Man complains that doctor won’t give him a Pap smear

posted at 2:06 pm on November 27, 2006 by Allahpundit

There’s an almost koan-esque quality to this one, isn’t there? “What is the sound of one hand clapping?” “What is the sound of a man’s vagina being scraped?”

It’s all about the quotes:

He first wanted a cervical examination and was refused because he did not have a cervix. He then asked to be put on the list for regular screening.

And:

The wife of one of the GPs … said her husband, who has been a GP for 30 years and who trains young doctors would be “pleased to hear from anyone, medical or otherwise, who could teach him the correct way to carry out a cervical smear on a 34-year-old male”.

I performed one on Ace once, so I might be able to help. He’s a little older, though. More at risk.

Nota bene: the case has been active for two years.

Breaking on Hot Air

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Comments

Looking for a cervix in a man is like looking for a spine in a Massachusetts Senator.

windbag on November 27, 2006 at 2:09 PM

The liberal medical plan,if you feel it it must be true, so everybody empty their pockets and give your money to the nut job,show some compassion already!
Dammit Jim, I’m just a doctor!!!!

bbz123 on November 27, 2006 at 2:13 PM

He can have my appointment.

WriterMom on November 27, 2006 at 2:17 PM

Which of you brave ladies will be first to demand a prostate exam?

mikeyboss on November 27, 2006 at 2:18 PM

Man, I typed a witty response and it got lost in the ether.

Guess it wasn’t that witty, eh?!

Bob's Kid on November 27, 2006 at 2:20 PM

Most women hate those appts, yet this GUY wants one? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

I’m not quite sure how he misses the point of the conversation… “you have a hang down, hang downs don’t have cervixs”.

Who does he think he is, Cartman’s mom?

E L Frederick (Sniper One) on November 27, 2006 at 2:20 PM

You could have the HMO Kaiser permanente here in California, that left me crippled… you cannot sue them because our crooked government have laws in place that will not let you sue that Hospital plan. Luckily, I am a Veteran, and the VA Hospital saved my life.. maybe
‘Mr. Cervix’ can use Kaiser and have better luck than I did..

retired on November 27, 2006 at 2:23 PM

I performed one on Ace once, so I might be able to help. He’s a little older, though. More at risk.

Here goes AP, back to the “Brokeback” memories again.

Rick on November 27, 2006 at 2:24 PM

Looking for a cervix in a man is like looking for a spine in a Massachusetts Senator.

windbag on November 27, 2006 at 2:09 PM

Good one.

Rick on November 27, 2006 at 2:25 PM

Maybe he had a “cervectomy?”

robblefarian on November 27, 2006 at 2:26 PM

Two words: Exploratory Surgery.

BelchSpeak on November 27, 2006 at 2:29 PM

Just chop “it” off and make it official. Geez.

SouthernGent on November 27, 2006 at 2:31 PM

Well, if this doesn’t works out for Hermie, maybe he can get a gig on
All My Children.

JammieWearingFool on November 27, 2006 at 2:31 PM

Stupidity is its own reward.

The doctor should’ve just done it, vis a vis, a broomstick up the pooper, and charged him $500.

May the doctor should’ve just told him, “Not while you’re menstruating.”

Lone Star on November 27, 2006 at 2:41 PM

Looking for a cervix in a man is like looking for a spine in a Massachusetts Senator.

Nice windbag! So true!

Pam on November 27, 2006 at 2:42 PM

It’s like what the proctologist said to the homosexual, “……that’s not what it is made for.”

PinkyBigglesworth on November 27, 2006 at 2:46 PM

I wonder if the guy’s name was Hyman.

WriterMom on November 27, 2006 at 2:48 PM

Clearly the rum and eggnog season has arrived.

Scotsman on November 27, 2006 at 2:49 PM

Lobotimize him with the thing in the photo. I am so irritated today.

RushBaby on November 27, 2006 at 2:53 PM

Looking for a cervix in a man is like looking for a spine in a Massachusetts Senator.

windbag on November 27, 2006 at 2:09 PM

Good one.

Rick on November 27, 2006 at 2:25 PM

Ditto “”, “”, “”, “”, “”

“windbag,”

I hope that some of your wit rubs on on me.

May I borrow some?

Rick,

I share your appreciation for “windbag’s” clever statement.

William

William2006 on November 27, 2006 at 3:00 PM

Haaaa! When I was in the Air Force we sent some new guy to the base clinic for a pap smear!

