel water, oil and bacteria are directly bound to the nanoparticles. These two elements combine to create a protective coating on the fibers of the material.
This coating both kills bacteria, and forces liquids to bead and run off (see diagram).
The U.S. military spent more than $20 million to develop the fabric, deriving from research originally intended to protect soldiers from biological weapons.
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Wait…you’re supposed to wash underwear?
This explains. So much.
Slublog on January 5, 2007 at 10:46 AM
Goodbye skid marks? Sorry.
jman on January 5, 2007 at 10:56 AM
Clean underwear? How will I know which is the front and which is the back??????? I guess the Japanese won’t be able to call them sak-a-hocke anymore………..
ritethinker on January 5, 2007 at 10:58 AM
Bill Clinton has been wearing that fabric for years. Nothing sticks to him. Ever.
pistolero on January 5, 2007 at 11:02 AM
Some commandos will still go commando.
Kralizec on January 5, 2007 at 11:07 AM
That is just uncalled for Allahpundit! YUCK!
Pam on January 5, 2007 at 11:10 AM
pistolero, I thought of Carville rather than Clinton!
Pam on January 5, 2007 at 11:11 AM
Are we talking Teflon panties?
natesnake on January 5, 2007 at 11:12 AM
I have been waiting for this my whole life.
Valiant on January 5, 2007 at 11:14 AM
…thus rendering the man-pon obsolete.
Kid from Brooklyn on January 5, 2007 at 11:17 AM
Sounds like it all just runs down the legs. Is that any better? Then they’ll sell us the special socks and shoes. Then the streets will be running with E. Coli, C. Albicans, N. Gonorrheae, T. Pallidum, …
mikeyboss on January 5, 2007 at 11:19 AM
Self-Cleaning Underwear Goes Weeks Without Washing
I’ve been doing that for years.
vcferlita on January 5, 2007 at 11:22 AM
That’s fine and all but that stuff has to go somewhere.
harrison on January 5, 2007 at 11:24 AM
How do you rate a good wet fart; if you can’t count the skid marks? I fail to see the purpose of such clothing.
lorien1973 on January 5, 2007 at 11:29 AM
Count the bubbles.
Kid from Brooklyn on January 5, 2007 at 11:41 AM
I thought self cleaning was hiring illegals to do your laundry.
Kini on January 5, 2007 at 11:57 AM
2.0
BBbwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh.
seejanemom on January 5, 2007 at 12:00 PM
mikeyboss, that’s what I was wondering. The fabric doesn’t clean itself, it simply doesn’t allow dirt and moisture to adhere to it -pretty much underwear made out of heavy plastic wrap leaving dirt, moisture, etc. no place but your skin… You don’t have to wash the clothes because it leaves all the sweat, salt, dirt… on you!
The only good part I see is it has some anti-bacterial mojo going on to actually kill bacteria.
taznar on January 5, 2007 at 12:13 PM
I’ve had self cleaning undies for years. I put them in a basket and a couple of days later they magically appear in the drawer already folded and ready to go.
I think my wife had me get the magic basket at Wal-Mart……
BacaDog on January 5, 2007 at 12:32 PM
Good, because so am I.
Pablo on January 5, 2007 at 12:43 PM
No, no, no, no, no. No.
These must be the same clowns who came up with that spray on hair. Some things should be left alone. Our civilization has taken this long to get to the point where daily changing of undies is de rigeur. Oh the humanity….
honora on January 5, 2007 at 12:59 PM
Reading this just makes me think of France.
Coyote D. on January 5, 2007 at 1:22 PM
I haven’t been this excited since I bought the “Learn About Puberty” Chia Pet.
Lehuster on January 5, 2007 at 1:35 PM
Slick Willie wants to know if this material can be made into a blue dress?
stonemeister on January 5, 2007 at 1:45 PM
Fixed it for ya, since you work around the clock.
Not a product for cavemen.
sublog and vdferlita stated the obvious.
BacaDog, make sure your system doesn’t see these comments.
honora, I’m with you! But then, we’re not cavemen…
Coyote, and Belgium…peeeewwww!
Japanese vending machines, one item less – economy will suffer…
On a serious note, there are valid applications, the military definitely one of them.
Entelechy on January 5, 2007 at 1:49 PM
Sorry slublog – messed up your handle…was a mistake,
Entelechy on January 5, 2007 at 1:51 PM
I had a girlfriend once that needed some self-cleaning.
She was a ONE-nighter for sure.
gary on January 5, 2007 at 2:01 PM
Don’t think I like the sound of the skid marks running down my legs…now I’m going to have to shower too.
b4itsover on January 5, 2007 at 2:08 PM
BacaDog, you are now officially my hero, just cause you had the … the … I can’t figure out if it was courage or stupidity, but I don’t think it matters–to say that :) It gives me hope.
Axe on January 5, 2007 at 2:17 PM