Fat woman gets stuck in cave, trapping tourists inside
posted at 4:04 pm on January 2, 2007 by Allahpundit
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Not the most important story I’ve ever posted. Just the best, my friends.
Just the best.
The woman became trapped in the Tunnel of Love obstacle in the Cango Caves in Western Cape on New Year’s Day…
Mr Gerstner said the woman was “told at the ticket office that she was too big to take part in the specific section”.
He said she was again warned by the guide but that it was “very difficult to discriminate”.
Mr Gerstner said: “The obstacle has a narrow base. She lost her footing and went down in a splits position. There was no way she could get her body weight up.”
They freed her by yanking her out with a pulley — after they’d greased her up with liquid paraffin. Ten hours later.
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Were they afraid of being called on discriminating on the basis of weight or mental capacity?
bbz123 on January 2, 2007 at 4:08 PM
LOL…thanks for the grins
Wade on January 2, 2007 at 4:12 PM
LOLtastic
Squid Vicious on January 2, 2007 at 4:13 PM
And in a related story, Ros… oh, never mind.
thirteen28 on January 2, 2007 at 4:13 PM
I hated that level of Spelunker myself. My air always ran out before I was able to get enough paraffin to the site.
Slublog on January 2, 2007 at 4:15 PM
Yeah, I was gonna do a “we’ll have to blast”/”fire in the hole!” joke, but it’s just… redundant.
mojo on January 2, 2007 at 4:16 PM
Profiling!
LonelyMassRepublican on January 2, 2007 at 4:17 PM
Stuck in a cave for 10 hours with a greased up fat woman in the “Tunnel of Love”….? I don’t even know what to say. I’m at a loss for words.
vcferlita on January 2, 2007 at 4:19 PM
She is great lady for trying.
Ouabam on January 2, 2007 at 4:19 PM
Well… the good news is that it was a natural cave so she shouldn’t be able to sue.
Jones Zemkophill on January 2, 2007 at 4:20 PM
What, they didnt have the right to refuse service? She was a saftey risk and they all knew it!
SnakeintheGrass on January 2, 2007 at 4:26 PM
Hey, next time tell Rosie she can’t go down that “tunnel of love”, without “liquid parrafin” and pully.
right2bright on January 2, 2007 at 4:34 PM
She’s lucky none of those tourists had a harpoon.
RedWinged Blackbird on January 2, 2007 at 4:34 PM
The hidden story is that after they got her out, THERE was Obama.
Attila (Pillage Idiot) on January 2, 2007 at 4:40 PM
LOL! Bye bye coffee and keyboard.
naliaka on January 2, 2007 at 4:41 PM
I’m pretty sure the ADA would cover fat people & caves, too, wouldn’t it? Covers everything else, right? Can’t imagine there isn’t RSADA.
Editor on January 2, 2007 at 4:48 PM
Oh great, now I’m sure you’ll be inundated with adolescent jokes about fat women. You know, the typical politically incorrect humor as in; you know your girl’s too fat when she sits on your face, you can’t hear the stereo.
Or the lame one about assigning National Weather Bureau names to her farts.
Geez. Juveniles. I feel bad for the lady, I think a little extra weight looks good on her.
there it is on January 2, 2007 at 4:52 PM
Should have greased her up with BACON GREASE….
PORK CURES EVERYTHING. EVEN PORK.
seejanemom on January 2, 2007 at 5:00 PM
So the only reason she got stuck was because she slipped, otherwise she would have been all right.
Sounds more like a problem of being a clutz than heavy.
Enoxo on January 2, 2007 at 5:03 PM
Hillary 2008!
DANEgerus on January 2, 2007 at 5:03 PM
Sneaky, there it is, very sneaky. You missed a few, but points for paraffinning those in the way you did.
52Ranger on January 2, 2007 at 5:05 PM
someone on digg commented “at least she didn’t fart. kid: it’s dark in here. click … BOOM!”
I just about had a hernia I laughed so hard.
One Angry Christian on January 2, 2007 at 5:17 PM
Please please PLEASE dont let her turn out to be American..Brit..German..ANYTHING but American!
labwrs on January 2, 2007 at 5:28 PM
Like how she puts her belt on with a boomerang? Or how she’s so fat other little fat women are in orbit around her?
You mean, like that?
HerrMorgenholz on January 2, 2007 at 5:29 PM
Not as bad as the story about the woman who was so fat that she never got off the couch, not to go to the bathroom or anything. She was there so long that she literally became one with the couch itself. Her skin melded (is that a real word?) with the fabric of the couch. Anybody else remember that?
Tony737 on January 2, 2007 at 5:35 PM
Great, as in great BIG?
shooter on January 2, 2007 at 5:38 PM
One time I was at Busch Gardens and some humongously fat chick fell into the water getting out of the log flume ride. They had to empty the ride of water and get a special crane to haul her out. Oh, the embarrassment…
Lehuster on January 2, 2007 at 5:39 PM
Actually, this will cause a legal and political struggle between two groups on the left - the environmentalists who will want to keep the cave intact and the ACLU for trying to gain for this woman the right to enter the cave WITHOUT losing weight - i.e., blast a “overweight access entrance somewhere.” This of course will cause the environmentalists to also state that should not have to lose weight because this is her “natural state” and who are we to force people to change?
Oh I can’t wait!
(Did I make that sarcastic enough?)
armyvet on January 2, 2007 at 5:45 PM
Good God, the story is even more funny than some of the comments. They are lucky the woman didn’t eat the children.