Tony737 on November 27, 2006 at 3:05 PM

Refusing to give this guy a Pap smear is every bit as bigoted as opposing gay marriage.

We should have a Constitutional amendment declaring every man’s right to get a Pap smear, or an abortion.

Pablo on November 27, 2006 at 3:05 PM

A family doctor has been summoned to a formal hearing over his refusal to put a 34-year-old male patient on the list for screening for cervical cancer.

OK, I was kidding! These people are nuts.

Pablo on November 27, 2006 at 3:07 PM

It sounds like the man isn’t willing or able to pay to have further testing done. He wants DNA testing and more blood work but the doctors can’t “justify” it, which tells me that the man wants his insurance to cover it. That’s probably why he’s making the complaint. He should also have an MRI (in my opinion) but the same problem would apply.

An MRI and DNA testing would provide the proof needed, either way. If only they could get him to a psychiatrist who would sign the insurance forms stating that the testing is necessary for his mental and physical well-being: that would solve the problem for both sides (his and the doctor’s).

Josephine on November 27, 2006 at 3:08 PM

Haaaa! When I was in the Air Force we sent some new guy to the base clinic for a pap smear!

Tony737 on November 27, 2006 at 3:05 PM

That’s a right of passage in the military isn’t it? Like being sent across base, on foot, for a flux capacitor.

E L Frederick (Sniper One) on November 27, 2006 at 3:10 PM

Science to the rescue.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgrbI97e44Y

Lone Star on November 27, 2006 at 3:10 PM

Refusing to give this guy a Pap smear is every bit as bigoted as opposing gay marriage.

We should have a Constitutional amendment declaring every man’s right to get a Pap smear, or an abortion.

Pablo on November 27, 2006 at 3:05 PM

I just had a vision of Mr. er..Mrs. Garrison from South Park pop into my head when he had the sex change operation!

Thanks so much! Bleh!

kiakjones on November 27, 2006 at 3:12 PM

Don’t be so quick to judge folks, he may be researching for a role on “All My Children”.

LakeRuins on November 27, 2006 at 3:16 PM

Pap smear?

How about a mamogram? I’ve seen a few dudes who would qualify for that.

I QUESTION WHY SOME MEN HAVE PERFECTLY FORMED BREASTS!

natesnake on November 27, 2006 at 3:19 PM

Actually, men do have mammograms when something suspicious shows up. The lady who did my last mammogram told me she hated doing them on men, because they were really big babies. (No offense to any of the guys on Hot Air, of course… I am sure you would all take it like a man!)

As for the pap smear, give the guy a mirror and speculum, and tell him it’s the “do-it-yourself new medicine” – then send him on his way.

lan astaslem on November 27, 2006 at 3:30 PM

E.L., yeah, true, the old “Go get me a foot of flight line” backfired one time when this guy they tried it on came back with a chuck of concrete, slammed it on the other guy’s desk and said “HERE’S your f@#*in’ foot of flight line!” Ha! We also sent some other newbie to get a foot of fallopian (sp?) tube, show him how to work the voice activated light cart, etc etc.

Tony737 on November 27, 2006 at 3:46 PM

As a zygote from Minsk I prefer the red meat picture to the speculum pic.

CanaryinaCoalMine on November 27, 2006 at 3:47 PM

Is it true the Hillary’s health care plan (HillaryCare) will require every man to get a yearly pap-smear and a Mamogram every 6 months?

CrazyFool on November 27, 2006 at 3:58 PM

Speaking of Mammograms… Kid Rock and Pam Anderson are divorcing. Why do we care? Dunno…

E L Frederick (Sniper One) on November 27, 2006 at 4:08 PM

The more I contemplate the home page, the more I think the thingie in the picture was what Nancy Pelosi’s surgeon used on her face.

RushBaby on November 27, 2006 at 4:08 PM

True story: when I was in college, I opted for the university-supplied medical insurance. They claimed they were unable to discriminate on the basis of sex, religion, yada, yada, and so included maternity insurance in my policy. (I’m a guy.)

Hack Ptui on November 27, 2006 at 4:09 PM

Yes CrazyFool, and HillaryCare will also allow for free abortions on demand (even late term) for all men!

NTWR on November 27, 2006 at 4:12 PM

A nut with a masculine lap
Desired that test known as “pap”;
Said the doc: “You’re no chick.”
Pled the nut: “That’s no dick!”
Said the lawyers: “How we love this crap.”