And why is the visual of using rescuer climber to climb over her so freakin funny. What the hell was he grabbing onto, to make the climb?
Is that a pick ax, or are you excited to climb me?
right2bright on January 2, 2007 at 6:02 PM
Be nice, she’s a nice lady. Just because she considers a bicycle a suppository…just because she has her own event horizon…each of her butt cheeks has its own congressman…doesn’t mean she should be the butt of jokes!
She has enough problems…like getting mash notes from manatees…when she wants to bury herself in the sand at the beach, she needs an environmental impact study…once lost her car keys in her navel, and they were still in the ignition at the time!
PLEASE STOP ME!
stonemeister on January 2, 2007 at 6:07 PM
Somewhere in this incident, there’s the makings of a “reality” TV show. Anyone care to suggest a title?
CyberCipher on January 2, 2007 at 6:11 PM
How about “Fat lady stuck in a cave”?
stonemeister on January 2, 2007 at 6:15 PM
I did get an opportunity to tour Carlsbad Cavern some years ago, but at the time, I wasn’t a fan of Budweiser as now.
gary on January 2, 2007 at 6:23 PM
Hail the Pulley! May the Pulley live long and prosper!
Now maybe I can borrow that pulley…….there is this certain neighbor…..hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm………maybe
Limerick on January 2, 2007 at 6:27 PM
I’ve lurked for a while, but just had to comment… This is hysterical. It really is. Still, if they’d shoved a bit, perhaps she could have had an emergency weight loss plan?
Vanceone on January 2, 2007 at 6:27 PM
The Real Journey to the Center of the Earth
Editor on January 2, 2007 at 7:14 PM
Its been done before on an episode of the Simpsons.
Kini on January 2, 2007 at 8:25 PM
Girl got back.
bloggless on January 2, 2007 at 9:00 PM
If they can have a sign that says “You must be this tall to go on this ride”, then they should be able to have one with a cutout that says “You must be able to fit through here to go in this cave”. What if they hadn’t been able to get insulin to that diabetic, or one of those kids had an asthma attack? Large Marge’s dumb ass could have gotten somebody hurt or killed.
Okay, enough seriousness. She so fat…
When she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
When she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
After sex, the guy has to roll over twice.
ReubenJCogburn on January 2, 2007 at 10:04 PM
She’s so fat, she jumped in the air…and got stuck!
Coronagold on January 2, 2007 at 10:51 PM
How about “Gravity Gone Wild”?
CyberCipher on January 2, 2007 at 11:03 PM
Love the jokes, guys. At first I felt bad about getting a laugh from this story, but you’ve made me feel better.
I was going to throw out a name or two of my own, but after seeing this one, I see that there would be no point. I know when I’ve been outdone, even if preemptively.
Wolfman on January 2, 2007 at 11:11 PM
I’m not sure teasing this lady’s size is very becoming. I surely don’t wish to relish in this lady’s embarrassment even though she caused it pretty much herself.
I think the issue here is what we are seeing in nearly everything nowadays and it’s getting us into real trouble. No one wants to take a stand on what makes logical sense. That business should have not warned her but flat out told her NO and probably thought about this beforehand and had the width requirements on their signs…they better now after this incident.
The problem is some idiot liberal judge would allow the lawsuit if she brought one. For now, they should just send her the bill on what it cost to free her, especially since she was warned..not once but twice. I ultimately place the finger shaking blame on the business but put the costs to free her squarely in her side of the court.
Highrise on January 2, 2007 at 11:33 PM
I can see her sitting in a steam-room with a stranger when the stranger finally says, good lord, when’s the last time you saw your va@#na? The woman replied 12 years ago. The stranger says why don’t you diet, and the fat lady replies, why? what color is it now……………..
ritethinker on January 3, 2007 at 12:19 AM
THIS JUST IN… The tunnel has just been renamed to the “Tunnel of a Whole Lotta Love”.
They didn’t give her a chocolate bar, did they?
CliffHanger on January 3, 2007 at 12:43 AM
“Very fat lady escaped cave faster than Osama”
Entelechy on January 3, 2007 at 1:20 AM
Just thank God she’s not an imam, too.
(For the Reality TV title idea- how about “Girls Gone Wide“?)
BTW- I can only hope that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was sitting on that pictured little folding chair first. He’d make a fine suppository.
profitsbeard on January 3, 2007 at 1:23 AM
I wonder if she started singing just to scare the other tourists into thinking it was all over.
iNeXuS on January 3, 2007 at 3:11 AM
Ten hours and $5700 later, she was out, huh?
Well, reminds me of an 11 foot tall truck going under a 10′6″ bridge…crunch! What do they have to do? Pulley? nope. Parrafin? Nope. They simply let the air out of the tires.
Had they just offered the lady a couple of bottles of bubble Citroma, all would have been well for under $3.
The only drawback would be the “mudslide” running down into the cave toward the other tourists…..
Jimmyboy1 on January 3, 2007 at 1:16 PM
When you see someone like this, don’t you ask yourself, how in the world did this happen. People put on extra weight, I know after childbirth I also had 10 or 15 pounds to drop and I know it’s not easy. But someone like this, at some point it got to be more than 10 or 20 or 50 pounds. Where were the friends, the family. Hell, where was the mirror?
It’s really sad, imagine going through like this.
honora on January 3, 2007 at 4:28 PM
10 hours with a greased up fat woman in the “Tunnel of Love”?
Out of respect for fellow commenters I’ll keep my related stories to myself.
gekkobear on January 3, 2007 at 7:02 PM