Sorry. In a hurry. Your other choice of an ending line was “Said the doc: ‘get my Aylesbury spat!'”, which was even worse.

If you want clever limericks, go bother Derb at NRO.

ccwbass on November 27, 2006 at 4:37 PM

Late term abortion for men… enema…

E L Frederick (Sniper One) on November 27, 2006 at 4:41 PM

Funny thing…a man can have a cervical exam (having his neck examined), or a Pap smear of the lungs (although now-a-days is rare –and there are better methods– the Papanicolau brush can be used to check for abnormal cells inside the lungs)…but can not have a cervical Pap smear.

Ropera on November 27, 2006 at 4:41 PM

Only a liberal male would demand a pap smear, we all know they have no balls.

right2bright on November 27, 2006 at 4:51 PM

E.L., yeah, true, the old “Go get me a foot of flight line” backfired one time when this guy they tried it on came back with a chuck of concrete, slammed it on the other guy’s desk and said “HERE’S your f@#*in’ foot of flight line!” Ha! We also sent some other newbie to get a foot of fallopian (sp?) tube, show him how to work the voice activated light cart, etc etc.

My husband sent some poor kid all over the Ike to go find the keys to the captain’s plane. Take your fun where you can get it, I guess. ;-)

Laura on November 27, 2006 at 5:02 PM

Men could get pap smears when Clinton was the President.
This is all Bush’s fault!

mountainmanbob

mountainmanbob on November 27, 2006 at 5:09 PM

Josephine,

On the insurance thing, most folks in the UK don’t have medical insurance because the NHS is free. That is why the docs have to justify tests because the system is already so far in a hole financially that they can’t spend money on tests that aren’t needed. That is also why they don’t use some of the newest medicines because if an older one works just as well and costs less then there is no reason to change.

The other problem is that MRIs are not always readily available in the UK. When I lived in Scotland, the whole country only had like maybe half a dozen MRI machines. I think Aberdeen had one, Edinburgh maybe 2 and Glasgow 2 or 3. So one has a long wait getting to an MRI machine, so if it isn’t life and death the docs aren’t going to order the test.

This is just an example of how insane western society has become.

kemphd on November 27, 2006 at 5:12 PM

ccwbass,

CLAP CLAP CLAP!!!

(That meant I liked your limerick, but I now see it could be taken as a reference to gonorrhea.)

mikeyboss on November 27, 2006 at 5:23 PM

That’s a right of passage in the military isn’t it? Like being sent across base, on foot, for a flux capacitor.

Fifty feet of flight line (or chow line)
A 5-gallon bucket of jet-wash (or prop-wash)
The keys to the alert-five fighter
An A. S. H. receiver (ash tray)
An I-D-10T form (idiot)

etc.

Freelancer on November 27, 2006 at 6:02 PM

He should also have an MRI (in my opinion) but the same problem would apply.

Nah … if he got an MRI of his head, it wouldn’t show anything.

psrch on November 27, 2006 at 6:19 PM

Freelancer, don’t forget the air sample, bin stretcher, one foot of embilical cord, check the air pressure on the forklift tires, and my favorite, a gallon of K9P! HA!

Tony737 on November 27, 2006 at 6:21 PM

“I’m not oppressing you, Stan. You haven’t got a womb! Where’s the foetus going to gestate?! You going to keep it in a box?!”

From Life of Brian.

Merovign on November 27, 2006 at 6:44 PM

“Um… scalpel!…”

mojo on November 27, 2006 at 8:53 PM

Pap smear? Wasn’t he the villain character in the “Naked Gun” movie with Leslie Nielson?

rmgraha on November 27, 2006 at 8:59 PM

Do you suppose Barney Frank could help him out with this one?

GT on November 27, 2006 at 8:59 PM

I performed one on Ace once, so I might be able to help. He’s a little older, though. More at risk.

Sometimes the repeated joke indicates a true desire AP… You keep up all these jokes about you and Ace and you’ll officially not have a chance with KP.

RightWinged on November 27, 2006 at 9:44 PM

kemphd – Oh, thanks. I don’t know why I thought he was in the U.S. I’ll have to read the article again.

Josephine on November 28, 2006 at 8:12 AM

That guy should go to San Francisco, where a man has a right to have a cervix.

JackM on November 28, 2006 at 12:14 PM